Love They Say
by Thesegoto11
Summary: Story summaries are hard. The tl;dr version of mine: This follows Sloane Shepard and her relationship with Ashley Williams. Totally not canon. Earns M rating starting with Ch 7 and beyond (aside from rampant cussing throughout). Still shaking the writing rust off; feedback/reviews encouraged/welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Not being able to sleep at night was nothing new for Shepard. Wandering the ship at 0300 hours when that happened was nothing new. But the sudden flooding of warmth in her chest as she stepped off the elevator on the Engineering level and caught sight of Ashley Williams near the weapons locker - now _that_ was new.

The gunnery chief stood with her back to Shepard. The sleeveless compression tee Williams wore emphasized her strong shoulders and biceps, while leaving no doubt as to the firm muscles across her back. Her hair was uncharacteristically loose, and Williams had to keep tucking it behind her ears to keep sight of what she was working on. Shepard imagined tangling her own fingers in that hair, pulling the chief towards her . . .

Shepard took a few unconscious steps forward, and found herself entranced by Williams' deft hands replacing the scope on her sniper rifle with the one Shepard had found for her during the previous day's mission. Williams' hands were sure, each movement precise. Her long fingers moved easily, completing their task with seeming ease. Shepard began picturing other, more personal, uses for those hands. . .

"Ma'am?"

Shepard jerked her eyes away from Williams' hands, startled out of her wandering thoughts by Williams' voice. _Fuck - where did that come from?_

"Was there something you needed, Commander?"

Shepard hoped that the night lighting of the storage area hid her flushing cheeks. Maybe Williams didn't notice the way Shepard had been staring at her.

"I, uh, . . ." _Smooth, Shepard_. Shepard took a breath and tried to work some moisture into her suddenly dry mouth. _Let's try that again._ "Sorry, Williams. Wasn't expecting to find anyone else down here at this hour. Hope I didn't disturb, uh, whatever it is you're working on." There. That was totally smooth.

"No - you didn't disturb anything. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I come down here to work on the weapons. It relaxes me." Williams gestured for Shepard to come closer. She picked up the sniper rifle she'd been working on and held it up for Shepard to see. "That scope you picked up during our last mission is great - can't wait to try it out in battle. Thanks for passing it along to me."

Standing shoulder to incredible shoulder with Williams, Shepard was suddenly very conscious of the fact that all she was wearing was a tight, thin white tank and loose gray pajama pants, with her hair probably sticking up in a dozen different directions. Was she imagining that Williams' eyes were drifting over to her chest? Oh, shit. The cool air in the storage area had her nipples straining at the fabric of her shirt. At least she hoped it was just the cool air that was causing the effect, and not the proximity of the gunnery chief.

Dammit. It was probably the proximity of the gunnery chief.

"Uh. No problem, Chief. Glad it worked out." Pause. Now what? "Um. I should go."

With one final glance at Williams' amazing shoulders, Shepard executed a probably-too-fast about face, and headed right back to the elevator. As the doors hissed shut, she heard Williams quietly say, "Goodnight, Skipper." And for some inexplicable reason, that warmth from her chest promptly pooled somewhat lower.

Shepard made a beeline back to her quarters and quickly closed the door behind herself. _What in the hell was that?_ She'd been working with Williams for a couple of weeks now, and had never found herself thinking of her _in that way_. Had she?

Well, maybe a few times she may have admired the way Williams ran headlong into battle, wondering in what other activities she'd show such wild abandon. And perhaps she'd stolen a few extra glances at Williams on the shuttle rides during missions, noticing the set of Williams' chin as she steeled herself for the fight ahead, imagining that intensity directed towards other . . . things. And then there was that one time when she lay on a bench with a barbell suspended above her chest for an uncomfortable amount of time while she found herself unable to stop watching Williams doing crunches in the gym, sweat beading on the chief's forehead, abdominal muscles tensing and relaxing. . .

Well, shit.

Shepard flopped backwards onto her bed and stared at the ceiling for a very long time.

"Goodnight, Skipper," Ashley sighed as the elevator doors shut.

So much for that idea. Everyone knew that Shepard had bouts of insomnia. Everyone knew that she'd eventually wander the normally empty parts of the ship when she did. Williams had been working on weapons maintenance in the middle of the goddamn night 5 nights out of the last 7, hoping to be around when Shepard eventually made her way to the weapons area. But it didn't quite turn out as she expected.

From the first moment she met Shepard on the ground on Eden Prime, Williams couldn't help but be instantly drawn to the woman. She was tall, confident, and hot as hell with her tousled red hair pushed back randomly off her face and her piercing green eyes.

It had been a couple weeks since Shepard had asked her to join the crew of the Normandy, and Williams had spent much of that time trying to figure out how to get to know the commander better.

She'd noticed the way Shepard would sometimes watch her a little bit too long at the start of battles. And Williams thought she had caught her looking at her on the shuttle once, but when she turned to make eye contact, Shepard was busily examining her omni-tool. Then there was that one time at the gym, when Shepard held a ridiculously heavy barbell over her chest for an extraordinarily long time while Ashley was doing her crunches. Actually, Ashley had been done with her crunches, but did dozens more after she realized that she had a rather attractive audience of one. She was a little sore the next day from the extra reps, but it was totally worth it.

So tonight when Shepard stepped off the elevator, Ashley thought for sure that she could find a way to make a more . . . personal connection.

Ashley had let her hair down, even though it kept falling in her eyes and in front of her face, making it difficult to do her work. There was a reason she kept it tied back, dammit. Long hair was impractical for most purposes. But she knew it looked good when she wore it loose, so. . .

When the elevator opened, Ashley assumed it was Shepard. She focused on her work, wanting to let Shepard come to her. Maybe she'd notice that Ashley was wasting no time using the sniper rifle scope Shepard had found for her, maybe it would let her know she appreciated the gesture (if that's what it was). She continued her task, waiting for a greeting from Shepard. Several moments passed, and - nothing.

Finally, she turned to look over her shoulder, and saw Shepard just standing there, just a few steps from the elevator, staring at Ashley's hands. Her hands? Ashley thought she looked pretty damn good in her sleeveless shirt with her hair down and everything, and the commander was looking at her dirty hands?

"Ma'am?" _Ma'am_? Shit. That wasn't very casual. Much too professional. At least it startled Shepard's eyes away from her grimy fingers. But still no response yet.

"Was there something you needed, Commander?" Oh god. She was really bad at this. At least she didn't say something totally ridiculous, like _So, do you come here often?_ Although maybe that would have been an improvement.

Shepard stammered something, then took a breath and said, "Sorry, Williams. Wasn't expecting to find anyone else down here at this hour. Hope I didn't disturb, uh, whatever it is you're working on." _Williams_. Not _Ashley_. Well, she did start it by calling her _Commander._ And _Ma'am_. Fuck. This was not going well.

"No - you didn't disturb anything. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I come down here to work on the weapons. It relaxes me." Relaxes me? Sure, why not. Better than _I've been staying up night after night hoping you'd show up, Skipper. About damn time you came down_ _ **.**_ But only just.

She needed to get Shepard out of the shadows and closer to her, or this would go nowhere fast. So Williams gestured for her to join her at the weapons table. Now what? The rifle! "That scope you picked up during our last mission is great - can't wait to try it out in battle. Thanks for passing it along to me."

Not bad. At least Ashley had Shepard next to her, shoulder to shoulder. Shepard's hair was typically mussed, and her feet were bare. Ashley glanced over and down and realized that the commander was filling out a very tight, very thin white tank top quite nicely. Damn - those breasts were wasted under a compression shirt, let alone beneath an armored chest-plate. Ashley couldn't quite tear her eyes away, especially as she noticed Shepard's nipples pressing against the shirt. She imagined herself taking one of them into her mouth and . . .

"Uh. No problem, Chief. Glad it worked out. Um. I should go."

That's it? Almost a week of no sleep waiting for this chance, and that's the best Ashley can do?

Shepard spun on her heel and headed back to the elevator.

All of her frustrated desire was poured into a quiet, "Goodnight, Skipper."

Ashley watched the elevator doors close then banged her head gently against the nearest locker. In retrospect, she'd done a piss-poor job preparing for an actual one-on-one conversation with Shepard. Her focus for the last week had been just to be somewhere Shepard would end up. She didn't actually have any idea what would happen next. It probably would have been a good idea to have at least had something to talk about at the ready. And it definitely would have been a good idea to call her something other than _Ma'am_. And now it would be too obvious to try to lay in wait in the storage area for another "coincidental" late night meeting.

Worse yet, had she totally misread Shepard? Was there really a mutual attraction?

She banged her head a couple more times for good measure, then sank to the floor to figure out what to do next.


	2. Chapter 2

A few nights later, Shepard found herself pacing around her quarters at 0240 hours. Once again, sleep was not her friend. She needed to get out of her cabin and stretch her legs, but could not bring herself to wander the decks as usual. Not after running into Williams. She didn't want a repeat of her Commander Awkward experience.

But as she paced, she wondered if it wouldn't be so awful to bump into Williams again, with no distractions around. Maybe she'd have her hair down again. Maybe they could have an actual conversation. Maybe they could sit close, within reaching distance. Maybe they could. . .

Shit. This wasn't helping with the whole not-sleeping thing.

Shepard grabbed a bottle of bourbon and a short glass and headed for the door, unsure of where she was going. She just needed to go somewhere. She paused before opening the door, and turned back into the room to set down the bottle and glass, and found her leather jacket. She shrugged it on over her white tank, thinking _Hopefully I won't run into anyone this time, but if I do, the girls aren't going to get the chance to betray me again_.

Picking up the bottle and glass once more, Shepard headed out the door and found herself en route to the gym. Not a bad idea - what idiot would be working out at this hour?

As she suspected (and desperately hoped), the gym was empty and mostly dark. She left it that way, and sat on the nearest weight bench. Shepard poured herself two fingers of bourbon, inhaling the aroma as she brought the heavy glass to her lips. She sighed as the amber liquid made its way down, savoring the warmth it left in its wake.

She lost track of how long she stayed like that, alone in her thoughts. With the glass of bourbon now half empty and on the floor beside her, she lay back on the weight bench, noticing that someone had left an empty barbell racked there. Poor gym etiquette. Not her problem tonight, though.

Her eyes slowly closed and her mind began drifting towards sleep when suddenly all the lights went on. Someone yelped her name - "Shepard!" - and she bolted upright, hitting her forehead solidly on the barbell above her.

"Fuck!" That was definitely going to leave a mark. A big one.

When Shepard could focus, she turned her head toward the door to see Williams standing there frozen with a slack jaw. A moment later Williams was crouched down at her side, looking worriedly at her head and apologizing repeatedly.

"Commander, I am so sorry. I had no idea anyone was in here. Shit. I am so sorry. I did not mean to disturb you and I definitely didn't mean to brain you. Damn, that's going to leave a mark. God, I am so sorry."

Williams pushed Shepard's typically mussed hair back off her forehead with one hand to get a better look at the damage, her fingers lingering on the side of Shepard's head sending sparks of heat down Shepard's spine. _Glad I wore the jacket_ , Shepard thought. _Pretty sure the girls are standing at attention right about now._

Shepard could only stare into Williams' eyes as the soldier examined her forehead. They were a deeper brown this close up. She inhaled. The chief smelled pleasantly of something metallic and. . . vanilla? Surprising. Her hair was down again. _That's nice_. The moment seemed to last forever, until. . .

"Shepard? Commander? Ma'am?" At that last, Shepard shook her head and rubbed at the lump that was rapidly forming on her forehead. Ouch. Williams had pulled back a little, taking her hand off Shepard's head, and was waiting for a response. "Are you okay, Shepard?" She looked so concerned, so genuinely worried. Shepard looked at Williams again, the corners of her mouth forming into a lopsided grin.

"Hey, Chief. So, do you come here often?"

Williams just stared for a moment, processing what she just heard then burst out laughing, any previous tension from the situation quickly fading. Shepard joined in, relieved that her comment had the intended effect. She had just wanted to relax the chief, and it seemed to work. Plus, the curve of Williams' throat as she threw her head back and laughed was hot as hell.

"Dammit, Shepard. I thought I'd scrambled your brains." Williams leaned back a bit and settled on the floor next to the weight bench. Shepard noticed that she was wearing a gray Marine muscle shirt and spandex shorts, obviously ready to work out. _Who the hell heads to the gym at 3 in the morning? Besides me, I mean._

"Not for lack of trying, that's for sure! So, funny time to be hitting the gym, Williams."

"You're one to talk, Shepard. You were here first."

"Sure, but this is the only thing I was planning on lifting," Shepard replied, picking up her bottle.

Williams inspected the label on the bottle, raising her eyebrows and letting out a low whistle of approval. "Damn, Shepard. You've got great taste in booze. It's not easy to find the good stuff this far out."

Shepard glanced around the gym for a glass so she could share some bourbon with Williams, but came up empty. All she had was the bottle and her own glass. "I, uh. . . I've only got the one glass, but I'd be happy to share. I'm sure the alcohol kills any germs, anyways," she offered with another crooked smile. Williams accepted the glass without hesitation and took a deep swallow, followed by another, obviously enjoying the heat as it worked its way down her chest. _Damn, that's sexy_. Shepard always had a soft spot for women who could appreciate a good bourbon. Williams passed the glass back, and Shepard finished it off.

"What _are_ you doing here at this hour, Williams?"

Williams chewed on the inside of her cheek for a minute, then settled on "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd try to work off some energy."

Shepard paused, unsure what to do next but not ready to trust her instincts just yet. Especially since she should probably go get some medi-gel on this goose egg. She reluctantly made her decision. "I'll leave you to it, then. Try to get some shut-eye, though. We'll be hitting Therum tomorrow to pick up that Asari, and I'll need you fresh."

"Yes, Ma'am! And I am really sorry about the head."

Shepard stood, gathering her bottle and glass. "No worries, Ashley. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, she headed towards the door. On the way out, she paused and stole a glance back at Williams, who was headed towards the back of the gym. _Damn, that's a fine ass. And I'm walking away from it_. Shepard shook her head at herself, and instantly regretted it when the lump on her forehead throbbed with the movement. _Better go find that medi-gel._

A few nights had passed since Ashley's failed attempt to - what exactly? Seduce her commanding officer? No - nothing that extreme. Well, not yet. She just wanted to get to know her better. And failed.

Ashley couldn't get her mind to settle. She couldn't get her thoughts off Shepard. It occurred to her that doing some mindless standard weapons maintenance sounded pretty good about now, but she didn't dare head down to the weapons bench. She wasn't ready to repeat her failure quite so soon. Maybe a workout, then. If she could exhaust her body, maybe her mind would follow.

So she pulled on her worn Marines muscle tee and a pair of spandex shorts, and headed to the gym. She was pretty sure it would be empty at this hour. She was still lost in thought as she reached for the light switch. As the lights flicked on across the gym, she noticed the still figure lying on the weight bench closest to the door. Shit, it was -

"Shepard!" In her surprise, the name came out like a strangled yelp.

The commander shot up, smacking her head onto a barbell sitting in the bench's rack. Williams found herself wondering what idiot left that there, then quickly left the thought behind as Shepard yelled "Fuck!" Williams just stood there for a beat, mouth open, wondering what sort of career limiting move she just made by giving her commanding officer a concussion in the middle of the night. Damn that Williams curse.

Ashley rushed over to crouch down at Shepard's side, spewing apologies. "Commander, I am so sorry. I had no idea anyone was in here. Shit. I am so sorry. I did not mean to disturb you and I definitely didn't mean to brain you. Damn, that's going to leave a mark. God, I am so sorry." _Dammit, why can't I stop repeating myself? I'm babbling like an idiot._

She tentatively reached over to Shepard's head, pausing for a moment with her fingers just centimeters away from her hair. She needed to see what kind of damage she caused, but the very idea of touching that wonderfully tousled red hair distracted her. Putting that thought aside ( _for now_ ), she completed the motion, pushing Shepard's hair back enough to see an impressive knot already appearing on the commander's forehead. She couldn't quite get herself to move her hand away, though, letting it rest gently in Shepard's hair. _It's as soft as I imagined. I would love to lose my fingers in these strands, pulling her down to . . ._

This close to her, Williams could see the lighter green flecks in Shepard's deep emerald irises. _God, she has such beautiful eyes_. She took a deep breath to clear her head, instead breathing in an intoxicating combination of leather, bourbon and a slightly musky. . . something. The essence of Shepard, no doubt. That's when she noticed Shepard's jacket, taking a second to regret that the leather covered Shepard's magnificent chest.

 _God, I'm a perv._ Williams tore herself away from her wandering thoughts ( _for now, she promised herself again_ ) and noticed that Shepard was just staring at her. _Shit. I've made her knock herself silly. This is going to look bad on my record_. _Won't help my dating chances much, either_.

"Shepard? Commander? Ma'am?" Williams put a bit more emphasis on that last, and it seemed to do the trick. Shepard started to shake her head and raise her hand to the lump on her head, when Ashley realized she still had her hand in Shepard's hair. She quickly pulled her arm back down to her side, looking at Shepard to see if there were any lingering effects to be concerned about. "Are you okay, Shepard?"

The corners of Shepard's mouth quirked up into that oh-so-sexy lopsided grin of hers, and she looked at Ashley and deadpanned, "Hey, Chief. So, do you come here often?"

For a moment, Williams had absolutely no response, trying to determine how confused Shepard must be. Then, seeing the glint of mischief in the red-head's eyes, she realized that Shepard was messing with her. Williams couldn't help herself - she burst out laughing, not in the least out of relief for not permanently damaging Shepard.

Shepard joined in the laughter, and Williams was pleased to see that she would be fine.

"Dammit, Shepard. I thought I'd scrambled your brains." _God, that throaty laugh is hot._

"Not for lack of trying, that's for sure! So, funny time to be hitting the gym, Williams." Ashley certainly couldn't deny that. And she wasn't about to tell Shepard the real reason she was here. Not just yet. Time to deflect!

"You're one to talk, Shepard. You were here first."

"Sure, but this is the only thing I was planning on lifting." Shepard held up a bottle of bourbon. Actual bourbon. From Earth. And some good shit, too - 20 year Pappy.

Williams felt her eyebrows climb. "Damn, Shepard. You've got great taste in booze. It's not easy to find the good stuff this far out."

Shepard cast a look around the gym, then held out her half-full tumbler. "I, uh. . . I've only got the one glass, but I'd be happy to share. I'm sure the alcohol kills any germs, anyways." Ashley hadn't been angling for a sample, but there was no way she was turning this down. She wasn't particularly worried about sharing spit with the commander anyway, especially in light of the types of activities she was hoping for at some point with her. Williams tipped the glass back a couple times, savoring the flavor and warmth of the liquor. _Shit, that_ is _good stuff_.

She handed the glass back with an appreciative nod. Shepard finished it off, then turned back to her.

"What _are_ you doing here at this hour, Williams?"

Ah. Back to this. Williams figured the simplest response would be the best. And safest, for now. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd try to work off some energy."

There was a moment while Shepard seemed to consider this. "I'll leave you to it, then. Try to get some shut-eye, though. We'll be hitting Therum tomorrow to pick up that Asari, and I'll need you fresh."

Short of hitting the commander over the head again, Williams supposed there's no way to prolong the conversation at this point. "Yes, Ma'am! And I am really sorry about the head."

She watched Shepard gather the bottle and now-empty tumbler and head to the door. "No worries, Ashley. I'll see you tomorrow."

Williams lifted herself off the floor, staring at Shepard's retreating form. _Damn, that's a fine ass_. Not wanting to get caught ogling the commander, she spun around and headed for the pull-up bar at the back of the gym. She hadn't heard the door open yet, so she may have waggled her hips just a bit more than normal. Just in case anyone noticed.

She stopped short after the gym door shut as she realized something. Shepard called her _Ashley_. Not Williams, not Chief, not Soldier. _Ashley_. So, progress?

Williams was definitely going to have to work off some excess energy now.


	3. Chapter 3

_That turned out better than expected_ , Williams thought as she sat in the med-bay. _Therum, too_.

OoOoOoO

Therum had indeed been a success. The Prothean expert, Dr. Liara T'soni, had been successfully brought on board. Not that it wasn't exciting. Shepard's Mako driving skills could probably best be compared to those of a drunken toddler. But apparently in the commander's estimation, reaching the objective was the important thing - obstacles in the way were meant to be driven over, not necessarily around. On Therum, Williams learned that if one aims the Mako just so, applying just the right amount of power, it will actually pop up on the wheels on one side and slide vertically through a narrow opening between boulders. Who knew? Unfortunately, nobody inside really expected the maneuver, resulting in a very bruised left knee for Williams as she slammed into the downhill side of the Mako as it tipped up.

But the best part of the mission was watching Shepard square off against a Krogan Battlemaster. Williams had seen a few Krogan mercs here and there, but this was her first time seeing a Battlemaster up close and in combat. Shepard didn't hesitate even a moment. While Williams and Garrus (and, surprisingly, the Asari archaeologist) focused on the Geth, Shepard threw herself gleefully at the Krogan, shouting profane taunts, trading shotgun fire with him and dodging his charges while leading him away from T'Soni. Williams found herself leaving the last Geth Shock Trooper for Garrus to deal with while she stared in open admiration as Shepard tossed the Krogan up with a biotic lift then positioned herself perfectly to deliver one final shotgun blast to finish him off when he landed.

Ashley was still gawking at the commander as Shepard straightened up, rolled her shoulders and tucked her hair behind her ears. When she glanced over at Williams and gave her a lopsided grin and a wink, Ashley hoped that the flushing of her cheeks would be attributed to the heat of the just-concluded battle. The moment was over as soon as it began - the quaking in the mine intensified, sending them all scrambling to reach the surface and the safety of the Normandy as the ruins collapsed around them.

By the time Williams had shucked her armor and stowed her weapons, the adrenaline had long worn off, making her aware that she should probably have her banged-up knee checked out by medical right after the post-mission debrief.

The medical bay was bordering on crowded after the mission review. Dr. T'Soni had sought out Dr. Chakwas' aid for the dizziness she'd experienced in the comm room, and was just finishing up her discussion with the medical officer. Liara made her retreat to the relative solitude of the supply room behind the med-bay right as Ashley hopped up on an examination table.

Shepard occupied the examination table across the room from Williams. Dr. Chakwas was looking at the lump on Shepard's forehead - the one Williams had inadvertently caused the night before in the gym.

"Commander, I wish you'd wear your helmet out in the field more consistently. This contusion on your forehead could have easily been avoided."

Ashley ducked her head in embarrassment. _She'd have to wear it around me if that were the case, just to be safe._ To her surprise, Shepard didn't correct the doctor's assumption as to the cause of the injury, allowing Chakwas to gently chide her rather than tell her what really happened. "You know I hate wearing those things, Doc. Messes with my field sense. Besides, I know for a fact that I look pretty badass taking down a Krogan Battlemaster with my hair flying in the wind."

Williams' head jerked up at that last comment. _Oh god. She knows I was watching her._ Looking over at the commander, she found Shepard's eyes locked onto hers, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her lips. _And she liked it!_ Ashley returned Shepard's grin with a coy half-smile of her own.

"I'm going to run a quick diagnostic, just to be sure, Commander. Make yourself comfortable - it should be done by the time I'm done with Chief Williams here." Turning to Ashley, Dr. Chakwas continued, "Let's take a look at that knee. What happened to it?"

Following the doctor's gestures, Williams dropped her fatigue trousers so that Chakwas could evaluate the damage. As a Marine, Ashley got over any sense of personal modesty long ago, yet she took a moment to feel a bit self-conscious with Shepard sitting not six feet away from her.

Her left knee was swollen, and several bruises had already begun to appear. Keeping in mind that Shepard didn't blame Ashley for the goose egg on her forehead, Williams wanted to return the favor. "Not sure, ma'am. There was a lot going on. Must have banged it against something during one of the skirmishes." The chief glanced over at Shepard, who had a thoughtful look on her face.

"The swelling and bruising should be easy enough to treat. I don't see any evidence of structural damage to the joint. A basic scan will let me know if there's anything to worry about. Hold tight for a moment."

After checking the results of Shepard's scan and finding nothing of concern, Chakwas excused herself to take a couple of energy bars to T'Soni, explaining that she wouldn't be gone more than 10 minutes. As the doors to the storage area hissed shut behind the doctor, Shepard hopped off her table and went over to Ashley.

Looking at the injured area, Shepard quietly asked, "Um, so that knee - was that from the Mako? Well, not just the Mako. From my aggressive driving of the Mako, I guess. Seemed like you weren't being forthright with the doc about what caused your injury."

With Shepard so close, Ashley was intensely aware of the scent of leather and musk that seemed to cling to the commander. She wanted to bury her face to Shepard's neck and inhale deeply. . . and then was suddenly very aware that she was sitting there in her underwear. _Awkward_. Forcing herself to focus on Shepard's face she replied, "Couldn't say, ma'am. There was a lot going on. I also notice you didn't correct the doctor about the lump on your noggin."

Shepard's hand went distractedly to her forehead. "Yeah, well - no reason to implicate you on that one. It was a freak accident. It gets treated the same, no matter the story behind it. And I really am sorry that my impressive driving skills banged up your knee." She gave Ashley a cocky half-smile at that last comment. Shepard finished with "Take it easy tonight, Chief," and went to take her leave.

As she was nearly to the med-bay door, Ashley called out, "Hey, Commander. If you find yourself wandering the ship with a bottle in the middle of the night again any time soon, do a Marine a favor and bring an extra glass." _Damn, I'm ballsy sitting here in my white cotton military briefs._

Shepard paused at the door as it opened and turned back to face the chief. "That I can do, Marine. That I can do." And then she left, letting the doors hiss shut behind her.

* * *

 _That turned out better than expected_ , Shepard thought as she left the med-bay. _Therum, too_.

OoOoOoO

After spending the first couple of weeks as commander of the Normandy running various low-level ops, Shepard was looking forward to the mission on Therum. Initial recon showed Geth presence on the planet. It had been too long since she'd had a good challenge, and she was eagerly anticipating the rush of battle.

Therum did not disappoint, courtesy in part of some great terrain that allowed Shepard to push the Mako to its limits (she wasn't sure she really was going to be able to get the Mako vertical enough to squeeze through those rocks, so she was relieved when the vehicle managed to hold itself up on the wheels on just one side). But the best part was the welcome appearance of a Krogan Battlemaster. Okay, so "welcome" might be pushing it. Whatever it was, Shepard hadn't had that much fun in a fight in a long time.

She probably didn't need to spend so long hurling obscenities at the Krogan, but she enjoyed getting him mad while she kept her cool. She purposely drew him away from the Asari scientist, prolonging the combat just long enough to allow the rest of her crew to ensure T'Soni's safety. She was pleasantly surprised to see the archaeologist holding her own against the Geth, using some fairly impressive biotics.

None of that stopped her from noticing Williams' attention on her as she closed in on the Krogan for the final kill shot. She could see the chief watching her as she lifted the Krogan with her biotics, and it's entirely possible that Shepard added an extra flourish to her final shotgun blast as the Krogan crashed to the ground. Sure enough, when it was over, she glanced over to see Williams unabashedly admiring her performance. Flush with adrenaline, Shepard gave the chief what she knew was a very charming grin along with a flirty wink, and then enjoyed the way Williams' face reddened in response. _Ah - this might end up going somewhere after all_ , she thought.

The moment was interrupted by the collapse of the ruins around them, and all efforts turned to reaching the surface as quickly as possible.

After the mission debrief, Shepard dutifully reported to the med-bay for her usual post-mission check. T'Soni was just finishing up with Chakwas, and Williams was on her way in. Shepard hadn't realized that Ashley had been injured on the surface. As she was examined by the doctor, Shepard suddenly remembered that she probably still had a fairly sizable knot on her forehead from that unfortunate encounter with the barbell the night before.

Luckily, Chakwas assumed that the injury was from the day's fighting and Shepard was happy to let her think so. With Ashley sitting right there, she didn't want to make the chief feel uncomfortable about it again. The downside of that was the reproval she received from the doctor about her resistance to wearing a helmet. The upside was that she was able to use that to make a cheeky comment to let Williams know that Shepard had noticed (and appreciated) her earlier attentions.

The quick look Shepard got from the Marine let her know that she'd hit her target.

While she waited for the doctor's tests to complete, Shepard sat back and watched Chakwas treat Williams. As the chief dropped her pants, Shepard suddenly felt very self-conscious that she was staring, and looked away for a moment. When she looked back, she could see the injury to Williams' knee. Ashley professed to be uncertain as to what caused the damage, but Shepard had a sinking suspicion it was related to the maneuvers in the Mako, making her directly responsible. And yet Williams passed up the easy pot-shot she could have taken at Shepard's driving (which everyone else seemed to enjoy), claiming ignorance as to the cause. That was unexpected.

After Chakwas cleared Shepard and left the room for a few moments, Shepard hopped down from the exam table and went over to Williams, to get a better look at the knee. Instead, she found herself intoxicatingly close to the Marine, who was sitting there in her skivvies. _Awkward_.

Williams still refused to allow the commander to accept blame for the damage to her knee, instead pointing out that Shepard had not mentioned how Williams was involved with the lump on her forehead. Nonetheless, Shepard apologized for the injury, even if she did take the opportunity to make a smartass comment and deliver another charming smile while she did so.

Realizing that Chakwas would return any minute to finish up with Williams, Shepard figured it was time to go. She would have rather stayed and sat with Ashley a while longer, but it didn't seem to be a good time. Not yet.

She was nearly to the med-bay door, and was considering stopping to ask Ashley to join her later (for what, she didn't quite know). But before she could think of anything to say, she heard, "Hey, Commander. If you find yourself wandering the ship with a bottle in the middle of the night again any time soon, do a Marine a favor and bring an extra glass."

Before turning back, Shepard suppressed the wide smile that broke out across her face. "That I can do, Marine. That I can do." Not being able to sleep suddenly didn't sound that bad anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Author Note: Chapters 4 and 5 go together; I split them up because otherwise it seemed too long.

* * *

It took all of her self-control for Shepard to stay in her quarters that night. She wanted nothing more than to grab a bottle of bourbon and two glasses and prowl the empty ship looking for Williams. But it would definitely not be the prudent thing to do. The mission on Therum took more out of her than she would have liked to admit, and rest was a priority.

And then there was that pesky matter of her seeming inability to maintain her usual confidence when alone with the gunnery chief in the wee hours of the night. She could not figure out why she had felt like a blushing virgin around Williams on those two previous occasions. It was a stark contrast to their interactions in the (sometimes figurative) light of day. Hell, she even managed to flirt with Williams in the middle of a skirmish on Therum (successfully, too, if their conversation in the med-bay was any indication).

It wasn't like Shepard had ever had trouble charming women before. She couldn't recall even one time when she failed to get a target into bed. And there had been many targets.

And it wasn't just that. If there was one constant in her life, it was that Shepard was always in command. On the battlefield or on the deck of her ship, in armor or in uniform, she naturally exuded authority and confidence.

So why the hell did the thought of seeing Williams alone late at night make her feel so apprehensive and uncertain? How did the cocksure, brash Commander Shepard turn into fumbling, incoherent Commander Awkward when she got around the chief? She felt completely out of her element.

So now, a few days after Therum, the Normandy was headed back to the Citadel to resupply and provide a short shore leave. This left the team with some free time on board. When not carrying out her normal duties, Shepard spent her downtime in the gym or conferring with her crew. She hadn't had much of a chance to speak with Williams, except in passing.

The night before they were scheduled to arrive at the Citadel, Shepard again found herself unable to sleep. Pacing around the cabin wasn't helping. It only reminded her that she wasn't sleeping. She grabbed her bottle and glass. As she hit the door, she remembered Williams' admonition to bring two glasses the next time she wandered the ship with her bottle.

 _What if she isn't even around? I'll look like an ass walking around with two glasses_ , she thought. Then again, she purposely confined her wanderings to areas that were typically empty, and she'd never run into anyone before. Odds were, nobody would even notice. With that settled, she went back and picked up a second tumbler, then headed out the door.

Shepard decided to try out the gym first. Best case, Williams would show up. Worst case, nobody would show up and she'd at least have a quiet place to enjoy a bit of bourbon. With two glasses.

The gym was dark. Shepard actually felt a little relieved. She turned on just one section of lights, leaving the rest of the room in shadow. The weight bench closest to the door had a barbell on the rack ( _Who keeps doing that?_ ), so she bypassed that one and found another that she could safely occupy without worrying about a blow to the head.

As she sat down, Shepard realized that she was again wearing only her white tank and gray pajama pants. She hoped that the girls would behave themselves, should Williams show up. She glanced around and didn't see anything she could throw on over the flimsy top. She was going to just have to take her chances.

Picking up the bottle and one of the two glasses she'd set down on the floor next to the bench, Shepard poured herself two fingers of bourbon. After a pause, she added a bit more. It would save her the trouble of picking up the bottle again too soon, she figured. She was just being efficient.

Shepard savored the first few swallows, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth as it traveled down her throat and chest. She let out a contented sigh and felt her shoulders relax. She hadn't realized how tightly she had been wound over the last few days. An instant later, the door hissed open and her shoulders immediately tensed up again.

Turning her head to the door, Shepard saw Ashley hesitate for just a moment then stride in. Williams was wearing a form-fitting black tank and dark gray spandex pants that went to just past her knees. Her dark hair was loose. There was at least plausible deniability that she was dressed to work out, but Shepard knew better. Or at least she hoped she did.

"Hey, Chief. Don't I give you enough time to hit the gym during the day?"

Williams glanced at the extra empty glass sitting alongside the bottle of bourbon on the floor next to Shepard. A ghost of a smile played across her lips. "No, ma'am. I mean, yes ma'am, I do have enough time during the day. But I was hoping that would be the only thing I'd be lifting tonight." She indicated the second tumbler next to Shepard.

Shepard motioned her over. Williams grabbed a nearby chair and brought it next to the bench Shepard occupied and made herself comfortable, leaning back with one ankle crossed over the opposite knee.

With a broad smile, Shepard poured a measure out for Williams and handed it over to her. "So Williams - how's the knee doing?"

After letting the first mouthful of bourbon slide down her throat, Ashley answered, "Seems fine. Dr. Chakwas has recommended that I use a brace for another week or two when I'm on any planet-side missions, but otherwise it hasn't been a problem."

"Glad to hear it. And I really am sorry about that. Was that when I popped the Mako up on its side through those rocks?" Shepard's eyes lit up. "That was pretty fucking amazing. I had no idea the Mako could even do that! Damn that thing is fun to drive. Oh - but sorry about the knee."

Williams couldn't help but laugh at the commander's enthusiasm. "No worries. I'll know to keep myself ready for anything next time. Looks like that goose egg is finally gone." As Ashley eyes focused on Shepard's forehead, Shepard was suddenly aware that her short hair was probably sticking out in a dozen different directions, courtesy of her earlier attempts to sleep. She tried to smooth it down, in a distracted, self-conscious way. Then with nothing for her hands to do, she picked up her glass and took a couple gulps.

"So tell me, Williams. I've seen your military jacket. Your record is spotless, and your tech scores are off the charts. Why have you been stationed groundside? You should have been serving with the fleet long before joining the Normandy."

Ashley's eyes glanced downward. "Err, couldn't say. Those decisions are above my pay grade. But I am grateful that you've allowed me to serve aboard the Normandy, ma'am."

Shepard smiled. "You're drinking my good bourbon, Chief. I think you can drop the 'ma'am'. And I haven't 'allowed' anything - you've earned your place here, Williams."

"Yes, ma'am. Dammit. I mean, of course. . . Shepard." Williams gave an appreciative hum as she took another sip from her glass.

"I remember you telling me you come from a military family?" Shepard asked, taking her own sip of bourbon.

"Sure do. . ." This time Williams stopped before adding _ma'am_. "My family has served the Alliance since it was founded. My father, grandfather and great grandmother all picked up a rifle and swore the oath of service. And you?"

Shepard leaned over onto her side on the weight bench, propping herself up on one elbow and putting herself closer to Williams. "Both my parents served in the Navy. I grew up moving from ship to ship and station to station. Couldn't imagine any other life. Do you think there's anybody in your family that me or my folks would know?"

Again, the chief's eyes shifted away from Shepard. "Couldn't say."

 _Interesting. That's the second evasion._ Shepard made a mental note to follow up with the chief on that at a later time, if she got the chance. She wasn't going to push it tonight, though. Tonight was casual. She picked up the bottle and refilled both glasses.

Conversation between the two soldiers continued. Williams told Shepard a little about her family. Shepard talked a bit about her N7 training. They chatted a bit about the crew and how things were going on their mission.

When both glasses were empty again, Shepard contemplated another refill. So far, things had gone well. Williams seemed relaxed and comfortable with her. Shepard hadn't said or done anything too stupid. _Always leave them wanting more_ , she thought. _Now might be a good time to go_. Reluctantly, she said, "Chief, oh dark thirty comes awfully early in the morning. Thanks for sharing a drink with me, but I think it's time I call it a night."

As Shepard sat up and made to gather up her bottle and glass, Williams helpfully picked up her empty glass and leaned over to hand it over to the commander. As Shepard took it from her, their fingers brushed together, sending a surprising jolt up Shepard's arm at the incidental contact. She moved her eyes up from the glass to Ashley's face, and saw that Williams was looking at her intently.

Without thinking, Shepard set the glass down and shifted a few inches along the weight bench to move closer to Ashley, cupping Ashley's jaw with her hand. Williams leaned into the contact, bringing her own hand up to wrap her long fingers around Shepard's wrist. Ashley's other hand moved to the back of Shepard's neck, drawing her in closer until their lips were nearly touching, but not quite. Shepard's heart pounded in her chest. This close, she could see the desire in Ashley's eyes, and was fairly certain Ashley could see the same in hers.

Shepard closed the last ghost of a distance between them, kissing Ashley tentatively at first, giving the chief the chance to pull back if she wanted. Ashley instead pressed her lips more firmly on Shepard's. Shepard brought her hands to the back of Williams' head, tangling her fingers into her thick hair. The Marine's now free hand moved to Shepard's waist. Ashley parted her lips, darting her tongue out to tease at Shepard's mouth, seeking entrance. Shepard obliged, deepening the kiss with her own tongue. Ashley tasted deliciously of bourbon and desire. Time seemed to slow, the world narrowing down to this moment, this woman, this kiss.

Surprising even herself, Shepard broke the kiss first, pulling slightly away, breathless. If this were like any of the other of her many conquests, she would have laid Williams out naked on the nearest weight bench. But something in her wouldn't let that happen. For the first time, she wanted to do this right. Not that she didn't _want_ to lay Williams out naked on the nearest weight bench. She really did. But she wanted it to mean something more than just a quick fuck. And the thought scared the hell out of her.

Shepard withdrew her hands from Williams' hair. She saw Ashley's eyes fixed on her own, searching for a clue as to what Shepard was thinking. Shepard moved her hands to either side of Ashley's face.

"That was. . . breathtaking. I didn't think. . . I wasn't sure if you. . . I - " _Get a grip, Shepard_. Shepard took a breath, and tried again. "Ashley, I want you - oh god, how I want you - but I want something more than just a one-time bang. If you think you'd be interested in more, I'd like to do this right. Have it mean something. I'm not even sure what, because this is new territory for me, and I don't know what the hell I'm saying right now and I'm pretty sure I'm babbling like some goddamn idiot." Shepard cut off, biting her lower lip in an attempt to shut herself up.

Williams arched one eyebrow at Shepard, and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Shepard's lips that was meaningful despite its simplicity. "Shepard, I am very interested in more." Williams took both of Shepard's hands in her own, and brought them down between them. "Just say the word."

"Sloane." Shepard choked out, looking at their entwined hands.

"What was that, Shepard?"

Shepard looked up at Ashley, establishing eye contact. "My name is Sloane. I think I'd like it if you called me Sloane."

"Sloane." Williams rolled it around in her mouth. "Alright, Sloane. If we're going to do this, maybe you can start by buying a girl a drink tomorrow night on shore leave. I'll be at Flux."

With one final kiss, Williams stood up and left the gym. Shepard admired the view as Ashley walked out the door, then lay back on the weight bench, grinning like a fool.


	5. Chapter 5

Author Note: Chapters 4 and 5 go together; I split them up because otherwise it seemed too long.

* * *

The evening of the Therum mission found Ashley cleaning her rifle, marveling that not only did she have the balls to come on to the commander ( _while wearing her most decidedly un-sexy tighty whiteys, no less_ ), but that Shepard responded favorably.

The downside was that the invitation was so open-ended. For this to work out, Williams would need to prowl a few areas of the ship each night, hoping to manage to find Shepard at the right place and the right time. Assuming Shepard followed through, that is.

But tonight would not be that night. Therum had left Williams tired and a little sore, so rack time was a must.

The next few nights found Williams alternating between the weapons bench and the gym in the wee hours of the morning. All she managed to get out of it were sleep deprivation, some very well maintained weapons, and sore abs and arms from all the crunches and pull-ups she did in the gym to stave off boredom while waiting for a possible appearance by Shepard.

Late in the night before they were scheduled to arrive at the Citadel, Ashley put on a snug black tank, adding spandex capris. The combination served the dual purposes of emphasizing her physique in a way that would hopefully catch Shepard's eye while plausibly passing for workout gear in the gym, if she ended up doing more crunches and pull-ups.

First stop tonight would be the gym. Williams took a deep breath and opened the door. She was actually surprised (and not a little relieved) to see Shepard sitting in the only lit area of the room, glass in hand. She paused for a moment at the door, taking in the sight of the commander in her white tank and admiring the swell of her breasts under the thin fabric. Shepard's leather jacket was sexy as hell, but couldn't hold a candle the present view.

Williams walked purposefully into the room towards Shepard, who teased her about working out in the middle of the night. Ashley saw the second glass on the floor near Shepard's bottle of bourbon, and the implication sent a flood of warmth to her chest. And maybe elsewhere.

The two settled in, drinking and talking together comfortably. At some point, Shepard gently chided Ashley for calling her _ma'am_ while she was drinking her good bourbon, breaking down the barrier of discipline between them. It wasn't easy to let go of the automatic honorific, but Ashley did her best.

A couple of Shepard's inquiries hit a bit too close to Williams' family shame, and she didn't feel quite ready to broach that subject with the commander. Tonight was for getting to know each other better, not airing the Williams' family dirty laundry. Ashley made a mental note to clear the air with Shepard later, if things progressed much further.

Two glasses of bourbon later, she could see Shepard reluctantly make a move to leave. Blaming an early morning, the commander leaned over to gather her bottle and glass. Ashley picked up her own empty tumbler, handing it over to Shepard. Whether by design or by accident she couldn't say, but as she transferred the glass over, her hand lingered long enough to graze Shepard's own fingers. Williams was surprised at the heat the minor contact generated, and found herself looking hungrily at Shepard.

The commander met her intense gaze, then suddenly shifted close enough to reach out to place a gentle hand on Ashley's jaw. With a fluttering in her chest, Williams leaned into Shepard's touch and brought her own hand up to encircle Shepard's wrist, almost to reassure herself that this was actually happening. Without further thought, she placed her other hand on the back of Shepard's neck to pull the redhead forward, stopping just short of kissing her.

Williams could see her desire reflected back in Shepard's eyes, but needed to let Shepard initiate the final contact. The commander did not disappoint, moving forward and claiming Ashley's lips with her own, gently at first, and losing her hands in Ashley's hair. Williams moved a hand to Shepard's waist, feeling the firm muscles beneath her hand. Ashley pressed her lips more firmly on Shepard's, her tongue moving against Shepard's lips wanting - no, _needing_ \- to deepen the kiss. Shepard opened her mouth, responding in kind. Williams was aware of nothing but Shepard - the way she smelled of leather and musk, the taste of bourbon on her tongue, the feel of her hands on the back of Ashley's head.

So she was surprised when Shepard abruptly pulled away and untangled her fingers from Ashley's hair. She looked searchingly at Shepard, wondering if she'd misunderstood something. Her fears dissolved when the commander cupped her face with both hands, calloused thumbs brushing her cheeks.

"That was. . . breathtaking. I didn't think. . . I wasn't sure if you. . . I - " A breath. "Ashley, I want you - oh god, how I want you - but I want something more than just a one-time bang. If you think you'd be interested in more, I'd like to do this right. Have it mean something. I'm not even sure what, because this is new territory for me, and I don't know what the hell I'm saying right now and I'm pretty sure I'm babbling like some goddamn idiot."

That was. . . unexpected. Up until that moment, Ashley hadn't been sure what to expect from her flirting with the commander. She had assumed that Shepard might want to shag a few times and move on, but didn't dare hope for anything else, no matter how much she wanted more than just that. For Shepard to want something beyond just an easy lay sent a thrill through her. And Shepard's rushed and uncertain delivery of her thoughts spoke to an earnestness that Ashley found incredibly sexy.

She responded with a kiss that she hoped would convey her desire and intent, and said, "Shepard, I am very interested in more." Taking both of Shepard's hands in her own, she brought them down between them, grounding herself in the contact. "Just say the word."

Williams heard Shepard say something, but couldn't quite make out what.

"What was that, Shepard?"

Shepard had been looking down at their hands, but now her eyes sought out Ashley's. "My name is Sloane. I think I'd like it if you called me Sloane."

"Sloane." It tasted good on her tongue. Williams had never heard anyone use the commander's given name. Hell, she hadn't even sure she had one. She realized that this might be more intimate for Shepard than their kiss, and the significance was not lost on her. "Alright, Sloane. If we're going to do this, maybe you can start by buying a girl a drink tomorrow night on shore leave. I'll be at Flux."

With one final kiss, Williams stood up and left the gym.


	6. Chapter 6

The Normandy was due to dock at the Citadel at 1300 hours. Shepard planned to leave only a skeleton crew on board and let the rest of the crew out on shore leave until 2330 hours. That would allow just enough time to resupply the ship in preparation for its next stop at Feros.

Shepard spent the morning at the desk in her quarters with a pot of coffee (and a rapidly emptying bowl of sugar - she liked her coffee strong and sweet), making all the necessary arrangements for staffing and finalizing the supply requisitions. Her mind kept drifting back to the previous night. If she let her eyes close, she could remember the taste of Ashley's lips on her own, the feel of Ashley's hair in her hands, and the look of desire in Ashley's eyes. The distraction was definitely making her work take longer than it should have, but she couldn't say that she minded too much.

Shepard did, however, want to get everything squared away so that she could take a bit of shore leave of her own. She had a girl that she owed a drink to, and she didn't intend to disappoint.

By mid-afternoon the commander had approved everything that needed to be approved and responded to whatever correspondence required response. She had reviewed all the intelligence available on the situation on Feros, sketching out preliminary strategies for the mission objectives. By now, the majority of the crew were on the Citadel, leaving just Shepard and a few necessary staff behind.

Shepard stood at her closet, stretching her neck from side to side until she felt a satisfying crack. She didn't own much outside of her standard military issue, and most of the rest bore the N7 logo. She fished around until she found a pair of faded blue jeans, then continued the search for something to wear with them. She located a dark gray tank top that she knew set off her green eyes and red hair, not bothering with a bra. The jeans and shirt hugged her body in all the right places, emphasizing her toned backside and lean, muscular arms. She finished the ensemble off with her silver-tipped cowboy boots and black leather jacket. After stopping to run a quick brush through her thick hair, she set off to Flux to buy a girl a drink.

OoOoO

Williams started her day off with a workout in the gym (a real one, not a "waiting for Shepard to show up in the middle of the night" workout"), followed by a hearty breakfast, filling her plate with eggs and hash browns. From there, she headed to the storage area to check over her armor and sniper rifle. Satisfied that everything was in proper order, she looked through her foot locker for something suitable to wear on shore leave. Although she knew she looked plenty good in her compression tee, she didn't think that was exactly date-wear.

Ashley found an off-white, low-cut V-neck tee and paired it with snug black jeans. She added black motorcycle boots and a studded leather belt. She decided to wear her hair down - she got the feeling that Shepard liked it that way. She left the ship shortly before dinner time, hoping to take a quick walk along the Presidium lake before hopefully meeting Shepard at the club.

OoOoO

By the time Shepard reached Flux, it was near 1930 hours. She'd hoped that she hadn't left Ashley waiting too long - she wasn't sure exactly what a good time to meet was. She stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the club, wondering what her plan was for the night. Step 1 was to buy Williams a drink. Step 2 was to buy Williams another drink. From there, the plan got a bit fuzzy.

It occurred to her that she should probably try not to be too obvious about this being a date, since there would likely be other crew members enjoying themselves there. She wasn't ready for this to be the subject of shipboard scuttlebutt just yet. She didn't even know what was going on with Williams at this point - she certainly didn't want the rest of the crew dissecting it before she had it figured out. She would need to mention this to Williams, and hope that she didn't take it the wrong way.

Shepard straightened her jacket and took the stairs two at a time to reach the club, nodding at the bouncer as she headed in.

Much to her relief, she spotted Williams at a table in the corner. Garrus and Tali were sitting with her, and they all laughed at something Garrus said. Shepard headed first to the bar, ordering two bourbons. Drinks in hand, she made her way to the corner table.

Ashley noticed her approach. Smiling broadly at Shepard, she indicated the empty chair next to her. Shepard set the drinks down on the table. "Thought you might enjoy a taste of home, Chief." She didn't want to give the quarian and turian any reason to suspect her motives might be more personal in nature.

"Much appreciated, Commander," came the reply, along with a wink that only Shepard could see. Garrus and Tali greeted Shepard, and then Garrus continued his story. As best as Shepard could tell, it had something to do with a C-Sec investigation into fish missing from the Presidium lake whenever a particular Krogan ship docked at the Citadel. It was hard to keep track of the tale when Ashley's shirt was cut so low. Shepard's eyes kept returning to Williams' cleavage. When she wasn't checking out the chief's chest, she was fascinated by the way Ashley's long fingers played with the rim of her bourbon glass. She had remarkably beautiful hands despite, or even maybe because of, the callouses that came from years of military service.

A short time later, Garrus and Tali excused themselves to see if they could find some turian brandy, leaving Shepard and Williams alone at the table.

"So. . . come here often?" ventured Shepard with what she hoped was her most charming smile.

Ashley ducked her head and laughed. "Only when I hear that there might be some good-looking marines on shore leave, _ma'am_." Ashley couldn't suppress a grin when she playfully added the "ma'am".

"You look. . . amazing, Ashley. I'd probably start groping you right now if I could, but I think we might want to avoid providing any gossip fodder to the crew for now, if that's okay with you."

"No worries. . . it's a good idea. I was thinking the same thing. And thanks. You look pretty damn good yourself. By the way, that jacket looks much better over clothes than it does over pajamas."

"Smartass." With that, Shepard signaled to the barkeep for another round of bourbon.

Ashley and Shepard each sat back and enjoyed their drinks, listening to the music, chatting and people-watching. Mostly Shepard was admiring the view right in front of her. She was finding it difficult to not reach out and touch Ashley. When she thought she could stand it no more, she leaned over to Ashley, and in a low growl said, "Ash, I know it's still early, but I'm going to head back to my quarters." Williams turned to her with her brows lowered in disappointment. Shepard continued, "The crew isn't due back on board for a couple more hours, so I'm sure nobody would notice if you happened to join me." Ashley raised one eyebrow at the implication and nodded her assent.

Shepard quickly rose, putting on the jacket she'd removed earlier, and made her way to the nearest transport to head back to the Normandy. She didn't need to look behind her to know that Williams was following behind her, keeping a respectable distance but most definitely in a hurry.

OoOoO

Williams headed to Flux a bit early. Better safe than sorry. She found a table in the corner, and ordered a beer. She rejected a pass by Alenko, sending him off to find another target. She was soon joined by Garrus and Tali. They turned out to be remarkably good company.

Then she saw Shepard. She was wearing her leather jacket atop some wonderfully form-fitting jeans. But it was the cowboy boots that did Ashley in. There was nothing sexier than a woman in cowboy boots. She watched Shepard walk over to the bar. The woman was all confidence and swagger. Although Shepard didn't notice it, Ashley could see dozens of pairs of eyes following the commander as she walked through the club.

At that point, Ashley became suddenly self-conscious that she was sitting there with two crew members. It was much too early in the relationship ( _is that what this is?_ ) for them to acknowledge anything in front of the crew. And Williams wasn't sure what, exactly, they would be acknowledging. She'd have to figure out a way to convey that to Shepard.

As it turned out, she didn't need to say anything to her. Shepard sat a glass of bourbon in front of her, addressing her as "Chief." That told her Shepard had a similar idea, so Ashley happily played along. Garrus continued his story about fish and Krogan and something, but Ashley only registered bits of it. Shepard had taken off her jacket, and underneath was a tight, dark tank top. Ashley was distracted by the curves of Shepard's breasts beneath the tank. She noticed that Shepard was obviously without a bra, allowing her to enjoy their natural appearance. _My first impression about those was right - they are completely wasted under her armor_. The sleeveless shirt emphasized the lean muscles of Shepard's shoulders and arms.

Eventually it was just the two of them at the table. After a flirty greeting that she was unable to use before, Shepard confirmed what Ashley had also thought - that they try to keep their private lives private. Ashley took the opportunity to tease Shepard a bit, and then the two just sat and enjoyed another drink together.

It was still early in the evening when Shepard suddenly leaned over to Ashley and announced she was leaving. At first Ashley only heard the sexy growl, but then the words registered in her brain. She looked at Shepard, disappointed that the night was over too soon. But then Shepard clarified that Ashley could join her, and Ashley quickly signaled that she would.

The two made their way back to the Normandy separately, but quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Notes: OK, this chapter is one reason for the M rating. This is my first attempt at writing any serious smut ( _is_ there such as thing as serious smut?). I've found it takes an awful lot of words to describe some really simple things. Hopefully in this case, the words don't get in the way.

Feedback, comments, suggestions welcome.

* * *

Shepard arrived at the Normandy first. She checked in briefly with the skeleton crew to ensure that nothing had come up that required her attention. Pressly was already back on board, so she told the XO that the ship was his until 0600 the next morning. She retired to her quarters and scanned her messages, replying to one.

Then, shrugging off her jacket, Shepard picked up her best bottle of bourbon and two glasses, setting them on the table. The timing was perfect - just then her door chimed. Taking a breath, Shepard opened to door to reveal Ashley leaning against the doorframe. Laughing, Shepard pulled her in and locked the door behind her.

Before she could say anything, Ashley pressed her body against Shepard's, taking Shepard's face gently into her hands and kissing her hard. Shepard's hands found Ashley's hips, ensuring that their bodies held tight together. Shepard sucked Ashley's lower lip into her mouth, biting it carefully. Williams moaned, moving her hands around Shepard's waist. Her hands found the hem of Shepard's tank top and slid under it to feel the skin beneath. Shepard couldn't stop the growl deep in her throat. As Ashley's hands traveled up Shepard's back underneath the shirt, she again appreciated the fact that Shepard couldn't be bothered to wear a bra.

Without breaking the kiss, Ashley moved one hand forward along the ribs on Shepard's left side. She could feel Shepard shudder at the contact. Her hand moved slowly upward until she reached the lower swell of Shepard's breast. Ashley used her fingertips to trace the curve there, feeling Shepard arch into her, pulling away from the kiss for just a moment to gasp. Ashley grinned, then moved back in for another kiss, bringing her hand up further, trailing her fingers along until she found Shepard's already hard nipple. She caressed the nipple between her rough thumb and forefinger, reveling in the pleasure it gave her partner.

Shepard's hands moved from Ashley's hips to her backside, and didn't stop until they reached the swell of Ashley's ass where it met her legs. She squeezed gently, moving her own hips against Ashley's, eliciting a moan and a temporary pause in Ashley's attention to her breast. She pulled away from the kiss, moving her hands upward and pulling Ashley's shirt out her jeans. She didn't stop until Ashley had to raise her arms to allow Shepard to remove the shirt completely, leaving Ashley in only her white lace bra. After leaning back a bit to appreciate the view for a moment, Shepard bent forward and kissed Ashley's neck where it met her shoulder. The chief's sharp intake of breath told Shepard that she'd hit the right spot. Shepard continued her kisses along Ashley's collar bone, pushing aside the strap of her bra, until she reached her shoulder. Then she stopped and moved to the other side, doing the same thing there. With the straps out of the way, Shepard moved one hand around to unclasp Ashley's bra and lowered it off her arms.

This time she took a half step back from Ashley, to just look. The marine was breathtakingly beautiful. The sight of her strong shoulders, toned abs and firm breasts sent a charge of heat to Shepard's center. "God, Ash. You are gorgeous." But before she could step forward to reclaim her prize, Ashley grabbed the bottom of Shepard's shirt and pulled it over her head. Shepard grinned as Ashley gave her the same once over, and melted when she heard Ashley breathe, "You are incredible."2

They both moved forward together, pressing flesh on flesh. Shepard's hands tangled in Ashley's hair. Ashley's hands wrapped around Shepard's back. Their tongues danced against each other. Ashley broke the kiss and relaxed her hold on Shepard, pausing to look in Shepard's eyes. The desire she saw there caused her heart to pound in her chest. Shepard looped a finger in Ashley's belt and pulled her towards the bed. When the back of her legs made contact, she sat down and took advantage of the difference in height to unbuckle the belt. She locked eyes with Ashley while she unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, gently lowering them down her legs.

Unfortunately, she had to look away to see why she couldn't get the pants off. She burst out laughing when she realized that Ashley was still wearing her boots. Ashley glanced down, seeing the same thing. With a snort, she sat on the edge of the bed next to Shepard and pulled off her boots and socks.

"Dammit, my super-sexy move was ruined by a pair of boots."

"I wouldn't say it was ruined at all," Ashley murmured as she slowly slid her pants the rest of the way off, leaving her in just her underwear. Then she reached over and pulled off Shepard's cowboy boots. Ashley pushed Shepard back onto the bed, leaning down to kiss her deeply. They somehow managed to move up the bed together.

Ashley straddled Shepard's hips, bending down to place kisses along Shepard's jaw, moving down her neck. Using one arm to hold herself up, her other hand traced a path between Shepard's breasts and along her taut stomach, stopping to open the button of Shepard's jeans. Ashley slowly lowered the zipper, reaching in underneath the denim, expecting to move aside Shepard's underwear. She was pleasantly surprised to find only skin instead. Ashley lifted her head to give Shepard a puzzled look. With a smile and a shrug, Shepard could only offer, "What? I just don't like to wear underwear."

"Great - now that's going to be all I think of when I see you."

Shepard raised her eyebrows suggestively. "I hope so."

Ashley continued to move her hand under Shepard's pants until she reached her wet center. Shepard moaned deep in her throat, pushing her hips upward. Ashley circled her fingers around a few times, delighting in the gasp it elicited from the commander. Withdrawing her hand, she moved back along the bed so that she could remove Shepard's jeans. She stood for a moment at the end of the bed, mesmerized by the naked woman lying on the bed in front of her. She marveled at how such a strong, powerful woman could have so many beautiful, soft areas. She found herself pushing her underwear down her hips, letting them drop to the floor.

Shepard couldn't take her eyes off her. When Ashley removed the last of her clothing and stood bare before her, her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. They locked eyes as Ashley dropped back to the bad and crawled up Shepard's body. Straddling one of Shepard's legs, Ashley used a thigh to push Shepard's legs further apart, pressing the length of her body against Shepard's. As their mouths met in a hard kiss, Shepard grabbed Ashley's backside, moving her hips against her. She could feel Ashley's arousal painting her leg.

In one quick motion, Shepard rolled them over so that Ashley was underneath her. Ashley gasped at the sudden change in position. Straddling Ashley's hips, Shepard moved her mouth along Ashley's neck, nipping and sucking as she made her way down to Ashley's breasts. Shepard rubbed her thumbs gently over each hardened nipple, curving her head down to take one in her mouth, circling her tongue around the firm tip. As Ashley moaned and arched her back, Shepard sucked on the bud and let her teeth gently rake across the sensitive skin. Ashley gripped Shepard's hips, grinding them down on her own. Shepard moved to the other breast, giving it the same attention. Ashley surprised herself by nearly coming at the sensations generated by Shepard's skillful ministrations.

Shepard shifted as her mouth moved from Ashley's breasts to her abdomen, licking and kissing downward. Before reaching the place Ashley wanted her most, Shepard stopped. Instead, Shepard placed a hand on the top each of Ashley's thighs, moving them apart. Her rough thumbs massaged where each leg met her center. The simple touch caused Ashley's hips to buck. She looked down to see Shepard gazing at her face, clearly enjoying the look of pleasure she was bringing to her lover.

Keeping one hand on Ashley's thigh, Shepard used one finger on the other hand to carefully trace a path between Ashley's swollen lips, dipping into Ashley's wet center then moving up to her hard clit. Shepard's finger swirled around the bundle while Ashley groaned, head back and eyes closed. Ashley gasped as she felt Shepard's tongue on her clit, flicking against the tip. Ashley's hands gripped Shepard's hair as her hips thrust forward.

Encouraged, Shepard licked along the length of Ashley's opening, pressing her tongue into her warm center as far as she could. "Fuck, Shepard. That is fucking incredible," Ashley panted.

Shepard moved her tongue back to Ashley's clit, swirling a finger around Ashley's entrance. Hearing "Fuck yes," Shepard inserted first one finger into Ashley's opening, then another. Ashley thrusted against Shepard's hand. Responding to the encouragement, Shepard curled her fingers, finding the right spot against Ashley's inner wall, and moved her fingers in and out. She increased her tempo with both fingers and tongue, while Ashley continued to buck against her.

Ashley's moans became louder and more insistent. She squeezed her legs along the side of Shepard's head, teetering on the edge. Shepard's tongue pressed more firmly on her clit. One stroke more and she knew she would come. And there it was. . . an explosion of light behind Ashley's eyelids as her inner walls spasmed against Shepard's fingers. Her thighs trembled with pleasure. Shepard expertly navigated the orgasm, moderating her touch to prolong it without overloading Ashley's senses. Shepard slowed her tempo and softened the strokes of her tongue until Ashley rode a second wave.

Once Ashley was able to catch her breath, she realized her fingers were still tangled in Shepard's hair. She gently tugged Shepard's head upwards - an invitation to move up. Shepard slowly withdrew her fingers and slid her body up against Ashley until she could once more kiss the marine, letting her taste herself on Shepard's lips. Then it was Ashley's turn to flip Shepard onto her back. She quickly moved her hand down between Shepard's legs, to find her incredibly wet with desire.

Ashley rubbed her hand up and down the length of Shepard's center. She again locked eyes with her lover, seeing the need in her eyes. She could tell that this wasn't the time to go slow. She quickly slipped two fingers into Shepard's opening, maintaining eye contact while thrusting faster and faster. Shepard's hips moved into each thrust, her breath becoming quicker and more shallow. Ashley used her thumb to circle Shepard's clit, not breaking the rhythm of the thrusts.

Shepard's hands tangled in the sheets, her back arched, and she still kept her eyes locked with Ashley's. She'd never had a lover who could look deep into her eyes during sex, and the sensations it evoked were incredible. She knew she couldn't hold out any more. With an effort to keep her eyes open and focused on Ashley, she let go. Her moans as she came filled the room. Ashley curled her fingers and pressed on Shepard's inner walls as they clamped down on her.

As Shepard's body stilled, Ashley lowered herself on top of her, placing one leg between Shepard's thighs. Shepard's arms circled around Ashley's back. They lay still for a moment, then they both began moving their hips against each other. With their bodies pressed so tightly together, only a subtle shifting was required to establish enough friction to build heat in each woman. They found a joint rhythm, their shared moans lost in a kiss. Together they climbed, tempo increasing.

Shepard could only murmur a string of obscenities as she neared her peak. Then Ashley placed her mouth close to her ear and growled "Oh god, Sloane . . . ", and she came undone at hearing her name on the lips of her lover. Her fingers curled into Ashley's back as she came, Ashley coming right along with her.

They lay together like that, holding each other's sweat-drenched bodies, panting and marveling at what had just happened. No words were needed in that moment. After a few tender kisses, they held one another and drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Feros was exhausting. Mission creep was in full effect. What started off as an investigation into Geth attacks on the planet instead turned into a multi-day stay on the planet, much of it with no communications with the Normandy. After finally dispatching the Thorian creature and an incredibly unsettling and unexpected meld with an Asari (a former acolyte of Benezia, no less), Shepard was back on board her ship.

Doctor T'Soni joined minds with her immediately after the mission debrief, helping her to make a bit more sense of the cipher given to her by the Asari on Feros. The implications of the Prothean warning were decidedly disturbing.

In all, Shepard was emotionally, mentally and physically spent. Although her team had earned some well-deserved downtime, Shepard did not have the luxury of taking any time off herself. And so she found herself in the comm room (after abruptly disconnecting the Council rather than listen to another lecture), reviewing the just-completed mission. She wanted to complete an evaluation of the performance of the crew that accompanied her on Feros. Of particular interest, T'Soni was showing some impressive development in combat. Shepard had no idea where an archaeologist could learn such skill, but she was grateful to have her on her team. Combining T'Soni's biotics with her own gave the crew a very powerful weapon.

She was so intent on her work that she didn't even notice the door opening or someone entering. It wasn't until she caught a whiff of fresh hot coffee that she looked up to see Williams standing in front of her with a steaming mug. Ashley was obviously freshly showered, although based on the condition of the cuts and bruises on her face, she did not appear to have reported to medical. Then again, neither had she. She'd get there soon, but there were more immediate issues to deal with.

Williams handed the mug over to an appreciative Shepard. In response to an arch of Shepard's eyebrow, Williams confirmed, "Yes, I poured a pile of sugar in it. Give me some credit."

With a smile, Shepard blew across the top of the mug and took a few deep gulps before setting it down next to her. "Thanks, Ash. You have no idea how much I needed this."

"No offense, Commander, but you look like hell and you don't smell much better. Can't all this wait an hour?"

"Ouch. You wound me, Ash. If that was you giving no offense, I'd hate to see when you really did try to be offensive." Williams gave Shepard a playful shove to the shoulder, but was shocked when Shepard quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Shit, Shepard. It's even worse this close up," Ashley said with a chuckle.

"You love it and you know it. I look like a fucking warrior, fresh off the battlefield. Super sexy, am I right?" This was accompanied by what was probably intended to be a lascivious eyebrow waggle.

Ashley had to admit that it was, indeed, super sexy. She let a deep kiss be her response. "Are you _sure_ this can't wait an hour?" she asked suggestively.

"I wish. I do need to get this done today." With a swat to Williams' backside, she added, "Why don't you take that beautiful ass down to medical to get checked, and I'll finish up here. Shouldn't take more than another hour or two. Then give me some time for my own check and maybe even a shower - if you're lucky - and we can meet up later?"

"Make the shower a definite and not a maybe, and you've got yourself a deal. I guess the question is how do you want to handle it. I'm still not ready to be the target of shipboard gossip. Not yet."

Shepard chewed on the inside of her lower lip. Williams had a good point. They'd gotten lucky their first night together - although they'd both dozed off in exhaustion, Shepard's faithful insomnia kicked in before 0300 and Ashley was able to escape the commander's quarters undetected. "Me neither. To start, we can hit the mess for dinner, so long as you can keep your hands off my ass and your eyes off my chest." This earned a playful glare from the chief. "Then, if you're up for it, maybe we can hit the gym later. Like later later. You know - like old times. But minus the head wounds."

"That I can do. See you later, then." As Ashley turned to leave, Shepard pulled her in for a kiss that held the promise of much more.

As the door hissed closed behind Williams, Shepard picked up her coffee with a smile and got back to work.

Ashley headed to medical first to have her cuts and bruises treated. Nobody had anticipated the amount of fighting they'd have to do on Feros, so they'd had to ration their medi-gel as best they could. That meant that anything that didn't impact a team member's ability to fight didn't get treated. That also meant that Ashley was going to be sporting a new scar along her right jawline.

Before dismissing Williams, Dr. Chakwas checked her previously injured left knee. Although her instructions had been for Williams to wear a brace on the joint during skirmishes, Ashley abandoned the support after the second day on Feros. It had gotten a bit bloodied and uncomfortable. As a result, the knee was healing more slowly than Chakwas had hoped. With an admonition that Williams would be placed on light duty if she didn't care for her injury better, Chakwas cleared her and sent her on her way.

True to her word, Shepard finished up her work and finally showered to scrape the sweat and filth off of her tired and sore body. After pulling on fresh fatigues, she looked longingly at her bed. She wanted nothing more than to lie down and rest. But hopefully a rather attractive marine was waiting for her in the mess, so she instead headed to medical for a quick check. With everything deemed to be in working order, she headed out to eat.

In the mess she spotted Williams just taking a seat with a tray of food. After spending the last few days living off of rations, she was definitely taking advantage of something that didn't require shaking a pouch to prepare. Shepard grabbed a tray and filled it with even more. It would probably take a few meals to properly replenish her body to compensate for days of intense biotics use. Luckily for her, there was a seat across the table from Ashley, so Shepard headed that way. Before she could even greet the chief, Alenko sat down in the empty chair next to Williams, angling it towards her. It looked like he'd already eaten, since he carried only a bottle of protein drink.

Fixing his eyes on Ashley, Alenko said, "So, Willams. The ship wasn't the same without you aboard." Shepard stared. _Is he. . ._ flirting _with her?_ The commander was feeling rankled, but there was no way to object without piquing the curiosity of everybody in the room. So she sat. And fumed. _Not that I can blame him - I mean look at her!_ Williams looked irritated. Any responses she gave him were monosyllabic, trying to convey her complete lack of interest. Alenko didn't seem to understand her intent. Shepard ate in silence, just watching.

Fortunately, Alenko soon finished his protein drink and perhaps finally realizing that he was getting nowhere, he said his goodbyes and left. Most of the tables in the mess were empty by that point, leaving Shepard and Williams alone at their table in relative isolation.

With a lopsided grin, Shepard teased, "Anything you want to tell me, Williams?"

Ashley was not as amused. "Only that this isn't the first time he's tried, and sadly I don't think it will be his last. He's not very good at taking a hint. I had to send him on his way at Flux, too."

Lowering her voice so that her words wouldn't travel beyond the table, Shepard said, "I guess I'll have to step up my game, then."

Ashley felt her cheeks redden, and looked away before her face might betray anything to any crew that might be watching.

After taking a few more bites of dinner in amiable silence, Williams looked at Shepard and quietly inquired, "I have to ask - are you wearing underwear right now or not."

Shepard raised her eyebrows slightly, and with a half-grin replied, "Not."

Ashley swallowed hard as she felt an uncomfortable heat building in her center. "So you weren't kidding the other night. I was convinced that you'd skipped them just for the evening at Flux."

Shepard laughed. "Nope. I was serious. I just don't like them. I'll put on compression briefs under my armor, but otherwise it's commando all the way."

"What's this about commandos?" Shepard and Ashley's heads whipped to the side to see Liara standing there with a tray of food. "My mother had me train with the House commandos before I left for university. Asari commandos are some of the very best. May I join you?"

Shepard and Ashley looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Yes, please do, Doctor. It's good to see you," Shepard managed to get out between guffaws. Liara could only think that humans were very strange indeed. She was going to need a lot more time to figure them out.

After dinner Shepard returned to her quarters to inspect and clean her armor. After changing into a more comfortable tank and light sweatpants, she reviewed her messages and sent out replies where needed. She double checked the latest requisitions, deciding that another trip to the Citadel would be needed within the next two weeks. So she then plotted an indirect path back, with stops scheduled to take care of various assignments that had stacked up while she was on Feros.

All caught up, she checked the time and was surprised to see that she had worked until 0200. Time to head to the gym. Grabbing two glasses and some bourbon, she headed out.

Ashley used her time after dinner to hit the weapons bench to clean and check the pistols and rifles used on Feros. They'd also found a few improved scopes and ammo upgrades that she easily swapped into some of the crew's standard arms. She thought that Wrex would especially appreciate the incendiary round mod that she put on his shotgun. She didn't work on just anybody's weapons - she limited her efforts to Shepard, Tali, T'Soni, Wrex and Garrus - but that provided her with plenty of extra work.

Williams also took the opportunity to send some messages home to her mother and sisters. She hadn't had the chance to see any of them for a while, and she missed them terribly. Due to the nature of her current mission, she couldn't say much, but she was at least able to let them know she was okay. She briefly toyed with the idea of telling them she'd met someone, but that would require too many contortions to avoid revealing too much information, so for now she left that tidbit out of her communications.

The hour was late, so she took a quick moment to change out of her now-dirty fatigues. She slipped on a sleeveless black tee and loose cotton pants, then headed off to the gym.

Somehow Shepard managed to arrive first, finding the gym dark as she'd come to expect. She flicked on the lights for just one corner of the room, and found an empty weight bench to sit on. While she waited for Ashley, she poured herself a bit of bourbon and enjoyed a few sips. She was still thinking of strategies for the assignments she'd scheduled over the next few weeks when she heard the door hiss open. She rose and met Williams at the door, hitting the lock button as she pulled Ashley into her arms, kissing her fiercely. Williams responded with enthusiasm, snaking her arms around Shepard's waist.

When they broke for air, Ashley murmured, "I've been waiting days to do that."

"Me too. God, you feel good."

After a few more kisses, Shepard led Ashley further into the room. "Bourbon?"

"Always, Commander."

Shepard handed a glass over to Ashley, who had sat down on the bench next to Shepard, placing her hand on Shepard's thigh. "So."

"Mmm. So."

"That mind-meld thing you did with the Asari on Feros - are you okay? Especially since you followed it up with another one with T'Soni back on board. Anything get scrambled in that noggin?"

Shepard laughed. "Actually, the first one gave me a cipher I could use to better understand whatever weird shit I picked up from that Prothean beacon. Dr. T'Soni was able to take it a step further, and help me make more sense of the deciphered images. It wasn't my favorite thing, but I'm no worse for wear."

Ashley moved her hand further up Shepard's thigh. "Good. I'm not sure I was comfortable with a couple of beautiful Asari 'embracing eternity' with you."

"Oh, really? Jealous?" Shepard teased.

"Should I be?" Ashley teased back.

"Don't worry, Ash. It was all business. I didn't even take a peek back into T'Soni's mind."

Williams snorted. "Not even a little?"

"Well, maybe just a little. It seems she thinks you're hot. Not that I can blame her." That earned a playful nudge from Ashley.

"I've seen the way she looks at you, Shepard. I'm pretty sure she must have been thinking of you."

"No - seriously! She had some rather surprising opinions on certain parts of your body."

Ashley could only chuckle. "I like this. Being with you. Drinking your good shit."

"Oh yeah? And what about this?" Shepard leaned in for a kiss, bringing a hand to Ashley's side and stroking the underside of her breast with her thumb. "Do you like this?" she murmured into Ashley's ear.

Ashley's breath caught in her chest. "It's okay, I guess. If you're into sexy, powerful women who can make your insides turn to jelly."

"And are you?" Shepard continued to tease, now moving her hand more fully on Ashley's breast, rubbing her palm across the chief's hardened nipple through her shirt while kissing and sucking down her neck. Ashley could only nod - forming words seemed impossible at the moment. Shepard placed her mouth close to Ashley's ear and breathed, "You know, the last time we were here I couldn't stop thinking about stripping you down and laying you out naked on one of these benches."

Finding just enough breath to purr, "It's never too late," Ashley lifted her shirt over her head.


	9. Chapter 9

The Normandy was nearing the Citadel. Unless anything unexpected arose, Joker estimated they'd dock within 48 hours, including one final stop to scan a small outer planet in a nearby system for heavy metals.

Sometime after dinner, Shepard was sitting in the comm room. She'd adopted it as her secondary workspace shortly after taking command of the Normandy. It was off the crew's beaten path, resulting in fewer interruptions. She was currently working on a post-mission report for their just-completed assignment on Ontarom. Admiral Hackett had asked her to investigate the killings of several scientists who had worked on a secret mission some years before. Shepard had been surprised to discover a corporal from her squad on Acuze had not only survived the thresher maw attack that took out fifty marines, but was also responsible for the murders. He was there on Ontarom, ready to kill another scientist. She talked him down, but not before learning that he'd been kidnapped from Acuze by some organization called Cerberus and subjected to various horrifying experiments for years before escaping (hence his killings of the scientists responsible). He also claimed that Cerberus was responsible for the thresher maw attack itself, to study the creatures and how the marines responded to them.

It was all so goddamn awful.

Watching the massacre of the squad under her command had always haunted Shepard. She'd spent years learning to compartmentalize the horror, and had thought she'd done a fair job of it. Until now.

The encounter with the corporal left her more shaken than she cared to admit, dredging up memories best left buried. Fifty marines dead. Fifty soldiers under her command, gone. Except for one man, who was little more than a human guinea pig for the people responsible for the attack in the first place.

Overwhelmed, Shepard set the datapad with the still incomplete report on it aside. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Shepard squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to block out the sights, sounds and smells of Acuze that washed over her in wave after wave.

She didn't hear Ashley enter the comm room with what was becoming her customary post-mission coffee delivery.

Ashley's greeting to Shepard died on her lips when she saw the commander hugging her legs to her her body, forehead pressed against her knees.

Williams put the mug of coffee on the nearest surface and rushed over. "Shepard!" Receiving no response, she tentatively placed a hand on the other woman's shoulder and said, more quietly this time, "Sloane."

Shepard slowly turned her head to Ashley, eyes shining with unshed tears. Ashley had never seen her so vulnerable, so fragile. "Ash."

Ashley put one arm around Shepard's shoulders, and used the other to pull Shepard's head to her chest, holding her close. She stood there in silence, offering her strength to Shepard.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, when she felt Shepard finally relax just a bit in her arms.

"Acuze." The way Shepard said it conveyed nothing and everything all at once.

"Oh god, Shepard." There were no words. None were needed. Ashley thought of the loss of her own squad on Eden Prime. As awful as that was, she knew it still paled in comparison to Shepard's nightmare on Acuze.

Shepard lifted her face to Ashley. Unwrapping one arm from her legs, Shepard pulled Ashley's face down to her own, catching her mouth in a hungry kiss. Williams responded in kind, understanding what Shepard needed in that moment.

When Shepard broke the kiss, she growled into Ashley's ear, "Come to my quarters tonight. I want. . . I need. . . Just. . . Please."

Williams could deny her nothing in that moment. She nodded her assent. "I'll be there in an hour."

Shepard answered with a nod of her own, then picked up the previously discarded data pad.

As Ashley left the room, she heard the unmistakable sound of a datapad hitting a wall with great force.

Less than an hour later, Williams found herself at Shepard's door. Fortunately, the mess was empty at this hour. The door was unlocked for her. She walked in to find Shepard sitting at her small table with a glass of bourbon in hand. It was likely not her first. Another glass was already poured out, waiting for her.

Without a word, Ashley moved the other chair closer to Shepard. Sitting down, she took a generous sip of bourbon, keeping her eyes on Shepard's face. The vulnerability she'd seen earlier was gone, although the pain remained. She reached out her free hand and placed it on Shepard's own on the table. She instinctively knew that Shepard needed to direct the conversation. So Ashley sat, and drank, and waited.

Finally, "It was my job to get everyone out safe, Ashley. I failed."

"You did not fail. You survived. You're a goddamn fucking warrior, and you survived."

"Fifty marines died, and I couldn't save them." Shepard reached for the bottle to refill her glass.

Ashley placed a hand on her arm, stopping her short. "I know. Sometimes you can't save them. Tell me, Sloane, what did that experience mean to you? Do you think you would be the woman you are today without it?"

"I vowed to do better. I vowed to never let anything like that happen again."

"Damn right. And look at what you've done because of it. You're the first fucking human Spectre. You are commander of the Normandy. And you're going to find that son of a bitch Saren and stop him and the Reapers. Because you are Commander goddamn Shepard."

Shepard nodded slowly to herself, considering this.

Understanding what Shepard needed most then, Ashley stood and took Shepard's hand, leading her to the bed. She pulled Shepard onto her lap, kissing her tenderly. Shepard gradually increased the pressure, parting her lips and raking her teeth along Ashley's lower lip. As the kiss intensified, they began pulling at each other's clothes, discarding them haphazardly around the room, breaking the kiss only when needed to pull a shirt over a head or look for a pants button.

They moved up the bed together, a tangle of arms and legs and tongues. Ashley rolled Shepard onto her back, straddling one of her thighs. Running her hands over Shepard's breasts, she leaned in and bit Shepard's neck where it curved into her shoulder, sucking gently until she heard Shepard moan. Shifting a little to concentrate on Shepard's breasts, Ashley ran her tongue around one hardened nipple, causing Shepard to gasp at the sensations. Holding the other breast in her hand, Ashley continued to lick and suck at the nipple, pulling on it gently with her lips. She moved to the other breast, licking and sucking and kissing, while gently squeezing the other.

She kissed the place between Shepard's breasts, continuing her kisses down Shepard's taut abdomen to just above her damp curls. Shepard whimpered as Ashley stopped to position herself between Shepard's thighs. Ashley parted Shepard's wet folds with a finger, followed immediately by her tongue. She licked up one side and then the other, while Shepard arched her hips into her. Ashley pressed the tip of her tongue into Shepard's slick center as deep as she could, moving it in and out. Shepard grabbed onto Ashley's hair with one hand, bracing herself against the bed with the other.

As Williams continued to thrust her tongue into Shepard, she used the thumb of one hand to press on Shepard's clit, moving it in small circles over the hardened tip. As Shepard's hips started to buck, Ashley began to lick up and down Shepard's center, lapping up her juices. She increased the tempo and pressure of her thumb on Shepard's clit as Shepard's thighs tightened against her. She replaced her thumb on Shepard's clit with her mouth, sucking and licking, drawing it into her mouth. Sensing that Shepard was nearing her peak, she thrust two fingers into her. She could feel Shepard's inner walls clamping down onto her fingers as she moved them in and out, still sucking on Shepard's clit. She increased the tempo and intensity of both until Shepard cried out and her thighs shook.

Once Shepard stilled, Ashley moved back up the bed, and after positioning herself on her side next to Shepard, she pulled her lover into a tight embrace. Shepard wrapped an arm around Ashley's waist, burying her head in the crook of Ashley's shoulder. Ashley held her like that until Shepard fell into much needed sleep.

Not a word was said. And yet what had just happened spoke volumes.


	10. Chapter 10

Ashley stayed with Shepard as long as she dared. She wanted to get back to her rack before the early shift hit the mess, so as 0400 approached she carefully covered the still-sleeping commander with a blanket, quietly dressed and made her way to the door, holding her boots.

"Ash?" Shepard sat up, the blanket falling from her chest somehow making her look vulnerable.

Williams paused, "Yes, Shepard?"

"Thanks for being here. I wasn't sure if . . . I've never let anyone. . . Nobody has ever seen me like. . . And you. . ." _Goddammit, why am I so bad with words_. _I just want her to know what this meant to me._

Ashley returned to the bed, sitting down next Shepard. She took one of the commander's hands in her own, using the other to brush a stray lock of red hair from Shepard's forehead. "You are the most incredible woman I've ever known. I have no idea how you do the things you do, and deal with the shit you deal with. But if there's any chance I can be there for you in any way, I want to. I am even more amazed by your strength now than I was before."

Abandoning words altogether, Shepard leaned into Ashley, kissing her fiercely. Feeling a heat building between her legs, Ashley pulled back reluctantly. "I don't want to, but I need to leave before the early crew shows up for breakfast."

"I don't want you to go."

"Sloane, you know people will talk. And this isn't exactly sanctioned by Alliance regs."

"Fuck what people say. Fuck Alliance regs. Right now this is a Spectre ship, and I'm a goddamn Spectre. Please. Stay."

Ashley couldn't deny her. She'd happily deal with any fallout later. So she stripped down to her skin again and slipped into bed next to Shepard, once more holding her lover as they both fell back to sleep.

OoOoO

The Normandy docked at the Citadel a few hours ahead of schedule. Shepard had meetings with the Council, Anderson and Udina, alone and in various combinations. The Council was still fairly useless to her, providing only vague information if any, but Anderson and Udina promised whatever assistance they could give in her pursuit of Saren.

The Normandy replenished supplies and took care of some routine maintenance. In all, Shepard estimated that they only needed to be docked for 18 hours. It had been several weeks since the last shore leave, so she made sure that the skeleton crew that stayed on board during their last visit to the Citadel had the chance to get off ship for a while. She also encouraged all non-Alliance crew, and anyone with significant time on missions, to get off the ship for a few hours.

And that's how she found herself sitting in Flux with her favorite Marine.

Ashley had brought over two glasses of scotch for them. "I know you're a bourbon drinker, but I thought I'd share one of my favorite 18 year old scotches."

Shepard had to admit it was good. Not top-shelf bourbon good, but pretty good.

As Shepard sipped her scotch, she took the opportunity to admire her date. Ashley was wearing a black tee that clung to her in all the right places. She reached over to put a hand on Ashley's thigh. It hadn't take the crew long to figure out that the two were involved, not since the day after Ontarom, when Ashley left her quarters in the morning. On the plus side, she no longer had to worry about restraining her impulses to touch Ashley in public, although she was still careful to not be too obvious. On the other hand, she had to deal with gossipy whispers as she left a room. That would pass, though. She hoped. She could also do without Wrex and Garrus teasing her about it, although that was actually a little fun. The wistful looks she got from T'Soni were another matter. Those too, would pass. She hoped.

Ashley covered Shepard's hand with her own, giving Shepard her best smoldering look over the top of her glass. The smoldering look was quickly abandoned, though, as her eyes moved down Shepard's body, taking in her strong shoulders and the swell of her breasts, both of which were emphasized by the tight cut of Shepard's tank top. As her gaze moved downwards, she was again reminded of what was _not_ under Shepard's jeans. Her eyes flicked back up to Shepard's, who seemed to be reading her mind, as she replied with a raised eyebrow and half-grin, "Still not."

Finishing their drinks more quickly than one should drink fine scotch, the two hurried back to the ship, to make use of whatever time they had before shore leave was over.

OoOoO

While she was on the Citadel, the one bit of intel Shepard got out of the Council was about a salarian recon team on the planet Virmire that might have information about Saren. They seemed more interested in what happened to the salarians than in how they might help Shepard locate Saren, but Shepard really didn't care about their motives. She thought it was worth investigating. She set out a course that would take them to the Sentry Omega cluster, with a couple of preliminary stops along the way.

Stopping in the Exodus Cluster to mine some hydrogen from one of the gas giant planets in the system led to Shepard somehow rescuing an entire planet from certain destruction by an asteroid aimed at it by some insane batarian. All within a four hour time limit. Although the bastard managed to escape, Shepard consoled herself with the knowledge that she saved the planet and the batarian's hostages. Plus, the time constraints meant she got to drive the Mako all over the asteroid like a bat out of hell, which was her favorite way to drive it.

Shepard sat in the comm room, completing her post-mission report. After it was sent off to Alliance command, she pulled out the datapad containing her preparations for the mission to Virmire. Anderson had told her that he knew nothing of the planet until he'd heard about it from the Council at the same time she did. Shepard hated going into a scenario with so many unknowns. As it was, she had no information from the salarian councillor about who exactly was on the planet, what they were doing, and why they would have information about Saren.

With so little intel, Shepard had to select a team that provided her with the greatest flexibility. She informed Williams and Tali that they'd be hitting the ground with her. She figured that having a sniper and a tech expert could come in handy, no matter what they encountered.

After one more stop to pick up some Asari writings from an otherwise desolate planet, the Normandy was due to arrive at Virmire within 24 hours. Shepard used that time to inspect her new armor (courtesy a grateful engineer who didn't have to ride an asteroid into a planet), to ensure that everything was in order. Williams had earned Shepard's trust in her skills at maintaining Shepard's weapons (along with those of several of the non-Alliance crew), so Shepard knew she wouldn't have to spend much time ensuring her favorite pistol and shotgun were ready.

That didn't stop Shepard from hanging out at the weapons bench a little more than she needed to, of course. She still found watching Ashley work on weapons to be very enjoyable. Ashley had long, capable fingers that moved with surety over the rifles and pistols as she cleaned, modified and repaired them. Shepard also appreciated that Williams would strip down to her sleeveless compression tee when she know Shepard was in the hold to watch.

The crew had settled down somewhat when it came to her burgeoning relationship with the chief. Now that it had been over a week, they'd moved on to the next juicy rumor (poor Joker - he had no idea what they assumed about him and Tali). She'd only heard negative feedback from one crew member, and that was Alenko. But Shepard suspected that was more a product of his jealousy over not hooking up with Ashley himself. He apparently never considered that he simply wasn't her type (at all), and seemed to think that Shepard had wronged him by being with her. She assumed he'd get over it as soon as some other hot marine came along. Well, some other hot straight marine, at any rate.

That night the crew enjoyed a better dinner than usual, in anticipation of what Shepard suspected could be a tough mission. She sat with Ashley, T'Soni, Garrus, Wrex and Tali. Conversation soon devolved into everybody trying to one-up each other with their tales of combat. Shepard was pleasantly surprised that T'Soni was participating, even if her experience was much more recent than that of the rest. Shepard was pleased that her non-Alliance crew had developed such a camaraderie; team chemistry of that sort carried over to the battlefield, and she needed every advantage she could get. She noticed Alenko sulking off in a corner, and made a mental note to talk to him the next chance she got.

By 2200 hours, most of the rest of the crew had retired for the night. They would hit Virmire's orbit just after lunch the next day, and everyone understood the importance of being well-rested in order to better deal with whatever might come up.

Throughout the evening, Shepard had been holding on to her datapad with her plans for Virmire. She referred to it intermittently, knowing that she could prepare only so much with almost no intel to go on. As the rest of the crew drifted away, she picked it up and headed for her quarters. Williams lingered for a moment, silently raising her eyebrows at Shepard. Shepard responded with a flick of her head towards her quarters, and turned to go, knowing Ashley would be right behind her.

Shepard sat at her desk, datapad still in hand. "My apologies, Ash - I still need a few with this. I hate going into this mission so fucking blind."

Standing behind her, Williams placed her hands on Shepard's strong shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. "No worries, Skipper. I'll just be over here drinking your good shit."

Shepard laughed. "Pour me one too, would you? I'll be quick, I promise."

"What's your biggest issue?"

"So far, all I know is that there's a salarian recon team on Virmire with intel on Saren. The last message received was fubar and the situation is unclear. The Council thinks they might have bitten off more than they can chew, but they can't give me any reason why. I don't know why they were there, how many there are, or what is even on Virmire. The Alliance had never even heard of this place until the Council mentioned it. I know nothing. So I have to prepare for everything. Easier said than done."

Ashley handed over a tumbler of bourbon, standing with a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "OK - so Tali and I join you on the Mako when we reach the planet. We figure out the situation, you adjust as necessary. It's what you do, Shepard."

"Appreciate the confidence, Chief. Let's hope that's how it goes." Shepard turned back to her datapad, and Ashley moved away to let her work.

Fifteen minutes later, Shepard put the datapad down on the desk, and declared her work done for the night. Turning around her chair, she realized she must have been completely absorbed in her work to the exclusion of anything else going on in her quarters, because lying on the bed before her was a very naked gunnery chief. "Oh, I'd say you're just getting started, Commander."


	11. Chapter 11

Shepard threw a chair against a wall. "FUCK." The only crew members brave enough to remain in the comm room with the rampaging commander were Williams and T'Soni. Everyone else had scattered as soon as the yelling started. Williams watched Shepard in silence, her face clouded in anger.

Still in her armor, blood and mud caking her hair, Shepard picked up another chair. "GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKER." It followed a similar path as the first.

"Shepard, we can do another meld to try to make better sense of what you saw with Sovereign."

"Not now, T'Soni. It's not a good. fucking. time." Shepard said through clenched teeth. She was running out of chairs.

Williams turned to T'Soni and seeing the fear in her eyes, softened her glare just a little to say, "You might want to try again later. Now would be the perfect time to go get checked in medical."

T'Soni made a hasty retreat, leaving just Shepard, Williams, and a rapidly growing pile of chair debris in the comm room.

"FUCKING SHIT." And the comm room was down another chair.

"Shepard! Dammit, talk to me."

Shepard rounded on Williams, fury playing across her features. "What do you want me to say, Chief? I had to leave a soldier behind down there, Williams, to die. One of MY soldiers. He's dead because I decided that he needed to die."

Shepard's rant was interrupted by Joker. "Want me to patch the Council in, Commander?"

"Fuck the Council, Joker."

"Roger that, Commander. Joker out. Way out."

"Why me, Shepard? Why am I here and not Alenko? He is - was - an officer. I'm just a fucking grunt. Protocol says you save him. If you weren't fucking me, would I still be alive?"

Shepard stopped short. " _Fucking you_? Is that what . . .?" Shepard shook her head once. "Just _fucking_? We _will_ be getting back to that one, but no. You're not here because I'm _fucking_ you."

The last chair in the room met its end against the wall. "Do you think I fucking wanted Alenko to die? Do you think I would kill a soldier under my command just to save my lover? Pardon me, just to save the person I'm _fucking_?"

Shepard rounded on Williams. Their eyes locked, fire on fire. "I shouldn't have to explain my command decisions to anyone. Ever. But because I'm _fucking_ you," - Shepard spat the word out each time - "I'll explain it to you this once. I had to make a tactical decision. Alenko seemed to have the situation with the nuke under control, and the failsafe meant it was secure and would detonate no matter what else happened to him. That allowed me to go back to support the salarian team, which _incidentally_ included you. Your presence on that team did not drive my decision. When it all went to hell, I had to follow through with my decision to take the gun tower with your team or it's entirely likely I would have failed everyone. This is what command looks like, Williams. Sometimes my decisions mean a soldier dies. I can't control it all."

Shepard began pacing around the bits of chair littering the room, kicking anything that dared get too close, hands clenched so tightly her knuckles were white. "As much as I'm relieved that you are standing here, with me - and I am very, very relieved - I didn't _choose_ you. Not like that. I chose to save as many as I could. I needed that second gun tower disabled. Otherwise the Normandy and our way off a planet with a nuke set to go off would be gone. We'd all be dead, and Saren would win. There would be no one left to stop him. If it were you with the nuke. . ."

Shepard stopped and sank to the floor. "So instead just Alenko is dead. Because I determined he needed to die to increase the odds of the mission succeeding. I killed him. It has nothing to do with who I'm _fucking_. I don't know why you're so goddamn mad about it. You didn't kill your own squad member today."

If she were honest, Williams couldn't really identify why she was so angry. It may have started with guilt over Alenko's death, thinking that her relationship with Shepard had caused it. _Why did I call it just fucking? I know it's more than that._ She fed that anger because the pain that would have taken its place was too raw. Too late she realized that her selfish emotions had blinded her to Shepard's own pain, which was far deeper and more justified than her own.

"Goddammit, Shepard. I'm such an ass." Williams moved to sit next to Shepard on the floor, but after catching a slight head-shake from the commander, moved a little further away before sitting down.

"Don't expect me to disagree, Chief." Shepard's voice had lost some of its heat.

"Thank you."

"For agreeing that you're an ass?" Shepard raised one eyebrow. _That's better_ , thought Williams. _Shepard's fury is a wonder to behold, but scary as hell_.

"Partly, yes. Thank you for coming back for the squad. For making the decisions few people are capable or willing to make. I had no right to question your command. I'm sorry." Shepard only grunted in reply. Williams tentatively scooted closer to her. Meeting no resistance, she closed the distance between them.

Reaching over, Williams began to unfasten Shepard's armor. "C'mon, Commander. Let's get you out of this and cleaned up. We'll talk more when you're not covered in Krogan guts." Shepard didn't stop her, but she didn't help much, either. She stared numbly at the floor as Ashley removed her armor piece by piece, shifting her weight when needed to allow Williams to get the lower half of the gear off. Soon Shepard was sitting there in just her compression gear, her armor off to the side in a pile. Williams would ask Garrus to retrieve it later to clean and inspect; he'd be happy to help out the commander.

Williams made no further attempt to touch Shepard. She just sat next to her, hands in her lap. Shepard made no move to get up. Several moments passed. Ashley was startled when she heard Shepard speak, and disappointed when it wasn't addressed to her. "Joker, let Pressly know the Normandy is his for the next 12 hours."

"Yes, ma'am."

Shepard wearily rose from the floor and made her way towards the door. "Oh, and Joker - would you also let Pressly know that we need maintenance in the comm room? It seems some chairs fell over."

"Will do, ma'am."

"So, are you coming or aren't you, Chief?"

Ashley jerked her eyes up from the floor. "I wasn't sure if. . ."

"We still have to get back to that one thing you said. Get yourself cleaned up and cleared by medical. I need to let T'Soni back into my head, then you and I are going to talk."

OoOoO

Getting the blood and muck out of her hair took longer than Shepard thought it would. When she finally felt somewhat human again, she tossed on an N7 tee and sweats and headed for the mess. Finding the biggest mug in the cabinet, she filled it with coffee and sugar and sat down at an empty table. She could see Williams waiting in the med-bay for her turn to get checked by Dr. Chakwas. Just watching Ashley sit there caused a spike of warmth in her chest. Shepard probably needed to report to medical, too - she thought she'd broken one or more bones in her hand when she punched Saren, and she was pretty sure she had a couple cracked ribs. She could wait until the crowd in the med-bay thinned, though.

Using her omni-tool, she sent a note to T'Soni to let her know that she'd like to meet with her in an hour. She would probably also need to apologize to her for earlier. Hopefully T'Soni would be understanding.

Shepard drank her coffee, keeping an eye on the med-bay. When Dr. Chakwas was down to her last two patients - Tali and Williams - Shepard headed over. Tali was generally unhurt, but her suit had been punctured and she required antibiotics to forestall any infection. Williams had a variety of bruises and scrapes, but nothing appeared broken. Dr. Chakwas checked her left knee again, expressing concern that it wasn't fully healed just yet and reminding Williams to keep the brace on at all times in combat.

As Williams left the med-bay, she exchanged a nod with Shepard to let her know that she hadn't forgotten that they needed to talk.

Dr. Chakwas clucked over Shepard's injuries. The doctor treated what she could with medi-gel, but told Shepard that she was on light duty for at least the next two days until she was sure her broken ribs and hand were completely healed. Thanking the doctor, Shepard headed to the back of the med-bay to the room T'Soni had been given. Might as well get this meld business over with.

OoOoO

Shepard thanked Liara for her assistance, and sent her back out to Chakwas to have her checked out after the exertion of the meld seemed to over-tire her. It probably wasn't a good idea to do the meld so soon after heavy combat, but time was growing more precious.

Shepard was feeling fairly worn out herself, so she headed back to her quarters to rest before looking for Williams. She just wanted sleep. And bourbon. And not necessarily in that order. She sat at her table and poured herself a small measure of bourbon, slumping down in her chair in exhaustion. She was so tired that at first she didn't notice the woman sprawled across her bed, fast asleep. Shepard wondered how long she'd been there, waiting for her. Shepard walked quietly over to the side of the bed, drinking in how beautiful the chief was. Ashley's face was relaxed in sleep, an errant lock of hair falling across her cheek.

They still needed to talk about things, but for now Shepard just wanted the comfort of her lover by her side as she slept. _My lover. Not just someone I'm fucking_. Careful to not disturb Williams, Shepard slid onto the bed and fitted her body in close to hers, placing one arm gently across her waist. Ashley shifted slightly back into Shepard, pulling Shepard's hand up to her chest, over her heart. "Mmmm. Sloane," Williams murmured as she sank back into sleep.

Shepard quickly drifted off. But just before sleep took her, she thought that even though it had been a hell of a fucked up day, for this one moment, she was content.


	12. Chapter 12

Six or so hours later, Williams woke in Shepard's arms. A wave of relief washed over her. Although they hadn't yet spoken about Ashley's careless words in the comm room, it would seem that Shepard hadn't abandoned her. Hadn't abandoned _them_. Knowing that Shepard needed as much rest as she could get after the clusterfuck that was Virmire, Williams decided to stay right where she was, in case getting out of bed woke the commander.

Williams couldn't help but smile. Shepard was the singularly most captivating women she'd ever met, and somehow she was lying here, in Shepard's arms. Williams wasn't the type to accrue notches in her bedpost - she preferred to think of herself as more of a "serial monogamist," looking for meaning in her pairings. The relationships might not always last long, but she needed a connection with her partner. She'd heard that Shepard was the opposite, avoiding entanglements at all costs. Word was that Shepard could charm almost any woman into bed, and did so frequently.

And yet, from the first moment Williams met the commander, she was irresistibly drawn to her. She was even almost willing to be a notch on Shepard's bedpost. Who was she kidding - there was no "almost" about it. She would have happily let herself be a conquest. Shepard was beautiful, confident, powerful, and more than a little dangerous. Not to mention sexy as hell.

Then that night in the gym, Shepard awkwardly fumbled her way through telling Ashley that she wanted more than a one-night stand with her. For Ashley that changed everything.

And Ashley shit all over it with her own stupidity. Ashley's smile faded, replaced by a crease in her brow. Why would she say that? How could she reduce what she was building with Shepard to mere fucking? Shepard had allowed Ashley to see her at her most vulnerable. Shepard had changed her entire approach to women and relationships for her. Shepard had put them out in the open aboard ship, rather than hide her in the shadows.

 _Oh god I hope I can make this right_.

Ashley managed to sleep once more, but not before unsuccessfully trying to think of what words could counter what she thoughtlessly said in misplaced anger.

OoOoO

Nearly eight hours after climbing into bed with Ashley, Shepard opened her eyes, pleased and not a little relieved to find Williams still snuggled against her. Her pain meds had worn off, and Shepard's healing ribs were starting to ache. She needed to shift her body to relieve some of the pressure on the injured area. This woke Ashley, who rolled over, looking into Shepard's eyes.

"You're here," Williams said, simply.

"I'm here." Shepard grimaced as she propped herself up against the wall at the head of the bed. It made her ribs feel a bit better, but she was going to have to check back in with Dr. Chakwas soon for more meds.

Williams moved up to sit next to her, to make better eye contact. With a deep breath, she took hold of Shepard's hand in one of hers, intertwining their fingers. "I said a really stupid thing. This -" Williams gestured at the two of them "- _this_ is much more than just fucking. Although the fucking _is_ pretty great." Shepard couldn't help but smile a bit at that. "I know there's no way I can be worthy of you, but I -"

Shepard interrupted her with a sharp look. " _You_ can't be worthy of _me_? Ashley, I just hope to hell every day that you don't figure out what a shit I am. You - you are wonderful. That's why when you said I was just . . ." She broke off, looking down at their fingers laced together. She took a deep breath. "I thought you might have realized I wasn't good enough for _you_. I mean, who leaves a crewman behind intentionally, killing him so that they can walk away. What kind of cold-hearted bitch must I be?"

Ashley felt tears threatening to fall. "Sloane, you do what no one else can or will. You did what was necessary. I had no right to . . . I would never. . . I just thought. . . I couldn't figure out why you'd save a Williams instead of an Alliance officer. I didn't want to be responsible for Alenko's death, not realizing that I was blaming you unfairly, and it made me say something really shitty."

Shepard gave Ashley a quizzical look. "Okay, there is a lot to unpack there, but first off, what did you mean by 'save a Williams'? Is 'a Williams' a thing I should know about?"

Ashley was surprised. "You don't know?"

"Obviously not. What did you mean?"

"You've seen my jacket, Shepard. Do I need to spell it out?"

This conversation was going in a completely unexpected direction than Shepard expected, but Ashley's reference to her military record tickled at something in the back of her head. She thought back to Ashley's evasions when Shepard asked about her string of shit postings and whether she would know any of Ashley's family that served the Alliance. Nothing in her files had given her any insight. But this seemed important to Ashley - important to _them_ \- so she followed up.

"Your record is spotless, Ash. You know that. There's nothing in there about why 'a Williams' is a bad thing. Is this related to the fact that somehow this is your first ship assignment?"

Williams took a deep breath. "My grandfather was General Williams. Of Shanxi fame. Or infamy, I guess. The only Alliance officer to ever surrender to an alien force."

Shepard let out a low whistle. "And you think this matters to the Alliance? To me?"

"I know it matters to the Alliance. It limited my father's career, and it sure as hell has limited mine. The night before he retired, far short of any decent rank, my dad told me that a Williams had to be better than the best, if only to avoid suspicion. I've worked my ass off, and you see how far it's gotten me. You have to be some special kind of dumbshit to march into a career where your family is blacklisted. But here I am."

"Here you are. A special kind of dumbshit." That earned a smile from Williams. "But I've studied Shanxi. Your grandfather held out a good long time. He did what he could."

"The Turians had wrecked the orbitals in the first wave and occupied the major cities. They sat in orbit dropping rocks on anything that moved. Granddad dispersed the troops, but when they went into the cities for supplies, the Turians would wreck a block to eliminate just one fire team. Civilians were dying. His troops were starving. And he couldn't contact Alliance high command. So he surrendered the garrison. He was slapped in irons and demoted for his efforts."

"He did it for the greater good."

"Yeah, for the greater good."

Shepard snorted. "The greater good is an awful bitch, you know that?"

Williams laughed softly. "Yes, ma'am, I sure do."

"What happened to your grandfather shouldn't have happened, Ashley."

"I know. But it's made me who I am. And for better or worse, it's why I thought I should have died on Virmire, not Alenko. And at that one, stupid moment, it made me question why you would even bother with me."

Shepard leaned her head over until it rested against Williams' shoulder. "Oh, Ash. I don't 'bother' with you. You make me want to. . . When I'm with you, I think I can. . . You are the most amazing woman I've met, and I don't want it to be like the others with you. I want to be with you. Not just fuck you. And god, how I wish I could just make words like a normal person."

"I'm pretty sure you just did, Sloane." Williams lifted Shepard's chin so they were looking into each other's eyes. She could see her own longing reflected in Shepard's deep green eyes, and it set her center on fire. Before she could act, Shepard had lifted Ashley up and placed her on her lap. Williams assisted in the final placement, straddling Shepard's hips with her knees. Before she could kiss Shepard, the commander grabbed her right side with both hands, grunting.

"Shepard? Are you ok?"

"It's nothing. Just a couple of broken ribs. Just give me a minute here."

"Just a couple of broken ribs? Are you kidding me? We have to get you back to Chakwas."

"Ash, no. I can wait to see the doc. I can't wait for this," Shepard said as she kissed the side of Ashley's neck. Her hands slid around Ashley until she had a firm hold on Ashley's backside. She moved Ashley's hips against her own, until Ashley picked up the rhythm herself. Her hands moved up to the bottom of Ashley's shirt, pulling it over her head. The bra was next, giving Shepard's mouth access to the chief's breasts. Williams tugged at Shepard's tee, easing it over her head. As Ashley moved to peel off her bra, she saw the dark purple splotches on Shepard's side, marking the broken ribs.

"Sloane, that's some serious shit. You really need to see the doc."

Shepard twisted around to see what Ashley was talking about. "Damn." She gave Ashley her best impish grin. "Not even a quickie? C'mon. . . it'll be like boot camp, hurrying up to finish before we get caught by the squad leader."

Ashley raised one eyebrow. "Your boot camp sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than my boot camp, Skipper." She was already reaching for her clothes. "But I don't want to be responsible for making things worse and having to explain that to Dr. Chakwas."

Shepard reluctantly reached for her own tee, sulking just a bit. "I've done more with worse. You owe me, though, Williams."

"Bring me a note from the doc saying it's okay, and we can do whatever you want." Williams said with a smile as she climbed off Shepard.

OoOoO

Less than two hours later, Williams turned around from her work at the weapons bench to see Shepard dangling a datapad from her fingers, a mischievous smile on her face.

Ashley felt her face flush as her mouth dropped open. "You did not!"

"I did too! Although I don't think the poor doctor will be able to look either of us in the eye for a while. I had to be very specific, just in case you got technical on me. It cost me two bottles of Serrice brandy, so it better be worth it."

Ashley worked enough moisture into her mouth to say, "I guess we should get started, then. How many things did you put on that list?"

"Enough to keep us busy for a while. I think you'll especially enjoy number eleven." With a wink, Shepard took Ashley by the hand and led her to the elevator.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: For Chapters 13 and 14, I tried something a little different - an interlude to look at a different aspect of Shepard and her crew.

* * *

Vignette: Kaidan Alenko

Shepard met Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko when she was first assigned to the Normandy under Captain Anderson. He had a bit of a stick up his ass, but his record was clean and he seemed capable. She had to listen to his weird conspiracy theories more than once, but a few vague nods and she could usually take her leave.

When she was given command of the Normandy, Shepard made a point of taking the time to speak to the crew regularly. She had found that good chemistry was a huge asset in the field, and carefully cultivated one-on-one relationships with key personnel. With most of the crew, she found it pleasant. With Alenko, it was a bit different.

He carried a definite chip on his shoulder from his time at "brain camp." But instead of using it to motivate him, it only made him bitter. He tended to lecture Shepard about cutting corners and bending regs. He was prone to say things like, "I'm not questioning any decisions you've made," right before he would question a decision she'd made. He told her that he thought it was his duty to keep her from making mistakes in the most condescending way possible. He also addressed her informally, often refusing to use her rank when it would otherwise be appropriate. To top it all off, he seemed to think that her attempts to speak with him were a way for her to flirt with him, even after she very pointedly let him know that she wasn't interested in men at all.

Shepard trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that perhaps his L2 implants were affecting him somehow, but as she picked up new crew members, she found it easier to leave him aboard ship when she would go out on missions.

Then, as she began seeing Williams, things got even weirder. Watching him coming on to the chief was bad enough, especially when it was obviously so uncomfortable for Williams. But the animosity he displayed to both of them when word got out about her relationship with the marine was something else altogether.

Shepard never did get to talk to him about his sulking in the mess the night before Virmire. Because she killed him on Virmire.

Logically she knew it was the right tactical decision. Emotionally it was a little more complicated. If she allowed herself to think about it - _really_ think about it - Shepard wondered if her dislike for the man colored her decision. She was choosing between her lover and a pain in the ass. If the roles were reversed, and Ashley were with the nuke, would she have chosen to extract her instead of providing support at the AA tower for Alenko and the salarians? The officer part of her said no. The mission was the priority, and that required disabling the gun tower to ensure safe passage for the Normandy (and as many soldiers as she could save) off the planet.

And yet.

Shepard would never willingly admit to anyone, not even Ashley, that the decision, as much as she hated it, may have been the slightest bit easier since there was no emotional connection to Alenko. She could barely admit it to herself. But it was there. And she felt like a monster for knowing it.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: For Chapters 13 and 14, I tried something a little different - an interlude to look at a different aspect of Shepard and her crew.

* * *

Vignette: Liara T'Soni

Dr. Liara T'Soni had been brought aboard ship initially because Shepard didn't want Saren getting his hands on her. The simple reasoning was that if Saren was interested in her, so was Shepard. At first, Shepard was uncertain what to do with the asari. T'Soni was shy, and kept to herself most of the time. Most of the crew was wary of having her on board, especially in light of her family ties to Saren's right hand. Wrex and Tali were initially the most accepting, and Shepard made every effort to make her feel comfortable.

Every now and then T'Soni would awkwardly express a seemingly clinical interest in Shepard and her visions, which usually resulted in light teasing from Shepard. Once Liara figured out that the teasing was good-natured and even friendly, she visibly relaxed around the commander. She resolved to make herself a valuable crew member, pulling on every bit of commando training she'd received in her youth to contribute to combat situations.

Liara practiced using her biotics regularly, and was pleased with how quickly she improved. Her biotics had always been exceptionally strong; had she not chosen academia, she would have been a very fine commando. With repeated use, she was even more dangerous on the battlefield. Knowing that she could not rely on her biotics alone, she had Wrex help her improve her accuracy with a pistol. He was happy to help, although she suspected that he did not really need to use his hands to adjust the direction her hips faced quite so often.

Shepard would occasionally come by Liara's room to chat. Initially Liara assumed that Shepard was interested in her in a more personal way. She was well aware of humans' fascination with the asari. Humans, male and female, were under the impression that asari were both promiscuous and skilled sexually. When she was trying to explain that this was misinformation to the commander, she was very embarrassed when Shepard laughed and replied, "I'm well aware. Believe me, I've had many asari who were definitely not skilled sexually."

She was relieved but not a little disappointed when Shepard, sensing her discomfort at the subject, smiled and said, "Don't worry, T'Soni. I'm not trying to get in your pants. You're very beautiful, but I'm. . . Let's just say, I'm not looking right now."

When Liara went down to the storage hold that first time to meet Wrex for target practice, the tall, dark-haired marine at the weapons bench caught her attention. Following her gaze, Wrex chuckled and said, "That's Chief Williams. Nice, eh?" Liara's cheeks darkened in embarrassment, but that didn't stop her from saying, "Very."

It wasn't long before Williams offered to take care of Liara's weapons for her. She explained that she enjoyed the work and talked about how she found the surety of working with a pistol or a rifle soothing. Liara couldn't help but think that talking with Williams was anything but soothing. Definitely not that. Unfortunately, before she could work up the courage to attempt any flirting with the marine ( _Had she ever actually flirted in her life? Definitely not since university._ ) she realized that the commander and the chief spent a good deal of time together. So much for that. It didn't stop her from thinking about Williams though, sometimes, when she was alone. . .

At least she was able to form a comfortable enough friendship with both Shepard and Williams. She really did like them both. She began spending more time in the mess with the two of them, along with Wrex, Garrus and Tali. She was gratified when it appeared that she'd earned the trust of her new companions, despite any initial suspicions. Things seemed to be going fairly well for her aboard ship.

And then Noveria.


	15. Chapter 15

Shepard stormed around the comm room. She eyed the new chairs set up along the edge of the room, deciding to leave them alone this time. The railing behind the chairs was not so lucky.

Once, just once, Shepard would like a mission to not devolve into a major clusterfuck. Why couldn't she just go down to a planet, find what she's looking for, and then simply return to the ship? Would that be so unreasonable?

OoOoO

Noveria should have been simple. Benezia had been tracked to the planet, and it should not have been that difficult to find an asari matriarch. They kind of stand out.

Just getting out of Port Hanshin required much more work than Shepard expected. Everybody wanted something. Did she look like a goddamn smuggler? She did help out the internal affairs officer root out some corruption that went too far (it would seem a little corruption was acceptable; too much was bad for business), but only because nobody else would let her into the garage to leave the damn port otherwise.

Shepard eventually got to Peak 15, the last place Benezia was seen, but apparently the asari had brought a bunch of geth with her to the planet. She combined with Liara and Williams to dispose of them, only to come face to face with giant fucking space spiders. Those were a little more tricky, but they put them all down as well.

Knowing that she should just expect the unexpected, Shepard didn't seem too surprised that the station's VI was down and needed to be manually brought back on-line before she could get to Rift Station and Benezia. After more space spiders ( _Fuck those things_ ) and a duplicitous security chief, Shepard and team finally located the matriarch.

And then things got worse.

Shepard killed Liara's mother. In front of Liara. After a few moments of un-indoctrinated lucidity that allowed mother and daughter to share the beginnings of a reconciliation. Shepard knew she had no choice but to kill Saren's pawn, but she certainly did not like it. As they walked away from the dead matriarch, she searched Liara's eyes, looking for some clue as to what she was feeling. She was chilled to see the young asari's face fall into a blank mask.

Shit.

OoOoO

The first thing Shepard did when she got back to the ship was to order a squad back to Rift Station to retrieve Benezia T'Soni's body. The least she could do was allow Liara to inter her mother according to asari custom. Shepard had no idea what that was, and didn't want to intrude on Liara's grief just yet to ask. She'd give Liara a little while to process things first.

In the meantime, she had a very difficult mission report to prepare. She grabbed a datapad and sat in the nearest chair to begin.

When the door opened some thirty minutes later, Shepard was grateful for Ashley and her incredibly reliable coffee delivery service. Williams sat in the chair next to Shepard. "Everything okay, Shepard?" she asked, as she eyed the broken railing.

"It is now. Thanks, Ash."

"Have you talked to Liara? She was scary calm on our way back to the Normandy. That's not normal."

"Not yet. I wanted to give her some time to herself first. I'm not sure she's going to want to talk to me, not after watching me kill her mother. Fuck. I should have left her on the Normandy. It was stupid for me to bring her down to face Benezia."

"There's no way you could have done that. She wanted to be there. She _needed_ to be there. At least she had a few minutes with her mother. Her real mother, not the thing Saren turned her into." Ashley got up and walked over to Shepard, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You did everything right, Shepard. But as a very loud, angry woman once told me, you can't control it all."

"This loud, angry woman sounds very wise. And irresistibly sexy." Shepard set her coffee cup and datapad aside, and pulled Williams onto her lap, snaking her hands around the chief's waist and kissing her hungrily. Ashley responded enthusiastically in kind, wrapping her arms around Shepard's neck.

Joker's voice came over the comm speaker. "Commander, want me to patch you through to the Council? Or do that other thing?"

"The fuck the Council thing?"

"Yes, ma'am. That thing."

"Joker, please do that other thing."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Joker?"

"Ma'am?"

"You have to work on your timing."

"Sorry, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Say hi to Chief Williams for me, ma'am. Joker out."

"Smartass." Turning her attention back to Williams, her voice low, she asked, "Now where were we?"

"You were working on a report, and I was heading below to clean space spider guts off our equipment."

"You're so hot when you talk alien entrails."

"You know it." With one more kiss, Ashley took her leave. As she always did, Shepard appreciated the view as she left.

The commander stared for a while at her datapad. Ashley's short diversion had been welcome; the truth was that she simply couldn't concentrate. She was still thinking of how Liara must be feeling. It must have been awful, first seeing Benezia under Saren's sway, trying to kill her own daughter. Then, after a fleeting moment of having her mother back, watching Shepard kill her.

She set her datapad aside again. "Joker, patch me through to Hannah Shepard on the SSV Kilimanjaro. Real-time connection."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

Shepard's shoulders visibly relaxed when she heard her mother's voice in response to the hail. "Shepard speaking."

"Hi, mom. Got a minute? I just wanted to talk."

OoOoO

A few hours later, the mission report as complete as it was going to be, Shepard went to Liara's room. There was no response to her knock, so she let herself in. The room was dark except for the glow of the computer screen on the desk. After allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim light, Shepard realized that Liara was sitting on the floor in the corner, back propped up against the wall. She still hadn't changed out of her combat armor.

Without saying a word, Shepard slowly lowered herself to the floor next to the asari. Liara continued to stare forward, eyes focused on nothing. Shepard could see dried tears on her face. Shepard took that as a good sign - Liara's earlier emotional shutdown had concerned her. After a moment, Liara gradually leaned over until her head was on Shepard's shoulder. The commander wrapped her arms around her friend, and pulled her tight against her chest. Liara's breath came in ragged shudders, as she began to cry again. Or maybe she had never stopped.

Shepard bent her head to rest her cheek on Liara's crest, mumbling soothing words as Liara wept.

They stayed like that for a very long time.

OoOoO

Eventually Shepard heard Liara take several deep breaths. The asari sat up, and tried to wipe her tears with the back of her hands, only to realize that she was still wearing her armored gloves. Shepard held out the sleeve of her own shirt, receiving a very small smile in return as Liara took her up on the offer.

"Let me," Shepard said quietly as she began to unfasten Liara's armor and help her remove it piece by piece.

"What must you think of me, Commander?" Liara's voice was rough and raw.

"I think you're one of the strongest people I know, that's what I think."

Liara's looked sharply at Shepard. "You're just saying that so I don't start crying again."

Shepard protested, "No, I mean it. Today was probably the single most fucked up thing to happen to a person, and yet here you are. You came back to the Normandy, you didn't run off. That tells me something."

"Of course I came back. I need to see this through, Shepard. We must find and stop Saren."

"That's what I'm talking about. After everything that went down today, you can still say that. Not many could." Shepard squeezed Liara's hand. "I'm as impressed as hell." Liara nodded slightly.

"At the end, she called me Little Wing," Liara sniffled.

"I heard that. What did that mean?"

"It's what she used to call me when I was a little girl. I don't know what it meant, but she often used it when she was particularly proud of me."

"I'm glad you got to see her that way, Liara. If only for a moment. She should be proud of you." Shepard took a deep breath. "I'm sorry things ended as they did. That I ended it." That was as much as she trusted herself to say.

"Oh, Shepard. You cannot blame yourself. She was not the woman she used to be. Saren twisted her, broke her, and reshaped her into a corrupted tool for him to use. She was too deeply affected to ever be Benezia T'Soni again. I just wish we'd been able to retrieve . . . her, so that I could make sure she receives the proper asari rites."

Shepard let go of the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She knew that Liara would not forgive her that easily, not deep down, not completely, but she was glad that Liara had begun making the effort. "I had a crew go back for her. She's down in the hold. I just need to know where you want to go."

Liara's eyes began to tear up again, as she threw her arms around Shepard. "Thank you, Shepard. You have no idea what this means to me. I would like to take her home to Thessia, when we have time, when this is over."

"Liara, we'll take her now. Just let Joker know where to go."

"Really? Thank you, Shepard. Truly." Liara took a moment to compose herself. "Is it alright if I go down to the hold? I'd like to sit with her."

Shepard looked at Liara, still filthy from battle. She knew that Liara hadn't had her post-mission medical check, nor had she eaten since they returned to the Normandy. But she could not deny her friend this simple thing. "Do what you need to do. I'll send Wrex down with something for you to eat, if that's alright. But please make sure you see Dr. Chakwas as soon as you feel up to it."

"Of course. Thank you, Shepard. And please, do not feel like you must avoid me. I do not want to lose you, too. I don't have many friends, and. . ."

Shepard touched her lips to Liara's forehead. "Just let me know if you need anything else." She stood, reaching a hand down to help Liara to her feet. "I'm glad you're here."

She left Liara alone so that she could change before going down to the hold. She found Wrex in the mess, and asked him to bring some food down Liara. She expected that Wrex would probably also stay and keep Liara company, without needing to ask him to. She then headed for her quarters. She needed a drink. Or several.

OoOoO

Shepard and a few of the crew, including Williams, Wrex, Garrus, Chakwas and Tali, accompanied Liara and her mother's body down to Thessia. Liara arranged for a small funeral, opting for a burial at sea for Benezia. Shepard ensured that the Normandy stayed put until she was sure Liara was ready to leave. Thirty-six hours later, everyone was back on board and they continued on to their next destination - the Citadel.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I've written and re-written the next 3 chapters about 127 times. Pacing and sequencing is hard sometimes. I don't think I'll ever be entirely happy with it, so I'm just gonna push it out.

* * *

Shepard had Joker take the scenic route back to the Citadel. She had received a communication from Udina to report back to meet with the Council and discuss a joint-species fleet that would pursue Saren and his geth. It seemed to be the first remotely useful thing the Council was considering doing since Eden Prime. Nonetheless, Shepard had been burned by the Council before. She wanted time to prepare for any possible outcome, good or bad, and would report back when she knew she was ready for as many contingencies as possible.

Shepard also wanted to ensure that her crew was back to full health before taking on Saren. Her own broken ribs and hand were nearly healed, but a few extra days would definitely help. She suspected there were a few other injuries on board that would similarly benefit.

Planning would be key. She needed as much information as she could get. For this, she relied primarily on Dr. T'soni. Liara was singularly focused on her research ( _Perhaps to avoid dwelling on the fact that I killed her mother?_ ) and had determined that Saren was headed for the planet Ilos. Liara continued to look for any additional information about the planet and the conduit. Shepard set up daily meetings with her, partly to review her findings, and partly to make sure she was okay after Noveria.

Shepard estimated that to complete her preparations, such as they were, she'd need to delay their return to the Citadel by at least five days. It was probably as long as she could reasonably get away with without being fully insubordinate.

OoOoO

That first night out of Thessia, on the way back to the Citadel, Shepard had the all-too-rare chance to spend some time alone with Ashley. It had seemed like an age since they had the luxury of sharing a few drinks, a few stories, and a few moments of pleasure with each other.

Afterwards, Shepard lay awake, comfortably drowsy but unable to settle into sleep. She gazed at the woman sharing her bed with her. _Mine_. _She is mine, and I am hers_. Shepard wondered when she began to think that. Lying there with Ashley asleep in her arms, legs tangled together and mixed sweat drying on their bare skin, the thought came unbidden. _Mine_. Being with Ashley was a new kind of experience for her. A wonderful new kind of experience. And a wholly unexpected one. And also a little bewildering. And more than a little terrifying. She wasn't sure how to navigate an actual relationship, and she certainly didn't want to screw anything up while she figured it out. _A relationship. When did it become that?_ To Shepard's welcome surprise, for the first time in her life she didn't mind the idea. In fact, she found that she wanted it very much. _Mine_. As Shepard finally succumbed to sleep, it echoed warmly in her head. _Mine._ It felt as if she had accessed something previously undiscovered and marvelous within her, something she didn't know she could feel. _She is mine_. _And I am hers_.

OoOoO

The next morning, Ashley uncharacteristically woke before Shepard. She found herself lying on her back, with Shepard's head nestled in the crook of her shoulder, her tousled copper hair tickling Ashley's nose, an arm tossed across her stomach. Ashley shifted her own arm slightly, careful to not disturb Shepard, and placed her hand softly on the small of Shepard's back. She dared not get out of bed. In part because she did not want to wake her lover; Shepard needed as much sleep as she could get. But mostly because she wanted to just enjoy having the woman she loved in her arms. _The woman I love_. Ah. There it was. Not just a lover. _The woman I_ _ **love**_. There was no going back now.

Ashley was a realist. She was aware of Shepard's track record, or more accurately the intentional lack thereof, when it came to relationships. But she also knew that Shepard was interested in _something_ more with her - that much had been made delightfully, awkwardly clear on a couple of occasions, and once more painfully so. What that _something_ was had yet to be determined. What Ashley didn't know was how Shepard might react if she knew that Ashley had fallen for her. Would Shepard be spooked? Would she think Ashley foolish? Would she be able to reciprocate? As she lay there, Shepard in her arms, Ashley considered a number of ways things could play out if she were to tell Shepard how she felt, and decided she really had absolutely no idea what would happen. And she didn't want to risk whatever they did have. _Best not to rush, then_.

She was in no hurry, though. She could wait. She rested her cheek on Shepard's head and wrapped her other arm around Shepard's shoulder. So long as she had mornings like this, holding the woman she loved, she could wait.

OoOoO

By the time the Normandy was less than a day from the Citadel, Shepard could see a marked increase in the sense of urgency in the crew, no doubt a reflection of her own state of mind. She wanted nothing more than for the Normandy to be at the head of any fleet the Council finally decided to send after Saren. Accordingly, over the past few days, Shepard had spent every waking moment (and many moments when she should have been sleeping) reviewing intel, modifying her strategies, holding mission prep briefings, speaking one on one with the crew and verifying equipment readiness.

Unfortunately, this had also meant very little time with the chief. The best Shepard could offer were a few moments of passionate groping in an empty hallway in passing or a stolen kiss when Williams managed to linger behind alone after a briefing.

For her part, Williams spent nearly all of her time on the weapons and other equipment. Working with the supply chief, she gathered up as many armor mods as she could to ensure that the ground teams would have the best protection against geth weaponry as possible. She had a number of weapon mods that they had collected, and she mixed and matched improvements to best complement her squadmates' strengths.

And so on that last evening before arriving at the Citadel, Williams found herself at her customary position in the hold, putting the final touches on the team's equipment to ensure that it would be ready to go as soon as they got the green light for Ilos from the Council. She'd had a late lunch on her own (mainly energy bars), and had been planning on working through dinner assuming she would grab something later. It was better to make sure everything was done first; food could wait.

Shepard walked through the mess at dinner, and noticed the conspicuous absence of one Gunnery Chief Williams. She hadn't seen her at lunch, either. Concerned, Shepard went to look for her; this wasn't the time for skipping meals. She knew where to start her search.

As she stepped off the elevator in the storage hold, she spotted Ashley standing at her familiar place before the weapons bench. She paused, silently catching the attention of Wrex and Garrus, who were finishing up a last minute repair on the Mako, and with a jerk of her thumb sent them towards the elevator. She responded to their suggestive leers with a lascivious grin of her own as they passed by. Approaching Ashley on light feet, she managed to get right behind her unnoticed, placing her hands on either side of Ashley's waist. Shepard's lips hovered just above the nape of her neck, her hot breath sending tingles down Ashley's spine.

"That better be Shepard, or someone is going to lose an arm."

Shepard laughed softly and closed the last few inches between their bodies, snaking her arms forward until her hands met below Ashley's navel, pressing her breasts firmly against Ashley's back and kissing the sensitive spot just beneath her earlobe. Slipping under Ashley's uniform, Shepard's hands roamed up along Ashley's stomach, not stopping until she reached her breasts, cupping one in each hand, while she continued to sprinkle kisses along Ashley's neck. Ashley sighed, leaning her head back on Shepard's shoulder.

"You need to take a break and eat something, marine."

Turning around and taking note that they stood alone in a now-empty hold, Ashley raised an eyebrow, mischief gleaming in her eyes. "Challenge accepted!" Chuckling at the puzzled look on Shepard's face, she put one hand on Shepard's chest and pushed her back into a darkened corner behind the Mako, using her other hand to untie her hair, letting it fall down her back. Shepard swallowed hard at the predatory look on Ashley's face as the chief maneuvered her, heart pounding in her chest.

Satisfied that they were generally hidden from view of any unexpected visitors stepping off the elevator, Ashley pushed Shepard back into the wall, kissing her hard and fierce, one hand around the back of Shepard's neck. The other hand urgently sought the zipper of Shepard's pants. Target found, Ashley yanked the zipper down, snaking her hand quickly down the front of the commander's pants, eliciting an uncharacteristic squeak from her lover. Delighted to find that Shepard was already wet for her, Ashley rubbed circles against Shepard's hot center with the flat of her fingers, pausing for the occasional teasing of a fingertip at her opening. Shepard whimpered quietly, pressing herself against Ashley's hand.

Ashley pulled back from the kiss with a pop, and moved both hands to the waistband of Shepard's uniform pants. She brought the trousers down as she dropped to her knees, nudging first one of Shepard's ankles, then the other, to get Shepard to lift each foot so she could quickly and efficiently remove her boots and pants, casting them aside.

Placing a hand on the inner part of each thigh, Ashley parted Shepard's legs, the better to access her now-dripping sex. Ashley lifted one of Shepard's legs and placed it on her strong shoulder, kissing where the leg met Shepard's body, fingertips running up and down her thigh. Shepard's breath drew in sharply in a hiss. Mindful of how little time they had, she skipped past any further teasing, taking two fingers to stroke along Shepard's opening. As Shepard's hips bucked forward at the touch, Ashley looked up to see Shepard with her head thrown back, eyes half closed, lips slightly parted, breath coming in shallow pants.

Smiling to herself, Ashley ghosted her tongue along Shepard's folds, pausing only to just barely exhale against her slick center. That earned a series of muttered curses from Shepard.

"Fuck, Ashley." Shepard whispered above her.

Wrapping a hand around the thigh on her shoulder, Ashley flattened her tongue and stroked the length of Shepard's sex, taking her time to savor Shepard's taste and scent. Shepard groaned, tangling the fingers of one hand in Ashley's hair and using the other to brace herself against the wall. Ashley continued licking along Shepard's opening, stopping short of her apex each time. Shepard began squirming, trying to get Ashley to make contact with that most sensitive spot. Giving in, Ashley flicked the tip of her tongue against Shepard's clit, using her free hand to continue stroking Shepard's wet center with the pad of her thumb.

Ashley could see that Shepard was close, so close. Circling her clit with her lips, she began to suck gently, alternating with occasional pressure from her tongue. She pressed her thumb more firmly against Shepard's opening, not quite penetrating, increasing the pace of her strokes as Shepard bucked against her. Ashley looked up and locked eyes with Shepard looking down at her, knowing that she was teetering on the edge. Gazing into Shepard's emerald eyes, she began flicking her tongue back and forth across her clit until Shepard's thighs quivered and her eyes closed and she breathed, "Ash. . ."

After Shepard stilled, Ashley moved Shepard's leg off her shoulder, only to feel strong hands grab her by the front of her uniform and pull her up. Shepard kissed Ashley hard, mouth open and tongue pressing, tasting herself on the chief's lips, moaning into her mouth. Then Shepard pulled away, putting her lips just past Ashley's jaw. Ashley could feel Shepard's mouth curve in a smile as her voice rumbled in Ashley's ear, "Mmmm. So much better than the quickies at boot camp."

That earned a swat to the shoulder. "Shepard! You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"What? It was! Now where are my pants?"

A few quick kisses and caresses later, Ashley was holding Shepard's boots and Shepard was still zipping up her pants as the two walked around the side of the Mako, only to see Tali halfway between engineering and the elevator, frozen in place. The two women exchanged a glance, unsure of how long Tali had been there and what she may have overheard. Assuming the worst, Shepard offered a cheery, "Care to come eat something with us?" as they all stepped onto the elevator. Ashley almost choked trying to smother her laughter.


	17. Chapter 17

"Fucking useless Council," Shepard muttered as she reboarded the Normandy, heading straight for the bridge. "Joker, is there any way you can override the lockdown on the ship?"

"Sorry, ma'am. No can do."

"Goddammit. Stuck here while the Council has their heads up their asses." More muttering while she strode through the CIC. This was not the result she expected from her meeting with the Council. "They can take their stupid fucking blockade and choke on it." Crew members scattered at her approach.

Shepard suddenly realized that her crew was giving her a wide berth, and quickly schooled her features and quieted her cursing. It wouldn't do for the commanding officer to storm around the ship like this. She made a detour for the comm room, in search of a quiet place to get her rage under control. After pacing around the room for a while, she realized quiet wasn't what she needed. She needed something physical. Stopping by her quarters to change into her workout gear, Shepard headed for the gym.

The gym was more crowded than usual. Without knowing how long the lockdown would be in effect, Shepard hadn't granted any shore leave, giving her a ship full of restless soldiers. The heavy bag was open, so she grabbed some handwrap and began winding it around her knuckles as she crossed over to the bag. It had been much too long since she'd hit something ( _Probably not since I punched Saren_ ), and she really needed to hit something right now. Positioning herself square to the bag, Shepard firmly planted her feet, and began throwing a series of right-left-right combinations, concentrating on controlling her breathing. She kept up a punishing pace, alternating jabs and crosses, pausing only to wipe the sweat from her forehead. Her technique was sound; the bag barely moved.

She finally took a break for water and to strip off her sweat-soaked shirt, leaving her in a sports bra and shorts. Not wanting to cool down for too long, she squared up on the bag again, working a variety of combinations, sweat quickly building anew on her exposed skin. From the corner of her eye, she saw the door open and Ashley come in. Finishing up a few more combinations, she stopped hitting the bag and, leaning against it, gave Ashley her full, unabashed attention. Shepard admired the way the tall woman strode into the room towards her, strong shoulders accented by her sleeveless tee. Shepard was acutely aware of how her heart seemed to literally skip a beat at the sight of her lover. She loved Ashley's confidence. She loved her strength. She loved her grounding influence. She loved her determination. She loved her. . . _Oh shit. Stop. No. Not now._ She must still just be emotionally raw from the fuck-up with the Council. There could be no other reason she'd be contemplating those thoughts. _Could there be? No._ _Focus_.

And yet, she couldn't take her eyes off of Ashley as she walked towards her. _She is incredible. How can she be mine? What can she see in me?_ Ashley was saying something to her, but Shepard didn't register anything other than her nearness and an overwhelming need. Without any conscious thought, Shepard grabbed her in a hungry kiss, both hands behind Ashley's head, lips parted, tongue probing. Ashley responded without hesitation, pulling on Shepard's lower lip with her teeth, slipping her hands around the sweaty, bare skin of Shepard's waist.

And then, suddenly mindful of an audience, Shepard pulled back. "Shepard - " Ashley started.

"Shit. I'm . . . I'm sorry. I just don't. . . I can't. . . I'm sorry." Shepard's voice was hoarse and labored. She grabbed her shirt and a towel and made a hasty retreat, with several pairs of curious eyes following her out the door, and one pair of puzzled ones.

OoOoO

Ashley hadn't seen Shepard that flustered since. . . well, probably the early days of awkward flirting. She had stayed in the gym after Shepard's sudden exit, using the time to ponder what had just happened. While she did pull-ups, she considered the unexpected and very public display of affection. They no longer went to any lengths to hide their burgeoning relationship, but they were careful not to flaunt it in front of the crew, either. For Shepard to kiss her like that. . . well, that was quite unusual. _What prompted that?_ Ashley had no answers.

Moving to crunches, Ashley's mind next turned to Shepard's stuttered apologies before she ran out of the gym. _What was she apologizing for? Kissing me? Something else? What can't she do? Did this have anything to do with T'Soni?_ Ashley knew that Shepard had been spending time with the asari recently, but hadn't thought anything of it until now. _Is she interested in Liara?_ Ashley turned the questions over and over in her head, but came up empty again.

A half hour on the treadmill didn't provide any more clarity. Admitting defeat, Ashley grabbed a towel and headed for the showers.

OoOoO

More than an hour after her quick exit from the gym, Shepard was in her quarters, flopped on her back across the bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't changed or showered or removed the wrap from her knuckles. She could make no sense of the emotions roiling through her. Anger she could deal with. Shepard and anger were old friends, and she often welcomed the familiarity of the heat that rage brought with it. Desire and lust? Welcome companions. She was very well-versed in channeling those feelings. But this. . . other thing. Shepard didn't know what to call it, let alone what to do with it. This longing and caring and . . . and what? Was there more? If she allowed it, would there be _more_?

Her door chimed, and she heard Ashley's voice call "Commander?"

 _Shit_. _I'm not ready for this._ "Come."

Ashley stuck her head through the door tentatively. Her freshly washed hair hung damply around her shoulders. "Are you. . . okay?"

Shepard didn't take her eyes off the ceiling. "I don't know."

Ashley made her way over to the bed and, meeting no resistance, sat on the edge, next to Shepard. She wanted to reach out and touch her lover, but instead left her hands in her lap, unsure of what to do. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, she had to say something. "Sloane, please talk to me. Have I done something wrong?"

Shepard turned her head to look at her. "No. Absolutely not. It's just. . . I seem to. . . Gah." In frustration, Shepard threw her head back onto the bed. "Goddammit, why are words so hard?" she muttered.

Ashley began to worry. _Is this the brush-off?_ "Is there someone else?"

"What? Who else could there be?"

"Liara is. . . quite beautiful. I couldn't blame you for being attracted to her."

"She does have a pretty great rack, I'll give her that," Shepard found herself agreeing before catching herself. She reached over to a wide-eyed Ashley, taking one of her hands into her own. "But no, I'm not interested in her. There's nobody but you, Ash."

"Then what? Not that I'm ever going to complain about being grabbed and kissed by a hot, sweaty woman, but that thing in the gym was kind of unexpected. And what was the apology for?"

Shepard sighed, closing her eyes. "I don't know. I've got all this shit swirling in my head and I just don't fucking know."

Ashley thought she was beginning to understand. She knew that now was not the time for any more questions. Not until Shepard had answered her own questions first. Shifting to face Shepard, Ashley used her free hand to smooth Shepard's hair back from her face. Bending down to place a gentle kiss on her lips, she quietly said, "It's okay, Sloane. I'm not going anywhere. Take all the time you need."

Shepard let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. _She's staying. Even though I'm an incoherent idiot. And she's giving me time. No demands, no pressure_. "Ash, I. . . thank you. I really do want to talk about it - I do. But I don't know how. Not yet. Thanks for putting up with my shit."

Pulling Ashley down on top of her, Shepard kissed her hard. Ashley reciprocated enthusiastically. As they broke for air, Ashley murmured in Shepard's ear, "Always, Sloane. Always."

OoOoO

A few hours later, Shepard woke, unable to get back to sleep. To her left, Ashley lay on her side, her back to Shepard. There was just enough light in the room to allow her to admire the naked woman next to her. Shepard's eyes slowly traced along Ashley's strong shoulder, continuing to the curve of Ashley's ribs and the notched V of her waist, up the rise of her hips, down across the swell of her toned ass. _So beautiful_. Shepard rolled over and pressed her body against her lover, wrapping an arm snugly around her. She buried her nose in Ashley's hair, inhaling deeply, enjoying that metallic vanilla scent unique to the chief.

 _Mine_. This was still true. _And I am hers_. Also still true, no matter how inept Shepard was at dealing with her feelings. So what was the problem? She loved how Ashley accepted her, even those parts that were confused and uncertain. She loved the way Ashley often knew what she needed, even before she knew herself. One thing Shepard was absolutely sure of was that she didn't want to screw this up. _Because she is mine, and I am hers._

Shepard was jarred from her thoughts when Ashley stirred against her, twisting her head around to catch Shepard in a kiss. While their lips met and their tongues danced, Shepard moved her hand up to the chief's breasts, gently squeezing first one, the other. She found a nipple with her fingers, bringing it to a point quickly with a few deft touches. Ashley broke away, gasping for breath, arching her chest into Shepard's hand. Shepard moved her lips to Ashley's neck, sucking and biting, gently at first, and then with more intensity. Her hand traveled from Ashley's breasts, down her muscled stomach, pausing for just a moment before she reached a tentative finger between Ashley's legs. Ashley was slick with desire.

Shepard laughed quietly in Ashley's ear. "That didn't take much."

Ashley smiled. "With you it never does. But to be fair, you have been lying here with your tits pressed up against my back and your bush tickling my ass for a while."

"Mmmm," was Shepard's only response as she went back to kissing Ashley's neck. Shepard used a knee to nudge Ashley's legs apart, moving her hand back down to rub Ashley's wet core, making circles with the flats of her fingers. Ashley's moans came from deep in her throat as she arched her backside into Shepard. Shepard slipped two fingers inside of Ashley, curving them forward to catch the sensitive spot on her inner wall. She began pumping her fingers in and out, slowly at first. Shepard's hips pressed against Ashley's ass, matching the rhythm of her thrusts.

Ashley's breath came in shallow pants. Shepard adjusted the position of her hand, placing her thumb on Ashley's clit, adding pressure and friction as she continued to thrust into her lover. With her mouth, Shepard found a sensitive spot on Ashley's shoulder just above her collarbone, and bit down gently, sucking at the skin. Ashley's hips began to buck against her hand, a string of obscenities escaping her lips as she neared her peak. Ashley reached a hand back, grabbing Shepard's ass. Shepard added a third finger and increased the tempo. After a few more artful thrusts, Ashley's thighs squeezed against Shepard's hand. Ashley's cries filled her ears as Shepard guided her through the waves of her pleasure, slowing her pace until Ashley finally stilled.

Shepard eased her fingers out, wrapping her arm back around Ashley. Ashley took Shepard's hand and brought it up against her chest.

"Flash, I am coming, I come." Ashley murmured with a sigh and a smile.

Shepard raised her head. "What's that?"

"It's Tennyson. Not sure that this is exactly what he was talking about, but it sprang to mind."

Shepard nuzzled Ashley's neck. "He sounds like a perv."

Ashley reached back and playfully swatted Shepard. "You're one to talk."

"You love it."

"You know it."


	18. Chapter 18

The second day of the lockdown found Shepard pacing up and down the storage hold. Williams was trying to get some work done, but found herself distracted by all the muttered obscenities behind her. "Damn, Shepard. You kiss your momma with that mouth?"

Shepard pulled up short, giving Ashley a sly half smile. "I'm pretty sure you know exactly what I do with this mouth." Hearing Garrus clear his throat rather loudly sent them into a fit of laughter. Shepard was glad for a break in the tension she was feeling. She still hadn't figured out a way to regain control of the Normandy, and she was feeling more irritated by the hour. Resuming her pacing (and her cursing), Shepard began considering less savory methods to convince the Council to release the Normandy and allow her to pursue Saren on Ilos. She barely registered that Wrex and Garrus had left the hold to find some lunch.

"Shepard, relax. I can't get a damn thing done with you growling back there."

"Sorry, Ash. Tell me - if one were to be good with a sniper rifle, how difficult would it be for one to take out say, a turian Councilor without anybody identifying the location or identity of the sniper?"

"Shepard!"

"What? Just asking a question!"

Ashley moved over to Shepard, circling her arms around her waist. "Seems like you could use a distraction, Commander." Shepard locked her own arms around Ashley's shoulders, holding her close. Not for the first time, she noted how well their bodies fit together. _Mine_. This thought seemed to come more frequently of late. More intensely. Shepard ghosted her lips near Ashley's ear, "So, distract me then." Needing no further encouragement, Ashley began placing kisses along Shepard's neck, eliciting whimpers from her lover.

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson."

"Goddammit, Joker. What did I tell you about your timing?" Shepard barked. "And how the hell did you know you might be interrupting anything?"

"Um, no reason. Anyway, he said to meet him at Flux this evening. No uniforms."

Shepard sighed. "Thanks, Joker. Seriously though, we're going to have a talk about your suspicious timing."

"Yes ma'am. Joker out."

Shepard turned her attention back to the woman in her arms. "So, Chief. You busy tonight? Thought I might take you out clubbing."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!"

OoOoO

The meeting with Anderson at Flux was interesting. They quickly hammered out a plan for Anderson to release the lockdown on the Normandy, allowing Shepard to head to the Mu Relay and onward to Ilos. It was risky, and could have serious repercussions for Anderson's career if things went sideways, but despite Williams' initial misgivings they all understood that there was no other choice. Anderson would do his part the next morning, advising Shepard to be on the Normandy and at the ready.

Once the plan was in place, Anderson said his goodbyes and left to make preparations, leaving Shepard and Ashley behind in the club. Shepard was glad for the chance to have even a short time alone off-ship with her marine, and planned to take full advantage of it. With a quick kiss, she excused herself to get them something to drink.

As she waited at the bar, Shepard found she couldn't take her eyes off of Ashley. The chief was sitting back in her chair, the ankle of one long leg resting on the knee of the other. Her hair was loose, just slightly hanging over one eye. Ashley's breasts were accented by the snug black tee she wore. Even just sitting there, Ashley exuded a casual confidence, an underlying strength. Shepard loved that about her. Even more, she loved that Ashley seemed so unaware of it. She loved. . . _Damn, I've been using that word a lot lately when I think about her._ A ball of emotions began churning anew in Shepard's chest. Only this time, she didn't fight it. She allowed herself to just _feel_.

Her heart pounding, Shepard tried to let go and see where that ball of emotions would go. Her gaze never strayed from Ashley. And as Ashley turned her face to Shepard, offering her a dazzling smile from across the room, Shepard felt a sudden warmth flooding her from head to toe. _She is mine, and I am hers. Because I love her._ Full stop. That's what this was, wasn't it. _I love her_.

"Commander?" Shepard realized that the bartender had been trying to get her attention. Tearing her eyes away from Ashley for just a moment, she grabbed their drinks and returned to their table.

Ashley's eyes focused on Shepard as she made her way back, enjoying the way her heart still skipped a beat whenever she was near. Shepard sat close to her, placing a hand on her thigh. Holding her glass towards Ashley, she said, "Cheers! Here's to getting our freedom tomorrow, if it all goes right."

Ashley tapped her own glass against Shepard's. "I'll drink to that!" Ashley took her first sip, expecting the commander's usual bourbon, but was pleasantly surprised to find that Shepard had instead brought them two glasses of Ashley's favorite scotch. Eyebrows quirked, Ashley asked, "Did they run out of bourbon?"

Shepard laughed, "I'd never come back here if they did! I just thought you might enjoy this tonight."

"Mmmmm. I do. But I hope that's not all I enjoy tonight, Skipper." Ashley's throaty flirting caused Shepard's hand to involuntarily squeeze Ashley's thigh. _Damn, I love how she can do that to me._ And there was that word again. Ashley laughed softly, leaning over to kiss Shepard softly. Shepard responded in kind at first. _I love you_ , she thought, deepening the kiss as she opened her mouth, pushing her tongue between Ashley's lips, tasting bourbon and desire, unconcerned with whoever might be watching. _I am yours_ echoed in her head as she poured everything she could into this one kiss. Ashley groaned into her mouth.

When they broke for air, Ashley pulled back, surprised at the intensity of the kiss. There was a fire in Shepard's green eyes that she hadn't seen before. She wasn't sure what was behind either, but she was sure that she liked it. She offered Shepard a coy half smile as she lifted her glass to her lips. "Well, that's definitely a good start."

They didn't stay at Flux for long.

OoOoO

Back on the Normandy, duty called so Shepard first went to the bridge to fill Joker in on the plan she'd worked out with Anderson. At 0800 the next morning, the crew would be ready to depart at a moment's notice. If Anderson was successful, they would probably have only minutes to get away before the Council could reassert control.

Satisfied that all appropriate orders were given and everything was ready for the morning, Shepard made her way to her cabin, mind already moving on to her next puzzle.

Entering her quarters, Shepard was pleased to see that Ashley and a glass of bourbon were waiting for her. Shepeard settled into the chair next to Ashley, taking a deep drink and savoring the heat of the bourbon in her throat. "Thanks. You always seem to know what I need."

"Worried about tomorrow, Skipper?"

"I'd be an idiot if I weren't. But I trust Captain Anderson. He'll do his part. Then it will be up to us to do ours."

Ashley stretched her legs out in front of her, settling back in her chair, glass in hand. "You've made sure we'll be ready. Now relax. There's nothing to be done until morning."

Shepard sat back and admired Ashley as she tilted back her glass and took another drink. _I love her_. She raised a single eyebrow. "Nothing? I seem to remember we started _something_ in Flux. I hate to leave anything unfinished."

Shepard stood, taking Ashley's hand and drawing her up next to her. She wrapped her arms around the chief's waist, holding her tight against her, hip to hip and chest to chest. Ashley sighed into the embrace, placing her arms around Shepard's shoulders, hands clasped behind her neck. Shepard kissed Ashley, gently at first, then with more hunger and need, her body feeling as if it were on fire. She moved her mouth to place a kiss a sensitive spot she'd found just behind Ashley's ear, earning a mewl from the marine. _I love you_ , she thought.

"I love you, too, Sloane," Ashley replied, her voice low and thick.

Shepard pulled back to look at Ashley, realizing that she must have said the words out loud. _I meant it, though. Every word._ "I love you, Ash," Shepard said again, this time purposefully and deliberately, pouring all she could of herself into those simple words.

"Show me," was the growled reply as Ashley pulled Shepard into a deep kiss, their hands grabbing and groping and rubbing and squeezing. When they both finally came up gasping for air, Shepard scooped Ashley up in her arms and carried her to the bed and laid her down gently.

Shepard started with Ashley's boots, removing first one, and then the other. She turned her attention to Ashley's shirt, pushing it slowly up her torso, kissing each newly exposed inch of skin. Ashley squirmed involuntarily under her touch. As she lifted the shirt over Ashley's head, she stopped and kissed Ashley tenderly on the lips, tracing one finger along her jaw. The deceptively simple touch was surprisingly intimate, causing Ashley to moan quietly against Shepard's lips. Tossing the shirt aside, Shepard turned her attention back to Ashley's bra. Using just a finger on each hand, she lightly brushed each strap down the chief's strong shoulders. Sliding both hands along Ashley's ribs around to her back, Shepard lifted her with one hand, undoing the clasp of the garment with the other, but not yet removing it.

Shepard lowered one side of the bra, caressing the curve of Ashley's breast with a hand, while taking the already hardened nipple into her mouth. She circled her tongue around the peak, pausing occasionally to suck and nibble. Ashley's back arched as her breath caught in her throat. Once Shepard was satisfied that she was done, she moved to the other side, doing the same there. She sat up, pulling Ashley's bra down her arms, and tossed it over in the general direction of her shirt.

She bent down again to kiss her lover, pulling Ashley's lower lip into her mouth, and Ashley took advantage of her nearness to rub a palm against Shepard's breast through her thin shirt, the nipple responding immediately to her touch. Maintaining the kiss, Ashley reached down to the hem of the shirt and pulled it upward. Shepard broke the kiss to help remove the shirt, throwing it aside. She lowered herself onto Ashley, breast pressed to breast, and looked her lover in the eye. "I love you," she murmured as she kissed her gently on the lips, moving to trail kisses along her jaw and neck, down to the hollow between her breasts, not stopping until she reached Ashley's navel. She unzipped Ashley's jeans and reached a hand in to cup her sex through her underwear, rewarded to find Ashley already slick with desire.

Shepard resumed her trail of kisses as she rubbed Ashley's heated center through the fabric, now and then teasingly slipping a finger near her wetness, only to withdraw it again immediately. Ashley made a frustrated sound, bucking up against Shepard's hand, trying desperately for more contact.

Shepard looked at Ashley and playfully clucked her tongue. "Not yet, marine."

Instead, she grabbed onto the waistband of the Ashley's jeans, one hand on each side, and began to slowly draw them downwards. As before, she kissed each area as it was uncovered - first on one side, then the other, carefully avoiding the heat between Ashley's legs, until the jeans were at Ashley's feet, finally removing them completely. Before she could repeat the process with Ashley's panties, the frustrated chief reached down and pushed them down herself, kicking them rather inelegantly off the bed. Shepard chuckled, and stood up at the end of the bed. Ashley was beautiful, lying there before her, hair spread on the pillow beneath her head, eyes flashing with want, ample chest heaving, her sex glistening with desire. _Mine_.

Shepard slowly unzipped her pants. She slipped her hands down the front, hooked her thumbs over the waistband then turned around and ever so slowly pushed them downwards, bending over at the waist as she did. She could hear a sharp intake of breath from the bed behind her, followed by a smattering of obscenities..

Turning around, she saw Ashley licking her lips. "Dammit, Sloane. If you don't fucking touch me right now I might die."

With a laugh, Shepard climbed back on the bed, straddling one of Ashley's legs, her thigh barely touching Ashley's wet sex. As Shepard leaned down to kiss her, Ashley began grinding against Shepard's leg, seeking enough friction for some much needed release. In response, Shepard reached down and slid her hand in between Ashley's center and her own leg. Seeing Ashley's obvious need, she thrust two fingers into her, pressing the palm of her hand against Ashley's hard clit, moving her fingers in and out slowly at first, steadily increasing the pace while maintaining pressure on her apex.

Shifting just slightly, Shepard moved her leg away from Ashley's center so that she could add a third finger. Ashley countered by pressing her thigh up between Shepard's legs, painting it with Shepard's own slick desire. Moaning at the contact, Shepard couldn't stop herself from rubbing herself up and down Ashley's leg.

Shepard curled her fingers forward, increasing the intensity of her thrusts. Ashley's breaths came faster and faster until finally she cried out, her inner walls quivering against Shepard's fingers. Still grinding on Ashley's thigh, Shepard was just a moment behind her, growling as she reached her peak. Both spent, Shepard withdrew from Ashley and lowered herself the rest of the way onto her, their bodies slick with sweat and their own juices. Holding herself up on one forearm, she took Ashley's chin and looked steadily into her eyes. "I love you, Ashley."

Ashley held the look, bringing her hands up around Shepard's back. "I love you, Sloane."

And that was just the first way Shepard showed her she loved her that night.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: First, we're at over 3,600 views on this tale so far. That is very. . . unexpected. But kinda cool. So thanks! Also, there's a bunch of different stuff thrown in here. But I figure better to have one bigger chapter than a bunch of short ones.

* * *

Shepard woke early the next morning, one arm and leg thrown across Ashley. She traced a finger along Ashley's shoulder where she'd left a bite mark the night before, smiling to herself. _Mine_. Her smile widened at the fluttering in her chest. _I love her_. Ashley stirred, opening her eyes, mirroring Shepard's smile as Shepard's face came into focus.

"Good morning, Chief."

Ashley kissed Shepard. She smelled of sweat and sex. It was glorious. "Yes it is, Commander."

Shepard wanted to linger, but duty called - she needed to ready the ship for Ilos, should Captain Anderson succeed. With a sigh, she kissed Ashley once more then rolled over to get out of bed. Ashley eyed her bare backside appreciatively.

"Are you staring at my ass, marine?" Shepard asked without turning back.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good."

OoOoO

Shepard stood on the bridge behind Joker, waiting for a sign that Anderson had been able to release the Normandy from its lockdown. The minutes ticked by slowly. Shepard knew she was likely irritating Joker, but she couldn't be bothered to care. This was where she needed to be.

"Are you just going to stand there staring over my shoulder without saying anything, Commander?"

"Did you want me to talk? Sure, I can talk. How about we talk about your unnatural knack for interrupting at the worst possible time. Just how do you manage that, Joker?"

Joker swallowed hard. "Um, how about you just go back to staring silently, ma'am. I'm starting to miss that."

"Thought so," Shepard smirked.

After what seemed an eternity, Joker's screens flickered to life and the Normandy was his once more.

"Go go go! Let's get out of here, Joker. Now!"

"Yes ma'am!" was the enthusiastic reply.

"Set a course for the Mu Relay, Lieutenant. Let me know when we're 30 minutes out."

"Will do, Commander."

OoOoO

Shepard retired to her cabin for one final review of the Ilos planning. She had no knowledge of what she might find on the planet surface, despite Liara's best efforts to learn everything she could about Ilos. At the least, she knew she needed Liara on the ground with her, and probably Williams and her sniper rifle, too. She'd make the final call once they had eyes on the planet.

She sat back in her desk chair, rubbing at the back of her neck. She reached for her mug of coffee, frowning when she found it empty. Turning back to her data pad, she started her review again from the top.

A few moments later, her door hissed open, revealing Williams and a steaming cup of coffee.

"Not sure which I'm happier to see - you or the coffee," joked Shepard.

Williams set the mug down on the desk, moving behind the commander to massage her shoulders. "Smartass."

Shepard leaned her head back against Ashley, sighing in pleasure as her hands worked the knots away. Yet it didn't take long for Shepard's brows to furrow once more, and she turned her chair around to face the chief.

"Ash - I hope I haven't fucked up your career by having you on board a stolen warship. I should have let you stay on the Citadel instead of getting involved with this. I'm no better than a pirate right now."

Ashley sat in a nearby chair. "Are you kidding me? There's no place I'd rather be. The Council is doing nothing; you're the only one ballsy enough to do what needs doing. I'm honored to serve alongside you on this one, Commander. Some things are just more important than any one individual career." Ashley smiled. "Besides, you make a hell of a sexy pirate."

Shepard gave Ashley a half-grin. "I mean it, though. If there's any blowback on this one, I'll make sure your jacket stays clean. You've worked too damn hard to throw it all away on an insubordinate Spectre."

"Thank you, Shepard. I appreciate the concern. But the decision is mine, and I stand behind it."

"In that case, I'd like you on the ground with me. You're the best sniper I've got, and I have a feeling I'm going to need that."

"Of course, Shepard. I'll be ready."

Shepard nodded in acknowledgment. She sat quietly for a moment, eyes focused on the floor. She seemed to be turning something over in her head. Her expression was serious when she turned back to Ashley. "We haven't had much time to talk about. . . other things today. Um. . . I wasn't sure. . . About last night. . ."

Ashley found herself holding her breath. _Has she changed her mind?_ Maybe it was too much to expect that someone like Shepard could love her. Shepard saw the alarm in Ashley's eyes, and quickly continued, "Oh fuck, I'm sorry. I'm screwing this up again." Leaning over to gently brush the hair back from Ashley's face, she said, "I just wanted to try to tell you that I've never felt this way before and last night was, um, great. And I hope that we can. . . When we're done with this maybe we. . . Goddammit! I wish just once I could let you know how I feel without making an ass out of myself."

Ashley exhaled, laughing softly. "I dunno - I kind of liked how you let me know last night. So many times and in so many positions."

Shepard smiled. "Yeah, that was. . ." She shook her head, dismissing the distraction. _Such a pleasant distraction, though_. _No - focus._ "What I'm trying to say is that I . . . I like what we. . . And I. . . Oh for fuck's sake. Ashley, I love you. And I want us to keep. . . being us."

Ashley stood, pulling Shepard up and into her arms and kissing her hard. "Good. I love you, too. And I like the sound of _us_."

Taking Shepard by the hand, Ashley moved towards the bed. "I think we've got some time before we hit the relay. Why don't you take that uniform off and let's see if we can practice those communication skills of yours."

OoOoO

Later, they lay comfortably in each other's arms, Shepard idly running a hand along Ashley's ribs. The moment was spoiled by Joker's voice over the comm. "Commander, we're thirty minutes out. And for the record, I have no idea if I'm interrupting anything."

"Thanks, Joker. You get to live another day. Could you give T'Soni a heads up? Shepard out."

Shepard pressed the length of her body against Ashley, eliciting a moan of pleasure from the marine. Squeezing Ashley's ass and stealing one last kiss, she rose from the bed. "Gonna rinse the sex off and head for the CIC. Meet me there?"

"Aye aye, Commander."

"Looking at my ass again?"

"Always, Skipper."

Shepard laughed. "I think you lay there and make me get up first on purpose. Next time I'm kicking you out so I can ogle _your_ backside. See you in the CIC."

OoOoO

A tight Mako drop, innumerable geth, and a holographic Prothean VI later, Shepard and her small squad were following Saren through the Conduit, a one way relay back to the Citadel. In the Mako. They found themselves in the middle of utter chaos. Geth were everywhere; casualties were high; and Saren had taken control of all Citadel systems, including locking down all elevator transport.

The Citadel VI informed Shepard that Saren was headed for the Council Chambers to transfer control of the Station to Sovereign, so Shepard, Williams and T'Soni made their way there. With the elevators down, they had to traverse the exhaust plain of the Tower, battling wave after wave of geth along the way.

Williams could see that Shepard was exhausted. As was typical for Shepard, she'd taken on the bulk of the fighting, taxing both her biotics and her strength. Only this time, she'd been battling for longer than she'd ever had to before. Blood matted her hair above her right ear where she'd been hit by shrapnel on Ilos. A gash in the armor over her left hip indicated a wound that Shepard hadn't had time to treat. Ashley had never seen her commander so determined, so willing to push beyond her capabilities. She felt a rush of affection for her lover, and knew she had to protect Shepard as best she could. With renewed vigor, she pushed herself past her own normal limits, aggressively sighting and shooting as many geth as she could to clear the path for Shepard. At first she could see annoyance on Shepard's face as she was denied the kills she thought were rightfully hers, but the look soon softened as Shepard realized what Ashley was doing for her. Shepard turned back to Williams and mouthed a silent "Thank you" as she pressed onward.

Finally reaching the access panel to the Council Chambers, the three paused for a moment to regroup and reload. Ashley tried to get Shepard to sit still long enough to apply medi-gel to her hip, but Shepard waved her off. "No time, Chief. Saren is already in there." The team dropped through the hatch, taking up positions behind cover just inside the atrium. Several geth blocked their path, but were quickly dispatched. Shepard could see Saren at the control panel at the other side of the chamber, and ran up the stairs to confront him. Reaching the top, she was puzzled to find the console empty.

"Shit!" she yelled as Saren rose behind the terminal on his hover platform. Dodging a grenade, she took cover behind a planter. Ashley ducked behind another planter, but had no clear line of sight on Saren to provide covering fire for Shepard. She nearly panicked when Shepard declared her intention to get to the master terminal. _I can't protect her from here_. Williams rolled from her position into the open, bringing her rifle up, just as Shepard opened fire on Saren.

Between the three of them, they finally managed to drop the turian, sending him through the glass floor to the ground below. Shepard rushed to the terminal, regaining control of the Citadel systems. After calling Joker in to assist the Destiny Ascension, she leaned up against the terminal, wincing as her left hip made contact.

"Liara - make sure Saren is dead." Without hesitation, the asari jumped down and emptied her pistol into Saren's skull.

Williams grabbed a medi-gel pack and approached Shepard, making it clear that she would not take no for an answer this time. But before Williams could remove Shepard's armor over the wound, the air crackled with energy, filling the room with red lightning. The power of the bolts caused several explosions as Saren's corpse reanimated, only now it was a disturbing synthetic monstrosity. The force of the explosions had knocked the team to the ground, and clouded the air with dust and smoke. Shepard was slow to get up, but eventually regained her feet, weapon trained on the new incarnation of Saren. She faltered for just a moment as Sovereign's voice addressed her from the mouth of the former Spectre, but quickly recovered.

"Take that motherfucker down!" she instructed her squad, slamming the creature with her biotics.

A sustained firefight ensued. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as they threw everything they had at the synthetic Saren. This version jumped all around the chamber much like a geth hopper, making targeting difficult and causing the team to exert themselves further as they chased it about. Ready to drop from exhaustion, Ashley switched to her assault rifle, firing as many rounds as possible into the bastard. Liara fell to her knees, drained of all energy after extensive use of her biotics. With one final biotic effort, Shepard charged Saren, hitting him with her shotgun at zero range. The creature fell, energy igniting the remains.

Shepard stood, blood dripping from the reopened wound above her ear. Her shotgun fell from her hand as her arms fell to her side. She spotted Ashley several yards from her, but as she took a step towards her, she noticed a large section of the Reaper ship destroyed by the Normandy and Alliance forces flying towards the glass wall of the chamber. "Go go go!" she yelled at her companions, exhorting them to run for cover.

The last thing Ashley was was the debris crashing through the glass and landing in the middle of the room in a heap of twisted, smoldering metal, right where Shepard had been standing.

 _Pain. So much pain. Lungs searing with each breath._ Williams opened her eyes, but could see nothing. _What's wrong with my eyes?_ She tried to move, and was relieved that her arms and legs responded, albeit slowly. Bright light caused her eyes to involuntarily close, only to open again as she heard, "Here - I found someone here!" A soldier's head appeared through the hole cleared through the rubble piled around and over her, followed almost immediately by Captain Anderson. He extended a hand to Ashley, helping her through the opening. She saw Liara sitting nearby, clearly dazed.

"Where is Shepard? Where is the commander?" asked Anderson.

Ashley looked over to where she last saw Shepard, and saw only the destroyed section of Sovereign. She felt a chill settle in her chest, and her breath came in shallow gasps. She took a few faltering steps towards the wreckage, shaking off Anderson's supporting arm. _No. No. No. No. Please god no._

But then a flash of red hair caught her eye above the debris. Ashley's heart skipped a beat as she saw a battered Shepard crest the top of the Reaper remains. Her gait was uneven and she was clearly favoring her left side, but she somehow still managed to pull off a cocky strut as she walked towards them, lopsided grin firmly in place.

Ashley ran to her, taking her carefully into her arms. "Goddammit, Sloane. I thought I'd lost you."

Shepard wrapped an arm around her, keeping her left arm carefully tucked against her body. "I'll always come back to you, Ashley. Always." Ashley kissed her, tasting blood and sweat but not caring.

"You'd better."

"Always," was the exhausted reply.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Apologies for the delay. I was hoping to make sure FF had its stuff together before I updated. I decided I'll take my chances. Feedback welcome!

* * *

The Citadel was in shambles, the hospitals and medical clinics overrun with the injured and dying. So Shepard returned to the Normandy to allow Dr. Chakwas to treat her injuries.

The first words out of Chakwas' mouth were to chide Shepard for not wearing her helmet. The laceration on her scalp was fairly deep and she'd suffered a concussion. Of greater concern was the injury on her hip. Her armor and compression gear were soaked with blood from a deep wound above her pelvic bone, and Shepard had experienced significant blood loss (although fortunately no internal damage). Her left arm was broken in two places, but was expected to heal without complication. Chakwas made the obvious decision to keep Shepard in the med-bay.

Liara was exhausted from overuse of her biotics, but otherwise had no serious injuries. She was allowed to retire to her room for much needed rest.

Ashley re-aggravated her left knee injury, and had several scrapes and bruises to go with a couple of mild burns. She was cleared to leave the med-bay although she would be limited to light duty for a few days. But she refused to leave Shepard's side. Chakwas had wanted Ashley to get some rack time, but relented and allowed her to remain in the med-bay, preparing an additional bed in hopes she'd sleep. She didn't.

Shepard was heavily sedated to permit her body the rest it required. Ashley stayed by her side, sitting uncomfortably in a chair pulled up next to the bed. Tali brought her food, which Ashley ate mechanically, tasting nothing. She did her best to wipe the blood and sweat from Shepard's copper tresses, searching for any signs of consciousness. Dr. Chakwas kept her distance as much as she was able, allowing Ashley at least the semblance of privacy.

Hours later, Shepard began to stir, pawing and kicking at the blanket covering her. Ashley took hold of her hands. "Shepard, it's okay. You're okay." Shepard's eyes opened, trying to focus on the face above her. "Ash," she sighed, relaxing. "You look like hell."

Ashley snorted. "You're not looking so good yourself, Skipper. You don't smell much better, either."

"You love it."

"I do."

Ignoring Chakwas' warning glare, Ashley squeezed herself onto the right edge of the bed, lying alongside Shepard and molding her body to fit her commander's. She placed a gentle arm around Shepard's waist, kissing her on the back of her neck. Shepard placed her hand over Ashley's, twining their fingers together and pulling her arm tighter around her as they both drifted off to sleep. Chakwas had to admit that although she didn't necessarily approve of a shared bed in her med-bay, she was glad that Williams was finally resting comfortably.

OoOoO

The next day, after sleeping for a majority of the previous 18 hours, Shepard donned her dress blues and accompanied Anderson to meet with the Council. She was shocked when Councillor Tevos offered humanity a seat on the Council, and Shepard surprised even herself by successfully installing Captain Anderson as the human representative. With Anderson's blessing, she announced to the Council that she was taking the Normandy back out to patrol for the rest of the Reaper fleet that she knew was still coming, despite their victory against Sovereign.

She soon discovered that she wasn't quite ready for even such a minimal level of exertion, and was relieved when Williams appeared suddenly and discreetly at her side to escort her back to the ship. She hated to show any physical weakness, so she was pleased that Williams offered her assistance in a very unobtrusive way as they traversed the Citadel.

Back on board the Normandy, Shepard intended to head straight for her quarters but found she was unable to stay on her feet. Nearly all of the crew was on well-deserved shore leave, so nobody was there to witness as she was half-carried by Williams across the CIC and down the stairs to the crew deck.

Ashley helped Shepard sit down gently on her bed. "Should I get Chakwas?"

Shepard waved her hand weakly. "No, I'm good. Or I will be. No worries." Ashley sat on the bed next to her, carefully helping her remove her dress uniform.

"Seriously, Shepard? You went commando when you met with the Council?"

Shepard chuckled. "You should know better than to expect anything else, Ash."

That earned an exaggerated eye roll from the chief. "Shit. Your hip looks awful. I thought Chakwas had this taken care of."

Shepard looked at the wound. "It'll be fine. I just need to take it easy for a day or two." She flashed Ashley a mischievous grin. "I guess that means you'll have to do all the work tonight."

"That's the first place your mind goes?"

"To be fair, with you that's the ONLY place my mind goes."

Ashley found a tank top and some loose shorts. "Just to be on the safe side - you probably shouldn't sit around naked." She helped ease the pants on over Shepard's injured hip, handing Shepard the shirt. Satisfied that the commander was settled in and relatively comfortable, she got up to leave.

"You look like you could use some rest, Shepard. I'll come back and check on you later."

"Don't go. Just lay down with me?"

Ashley looked at her warily. "You're not getting any, if that's what you're aiming for. I don't think you're up for it."

Shepard waggled her eyebrows. "Not yet. That's what the resting is for. But really - stay?"

Ashley knew she couldn't deny her. Stripping off her fatigues, she went over to the bed. Pausing for a moment to toss a suspicious glance Shepard's way, Ashley located one of Shepard's t-shirts to put on before laying down next to her. "I don't want to give you any ideas. Sleep, and then we'll see." Positioning herself on her back, she held her arm out for Shepard to place her head on her chest. She stroked her back gently until Shepard's breathing slowed. Soon, she drifted off to sleep as well.

OoOoO

Some hours later, Ashley woke to the delightful sensation of lips pressed against the nape of her neck. She was aware of fingers tracing up and down her thigh. Rolling over onto her back, she looked up into those emerald green eyes she loved so much and couldn't help but smile. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"It may have been mentioned before, yes." Shepard's eyes danced and one side of her mouth lifted into a half smile as her hand made its way under the t-shirt Ashley had borrowed, making lazy circles across her muscular abdomen. "Dr. Chakwas told me you sat by my bed for hours yesterday. You didn't need to do that - you should have been resting. You pushed yourself harder than I'd ever seen, and looking at you I can see I wasn't the only one injured."

Ashley propped herself up on an elbow, angling herself to face the commander. "Shepard, I thought you'd been. . . For one long, horrible moment I'd thought I'd lost you. I had to be with you after that, and make sure you were okay."

"I am okay." Shepard held Ashley's hand. "But I'm glad you were there."

Ashley leaned in to kiss Shepard, tugging on the bottom of her shirt. She had a sudden need to feel Shepard under her hands, to affirm that she was, in fact, okay and really there with her. Shepard pulled back with a smirk. "Now who's incorrigible?"

"Just stop talking and get naked," was Ashley's growled reply as she began lifting Shepard's shirt over her head.

"Fine. But you still might have to do all the work," Shepard teased.

Ashley pulled her own shirt off, throwing it on the floor. She turned to Shepard with a smile that bordered on the predatory. "Oh, Love. It's not work if I do it right. And I _will_ do it right."

Shepard blinked twice and swallowed hard, then leaned back against the pillows in eager anticipation.

OoOoO

"That was. . . wow." Shepard breathed. Ashley lay pressed up against her, her face nuzzling Shepard's hair. Her body cooled as the sheen of sweat began evaporating off of her exposed skin.

"I hope you're none the worse for wear - is the hip okay? I tried to be as gentle as I could, considering." Shepard could feel Ashley's smile against her shoulder.

"You were just gentle enough. Both times." It was Shepard's turn to smile. She then leaned her head to the side to catch Ashley's eye. "But there is one more thing you can do for me."

"Anything. Just let me catch my breath," was Ashley's eager response.

 _Damn, I do love that enthusiasm_. Shepard shook her head. "No, not like that. I just need a little bit of cooperation so I can do something for you."

"Sorry, Shepard. I'm not going to let you aggravate your injury and then have to explain it to Chakwas. I've only just started to be able to carry on a conversation with the doc without her staring at the floor the whole time. When it's better. . ."

Shepard's hands roamed along Ashley's body. "Please. Let me. I want to please you. I want to taste you. I can lay here just like this, without putting any pressure on the hip. You just have to put your knees on either side of my head, then I can. . ." She didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence before Ashley enthusiastically popped up to comply with her request.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: A series of one-offs spanning the month after the Battle of the Citadel.

* * *

The Normandy stayed docked at the Citadel for nearly a week after the battle with Sovereign. Shepard wanted to give her crew well-deserved shore leave. She was also reviewing reassignment requests, both for current crew members who wanted a change of scenery and soldiers seeking to serve under Commander Shepard. The trick was weeding out the requests submitted by jock-sniffers and those made in earnest. The process left her with a headache every evening.

Shepard gave Williams the option to transfer. She didn't want to stand in the way of the chief's potential career advancement; she knew how important it was to Ashley to clear the Williams' name in the Alliance. Based on her performance on the Normandy, she would have her pick of assignments. Although Shepard probably wouldn't admit it to anyone, she was very relieved when Williams confirmed that she wanted to stay on board.

To Shepard's surprise, Liara, Wrex, Garrus and Tali wanted to continue on as part of the crew. They had proven themselves valuable in the fight against the geth, so she was happy to have them, although she knew it would not last. Wrex would find something more lucrative; Tali's pilgrimage would eventually end; Garrus would soon chafe under her authority. Liara, though - Shepard thought she might actually stick around for a while. She seemed to have developed a taste for battle. Shepard couldn't argue with that. She loved it more than most herself. Plus, Liara had become a good friend. She was pleased that she was planning on staying, for however long it might be.

Six days after the Battle of the Citadel, the Normandy was once again underway, investigating reports of potential geth activity.

OoOoO

Shepard lay contentedly with her head on Ashley's chest, drawing lazy circles on the chief's stomach with her fingertips, Ashley's arm around her back. She loved those still moments that followed the peaks of pleasure, sweat evaporating off their skin, heart beats steadying, breath slowly evening out, voices slightly hoarse from their cries of ecstasy. She'd never experienced it with anyone before. Usually she'd be dressed and out the door before her conquest could form a coherent thought. But with Ashley. . . with Ashley she craved those moments, cherished them.

"I'd like to tell my mom about you, Ash. Maybe arrange for us to meet up with her when her ship docks at the Citadel in a few weeks."

Ashley felt a burst of warmth in her chest, but still couldn't help a bit of teasing. "Taking me home to mother?"

Shepard chuckled. "Well now it just sounds silly when you say it like that. Never mind."

Ashley shifted a little to face Shepard, and was relieved to see the tell-tale half-grin that meant the commander was teasing her back. Sometimes Shepard could be delightfully infuriating. "I would love to meet your mom, Shepard."

"Good. Because I already told her about you and I've already made the arrangements. After we check into those reports of geth sightings in the Terminus System, we'll head back to the Citadel and I can introduce you."

"You're awfully sure of yourself, Sloane. What if I didn't agree?"

Shepard leaned in to kiss Ashley. "Never considered the possibility." And she hadn't. She simply couldn't imagine a future without her marine by her side. In fact, she'd never wanted something so much in her life.

OoOoO

Shepard leaned back against a crate, watching Ashley inspect the team's armor. She'd offer to help, but she knew the marine would just check everything herself again anyway. Instead, she simply enjoyed the view. Seeing Ashley in her sleeveless tee, strong shoulders flexing, sure hands moving over the equipment, still sent waves of heat through her body. Unable to resist any longer, she moved forward, circling her arms around Ashley's waist, kissing that spot behind her ear that she knew made Ashley go weak in the knees.

"How about we take a walk to my cabin?"

Ashley leaned her head back onto Shepard's shoulder. "Mmmm. You temptress."

Shepard slipped one hand under the waistband of Ashley's fatigues, seeking after the heat building between Ashley's legs. "C'mon. You could use a break. This will still be here in an hour." Ashley moaned quietly, pressing her ass back against Shepard's hips. Shepard's fingers teased along Ashley's slit, then suddenly withdrew. Ashley whimpered at the lost contact. Shepard turned Ashley around, taking her by the hand and leading her to the elevator. Ashley needed no more convincing.

OoOoO

Shepard set a cup of coffee on the table in front of Ashley, sitting across from her with her own, slightly larger, mug. The mess was fairly empty this early in the morning, allowing them a table to themselves. Ashley was looking at a datapad in her hand.

"I got a letter from mom last night. She's glad that I'm seeing someone, even if I did get a short lecture about the extra stress that comes with a relationship with a soldier." Ashley smiled. "My sisters seem a bit more excited about it. They seem to think you're some sort of dashing hero."

"Hey! I _am_ a dashing hero!"

"A dashing hero with a bit of egg on her lip, Shepard."

Shepard flicked her tongue over her lip. "It just enhances my image. Keeps me real. Otherwise nobody would believe how perfect I am."

"I'll admit that I like my dashing heroes with a bit of egg," Ashley said, with a squeeze of her hand on Shepard's knee. "And you are perfect."

Shepard and Ashley sat at the table in the commander's quarters, sipping from generous tumblers of scotch. Shepard always kept a bottle or two on hand for Ashley now; the thoughtfulness of the confirmed bourbon drinker was not lost on the chief. Ashley held the hand that Shepard rested on her thigh. She was surprised at how much she enjoyed just sitting with Shepard, talking and laughing easily together. She appreciated how Shepard could relax so completely with her, allowing her to see the more human side she kept hidden from the rest of the world. And she knew that this is what she wanted for her future. No one and nothing else.

"Penny for your thoughts, Chief." Ashley turned her eyes to see Shepard smiling warmly at her.

Ashley carefully considered her words. "Just thinking about us. How much I like _us_. This is it for me, Sloane. _You're_ it for me. I can't see myself with anyone else ever again."

Shepard leaned in towards Ashley, locking eyes with her. "Good. Because I have no intention of letting you go. I am yours. Completely. I love you, Ash. I'll always love you. There's nothing I want more than to have you, and only you." She closed the distance between them, kissing Ashley tenderly. Ashley wrapped a hand around Shepard's neck, tangling her fingers in her hair.

"I love you, Sloane," she breathed, before deepening the kiss.

OoOoO

Shepard set her datapad down on her desk, rubbing her tired eyes with the palms of her hands. She stretched her neck from side to side, hearing a satisfying crack. Turning her chair around, she looked over at the beautiful woman sleeping in her bed. Ashley lay sprawled on her back, her dark hair splayed on the pillow, the sheets tangled around her waist, her bare breasts rising and falling with each breath. Shepard couldn't help but smile when she heard a faint snore as Ashley shifted slightly in her sleep. Somehow her marine made even a snore seem terribly sexy.

Shepard quickly stripped off her clothes and shimmied under the covers next to her love. Her fingers trailed from Ashley's collarbone down between her breasts, her hand flattening against her ribs. Ashley stirred, turning toward Shepard. "Mmm. Done working?"

"For now. You didn't have to sit here and wait for me. But I'm glad you did." Shepard placed feather-light kisses along Ashley's shoulder as her hand tightened around Ashley's waist, rolling Ashley onto her side to face her and pressing the length of their bodies together. Ashley captured Shepard's lips with her own, tongue probing. Her hand found Shepard's ass, increasing the pressure of Shepard's hips against her, eliciting a low groan from the commander.

In one quick motion, Ashley flipped Shepard onto her back. She nudged Shepard's legs apart and lay between them, rocking her hips gently against Shepard's. Tangling her hands in Shepard's hair, she kissed her, raking her teeth along Shepard's lower lip. Shepard moaned into her mouth and arched into Ashley, her fingers digging into Ashley's back. Ashley broke the kiss, biting and nipping down Shepard's neck, stopping to suck at the spot where neck met shoulder. Shepard growled with pleasure. Ashley continued to move downward, taking Shepard's breasts in both hands, squeezing them softly while licking and sucking first one nipple, then the other. Shepard was surprised at how close she was to coming undone already.

Ashley moved a hand down Shepard's stomach, not stopping until she found the wet heat between Shepard's legs. She worked her fingers up and down Shepard's slit, circling the apex at each stroke. Her lips and tongue continued to lave Shepard's nipples, moving back and forth between them. Shepard's breath came in short, ragged gasps. Sliding down Shepard's body, Ashley lifted Shepard's legs onto her shoulders, giving her full access to Shepard's sex. She teased at Shepard's opening with the tip of her tongue as Shepard muttered profanities. Ashley brought her tongue up and down Shepard's slit, intoxicated by the taste of Shepard's arousal. Ashley knew just the right pressure and rhythm needed to bring Shepard to her peak with only her tongue and her lips, and soon Shepard's thighs tightened against the sides of her head as Shepard cried out her name. Ashley softly licked at Shepard's clit, allowing her to ride one more smaller wave, before moving up to lie next to Shepard, one arm wrapped tightly under her breasts as she buried her face in Shepard's hair.

Shepard took a few shuddering breaths before rolling Ashley onto her back and kissing her, bringing a hand down to Ashley's throbbing sex. Ashley instantly bucked into her hand. "I need to feel you inside me, Sloane. Please," she growled. With no hesitation, Shepard thrust two fingers into her, rubbing up against her front wall. While she moved her fingers in and out, slowly at first and then more quickly, she sucked on Ashley's nipple, tugging on it with her teeth. Ashley's hand grasped the sheets as her back arched and she was reduced to quick, panting breaths. Shepard curled her fingers slightly, increasing the rhythm until she could feel Ashley's walls quivering. Once Ashley stilled, Shepard withdrew from her, bringing her hand to her mouth and licking Ashley's juices from her fingers as Ashley watched. She rolled on top of Ashley, kissing her deeply, their tastes mingling together on their tongues.

Ashley managed to catch her breath just enough to say, "I love you, Sloane."

"I love you, Ash."

Neither of them could have imagined that this would be the last time they would make love before Shepard died.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: 's traffic graph is down, so there are no stats for the last week showing whether folks are reading. There are still some readers, though, I hope? Maybe? Thanks!

* * *

Joker engaged the stealth systems as the Normandy approached the area of suspected geth activity in the Terminus System. Three ships had disappeared from the region over the previous month, leaving no evidence behind. Shepard was monitoring Joker's reports from the comm room as she reviewed the duty roster for the next week. When Joker announced that he was taking evasive maneuvers to avoid an unknown cruiser on an intercept course, she ran out, heading for the bridge. She didn't make it - the unknown ship opened fire on the Normandy. Shepard quickly backtracked, going instead to her locker and pulling on her armor.

Fires burned all around the ship. The hull had been breached in several places. Barriers and weapons were down. The Normandy was unable to defend itself. There was nothing more that could be done. The call went out for all crew to abandon ship.

Ashley had also donned her armor, and as the ship was fired on by the mystery cruiser again, she met Shepard at her locker. "Shepard!"

"Launch the distress beacon, Joker!" Shepard ordered.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Ashley was out of breath.

"They'd fucking better. I'm not planning on them coming just to find our frozen corpses floating in space. Get everyone to the escape shuttles." Shepard's eyes were on fire. She took the attack on her ship very personally.

Ashley grabbed a fire suppression canister, dousing an electrical fire that flared nearby. "Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship. I'm not leaving, either."

"Goddammit. Ash, I hate to pull rank here, but get to the fucking shuttles. I'll haul Joker's sorry ass out of here."

"Sloane. . ."

"Ash, get the fuck out of here! That's an order. Double time, marine! I'll meet you there."

"Aye aye." Ashley cast one last look at Shepard before running to the escape shuttles. Shepard nodded, trying to reassure her that everything would be all right.

Reaching the shuttles, Ashley directed traffic, sending all remaining crew to the various pods, leaving one empty for the commander. Satisfied everyone was off except for Shepard and Joker, she boarded a shuttle with Dr. Chakwas and Liara, and strapped herself in. The pods ejected from the Normandy just as the cruiser came around, preparing for another volley.

Reaching the cockpit, Shepard yelled at Joker. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? The order was to abandon ship!"

"No, I won't abandon the Normandy. I can still save her!"

"The hell you can. The ship is dead, Joker. Just like we'll be if we don't get the fuck out of here. Now!"

"No, we just have to. . . Shit!" The cruiser attacked again, the latest salvo nearly splitting the Normandy in two.

Shepard grabbed Joker by the arm, feeling the bones break in her grasp, but not caring. She had to get him out of there, and she'd break a few more of his bones if that's what it took to keep him alive. Throwing him over her shoulder, she heard the snap of breaking ribs. "Sorry, Joker." The pilot could only grunt in response.

Ducking debris and flames, Shepard got Joker to the last escape shuttle. She set him down in the jump seat as gently as she could, pulling the restraint down over his shoulders. Before she could take her own place on the pod, another explosion pulled her away from the shuttle door. A beam from the cruiser shot through the ship between Shepard and her way out. Without thinking twice, she hit the remote eject button, sending Joker on his way alone as another explosion sent her hurtling out of the disintegrating Normandy into open space.

In the quiet of space, she could hear Ashley's voice over her comms. "Shepard! What the fuck happened? Are you and Joker all right?"

"I got Joker out, Ash. I'm not injured, but I'm kind of out here on my own right now."

Frantically Ashley looked out the small port hole of her escape shuttle, spotting a tiny figure silhouetted against the light of the sun cresting atop the nearby planet. Her mouth went dry, her heart pounding in her chest. "Fuck! Hold on, Shepard. We'll figure out a way to get to you."

Shepard knew that wasn't going to happen. That final explosion that expelled her from the Normandy also damaged her suit. She was losing oxygen. Rapidly. She reached behind her, scrambling to try to preserve whatever air she had, but there was nothing to be done. She knew she had mere moments. It didn't help that she was quickly approaching the planet. She could only hope she was unconscious or dead before she burned up in the atmosphere.

"It's too late, Ash. My suit is too damaged, and I'm almost out of air. Just know that I love you."

"Goddammit, Sloane! You can't do this. You promised you'd always come back. You promised! Don't leave me. Oh god, please don't leave me!"

Shepard's breathing was labored. Her lungs burned. Her mind was foggy. Her vision was going black around the edges. She knew she was at the end, but she didn't want to go. Her final thoughts were of Ashley. She wished she could kiss her one more time, touch her one more time. "I'm. . . sorry, Ash. I never. . . wanted to break. . . my promise. I. . . love -" The comms channel went silent.

"Sloane! Don't! Please. . . I love you." Ashley crumbled into wracking sobs, her face buried in her hands. Liara unbuckled herself so that she could put her arms around the broken marine. The shuttle was silent but for the sounds of Ashley's anguish.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Hopefully FF is behaving itself now. For readers who have had problems accessing the site over the last week and a half, updates made during that time start with Chapter 20. Thanks for reading, and don't be shy about leaving a review! They're all appreciated.

* * *

Ashley felt numb. She'd felt numb for the last week.

An Alliance ship had eventually showed up to pick up the surviving members of the Normandy. She had wanted to go back and retrieve Shepard's body, but the captain of the ship refused, citing the danger of another possible attack. Ashley begged, then physically threatened, but could not sway him.

So she'd found an isolated corner of the ship's hold, and sat alone. For days. Dr. Chakwas and Liara would bring her food, and weren't above forcing her to eat. She slept little, and only when she was so exhausted that she couldn't fight it anymore. But then the nightmares would begin, and she'd see Shepard suffocating and dying before her eyes, and she'd be awake once more. Her voice was rough from disuse. She spoke little, and mainly when it was the only way to get rid of somebody.

There was one exception. After being bullied into a shower by Liara, Ashley passed through the mess on her way back to her dark corner. Joker sat alone at a table, an arm in a cast and his chest wrapped tight. The sight of him enraged her and she suddenly found herself standing in front of him.

"You fucking son of a bitch! You selfish bastard! You killed her because you couldn't follow a goddamned order." Ashley was shaking with anger and rage, fists tight by her side. She took a step, to be within arm's reach of him. Joker flinched, pulling as far back as he could in his chair. "You fucking little shit, you killed her! Shepard is dead because of you." She brought a fist back, ready to strike, only to feel herself restrained by strong krogan arms. She was too weak to break his grasp.

"Goddammit, let me go, Wrex!"

"Sorry, no can do. One punch from you like this would probably kill the little guy." Wrex relaxed his grip slightly, but didn't let her go.

"Fine by me. The prick deserves it."

Joker hung his head, tears shining in his eyes. "I do deserve it. I'm so sorry, Chief. If I could have switched places with her - "

"But you didn't, did you? Just shut the fuck up, Joker. I don't want to hear it. This is your fault. She died pulling your worthless ass out of that ship. Go to hell."

Wrex pivoted them around so that he released Ashley away from Joker, keeping himself between her and the pilot. "Go on now. You can't bring her back this way," his voice gently rumbled.

With one final glare at Joker, Ashley strode away from the table, back to her hiding place where she cried until she had no more tears left to shed.

When the ship finally reached the Citadel, she was too thin, with dark circles blooming under her eyes. Her uniform was rumpled, her hair pulled back simply into a careless knot. Liara found her in her corner in the hold, and insisted on escorting her to the room the Alliance had secured for Ashley on the station. Ashley had no strength to resist.

As they stepped off the ship, Ashley's eyes drifted over to the elevator at the end of the dock, and she felt like she'd been punched in the chest. Standing there was a woman in dress blues, with hair a shade of copper she knew too well (albeit peppered with a few silver strands) and familiar emerald eyes. She was an older, somewhat shorter version of her commander. The striking similarities caused Ashley actual physical pain, and her knees buckled beneath her before Liara could catch her.

The woman rushed over, dropping to one knee in front of Ashley. "Are you okay?"

Ashley kept her gaze focused on the ground. She couldn't look the woman in the eyes. _Her eyes_. Her military training asserted itself, even if she couldn't rise to her feet. "Ma'am, yes ma'am."

"You must be Ashley. I'm Hannah Shepard, but it seems you've realized that."

Ashley fought the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. She thought she'd run out of tears four days ago.

"I was supposed to meet you. She was going to introduce me . . ." Ashley couldn't hold it in any longer, and she broke down once more. Strong arms wrapped around her, as Captain Shepard's tears joined hers.

OoOoO

Liara and the captain helped Ashley to her feet and the three continued on to Ashley's room. Liara left the two women alone, excusing herself to tend to other matters. She could see that they obviously needed time to talk without her present.

The furnishings in the room were sparse, consisting mainly of a bed, desk, table, two chairs, and a small sofa. There was a small kitchenette, stocked with a few supplies, and an even smaller bathroom. Ashley's eyes moved across the room without actually seeing anything as she stood frozen in place. Hannah steered her over to the sofa, pulling a chair up across from her. Moments ticked by as they sat silently in their shared grief.

Captain Shepard was the first to speak. "Sloane loved you, you know." Ashley could only nod mutely. A part of her brain registered that she'd never heard anyone else use Shepard's given name. "You were the best thing to happen to her." Tears began to fall down Ashley's cheeks again, but she had given up wiping them away long ago. Hannah continued, needing to verbalize her feelings to the only other person who could begin to understand her loss. "I was always so proud of her career, and of all the things she'd achieved so early. But I never felt like she was happy until she met you. After you joined her on the Normandy, she talked about you every time we spoke."

That piqued Ashley's curiosity. "But we weren't together until a while later."

Hannah smiled sadly. "That doesn't mean you didn't make an impression on her. It was funny to hear her talk. She had no idea that she'd fallen for you from the start. But I could tell. Hell, just the fact that she mentioned you at all was monumental. She was never one for attachments."

Ashley found herself smiling despite herself. "That's an understatement."

Sighing, Hannah rose and moved over to the kitchenette. "It would probably be too much to hope that they had any booze in here," she said as she opened the lone cupboard. To her surprise, there was a bottle of bourbon on the shelf, with a note signed by Liara. Ashley was struck by Liara's thoughtfulness. Not just for the booze, but knowing Shepard's favorite one. There were more tears as Hannah poured them each a generous amount. Ashley offered a toast. "Here's to drinking the good shit."

OoOoO

Having eaten little over the previous week, it didn't take long before Ashley was feeling the effects of the alcohol. She welcomed the warmth and calmness it brought. She found herself relaxing into the small sofa, feeling the tension leave her body for the first time since the call to abandon ship.

"I just miss her," Ashley said quietly.

"Yeah. Me too. It's a goddamned awful thing to have to bury a child." Hannah Shepard snorted. "If only they'd actually let me bury her. Fucking cowards wouldn't go back for her."

Ashley nodded in agreement, smiling as she realized where Shepard got her penchant for cussing. "I even pulled a pistol on the captain of the ship, and he still refused to go back. That's going to look good in my files."

"Don't worry about that. I'm pretty sure that nothing that happened after the Normandy went down will end up in anyone's files. But thanks for trying to get my girl."

"I didn't want to leave her on the Normandy when the call came to abandon ship. She made me go."

One corner of Hannah's mouth quirked up. "Did she pull rank on you?"

Ashley dropped her head. "Yes."

"That sounds like Sloane. It was probably the best way she knew to keep you safe. There was nothing you could have done, Ashley."

Ashley took another swallow of bourbon. "Maybe. But that doesn't help much."

"I know."

"Captain Shepard, would it be okay if I sat with you at the memorial tomorrow? I. . . I can't face the crew."

"It's Hannah. And yes, I would like that very much. Now let's get you something to eat and maybe a shower. You look like hell." Ashley snorted. She liked this Hannah Shepard.

OoOoO

The Alliance sure did know how to throw a memorial service, especially when it's for the Hero of the Citadel. The Council attended in full force, along with every high-ranking military officer within a four day journey. Ashley hated every single one of them. She sat with Shepard's mom at the end of the front row of the auditorium, studiously avoiding making eye contact with any of the former Normandy crew members. She made an exception for Liara, inviting her to join her and Captain Shepard, scooting over to make room.

Williams had donned her dress blues for the occasion, intending to drop them in an incinerator as soon as she could. She wanted no reminders of the reason she wore them that day.

She only vaguely listened to the self-important blowhards who delivered various eulogies for her commander. None of them knew her well, save Anderson. But it was obvious that his remarks were not truly his own, so they mattered little to her. She did spare a glance around the hall, noting that Joker was flanked by both Wrex and Garrus, presumably to keep him out of view. They did a poor job of it. Her blood still boiled when she laid eyes on him.

When the service concluded and the echoes from the 21-gun salute faded, Ashley leapt from her seat and bulldozed her way through the crowd of strangers just there to be seen, and headed back to her room. She needed to be alone.

OoOoO

The next few weeks passed in a blur. The Alliance was generous in giving Ashley a month of leave. She suspected that Captain Shepard had something to do with it, and was grateful. Hannah visited Ashley every day for that first week. Although they initially bonded over their shared loss, they soon developed a true friendship. When Hannah had to leave to return to her post, Ashley felt the loss of her company keenly.

On her final day on the Citadel, the captain brought a datapad with her. She held onto it tightly for a few moments, obviously giving something a great deal of consideration. Finally, she pushed it towards Ashley, wiggling it to indicate that she should take it.

"What's this?" Ashley asked.

"I've been going through some of Sloane's messages to me. When we couldn't do a live communication for a while, she'd send me a note to check in. A lot of them mention you. I thought you might like to have a copy of those. But I don't want them to cause you any pain."

Ashley felt a burst of affection for the woman. Eyes shining with unshed tears, she jumped up and hugged her. "Thank you. This means so much to me. I don't have anything left of hers - it was all destroyed when the ship went down. This. . . this is incredible. Thank you."

"My daughter chose well, you know. She was lucky to have you."

"No ma'am. I was lucky to have her."

OoOoO

Liara checked in on Ashley daily. The first thing she'd do is make Ashley list what she'd eaten over the previous twenty four hours, then chide her for not eating enough. She stopped by when she could, but she seemed to be involved in some new project. Ashley couldn't get her to tell her about it, so she let it drop.

After a couple of weeks, Liara left. She wouldn't tell Ashley where she was going. Only that she'd keep in touch with Ashley when she could. Another friend gone.

OoOoO

Ashley spent her final week alone, using the time to get back into fighting shape. She increased her daily food intake to replenish lost weight, and spent time in the gym to regain muscle tone. She was smaller and weaker than before, but she knew that was temporary. She didn't know what her new assignment would be, but she hoped like hell it would involve tracking down the ship that took away her commander. And for that, she'd make herself stronger than before.


	24. Chapter 24

Ashley's first assignment after the Normandy was a routine colony posting. Nothing terribly challenging or exciting. Ashley didn't mind. She was still regaining her strength and muscle. Dull was perfectly fine for that.

Ashley spent her days on patrol, her nights alone in her bunk. She ate meals with her squad, but wasn't ready for the casual camaraderie common to marines. She was just social enough to blend in, never revealing too much. Her squadmates wanted to hear stories about the Normandy and the Battle of the Citadel, and sometimes she would oblige. But she rarely mentioned Shepard by name. The pain was still too raw.

OoOoO

 _Explosions. Fire. Crew members lying bloody on the deck. Ejecting the escape shuttle. Shepard floating in space. Hearing her last words, her last breath. Helpless to do anything. Watching her lover die. Die, and float away._

Ashley bolted upright in her bed, chest tight, face wet. The nightmares didn't come as often, some eight months later. But they were still almost too painful to bear. Bringing her knees to her chest, Ashley hugged her legs tight against her, trying to calm her breathing. Her last CO had tried to send her to the shrink, but she refused. There was nothing they could do to help, and she didn't need any psych issues on her record.

Once the pain her chest passed and she could breath properly again, Ashley reached into her foot locker and pulled out a datapad. The one that Hannah Shepard had given her. Reading through some of the messages soothed her after the nightmares.

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _We're out of live comms range for a while again. Still can't give you the where or what, but just know I'm okay._

 _Remember that new Marine I told you about? She's been a great addition to the crew. I've never had a better sniper on my team. The way she handles a rifle is impressive. And to her credit she appreciates my taste in bourbon._

 _Hope to talk soon._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _Got your message. Still out of live comms range. Our mission went better than expected. We gained our objective, and I kicked a Krogan battlemaster's ass. Damn, that was fun._

 _You asked about that new Marine. Her name is Williams. She's tough as hell. Kind of cocky. But I like that._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _I know we haven't been able to talk for a couple weeks. Just when I'm back in comms range, you aren't. That's space life for you. Wouldn't trade it for anything, though._

 _Quick question. Did you ever come across any soldiers named Williams? I know it's a common name, but the Chief's dad, grandfather and great-grandmother all served in the Alliance, and you'd think a legacy like that would stand out somewhere._

 _I might have set up a date with her tonight. The Marine. Or she set up a date with me. I'm still not sure what happened. I'm not really the dating kind. But I'm definitely showing up. Williams is different than anyone I've met before._

 _Stay safe._

OoOoO

After a year on the colony, Ashley received a new assignment. This one put her back on a warship, patrolling the farther reaches of Alliance space for slavers. Her initial anxieties at being back aboard a ship quickly faded as she regained her space legs.

Although it had been more than a year since Shepard died, Ashley still had no interest in anyone else. There was one drunken night on leave a few months before when a fellow Marine joined her in a darkened corner of a bar. At first, Ashley responded to her flirting, enjoying the feeling of being desired again. The other Marine was beautiful. She was a couple of inches shorter than Ashley, with blonde hair that has been shorn close to her scalp. Everything Shepard was not. Her clear blue eyes were somewhat dulled by the alcohol they'd been sharing, but Ashley still got lost looking into them. Furtive touches soon gave way to kissing. In the relative privacy of their corner, hands roamed freely. Desire pooling between her legs, Ashley's hands reached under the woman's shirt, moving towards her breasts. It had been so long since Ashley had touched another, so long since she'd been touched. The other Marine thrust a hand down the front of Ashley's pants, fingers working under her underwear.

With a start, Ashley grabbed the Marine's wrist, gently removing her hand with an apology. Intellectually she knew she couldn't cheat on a dead woman. And yet it still felt wrong to seek physical comfort from another. Not while she still loved Shepard. She excused herself, buying a bottle of scotch on the way out. Returning to her quarters, she continued to drink until she finally slept.

The frequent battles with the slavers helped dull the pain of Shepard's loss. The adrenaline rush and physical exertion kept her from spending too much time with her thoughts. She looked forward to fighting with a bloodlust she hadn't known before. The squads under her command racked up the highest body counts as she cleared out slaver nest after slaver nest. Soon the Batarians and Krogans abandoned the sector she patrolled altogether.

With time on her hands once more, the nightmares returned with increasing frequency.

And again, she was grateful for Captain Shepard's gift.

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _I've been thinking what we talked about. You might be right. There's something about Ashley that grounds me. I laugh more with her than I have with anyone in a long time. Or ever. And she can pull me out of dark places. Plus she knows exactly how much sugar to put in my coffee. And those shoulders!_

 _We'll talk soon._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _I wish we were in comms range. Had a mission go tits up. Can't say much more than that right now, but it was pretty fucked up. Unfortunately Ashley got a look at my temper first hand. I was kind of hoping to keep that in check around her. I learned she's got some fire to her, too. We had some words, and I need to talk to her later to figure some stuff out. She's so much more to me than just a conquest, but I don't know if she knows that._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _Had a good talk with Ashley yesterday. Turns out that shit mission stirred up more than I expected. For both of us. I think we worked through it. We might even be better for it. I don't know. I do need to figure out how to say things better though. God, I can sound like such an idiot sometimes. Or all the time. I can see you nodding your head. Stop it._

 _Oh - and it turns out that Ashley is "a Williams." I didn't understand what that meant until she told me her grandfather was General Williams of Shanxi. She's spent her entire career trying to overcome that legacy. She's definitely ballsy to enlist, knowing the prejudice she'd face. But I love that about her. So fucking fearless._

OoOoO

Ashley's exceptional results in clearing her sector of slavers earned her a promotion to Operations Chief. Nearly two years after the Normandy's destruction, she was recalled to the Citadel by Councillor Anderson. She hoped this meant that they had finally identified who was responsible for the destruction of the Normandy and the death of Shepard, and were going to allow her to go after them.

She was disappointed when Anderson confessed that nobody had really looked for the mystery ship. Instead, he told her that there were rumors about Cerberus involvement with the disappearance of humans on remote colonies. They had information that the colony on Horizon was a potential target. Ashley would take a team there to upgrade the colony's defenses. The mission was classified, to avoid any possible leaks that might make their way to Cerberus.

It wasn't what she'd hoped for, but taking on Cerberus seemed to be an acceptable consolation prize for now.

On Horizon, Ashley spent long days doing much of the physical labor herself. She welcomed the exhaustion at the end of each day. She had barely enough energy to eat and shower before dropping tiredly into her bunk each night.

The nightmares came rarely now, although they felt more intense when they did. She wished that they'd stop altogether. She still loved Shepard, but Shepard was dead. She would have to learn how to carry on without her. And without the nightmares.

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _Well, shit. The Council grounded my ship. Fuckers._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _Still grounded. And I think I've fallen for my Marine. She's unlike anyone I've ever known, Mom. She's seen me at my worst and still stays by my side. She's strong and confident and accepting and amazing and sexy as fuck._

 _Stop laughing. And stop saying "I knew it."_

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _I'd hoped we could talk when you were back in comms range tomorrow, but if everything goes to plan, I'm pretty sure I'll be out of range for awhile. If things don't go as planned, know that I love you, Mom._

OoOoO

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _I heard your ship will be docking at the Citadel in a few weeks. I'll be patrolling out here for a bit, but I'm going to arrange to join you there. I want you to meet Ashley. And I want her to meet you. She's it for me, Mom. She's the best thing to ever happen to me, and I don't know how I got so lucky. I love her. And for some inexplicable reason she loves me, too._

 _I think you're really going to like her. Can't wait to see you._


	25. Chapter 25

_White. I can see only white._

"There. On the monitor. Something is wrong."

A woman's accented voice, unfamiliar to her, saying nonsensical things. _Where am I?_ Shepard can't form coherent thoughts, but she has a faint recollection of floating in space and then nothing. _Where the fuck am I?_

Another voice, this time a man's. "She's reacting to outside stimuli. Showing an awareness of her surroundings."

 _She? Are they talking about me? What do they mean? What the hell is going on? Why can't I move?_ With great effort, Shepard manages to turn her head to the side. She still can't focus, but she can make out the blurred image of a dark haired woman. _Ash?_

No, not Ash. The voice is not Ashley's as it says, "Dammit Wilson. She's not ready yet. Give her the sedative." _Not ready for what?_ She tries to speak, to ask where she is, but her mouth won't respond to her brain. The blurry woman turns to her. "Shepard - don't try to move." Shepard manages to bring a hand up, but still can't speak. "Just lie still. Try to stay calm."

 _Calm? How the hell can I stay calm when I don't know where the fuck I am or why I'm here._ Another memory flashes in her mind. Floating alone in space. Burning in her lungs. Saying goodbye to Ash. Taking her last breath. _Dying?_

The man speaks again. "Heart rate still climbing. Brain activity is off the charts. Status pushing into the red zone. It's not working!"

The woman moves away. "Another dose. Now!"

"Heart rate dropping. Stats falling back into normal range." The words begin to sound muffled, as if she has pillows covering her ears. "That was too close. We almost lost her."

The woman's face appears again, this time closer. She speaks to the man. "I told you your estimates were off. Run the numbers again."

Thoughts become difficult once more. _What is happening? Where is Ashley?_ Her vision begins to darken at the edges. _No, not again! Please, I don't want to die again!_ As everything fades to black, she manages to speak one word. "Ash."

OoOoO

A voice. "Commander! Wake up, Commander."

Shepard heard the voice, but couldn't make sense of it. "Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now! This facility is under attack." Shepard tried opening her eyes, but her body was slow to respond to her brain's instructions. _That voice is familiar. Why?_

An explosion rocked her against the table she was laying on, startling her eyes open at last. A burst of adrenaline helped her regain control of her muscles. The skin on her face felt too tight. She reached a hand up while moving her jaw back and forth, trying to stretch the muscles out. She could feel wide scars on her cheeks, but no scabs.

The voice again. "Shepard, your scars aren't healed. But I need you to get moving. I repeat, this facility is under attack."

Shepard pulled herself up to a sitting position, groaning as the muscles of her torso protested. She looked down at her body, finding it dressed in an unfamiliar gray and white uniform. She reached up with both hands, running her fingers through her hair, and discovered that it was much longer than she remembered - it skimmed the top of her shoulders. The voice continued to exhort her to get up, telling her to find a pistol in a locker across the room.

Shepard still had no idea what the hell was going on, but she could hear the sounds of battle going on outside of the room, and her military instincts took over.

She grabbed the pistol, and grimaced when she realized it was unloaded. "What the fuck good is this? Do you expect me to throw it at someone?" she yelled at whoever belonged to that voice that was speaking to her.

"We'll work on that. There should be some armor in the next locker over. Quickly!"

The armor bore the familiar N7 stripe down the arm, but nothing about this facility or her uniform seemed remotely connected to the Alliance. She quickly donned the armor, picking up the empty pistol.

The voice continued to give Shepard instructions and directions. _Where have I heard that voice?_ An image of an out-of-focus dark haired woman came to mind. The memory wasn't connected to anything else. Shepard couldn't tell what it meant, but she had no time to consider it further. She battled through waves of mechs, going where the voice told her to go. Shepard was pleased that her skill with a gun was as she remembered, and surprised that her body seemed quicker and stronger than before. _Before what?_

"Shepard, you have to keep moving. We need to get you to the shuttle."

 _To the shuttle._ An image of the last shuttle containing Joker came to mind. _No no no. I didn't survive that_. _How is any of this possible?_

Shepard made her way through the facility, destroying every mech she came across. She ducked into a room to catch her breath, noticing data logs open on a nearby terminal. Glancing over her shoulder to verify that she was temporarily out of danger, she pressed "play".

A dark-haired woman appeared on screen. The accented voice was unmistakably the same one that woke her. "Progress is slow, but subject shows signs of recovery. Major organs are again functional, and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity." _What the fuck?_ "In an effort to accelerate the process, we've moved from simple organic reconstruction of the subject to bio-synthetic fusion. Initial results show progress." _Organic reconstruction? The subject? Bio-synthetic fusion?_ Shepard's head was spinning. _Who is she talking about?_ Shepard's hand passed over the open scars on her face again. The possible implications were terrifying.

Another log entry, this time a male voice. "The cost of this project is astronomical - over four billion credits so far. But nobody seems to care that we've gone over budget." _Four BILLION?_ The voice continued. "I don't know where the boss gets all his money. . . Maybe it's better not to know. I just wish he'd kick a little more in my direction once in a while." _The boss?_

Shepard ventured back out into the hallway, destroying more mechs. She burst through a large door, finding a man wearing a uniform similar to the one she woke in. He was glowing with biotics, fighting a series of mechs across the room. He greeted her by name. "Shepard! What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress."

"What the fuck does that mean? Who are you?" Shepard was more confused than ever. Ignoring the hostile fire overhead, she grabbed the front of the man's uniform. "Look, I don't know where I am or how I got here or why I'm not dead. And coherent thought is not my friend right now. So why don't you tell me what the fuck is going on before I lose my patience."

"Right. Sorry. Of course this is all new to you," the man replied.

"You're not answering my questions." Shepard tightened her grip on the man's uniform. "Spit it out, asshole."

"I'm Jacob Taylor. I've been stationed here for -" He was cut off by a few shots that were too close for comfort. He shook free from Shepard's grasp and raised his weapon to take out two mechs. Taylor dropped back down into cover. "Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda has you running around. Let's get you to the shuttle, then I'll fill you in."

"No! Ever since I woke up, I've had someone telling me what to do. But I don't know where the fuck I am or who the hell you all are. So you'll answer my questions _now_."

"Fine. Not sure you're going to like everything you hear, though."

"Not your call. Start talking."

"You and your ship were attacked and destroyed." Shepard flashed back to those memories of her floating in space alone. "You were killed." _Saying goodbye to Ashley. Taking a last breath. Blackness_. _Ashley!_ "Dead as dead can be when they brought you here." Shepard looked closely at Taylor's face. He appeared to be telling the truth. _But how?_ "Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You've been comatose or worse the whole time. Welcome back to your life."

 _Two years? TWO YEARS?_

"You expect me to believe that I've been laying on a table for two years? I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around that one."

"No doubt. The Alliance officially declared you KIA. The whole galaxy thinks you're dead."

 _The whole galaxy - including Ashley and my mother. Oh god._

"What about my crew? Where there any other survivors from the Normandy?"

"Listen, we can spend all day on your questions if you just help me take down these mechs."

Shepard gritted her teeth, fighting her instinct to punch this guy in the face. "Fine." She broke cover and efficiently took out a half dozen mechs on her own. Standing, she looked down at Taylor, who hadn't even had time to bring up his weapon, and said, "Now we can talk. What about my crew?"

"Just about everybody survived. Some of the servicemen from the lower decks didn't get out, a few others were spaced. Pressly was killed by an explosion."

"What about those who made it off? Where are they now?"

"I don't know. It's been two years. That's a long time. Some left the Alliance, went on to other things. They could be anywhere."

 _Ashley_. Shepard didn't know who she was dealing with, and she didn't want to offer up any weakness they could exploit. She wanted to know where Ashley was, but she wasn't going to ask for her specifically. "How can I find them?"

"Maybe you can track them down when we get off the station. If we get off the station."

The next few questions Shepard asked were quick. She learned that the woman's voice belonged to Miranda Lawson, the person in charge of the project - Project Lazarus - to bring Shepard back from the dead. There were no other subjects - only Shepard. She also found out that Taylor had been with the Alliance for five years, and was in charge of security. In his opinion, the attack on the facility was likely an inside job, but he hadn't had time to figure out who initiated it.

Back to the big issue. "You said you spent two years rebuilding me? How bad was it?"

Taylor shrugged. "I'm no doctor, but it was pretty bad. When I first saw you, you were just meat and tubes."

Shepard shuddered, remembering her trajectory towards the planet as she lost consciousness. _I must have hit the atmosphere_.

"Anywhere else and they would have put you in a box and jettisoned you into space. But Project Lazarus was different. Cutting edge technology."

Shepard's stomach turned. "So what, are you saying I'm a clone? Some sort of cybernetic hybrid? What?"

"I don't know the details. You'll have to ask the scientists. But I'm pretty sure you're not a clone. The objective was to bring _you_ back, exactly as you were."

Shepard's fingers moved back up to the odd scars on her face. "Sure."

"You're still you. You just might have a few extra bits and pieces now. They spent two years and a fuckton of cash to do it."

Shepard mulled that over. She'd have to do a more complete inventory when she got the chance.

"All right. Let's find Lawson and get to the shuttles. I've got some questions for her."

As they made their way to the shuttles, Shepard spotted another terminal. Curious after finding information that she now knew was about her earlier, she accessed the logs. Lawson appeared on screen again. "Physical reconstruction of subject is complete but we still need to evaluate all mental and neurological functions. Our orders were clear: make Commander Shepard who she was before the explosion. The same mind, the same morals, the same personality. If we alter her identity in any way, if she's somehow not the woman she used to be, the Lazarus Project will have failed. I refuse to let this happen." Shepard turned this over in her mind. _So probably not a clone. But what?_ She felt like herself. Her memory seemed intact. Her thoughts seemed to be her own. Noting that Taylor's attention was elsewhere, Shepard grabbed a data stick and downloaded all log data onto it, tucking it into a storage slot on her armor. She'd want to look at it more later.

Before they reached Lawson, Taylor stopped her. He looked pensive. "Listen Shepard. If I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

Shepard said nothing, but she did keep her pistol at the ready.

"The Lazarus Project. It's funded and controlled by Cerberus."

Shepard used her new-found quickness to close the space between them, drawing her weapon and holding it against Taylor's ribs. "You fucking liar. You told me you were Alliance."

Taylor tensed. "I didn't lie to you, Commander. I was with the Alliance. Before I joined Cerberus."

"That's a goddamned technicality. Don't think that it makes anything better."

"The Alliance declared you dead. They gave up on you. They wouldn't even go back for your body. Cerberus spent several fortunes to bring you back. I'd be suspicious, too. But right now, we've got to work together. I thought you deserved to know what you were dealing with. I hope that counts for something."

Shepard took a moment to turn everything over in her head. With an almost imperceptible nod, she lowered her pistol and took a step back. "I'm not done with this."

"Fine. Once we're off the station, I'll take you to the Illusive Man. He'll explain everything."

"Illusive Man? You've got to be kidding me. Someone actually calls himself that? Is he in charge?"

"Yeah. Nobody knows who he really is. Illusive Man was a code name the Alliance used for him. I guess he liked it, and it stuck."

"Fuck that. I don't care what Cerberus did. I'm not working for a terrorist organization."

"You can tell it to the boss. But after we've saved our asses."

They continued on to the shuttles once more. Shepard found another laptop, adding additional log data to her data stick. "Test subject has been recovered but the damage is far worse than we initially feared." _Meat and tubes._ "In addition to the expected burns and internal injuries from the explosions, subject has suffered significant cellular breakdown due to long term exposure to vacuum and sub-zero temperatures. Despite the extent of the physical trauma, Wilson assures me subject is salvageable." Shepard snorted. _Salvageable_. "The Lazarus Project will proceed as planned."

When they finally found Lawson, Shepard had some questions for her. She was still angry at the Cerberus revelation, and challenged Lawson's assumption that Shepard would hop onto a shuttle and go to yet another Cerberus facility with her. Lawson made it clear that the only alternative was to stay there alone.

"Fine. Say I go with you. What does Cerberus want with me? Why the Lazarus Project?"

"Maybe you should ask the Illusive Man when you meet him. He poured unlimited resources into Lazarus. Obviously he has some kind of plan for you."

"I'm having a hard time taking someone called _the Illusive Man_ seriously, but it would appear you have the advantage. For now. Let's go."

On board the shuttle, Lawson approached Shepard. "Before you meet with the Illusive Man, I need to ask you a few questions, to evaluate your condition. It's been two years. I need to make sure your personality and memories are intact."

 _Two years_. Shepard was still having a hard time accepting that she'd been out for two years. _Ashley. How can I explain being gone for two years to her?_

"So it's really been two years."

Taylor piped in. "Two years and twelve days. And you were on an operating table for most of it."

Lawson glared at him. "The sooner we start, the sooner we'll be done. Let's start with your personal history."

Shepard's face hardened. "Now?"

"We should have done weeks of testing to confirm whether the project was successful." Shepard rolled her eyes. "But now a few questions on a shuttle ride will have to suffice. Let's start with personal history. Jacob?"

"Right. Records show you were a spacer kid. Raised mostly on one ship or another." He looked expectantly at Shepard, who just returned a blank stare. "Okay. You enlisted, and survived a thresher maw attack that wiped out the rest of your team. Do you remember that?"

"Do you think I wouldn't? I lost fifty marines. It was a fucking disaster. What do you want to hear?"

Lawson stepped in. "Let's try something more recent. Virmire. You left behind a squad member to die in the blast. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was killed in action. It was your call. Why did you leave him behind?"

Shepard closed her eyes at the emotions the memory stirred. She never wanted to revisit that decision. Opening them once more, she fixed her eyes on Lawson's. "Fuck you. I don't have to answer these shit questions. We're done here." She turned her head towards the window, ignoring the two Cerberus operatives.

Lawson was not deterred. "I have more questions, Shepard."

Shepard turned back to her. "I have no more answers for you," she said simply, returning her gaze to the window.

Taylor spoke up. "Come on, Miranda. Enough with the quizzes. I can vouch for Shepard's combat skills personally. And you can see the memories are there."

"Perhaps. Let's hope the Illusive Man accepts our little field tests as sufficient evidence."

"Fuck the Illusive Man," Shepard muttered under her breath. Then she turned her thoughts back to Ashley. _I wonder where she is now. I have to find her._


	26. Chapter 26

Shepard's discussion with the Illusive Man wasn't terribly satisfying. She found it especially hard to believe that the Alliance was not taking the Reaper threat seriously. She wondered what had happened over the previous two years to make them so complacent. She made a mental note to investigate.

The most she could get out of the Illusive Man was that the Reapers were still active and getting help from somewhere. Entire human colonies were disappearing in remote locations. The Illusive Man couldn't answer why only humans were targeted, but regardless of the reason, Shepard knew it needed to be stopped. And if the Alliance wasn't going to deal with, she'd have to.

Shepard knew better than to believe that Cerberus had pure motives. The Illusive Man may have said that he wanted only to protect humanity, but Shepard did not trust him or his intentions. "The advancement and preservation of humanity" sounded like a bullshit line, and she was pretty sure that Cerberus was exactly as evil as she believed it to be. Nonetheless, she agreed to go to Freedom's Progress and investigate the latest colony disappearance. Not for Cerberus. But because it was the right thing to do.

Follow-up discussions with Lawson confirmed Shepard's dislike of the woman. The operative might have brought Shepard back, but she was still a pompous ass. At least Lawson revealed that she wasn't able to plant a control chip in Shepard's brain like she'd wanted. Shepard was more than a little relieved that her mind remained her own.

OoOoO

Shepard was very pleasantly surprised to see Tali on Freedom's Progress. Howerver, Tali had a difficult time accepting that Commander Shepard was alive and well.

"Yeah, it's a long story. But it's me." Tali continued to look at her with a skeptical tilt of her head.

Looking for a way to assure Tali she was, in fact, herself, Shepard asked. "So did that geth data help you finish your pilgrimage?"

Shepard could hear a smile in Tali's voice as she confirmed, "Yes, yes it did. It is you, isn't it, Shepard?" Shepard returned the smile, drawing Tali in for an embrace.

She learned from Tali that her team from the Normandy had scattered in the weeks following her death. Pulling Tali aside, out of earshot of the Cerberus operatives, she asked if Tali had any information about Ashley.

"Please, Tali. Whatever you might know. Anything. I need to find her. Soon. I have to talk to her first, before. . . She can't hear about me from someone else. It has to be me."

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I don't know where she is. I haven't heard from her since. . . since I last saw her two years ago on the Citadel."

Shepard nodded her understanding of what Tali left unsaid. "Come with me, Tali. I need someone I can trust."

Tali shook her head. "I wish it were so simple, Shepard. I'm still trying to accept that you're alive. And with Cerberus."

Shepard sighed in exasperation. "I'm not _with_ Cerberus, Tali."

Tali waved a hand. "Whatever it is. I've got certain responsibilities right now. A mission of my own. I can't walk away from it. But when it's over, if I'm still alive, we'll see what happens."

"I understand. But please, if you hear anything about Ashley, please let me know."

"I will, Shepard. Good luck out there."

OoOoO

In her debrief with the Illusive Man, Shepard found an opening to ask about the whereabouts of her remaining team members, adding Ashley to a long list to mask her interest in the one person she most wanted information on. She was unsurprised that Ashley was still with the Alliance, and pleased that she had been promoted. _Good for her. The Williams curse be damned_. However, the Illusive Man said her file was classified, and he couldn't say where she was. Shepard was fairly certain he was lying, but didn't bother to challenge him.

In the end, the Illusive Man confirmed what Tali had told her - her team had all moved on to various unknown locations. It wasn't the news Shepard had hoped for, but there was nothing to be done about it just yet.

Based on what she'd learned about the Collectors and their likely connection to the Reapers, Shepard knew she'd have to work with Cerberus to stop them before it was too late. Not for Cerberus' benefit, but because it was necessary for the sake of the galaxy. She'd rather do it on behalf of the Alliance, but if they weren't going to cooperate, she'd take what she could get. Shepard wasn't above using Cerberus' resources, personnel or intel to complete the mission if that was her only option. And right now, it was.

Before he logged off, the Illusive Man promised her a ship and a pilot she could trust. _Fat chance I'll trust anyone from Cerberus,_ she thought.

Then the sounds of a shuffling gait behind her tickled something in her memory, followed by a very familiar voice. "Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

Spinning around, Shepard confirmed the voice belonged to Joker. "No fucking way!" Seeing him brought conflicting emotions to the surface. _Floating alone in space. Lungs burning. Ashley pleading with her. Last breath. Ashley. Then nothing._ Joker stood a few steps away, looking suddenly very uncertain.

Shaking her head to banish the memory, Shepard stepped forward to offer a gentle welcoming hug. "Sorry, Joker. I just wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Tell me about it. I saw you get spaced."

Shepard's jaw clenched, fighting the images that sought to return. "Yeah, well. Thanks for the reminder. I guess I got lucky. Lots of strings attached, but I'm working on that. How'd you end up here?"

"It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted gone."

"That explains why they're doing nothing, I take it?"

"Yeah. The team was broken up, records sealed. I was grounded. How can you ground the best fucking pilot in the Alliance?"

Shepard smiled. Lowering her voice, she asked Joker, "Have you heard from Williams?"

Joker's face darkened, and he looked at his feet. "No ma'am. We, uh. . . we didn't part on the best of terms."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. Let's just say she hasn't forgiven me for you dying."

Shepard's face fell as she considered the implications of Joker's statement. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

 _Time to change the subject._ "What do they have you flying?"

That did the trick. Joker brightened. "Oh, that's the best part. They just showed this to me last night. I think you're going to like it." Joker led Shepard through a docking bay door. Her jaw dropped at the sight of a beautiful new warship bearing the designation "SR2".

She let out a low whistle. "Fuck me. That is something. I guess we'll have to give her a name."

The next day, Shepard instructed Joker to set a course aboard the newly christened Normandy to take them to the Citadel.

OoOoO

The new ship was impressive. The Illusive Man obviously spared no expense. The best part, however, was in the medical bay. As Shepard was passing through the mess, she spotted a familiar face through the med bay window. She burst through the door excitedly. "Holy shit! Doctor Chakwas!"

The doctor turned around in her chair. "Commander Shepard! It's good to see you alive."

"It's damn good to see you, doc." Shepard nearly crushed the smaller woman with her fierce hug. "What the hell are you doing on a Cerberus vessel?"

"After the Normandy went down, the Alliance reassigned the surviving crew. They sent me to the Mars Naval Medical Center. Fine for some, I suppose. But I wasn't on a starship. Colonial life isn't for me."

"But Cerberus?"

"I don't work for Cerberus, Shepard. I work for _you_. What you're doing is crucial, and I intend to keep you in one piece until your mission is complete. I trust _you_ , not Cerberus."

Mindful of the fact that the ship was monitored by Cerberus, Shepard phrased her next question carefully. "Do you know where the rest of the Normandy team wound up?"

Dr. Chakwas wisely understood the hidden question behind Shepard's spoken one. "No, I'm afraid I don't. I lost contact with most. I heard from Doctor T'Soni shortly after you. . . after the Normandy was destroyed. She asked some odd questions. Some of the Alliance personnel were reassigned, and their locations classified."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, and Chakwas silently nodded.

"I see. Thanks, doc. We'll catch up later."

OoOoO

After completing her inspection of the ship, Shepard retired to her quarters. The cabin was far larger than she was comfortable with, and she couldn't figure out why in the hell anyone would want fish on a warship. But it was a place she could be relatively alone.

The first thing she did when the door closed behind her was to tear off the Cerberus uniform she wore, replacing it with grey sweats and a white tank top. She hated the sight of that uniform. She knew she had no other options at this point, but she didn't have to like it.

At least the bastards stocked the cabin with bourbon. Tonight she planned on drinking a lot of it. Although she would have almost prefered a bottle of scotch. Her last thoughts before she finally drifted to sleep were of Ashley.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: I'm totally veering from canon here, but I couldn't imaging Shep and Ash seeing each other after so long and then just walking away after 2 minutes. I'd sure as hell want more time to talk (or whatever) if I were either one of them.

* * *

They didn't get there in time. The Collectors still managed to leave the colony with at least half the population. Unfortunately they left behind a cowardly whiner who was still complaining about Shepard's inability to pull a miracle out of her ass.

Miranda Lawson had tired of the man, too. "If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship."

The whiner cocked his head. "Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Some type of big Alliance hero."

Shepard felt like she'd been kicked in the chest when she heard a voice coming around the corner. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god, asshole. Apparently back from the dead."

Shepard could see nothing else. Could hear nothing else. Ashley stood in front of her. Her Ashley. Without any conscious thought, she rushed forward to meet her, crushing Ashley into her arms, burying her head into Ashley's neck, inhaling deeply. Shepard could only manage a muffled "Ash. . . It's you," before pressing her lips against Ashley's.

Ashley returned the kiss with the same fervor, until suddenly pulling away, shaking her head. In a small voice, she said, "No. . . I can't do this. I thought you were dead! I watched you fucking die."

 _Floating. Can't breathe._ "I was. . . I did. Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"I heard rumors about someone claiming to be you, but I couldn't believe them. There's no way, I thought. . ." Ashley shook her head. "So explain this. How is it that you're standing here? How does that even happen?" Finally taking note of the insignia on Shepard's armor and on the uniforms of the two humans with her, she took a step back, crossing her arms in front of her. "Cerberus? Are you fucking kidding me? You disappear for two years and show up working for some terrorist group? Was it so easy to turn your back on the Alliance, Shepard?"

That fired Shepard up. "I don't work for them, Ashley. Right now they're working for me. They brought me back, Ash. After I died. They rebuilt me."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Are you even really Shepard? Or some Cerberus creation?" Ashley's eyes flashed with anger, tempered only a little by confusion.

Shepard sighed painfully. "Listen, Ash. I don't have much time. Let's find somewhere quiet and let me try to explain."

Ashley tightened her arms around her chest. "I don't know, Shepard. I. . . You're with Cerberus. I can't. . ."

"Fifteen minutes, Ashley. Please." Shepard almost begged.

Before she could answer, Lawson broke in. "We don't have fifteen minutes, Shepard. We need to get back to the Normandy now."

Shepard's eyes flared and she whipped around to look at the Cerberus operative, taking a step towards her. "You don't fucking own me, Miranda. This is my ship, my mission, my decisions, my _orders_. If I say I need fifteen minutes, I get fifteen goddamn minutes. Am I clear?"

Lawson returned Shepard's glare for but a moment, before lowering her eyes and muttering something to the man next to her about what the Illusive Man might or might not like.

Shepard took Ashley by the elbow, afraid any more contact would send the chief fleeing, and maneuvered her through the nearest open door into what appeared to be someone's living quarters. Locking the door behind them, she sat down on a nearby sofa, gesturing beside her in hopes that Ashley would sit with her for this conversation. Ashley carefully sat next to her, not too close but not too far, either.

Before she could speak, Ashley began, "I haven't heard from you in over two fucking years, Shepard. And now you just show up out of the blue, expecting me to fall into your arms. What the fuck? Two years, Shepard. Two years that you couldn't be bothered to let me know you were alive."

"That's not fair, Ash. I spent two years unconscious on a table god knows where. I only just rejoined the world a few weeks ago. First chance I got, I went to the Citadel, looking for you. . ."

Shepard removed her armored gauntlets, setting them down on the floor next to her. She looked carefully into Ashley's eyes, and slowly lifted a hand to Ashley's jaw, caressing her cheek with a rough thumb. Ashley's gloved fingers reached up to grip Shepard's wrist, but she made no move to halt the touch.

"Oh god, Ash. I've wanted nothing more than to see you, talk to you, touch you, _feel_ you. Nobody would tell me where you were or how you were doing. I couldn't even get Anderson to give me any information. There is so much I want to say. . ."

"Shepard, we can't - "

"Why not? Why the fuck not?"

"YOU WERE DEAD. After you promised. . . How can I know what Cerberus did to you? How can I know it's still _you_?"

Shepard flinched as if struck. She lowered her eyes and removed her hand from Ashley's face. She slowly stood, and began deliberately removing her armor piece by piece, keeping her gaze at her feet. When her armor in a neat pile on the floor, she began peeling off her compression gear. First the shirt, then the briefs. Finally, she stood stripped bare, body and soul, hands at her side. Raising eyes wet with unshed tears to meet Ashley's, she said quietly, "It's just me. Only me. This is who I am. The same me I was before. The same me who loves you."

Ashley appeared to contemplate what Shepard had just said before rising to her feet and taking off her own gloves. She stood before Shepard, taking her face into her hands, looking into her eyes, voicing her thoughts.

"I want it to be you. Oh god, how I want it to be you."

"It's me," Shepard said simply.

"I mourned you. For two years. I fucking buried you, and then I mourned you." Ashley's jaw was tightly clenched, with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix that. I would never want to hurt you. Ever. I know it's unfair to just show up like this - I never would have planned it this way. Cerberus did put me back together, Ash. But I don't owe them shit - I never asked for them to do anything. I didn't make any deals with them, I swear it. I'm pretty sure they have a different objective than I do, but I don't care. I'm doing what I need to do, using their ship, their intel, their personnel. But they don't fucking own me. I need to use whatever I can to take down the Collectors. I couldn't convince the Alliance or the Council to help. I'm on my own, and this is all I have." Shepard stopped to take a breath. The torrent of words was most likely the longest speech Shepard had ever made, but she had to convince Ashley. She needed for her to _know_.

Shepard took a small step forward, closing the gap between them and taking Ashley's hands into her own. "Ash, you were my first thought when I woke. You are my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night. Anderson wouldn't even tell me where you were, and it's been killing me. To see you now is more than I could have hoped for, but to see the doubt in your eyes. . ." Shepard dropped Ashley's hands, backing up to open up space between them again. "It's really me," she finished quietly. "I said I'd always come back to you. I know it took a while, but I did my best." She turned to pick up her compression gear.

Ashley could only look at her, clearly torn.

"Your hair is longer."

Shepard stopped and turned back, caught off guard by the non sequitur. "Yes." She self-consciously tucked a few errant strands behind her ears. "It's kind of a pain in the ass. I don't know how you deal with it."

"I like it." Ashley fell silent again. Shepard waited a moment, and when she realized that was the end of the conversation, she once again bent to gather up her clothes, tears clouding her vision.

Ashley continued to stare at Shepard, contemplating. With a start, Ashley began pawing at her own armor, trying unsuccessfully to remove it. The movement caught Shepard's attention, causing her to drop her clothes and face Ashley again. Her eyes cleared, and she reached over to help Ashley unfasten and remove her chestplate. After casting it aside, Ashley grabbed Shepard by the back of her head, pulling her in for a hungry kiss, stopping only to continue to remove the rest of her armor.

Clad now only in her compression gear, Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard, renewing the kiss. Shepard's hands sought out the bottom of Ashley's shirt, pulling it over Ashley's head. Shepard walked Ashley back two steps to the couch, lowering them both down so that she lay atop Ashley, chest to chest, eyes locked together.

"I've missed you, Ash. Without you beside me, I feel like I've lost a part of myself."

"It really is you, isn't it?"

"Yes." Shepard kissed her. "Please don't ever doubt that. Or how I feel about you. I love you, Ash. I've never stopped loving you."

Ashley's arms circled Shepard and she breathed deeply. "I love you, too, Sloane," she whispered as her hands moved feverishly along Shepard's body. Shepard felt a burst of warmth flooding her chest at the sound of her name on her lover's lips. Ashley nuzzled Shepard's neck, biting and sucking at the sensitive spots she knew so well.

Shepard responded eagerly, one hand tangled in Ashley's hair, the other snaking down Ashley's side towards her hip, encountering the marine's compression pants. With a frustrated noise and a muttered complaint about something interfering with her sexy moves, she used both hands to peel them down, dropping them next to the couch.

Shepard's hands cupped Ashley's breasts, thumbs moving over hardening nipples. As she dipped her head down to kiss Ashley again, they were startled by a firm knock at the door.

"Shepard! Your fifteen minutes are up. Let's go."

Shepard's head snapped to the direction of the interruption. "Fuck off, Lawson," she snarled through the locked door. "The chief and I aren't done with our discussion yet."

"We don't have time for this, Shepard. How much longer?"

"I'll be done when I'm done, Operative. Go find a shady spot with Taylor and spend some time remembering your place in the chain of command."

"We'll talk about this later, Shepard," came the irritated reply.

Shepard turned back to Ashley with a sly smile. "Guess we only get a boot camp quickie, marine." Fortunately for them, desire and need combined with practiced touches allowed them to quickly find the release they both hungered for.

As they lay tangled and sweaty on the narrow couch a too-short time later, Shepard kissed Ashley tenderly murmuring, "I wish I had more time with you, Ash. You deserve more than a quick fuck on a borrowed couch. And there is still so much I want to say. Dammit, I just need more time. Can you come with me?"

Ashley sighed remorsefully. The moment of frenzied passion had passed and reality was setting back in. "I want nothing more, Sloane. I just. . . I can't. The Alliance has me on a critical assignment. I can't walk away from that right now. Duty calls, and all that shit."

Shepard nodded silently, blinking to keep the tears threatening at the corners of her eyes at bay. Voice just above a hoarse whisper, she said, "Duty. I understand that more than most, I suppose. But I don't know if I can do this without you, Ashley. Even if you can't come with me, I need to know if. . . I need to know that I have something to come back to. _Someone_ to come back to. Can we still be. . . _us_? Can you forgive me for leaving you?"

Ashley choked back a sob. "I don't know what there is to forgive. But I need some time. This. . . this is a lot to process. I can't pretend that I didn't lose you. I never stopped loving you, but you were gone. And with you back from the dead. . . I need time to wrap my head around it. It might only be a few weeks for you, but it's been years for me. I can't just flip a switch and go back."

Shepard held Ashley close. "I wish it was easier, Ash. Can we at least try?"

Tightening her arms around Shepard, Ashley replied, "When you're done with the Collectors, come back to me. We can try. I just. . . I just don't want to lose you again, Sloane. The first time almost killed me."

One more kiss, and they both reluctantly reached for clothes and armor. Aware that they were down to their last few moments, Shepard's words came out in a rush.

"Ashley, I know my connection to Cerberus is going to be a problem for the Alliance, especially for a Williams. I understand we won't have many chances to even talk while I'm chasing down the Collectors. I'm going to try to figure out a way, though, if that's okay with you. I'll keep any Cerberus stink off of you, I promise."

Ashley nodded, unwilling to trust her voice.

"Can I ask one more thing? I'd like to let my mom know I'm not dead. But I don't want to associate her with Cerberus, either. If you could figure out where she's serving now - "

Ashley interrupted with a small smile. "I know where she is, Shepard. We talk all the time."

Shepard's eyes widened in surprise. "Seriously? How did that happen?"

"I did get to meet her on the Citadel. It just wasn't like we'd planned."

Shepard dropped her head, her eyes pinched tight to shut out the pain. "Oh. Right. Shit, Ash. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine."

"I know. She's really great, though. But you already know that."

"Next time you talk, can you let her know that I'm okay? And that I'm not a traitor? I don't want her to be disappointed in me."

Ashley nodded again.

Before pulling their gloves back on, Shepard held both of Ashley's hands once more, kissing the palm of each one almost reverently. Turning her eyes up to Ashley's face, Shepard said, "I love you, Ashley."

"I love you, Sloane," Ashley replied, as a single tear fell down her cheek.

Wiping away the tear with a rough thumb, Shepard wrapped her other hand around the back of Ashley's head, tangling her fingers in the dark hair and bringing her mouth down for a deep kiss. Gasping for air, she touched her forehead to Ashley's, promising, "I will come back to you."

"You'd better, Skipper. I'll be waiting."

OoOoO

After smoothing their hair as best they could with gloved hands, and sneaking in a few quick kisses, Shepard and Ashley rejoined Lawson and the rest of Shepard's ground team. As Shepard headed toward her shuttle, she turned back for one last look at Ashley. She mouthed a final _I love you_ , receiving the same in return.

 _I am still hers. I hope she is still mine._


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Back to the dual POV conceit for this chapter, so it should be read along with Chapter 27.

* * *

Ashley flexed the muscles of her arms and legs, testing that she had full use of her limbs again. She'd been attacked by those odd flying bugs and temporarily paralyzed. She could only watch in mute horror as those creatures loaded up the human colonists in pods, carrying them away to their ship. _What the hell were those things?_

She heard an unfamiliar voice around the corner. "If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship."

 _Shepard?_ _It couldn't be. Could it? She's. . . dead._

There had been rumors a few weeks back that Shepard was alive, but Ashley was sure they were part of a campaign by Cerberus to confuse and demoralize Alliance troops.

"Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Some type of big Alliance hero." Ashley hated that whining idiot. He spent the last several weeks making her job much more difficult than it needed to be.

 _Is it really Shepard?_

Ashley peered around the corner of the prefab, and was shocked to see the face she saw in both her dreams and her nightmares. _Impossible._ Regardless, she wouldn't let this jackass disparage her lover, dead or alive. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god, asshole. Apparently back from the dead."

Before she could process what she was seeing any further, the apparition closed the distance between them, moving unnaturally fast. Throwing her arms around Ashley and nuzzling her neck, she said "Ash. . . It's you." _Shepard. Can it be?_ Then lips were on hers, the feel and taste of them so familiar. Her body responded before her mind, as she fell into the kiss with long buried passion.

 _No!_ She forced herself to think clearly, pulling away from Shepard. It had to be her. Or at least a very good copy. _This isn't fair!_ "No. . . I can't do this. I thought you were dead! I watched you fucking die."

"I was. . . I did. Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"I heard rumors about someone claiming to be you, but I couldn't believe them. There's no way, I thought. . ." Ashley paused, collecting her thoughts as best she could. "So explain this. How is it that you're standing here? How does that even happen?" It suddenly struck her that Shepard's armor and the uniforms of the people with her all bore Cerberus insignia. Horrified, she backed away, crossing her arms protectively across her chest. Her Shepard would never work for such an organization. _What the fuck is going on?_ "Cerberus? Are you fucking kidding me? You disappear for two years and show up working for some terrorist group? Was it so easy to turn your back on the Alliance, Shepard?"

Shepard's temper flared. "I don't work for them, Ashley. Right now they're working for me. They brought me back, Ash. After I died. They rebuilt me."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Are you even really Shepard? Or some Cerberus creation?" Ashley's emotions roiled. Anger dominated, with a healthy dose of confusion.

"Listen, Ash. I don't have much time. Let's find somewhere quiet and let me try to explain."

"I don't know, Shepard. I. . . You're with Cerberus. I can't. . ."

"Fifteen minutes, Ashley. Please." Ashley couldn't remember a time she had seen Shepard look so desperate.

The woman whose voice she'd heard earlier interrupted before Ashley would respond. "We don't have fifteen minutes, Shepard. We need to get back to the Normandy now."

A return of Shepard's anger, this time directed to the Cerberus woman as she took a menacing step in her direction. "You don't fucking own me, Miranda. This is my ship, my mission, my decisions, my _orders_. If I say I need fifteen minutes, I get fifteen goddamn minutes. Am I clear?"

The woman attempted to be defiant, but failed. Few people could stand up to Shepard. This woman was obviously not one of them.

Shepard took Ashley gently by the elbow, finding the closest open prefab and steering her towards it. Ashley was uneasy at the contact, but permitted it for now. Once inside, Shepard locked the door and took a seat on the couch, inviting Ashley to sit by her. Ashley warily sat next to her, but far enough to avoid contact.

She'd had a few moments to react to the sudden reappearance of her dead lover. And right now, she was just angry. If this was Shepard, how could she let Ashley suffer for so long? She wasn't going to let Shepard control this conversation. "I haven't heard from you in over two fucking years, Shepard. And now you just show up out of the blue, expecting me to fall into your arms. What the fuck? Two years, Shepard. Two years that you couldn't be bothered to let me know you were alive."

"That's not fair, Ash. I spent two years unconscious on a table god knows where. I only just rejoined the world a few weeks ago. First chance I got, I went to the Citadel, looking for you. . ." Ashley watched as Shepard removed her gauntlets, and didn't resist when Shepard brought a hand up to her face. If she was honest with herself, she craved the contact, welcomed it. To anchor herself, she took hold of Shepard's wrist but didn't remove the hand.

"Oh god, Ash. I've wanted nothing more than to see you, talk to you, touch you, _feel_ you. Nobody would tell me where you were or how you were doing. I couldn't even get Anderson to give me any information. There is so much I want to say. . ."

"Shepard, we can't - "

"Why not? Why the fuck not?"

"YOU WERE DEAD. After you promised. . . How can I know what Cerberus did to you? How can I know it's still _you_?" Ashley was back to furious. She knew she was being unfair, but she didn't know what else to do. She nearly regretted her outburst when she saw Shepard visibly flinch. Shepard never flinched.

She could not have expected what Shepard did next. Shepard rose, and began slowly taking off her armor, one piece at a time. Ashley could only watch in stunned silence. Shepard kept her eyes down, assuming an uncharacteristically submissive posture. When the armor had been removed, Shepard took off her compression gear. She finally brought her eyes up to meet Ashley's, dropping her arms to her sides and allowing Ashley to see her. Really see her. Not Shepard the warrior. Shepard the woman. Her Shepard.

Shepard's eyes shone with tears. _Tears I put there._ In a voice almost too low to hear, she said, ""It's just me. Only me. This is who I am. The same me I was before. The same me who loves you."

Ashley's mouth was dry, her heart thumping in her chest. She couldn't speak, but she couldn't look away. _Could it be my Shepard? Or do I just really want it to be?_

Ashley found herself standing and taking off her own gloves. She went to Shepard, cupping Shepard's face in her palms, The feel of her lover's skin beneath her hands sent a thrill through her body. Her pulse quickened. "I want it to be you. Oh god, how I want it to be you."

"It's me." Stated as a simple fact.

"I mourned you. For two years. I fucking buried you, and then I mourned you." Ashley's jaw was tightly clenched, with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix that. I would never want to hurt you. Ever. I know it's unfair to just show up like this - I never would have planned it this way. Cerberus did put me back together, Ash. But I don't owe them shit - I never asked for them to do anything. I didn't make any deals with them, I swear it. I'm pretty sure they have a different objective than I do, but I don't care. I'm doing what I need to do, using their ship, their intel, their personnel. But they don't fucking own me. I need to use whatever I can to take down the Collectors. I couldn't convince the Alliance or the Council to help. I'm on my own, and this is all I have." Ashley had never heard Shepard put so many words together at once without tripping over her own tongue. She could feel the urgency in Shepard's tone.

Ashley fought an impulse to back away when Shepard drew closer. "Ash, you were my first thought when I woke. You are my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night. Anderson wouldn't even tell me where you were, and it's been killing me. To see you now is more than I could have hoped for, but to see the doubt in your eyes. . ." Ashley was surprised to feel a sense of loss when Shepard released her hands and stepped back. Shepard's voice dropped again. "It's really me. I said I'd always come back to you. I know it took a while, but I did my best." With no immediate reaction from Ashley, Shepard moved to pick up her clothes.

Ashley couldn't tear her eyes away from Shepard. So much was of her was the same, but there were differences. The scars she'd earned as a soldier were gone, her skin smooth and unbroken. Yet her face bore new scars. They were subtle, visible only when the light hit them just right. Her hair was still the same shade of copper she loved so much, but now it was longer.

Before she could stop herself, she blurted. "Your hair is longer." _God that sounded stupid._

Shepard stopped what she was doing, directing a curious look back her way. "Yes. It's kind of a pain in the ass. I don't know how you deal with it." Somehow Ashley managed to find the way Shepard tucked her unruly hair behind her ear endearing. _Focus_.

"I like it." _So much for focus._ Ashley took a few breaths to try to collect her thoughts. While she did, Shepard resumed the task of collecting her compression gear. Ashley continued to stare at her. Shepard had stood before her, baring both body and soul, keeping nothing from her. Shepard, who had hid any hint of vulnerability from the world, reserving it only for her eyes. Shepard, who was allowing her to see it now. _Sloane. It really is Sloane._ With no further thought, Ashley began clumsily trying to remove her armor. _I need to feel her in my arms, to know that it's her._ She allowed Shepard to help remove the first piece of armor, but could restrain herself no longer.

Grabbing Shepard by the back of her head, Ashley drew her in for a deep kiss. She reluctantly broke only to keep removing her armor. For the moment, Ashley knew nothing but need. Need and desire. Need and desire and longing.

Shepard pulled Ashley's compression tee over her head as she moved them both back to the couch. Ashley nearly sighed at the contact of Shepard's breasts against hers. Shepard gazed deeply into her eyes. "I've missed you, Ash. Without you beside me, I feel like I've lost a part of myself."

 _Shepard._ "It really is you, isn't it?" Ashley had never wanted to believe anything more.

"Yes." Shepard kissed her. "Please don't ever doubt that. Or how I feel about you. I love you, Ash. I've never stopped loving you."

Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard, feeling the familiar contours of her body beneath her hands, noting again the smoothness of her skin, the absence of any scars. But as she buried her face where Shepard's neck met her shoulder, inhaling the scent of musky leather that was unique to her commander, any remaining doubt that this was, indeed, her Shepard fled in a rush. She knew for certain that this was the woman she had loved. Still loved, despite the years alone.

"I love you, too, Sloane," she breathed, hands caressing every part of Shepard that she could reach. As Shepard cursed to herself about the pants Ashley still wore - something about her sexy moves - before pushing them down Ashley's legs and to the floor, Ashley found herself laughing, even more convinced that this was, indeed, her Shepard.

Before their passion could carry them further, they were briefly interrupted through the locked door by the woman Shepard had dismissed earlier. Shepard angrily dispatched her again. Ashley noted with regret that Shepard's temper seemed to flare more easily than it used to when they were together. She soon set the thought aside as Shepard turned back with her half-grin and suggested a "boot camp quickie."

Their bodies eager and their hands well practiced, they both quickly peaked. Laying together while their thighs stilled and their breath slowed, Shepard asked Ashley to go with her.

And then Ashley had to face facts once more. She really wanted nothing more than to spend more time with Shepard, to see if they could rebuild what they once had. But she had duties that she could not abandon. Shepard seemed to understand, although Ashley could see that the reality of the situation was painful for both of them. "Even if you can't come with me, I need to know if. . . I need to know that I have something to come back to. _Someone_ to come back to. Can we still be. . . _us_? Can you forgive me for leaving you?"

Ashley wanted to cry. "I don't know what there is to forgive. But I need some time. This. . . this is a lot to process. I can't pretend that I didn't lose you. I never stopped loving you, but you were gone. And with you back from the dead. . . I need time to wrap my head around it. It might only be a few weeks for you, but it's been years for me. I can't just flip a switch and go back."

Shepard wrapped her strong arms around her. "I wish it was easier, Ash. Can we at least try?"

Ashley pressed tightly up against Shepard. "When you're done with the Collectors, come back to me. We can try. I just. . . I just don't want to lose you again, Sloane. The first time almost killed me."

As they cast about for their clothes and armor, Shepard talked about trying to stay in contact without involving Ashley with Cerberus. Ashley silently agreed. When Shepard then asked if Ashley could find her mother, Ashley laughed wryly. She had maintained regular contact with Hannah Shepard over the previous two years, and knew exactly where she was. But as Shepard was reminded of the circumstances under which Ashley and Hannah Shepard met, she almost regretted mentioning it. In the end she agreed to let the captain know that Shepard was alive. She wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but she knew she'd make sure to contact Hannah as soon as possible.

Parting was difficult.

Shepard was tender, kissing her hands. "I love you, Ashley."

Ashley couldn't help but be affected. "I love you, Sloane."

Shepard wiped away the tear that fell down Ashley's cheek with her callused thumb. She kissed Ashley once more, before promising, "I will come back to you."

"You'd better, Skipper. I'll be waiting."

OoOoO

Ashley accompanied Shepard back to her team, watching them depart. Shepard turned around, offering a silent _I love you_ , which Ashley returned.

She stood there until Shepard's shuttle was out of sight, then returned to her quarters. Completely drained, she stripped off her armor and collapsed on the bed, hugging her pillow tightly to her chest. Her elation at seeing Shepard alive and well after all these years was tempered by worry over Shepard's affiliation with Cerberus and the danger of her mission. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to be afforded another chance with her love. She prayed she would get it.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: More divergence from canon. Because that stuff is boring.

* * *

Ashley had kept the rooms the Alliance had given her years before. She found that she liked having a place that was hers, and the cost of the small studio was relatively minimal. When she was required to be on the Citadel, she enjoyed the quiet of her own private space.

After wrapping up her mission on Horizon, Councillor Anderson ordered her to report to the Citadel for an in-person debriefing. Although Anderson had spoken briefly with Shepard when she had unsuccessfully sought his aid, Ashley was the one person in the Alliance who'd had an in-depth conversation with her. Just how in-depth, she planned to keep to herself.

As soon as her transport docked, Ashley dropped her bag in her rooms, changed into her dress blues and headed straight for Anderson's office. The meetings lasted for most of the day, alone with Anderson and together with the Council, as she faced a barrage of questions about Shepard's demeanor, her intentions, the people she was with, and whether she needed to be eliminated. Ashley bristled at that last. She informed the Council that Shepard just might be the only person responding to a very real threat, and that she needed to be allowed to do what she thought best.

Exhausted, Ashley stopped to get some take-out ramen and headed for her apartment. When the door slid open, she noticed that the lights were on. She reached for her sidearm, only to realize that she hadn't worn it in the Council offices that day. Setting her food down on the floor next to her, she spun into the room, prepared for any attack.

"Fuck!" was her undignified yelp as she spotted Shepard lounging on her sofa, drinking some of her scotch. She was wearing snug jeans, a lightweight white tee, and brand new brown cowboy boots. "Goddammit, Shepard. You're lucky I'm not armed."

A sheepish grin stole across Shepard's face. "Sorry, Ash. I didn't think it would be prudent to announce that I would be here ahead of time. I assume you spent your day talking about me?"

Ashley nodded mutely. She couldn't be too surprised that Shepard was aware of when she would be back on the Citadel, even if she hadn't seen or heard from Shepard for weeks. Not since Horizon. She fought the impulse to take the woman into her arms, trying to keep a clear head. Shepard seemed to intuit Ashley's state of mind, maintaining her distance. Ashley pulled a chair up near the couch and sat down.

"I am sorry to sneak up on you. Again. I wanted to deliver this in person, and I heard you would be coming here." She set a small box on the low table in front of the sofa. "Liara found this for me." Ashley could see that it was some sort of device, about the size of a deck of cards. "Think of it as a stripped down omni-tool. It's only meant for direct communication with a single paired device." Shepard pulled out the device's twin from her back pocket. "Which I have. It operates one of three ways. There's full video, audio only, or text only. The device encrypts all data and embeds it discreetly into other transmissions so that it remains undetected. The availability of the piggy-back transmissions will determine what mode will work best. There may be occasions when we can do real-time video or audio, but we'd both have to be in just the right spot for that to work."

Ashley picked up the small device. Shepard continued. "I hope you'll keep this. So we can stay in contact." Ashley could see the unspoken pleading in Shepard's eyes that Ashley would agree.

Ashley avoided the issue for now. "You've seen Liara?"

The deflection was not lost on Shepard. Her eyes flicked away from Ashley for a moment in disappointment. "Yeah. She's on Illium. She's some kind of information broker now. Turns out she's the one that, um, recovered my. . . body. God, that's weird to say. The Collectors were trying to get. . . me." Shepard shook her head, ridding herself of the conjured images of a burned, broken body. "Shit, nobody should have to refer to their own corpse." Seeing the look of horror on Ashley's face, Shepard reached across to take Ashley's hand in hers. "Dammit, I'm an idiot. I'm sorry, Ash. I shouldn't have. . ."

Ashley gripped Shepard's hand tightly. "No, it's okay. It's something I'm going to have to deal with eventually."

"You don't have to do it alone." Shepard took a chance. "Sit with me. We can talk."

Ashley stood. "We will. But first, let's eat. Ramen? I bought plenty for two."

Shepard let out the breath she'd been holding. "Sounds great, Chief."

OoOoO

After they'd eaten, they moved back to the couch. This time Ashley joined Shepard in a tumbler of scotch.

"We haven't talked about that day. I mean, we've kind of talked _around_ it, but we haven't talked about. . . how that must have been for you. Ashley, I am so sorry that you had to see me. . ." Shepard stopped short. _Floating. Can't breathe. Ashley pleading with her._ "I'm so sorry."

Ashley nodded slowly, tears threatening. "I felt like a part of me died, too, Sloane." It always warmed Shepard's heart when she heard her name on Ashley's lips, but this time it also made her chest ache. She wrapped her arms around Ashley, bringing Ashley's head down on her chest as Ashley broke down. Shepard's own tears fell silently down her face, as she vowed that if she were allowed to, she would spend the rest of her life trying to ease the pain she caused her lover.

When Ashley's tears were exhausted, she relaxed a bit, and laid down on her back on the couch, her head in Shepard's lap. Shepard tenderly smoothed Ashley's hair away from her forehead, running her fingers through the dark tresses. Rough thumbs gently wiped away the rest of Ashley's tears. "God, you're so beautiful, Ash. I've missed this face."

Ashley smiled. She couldn't help teasing. "Just my face?"

Shepard laughed. "That and so much more." Shepard spent a moment looking into Ashley's eyes. Her tone turned serious. "You were my last thought. You know how sometimes you wonder what will happen at that moment, and what your last thoughts might be? I don't have to wonder. I _know_. And it was you. When I took my last breath, it was with thoughts of you." Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes once more. Shepard blinked them away. "I didn't want to leave _you_."

Ashley bolted upright, pivoting around to face Shepard. "Fuck, Shepard. I've been so caught up in my own pain I didn't even think. . . I've been so fucking selfish. My god - you _died_." Unlike the times she said those same words on Horizon, this was not so much an accusation as it was a sad realization. "I can't even imagine, Sloane. How can. . . how do you begin to get past that?"

Shepard gave her a sad smile, reaching out and holding one of Ashley's hands. "You. The thought of a future with you. The memory of your smile. The taste of your lips. The feel of your body under mine. That sound you make when I kiss you behind your ear. The way I feel at home with you. The hope that these things will all be mine again. That's how. _You_. I'm luckier than most. I get a second chance." Shepard moved her hand to Ashley's cheek. "If you'll give it to me."

Ashley leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. Confirming a decision she'd wanted to make dozens of times over the previous weeks, she opened her eyes and grabbed Shepard by the front of her shirt with both hands, pulling her onto her as she fell back on the couch. Just before she captured Shepard's mouth in a ferocious kiss, she whispered hoarsely, "You have it. You have everything I have to give. I am yours completely."

 _Mine_ , Shepard thought. _She is mine_.

OoOoO

Some time later, they lay in each other's arms, legs intertwined, with a trail of clothes leading from the couch to the bed. They had taken their time renewing their acquaintances with each other's bodies, giving and receiving pleasure unhurriedly and repeatedly.

Ashley's hands were slowly moving up and down Shepard's back, enjoying the feel of the soldier's strong muscles under her fingertips. "I miss your scars."

"Yeah, I do, too. I earned every fucking one of those. Now I look like some damn boot who doesn't know one end of a shotgun from the other."

"I'm sure you'll have new ones in no time." Ashley grabbed Shepard's ass with one hand. "How much of you is. . . original?"

Shepard laughed. "Couldn't say. Liara turned kind of yellow when I asked. I'd like to think a majority, but whenever I try to access the files aboard ship I get locked out by the AI. I grabbed what I could from the facility I woke up in, but haven't had a chance to analyze it all the way yet. Sometimes I'm not sure I want to know." Shepard shifted slightly to increase contact between their upper bodies, enjoying the small moan that escaped Ashley's lips.

"How long can you stay, Shepard?"

"Not long. I have a few things to take care of, and then I have to do a favor for a friend. Maybe a day or two. Three at most."

"Can you stay here with me?"

"Wouldn't that cause you trouble since you're here to report on our last encounter? By the way, I hope you emphasized that I was quick because I had to be, not for any other reason." Shepard lifted one eyebrow suggestively.

Ashley laughed. "I left those parts out. I didn't want to have Udina looking at me, picturing you and me together. . . " She shuddered dramatically, laughing when Shepard involuntarily mewled at the friction that generated against her. "By the way, just what did you say to the Council when you met with them? Tevos was pretty pissed off at you."

Shepard stopped nuzzling Ashley's ear and chuckled. "Well, after she threatened to have me executed for treason, she offered to reinstate my Spectre status, so long as I stayed in the Terminus systems. Basically it was all limitations and no benefit. So I told her to stick it up her ass."

Ashley's eyes widened. "You didn't actually use those words."

Shepard laughed. "You're right. I think what I said was 'You can take your offer and _cram_ it up your ass.' I don't believe that was the answer she was expecting."

"Damn, Shepard. No wonder it looked like she wanted to light something on fire the whole time we talked about you."

"Do you mind if I asked what you told them? If it needs to stay classified, forget I mentioned it."

"I told them what you told me about your relationship with Cerberus. They asked if I believed you, and I said yes. I told them that you were on Horizon for the Collectors, to try to solve the mystery of the disappearing colonies. And I told them that you were the only one in the galaxy doing anything about it."

"All that, huh? Nothing about my great ass?" Shepard nibbled at Ashley's neck.

"They've seen it. They know." Ashley teased as she rolled Shepard over on to her back, straddling her. "Oh, and about staying here. I don't care what the Alliance thinks. I want you here. For as long as I get."

Shepard wriggled a bit beneath Ashley, establishing better contact. "Anything for you, Ash. I'm yours."

OoOoO

The smell of freshly made coffee woke Shepard the next morning. She rolled over to see Ashley offering a steaming mug to her.

"Mmmm. Thanks," she said as she sat up, sheet falling off her bare chest. "Sugar?"

Ashley's eyes dropped to Shepard's exposed skin. "A bucketful, as always," she replied as she reached a hand out to trace a line beneath Shepard's breast.

Shepard's eyes lit up mischievously. "I'm not going to get to drink this just yet, am I?"

Ashley took the mug back and set it down on the bedside table, pushing Shepard back down on the bed. "Sorry, Commander. I think it might just have to wait a little bit."

OoOoO

Shepard sipped her lukewarm coffee, watching Ashley dress in her Alliance uniform. "I miss wearing that."

Ashley turned back, grinning. "You haven't been discharged, you know. I'm not sure if death releases you from your commission, especially if you refuse to stay dead."

Shepard returned the smile. She appreciated that Ashley could make a joke about it. "Then they owe me a bunch of back pay, I think."

Laughing, Ashley sat on the bed next to Shepard, putting on her boots. "I'll be out most of the day with briefings and shit. Do whatever you need to do, and maybe we can meet back here for dinner tonight?"

Shepard kissed Ashley on the back of neck, "Definitely."

After Shepard watched Ashley go, she leaned back against the pillows, feeling content for the first time in a very long while.


	30. Chapter 30

That evening, Shepard showed up at Ashley's studio still clad in her armor, splattered with blood that Ashley hoped was not her own. The knuckles of her right hand were swollen and oozing. Her left hand held a bottle of bourbon.

"You look awful, Shepard. Do I even want to know?" Ashley immediately began helping to remove her armor, setting the messier pieces carefully on the counter. Shepard now wore only her compression shirt and briefs.

"Nope. At least everything worked out the way I needed it to, though. It's fun to play the bad cop. Do you have any medi-gel? I ran out a few hours ago."

Ashley gave Shepard's hand a sideways glance. "Obviously." Ashley rummaged through one of her drawers, coming up with a couple of pouches. "Let me," she said as she took Shepard's injured hand into her own, carefully applying the healing gel across the knuckles. "Is this where you tell me I should see the other guy?"

"You really should. Some of my best work." Ashley could only shake her head in amusement. "Mind if I use your shower? I think I still have some drell in my hair."

Ashley gestured in the direction of the bathroom with her head. "You know where to find it. Let me know if you need anything."

Shepard wiggled her eyebrows. "I can think of a few things."

Ashley smiled. "Go - wash off whatever it is you killed today."

Shepard affected slumpy shoulders and pouted her way to the bathroom. "You're the one who offered."

Ashley could only laugh as she began pulling the take-out boxes from the fridge.

Shepard reappeared a few minutes later, wearing only a towel around her waist, damp copper hair hanging to her shoulders. "Ash? I forgot to bring my bag. You got something I can wear?"

The sight of her mostly bare, not-quite-dry lover caused Ashley's breath to hitch in her chest and heat to pool between her legs. She quickly put the take-out boxes back in the fridge, and nearly tackled Shepard to the bed.

Shepard sat comfortably in Ashley's borrowed sweat pants and tee, hair almost dry, as the two finished dinner.

"Is there anything you can tell me about what you're doing on the Citadel?" Ashley asked as she put down her fork and took a sip of beer.

Shepard gave her an appraising look. "I wouldn't mind you knowing, but I don't want to put you in a bad position. The Alliance will find out we spent time together here, and they'll pull you in for an additional de-briefing. They'll want to know what I've said to you. I don't particularly want them to know what I'm doing, and I don't want you to lie about it, either."

Ashley nodded in sad understanding. "I hate that it's like this, Shepard. We've never had to be careful with what we've said to each other before."

Shepard reached a hand across the table to cover one of Ashley's. "I know. It won't always be like this." She thought for a moment. "I can at least tell you about some of my crew. I'm pretty sure the Alliance has figured out who I've got aboard ship. You've already told them about Lawson and Taylor, right?" Ashley nodded once, uncertainly. "Ash, don't worry about it. I expect that you'll follow your duty and report what you need to. Don't feel like you're betraying me. I understand. Duty, I understand."

Ashley exhaled in relief. "Thanks, Shepard. This is just so awkward."

With that, Shepard smiled broadly. "Awkward? My love, awkward is what I do best."

OoOoO

Sitting lengthwise on the couch, Shepard situated between her legs with her back against her, Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard and continued the conversation she had started during dinner. "So what can you tell me about the crew?"

Shepard chuckled. Ashley could feel the rumble against her chest. "I'm still butting heads with Lawson. It's not as bad as what you saw on Horizon, but she has got the biggest stick up her ass most of the time. She was genetically engineered to be perfect, and can't shut up about it."

"That explains her fantastic backside, then."

"Ash! I can't believe you were staring at her ass. On Horizon. After we. . . you know."

"It was kind of hard to miss, Shepard. Does she always wear that outfit?"

"That or something like it. It can be a little. . . distracting." That earned a playful swat on the shoulder. "What? You brought it up."

"So everybody on board is Cerberus?"

Shepard carefully considered her next words. She hated that she couldn't be transparent with Ashley, but knew she'd understand. "No. I've picked up some outside help, too. You know me and strays." Ashley shifted a hand to reach for her glass of bourbon. _First bourbon I've had since that bottle with Hannah. . ._ She shook her head to banish the memories. Shepard continued. "I suppose you'll probably find out soon enough that Garrus and Tali are with me."

Ashley cocked her head at the news. "Seriously?"

Shepard teased. "See, I'm not _that_ bad. Next to you and Liara, they're probably the people I trust most in the galaxy. I'm glad they're with me. You already know Joker and Chakwas are there, I imagine." Ashley made a noise that seemed to confirm the assumption. "I also have a baby Krogan, a thief, an asari justicar and a merc. But I think my favorite is this badass biotic named Jack."

"Where did you pick him up?"

"Her. I broke her out of prison."

"Shit, Shepard. What have you got yourself into?"

"She was a Cerberus experiment gone wrong, Ash. She needs someone that isn't out to use her. I'm trying to be that. Once I convinced her that I wasn't interested in fucking her, we started to get along just fine."

Shepard paused, remembering when she'd had to suddenly pulled her hand out of the front of Jack's pants. It had been a mistake to let Jack kiss her, she knew that. It was before Horizon, before she knew if Ashley would forgive her, but she still didn't feel right about it. Shepard had let lust get the better of her for just a moment. Jack felt so good under her hands and lips. Jack's skin was surprisingly soft, her breasts achingly responsive. And it had been so long. . . But then she thought of Ashley. Shepard knew that she didn't really want anyone else, momentary weakness aside. Jack was pissed when she pulled away abruptly, accusing her of being a tease. It took some time to win her trust after that, but ruling out sex seemed to help in the end. They found the right balance between sexual tension and friendship, with friendship winning out. Jack was one of the best fighters she'd ever battled alongside, and Shepard needed someone like her that wasn't beholden to Cerberus.

"Shepard? Still there, Skipper?" Shepard realized she must have spent too long lost in thought.

"Sorry, Ash."

"She's that hot, huh?" Ashley teased.

"God, yes. You should see her. She's got tattoos from head to toe, and runs around practically naked from the waist up with just some thin leather straps across her small tits. And she's fierce. She'll kill you without a second thought if you look at her the wrong way."

Ashley leaned sideways to catch Shepard's eye. "Is that so?"

Shepard swallowed. "You asked," she said weakly. Then she realized Ashley was trying to stifle her laughter. "Dammit, Ash. You get me every time."

"I know. You're so predictable. I'm surprised you get anything done on that ship with all those sexy women walking around."

"It's all about the cold shower," Shepard teased back. "Cerberus has a psychologist on board, assigned to be my yeoman. I can't tell if she's supposed to be keeping tabs on my mental health or monitoring my communications. It's probably both. Either way, she's a Cerberus spy. She came on strong the first few weeks, angling to join me in my quarters, a touch here, a suggestive comment there, even offering to feed my fish."

"Your fish? You have fish?"

"I used to. They're all dead now. Maybe I should have let the yeoman feed them. But I still have my hamster!"

"Oh god, Shepard. Things are so much worse than I imagined."

Chuckling, Shepard replied, "You don't know the half of it." She stroked Ashley's arm, leaning her head back against Ashley's shoulder. "How's my mom? I miss her."

"She misses you too, Shepard. She's actually captain of her own ship now. The SSV Orizaba. Alliance tried to promote her to admiral after you. . . Anyway, she thought it would honor your memory to helm her own ship instead. You're a lot like her, you know. She's got a bit of a temper, too. She was actually kind of pissed off when I told her you were alive. She said something along the lines of, 'And why the fuck am I hearing it from you, not her?' I can see where you got your way with words."

"I'm really glad you two had each other during my. . . absence." _It's still weird to even be talking about my death._

Ashley nudged Shepard off of her and went across the room to the bedside table. She pulled out a datapad. Returning to the couch and sitting next to Shepard, she handed it to her. "She was wonderful. She spent a week with me. . . after, and before she left, she gave me this. It's a copy of all the messages you sent her about me. I'd read through them when I. . . when I needed to."

Shepard's eyes blurred with tears. _Thanks, mom, for looking after my girl._

OoOoO

Their lovemaking that night was gentle and deliberate. Tongues and hands meandered slowly and purposefully. Their language consisted solely of gasps and moans.

Finally feeling boneless and content, they found their way back to each other's arms, curling up against one another to sleep. There were no nightmares.


	31. Chapter 31

The next morning Ashley woke before Shepard, taking advantage of the opportunity to look closely at her lover while she still slept.

As she'd noted before, Shepard's body was devoid of the multitude of scars she'd earned over the years. Even the bright red scar on her hip from the Battle on the Citadel - gone. Ashley missed them all. Not just because they were a part of the landscape of Shepard that she'd grown to know and love intimately. But because it was a reminder that the woman sleeping next to her was not physically the same as the one that pulled rank and ordered her to the escape shuttles two years earlier. _Do I still resent that? Part of me must._ Ashley made a note to talk to Shepard about this before she left on board the Normandy tomorrow.

The faded scars on Shepard's face that she'd noticed on Horizon were now just barely visible, and only if she looked for them. She'd have to ask Shepard about those. The location of the scars was unusual; the fact that they had faded so much over a matter of weeks was even more so.

But the rest of Shepard was as she remembered her. Was how she dreamed of her. Shepard's hair was longer than. . . before. _She's kept it that way after I said I liked it on Horizon. For me?_ Her muscles seemed stronger, without being bulkier. The shape of her fingers was the same. The feel of their touch on so many sensitive areas of her skin was exactly the same as she remembered it.

Ashley had no doubt that the woman in her bed was her Shepard. Still, she couldn't completely dismiss any doubts about what Cerberus may have done to her, though. She loved Shepard. She couldn't deny that. But she trusted Cerberus not at all, and could not be sure that they restored Shepard without making alterations they could exploit. She hoped that, with time, such thoughts would prove baseless.

Ashley contented herself with holding Shepard while Shepard continued to sleep. Ashley wondered how far Shepard had been pushing herself of late to sleep in for so long. Shepard was usually an early riser. Ashley didn't have anything scheduled until later in the morning; she could afford to indulge in some extra time in bed with her lover. Shepard would be leaving either that day or the next; she wanted to take advantage of every moment that she could.

When Shepard opened her eyes, she was delighted to feel Ashley's arms around her. She snuggled closer, tightening the arm that had been laying loose across Ashley's waist. _God, how I've missed this_. _How I'll miss this again after tomorrow._ Shepard only had a small task to take care of today, but she still planned on returning here that night. She needed one more night with Ashley. She had to tell her about the planned trip through the Omega Relay and the risks involved. Most of all, she had to spend every possible moment with her lover. She could not guess when she'd be able to see her again. She hoped that once she was done with the Collectors, she could find her way back to Ashley, this time for good.

For now, she simply nuzzled into Ashley's shoulder, enjoying the softness of Ashley's hair against her cheek. She noted with a spark of pleasure that Ashley's scent still carried metallic notes of vanilla. That spark soon expanded to a heat down low in her center, and she began moving against Ashley, fingers tracing paths around Ashley's breasts. Her lips pressed against Ashley's neck, causing the marine to stir and moan quietly. Eyelids fluttering open, Ashley quickly responded to Shepard's touches, drawing her into a hungry kiss while her hands moved along Shepard's flank.

Without anything else to wear unless she wanted to walk the Citadel in her compression briefs, Shepard needed to wipe down her armor and put it back on before she left Ashley's apartment. She didn't have the necessary equipment to properly clean and maintain it with her; she decided to return to the Normandy to do so before she moved on to her plans for the day.

Shepard did allow enough time for a cup of coffee with Ashley, followed by a quick shower. With a slightly-longer-than-it-needed-to-be kiss goodbye, Shepard promised to return well before dinner. Ashley audibly sighed in relief when she realized she had one more day.

OoOoO

Back aboard the Normandy, Shepard carefully eluded both Chambers and Lawson. She headed up to her quarters to change and take care of her armor. While there, she logged in to her private terminal. She laughed out loud at the first message she saw.

 _To: Commander Shepard_

 _From: Captain Shepard_

 _What the hell, Sloane? I have to find out my child is alive from someone else? I love Ashley, but I'd rather have heard it from you. Could have been worse - it could have been some nameless Alliance bureaucrat. Where in the fuck have you been?_

 _I assume whatever you're doing is classified. Just stay safe out there, and keep doing your mom proud. And sneak something through a secure channel next time, for fuck's sake._

 _Love,_

 _Mom_

Shepard used a second secure comm tool to send a message to Liara, asking her to forward it to her mother.

 _To: Captain Shepard_

 _From: S. Shepard_

 _Sorry about that, Mom. Things aren't so simple right now. I didn't want to associate you with any undesirables. I'm not real popular with the Alliance or the Council right now. But I'm doing my best to do the right thing._

 _I've been spending some time with Ash, putting things back together. Thanks for taking care of her, Mom. That means more to me than you'll ever know. If you see her again any time soon, she can fill you in on where I've been the last couple of years._

 _I miss you. I hope we can talk soon, if everything goes right._

 _Love,_

 _S_

OoOoO

Shepard didn't need her armor for what she was going to do today. So she left it behind, dressing instead in jeans, t-shirt and boots. She packed a duffle with a few things and strapped her sidearm around her hips, topping it all off with her new brown leather jacket. Her worn leather jacket was just one of many things she missed from the old Normandy. As she hit the elevator, she remembered something she'd wanted to bring, and ran back to her desk to retrieve and add it to her duffle.

Still ducking Lawson, she headed back to the docking bay, eager to finish her tasks for the day and return to Ashley.

OoOoO

Shepard let herself back into the apartment. She cursed herself for not adding a few packs of medi-gel to her duffle. She didn't want Ashley to see the blackened left eye that was rapidly swelling shut. It certainly wouldn't set the right mood for what she had planned for the evening. She hadn't expected anything to get physical today, but she should have known better. To be fair, it was just a lucky punch. Normally she would have ducked right under it, but she was momentarily distracted by the sound of weapons discharging on her right. Maybe armor would have been a good idea after all. At least she didn't get any blood (hers or anyone else's) on her clothes this time. Rifling through the same drawers she'd seen Ashley find the gel in the day before, she came up empty. _Damn_.

Instead, she grabbed some ice from the fridge, wrapping it in a cloth and holding it to her face. _Shit, that hurts_. She figured a bit of bourbon might help.

And that's how Ashley found her less than half an hour later - sprawled on the couch with one hand holding the ice to her face and the other hand lifting a tumbler to her lips. Ashley gave her a sly look, pulling a handful of medi-gel packs from the bag she was carrying.

Shepard smiled. "You know me too well, Ash."

"I don't understand how Cerberus pays billions for your reconstruction and then skimps on upkeep." Ashley teased as she lifted the ice away from Shepard's swollen face. "Ouch! Don't tell me you're getting slow in your old age, Skipper."

"Hey, not fair. I was trying not to get shot without my armor on. I'll take a shiner over a hole in my gut any day." Shepard hissed as Ashley spread the medi-gel over the worst of the bruising. "Dammit."

"About these scars, Shepard. . ." Ashley began.

Shepard stumbled over her response. "Ah. Those. Seems like I've got some cybernetic implants in my facial bones, to help repair the damage from my time on the planet before. . . When I first came to, they were these funky gaps in my skin, but without any scabs or stitches." Ashley tried not let her horror show on her face. She was apparently not successful. "Oh god, Ash, why do I keep saying such stupid shit? I'm sorry."

Ashley attempted a smile. "Don't apologize, Sloane. I'm going to have to be able to deal with this." She took a breath. "So if these were open just a couple months ago, how is that they're nearly invisible already?"

Shepard tried to look reassuring. "Dr. Chakwas theorizes that the implants in my face are reacting to the power of positivity or some shit. I couldn't tell you the mechanics of it. For all I know, she might just be trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. I'd rather the scars be gone. They're not mine. I didn't earn them."

Ashley ran gentle fingertips over the faint marks. Shepard shivered at the touch. "I think you did."

Shepard took hold of Ashley's hand, bringing Ashley's fingers to her lips, kissing each one tenderly. "I don't like what they remind me of."

Ashley cocked her head to the side, considering. "Can we talk about it? About everything? Not just after. But right before."

Shepard tensed for a moment before forcing herself to relax. She was only partly successful. Filling her lungs was a suddenly a chore. "Sure. We probably should."

Ashley shifted on the couch so that she faced Shepard, holding each of Shepard's hands with her own, intertwining their fingers tightly. Taking a steadying breath, she looked Shepard directly in the eyes. "You sent me away."

That wasn't what Shepard expected. "I sent you to safety. With the rest of the crew."

"You had no right!"

"I had _every_ right!" Shepard's eyes flared, but she didn't let go of Ashley's hands. "The Normandy was _my_ ship. _My_ command. The crew was _my_ responsibility. I lost nearly two dozen crew members that day, Ashley. Once more, I couldn't save them all. I can never seem to fucking save them all. But I could save _you_ , Ash. I could make sure _you_ got to the escape shuttles. If it took an order to do it, I was going to use that. I don't regret it. I would do the same thing again a hundred times over, Ash."

"You pulled rank on me, Sloane. You fucking pulled rank on me."

Shepard extricated the fingers of one hand from Ashley's, using that hand to tenderly cup Ashley's jaw. "Yes, I pulled rank on you. I used the one single advantage I had to keep you alive. I couldn't bear to lose you, Ashley."

Tears threatened at the corners of Ashley's eyes as she leaned into Shepard's palm. "But I lost you."

Shepard gave her a sad smile. "Yeah, well, that wasn't part of the plan. Seemed easy enough - get Joker, get out. Didn't quite work out. I didn't expect. . ." Deep breath. "Well, I guess I didn't expect to die." Shepard's smile broadened a little. "I got better."

Ashley gave Shepard's shoulder a shove. "God, Shepard. You're the worst." Shepard was glad to see that Ashley was smiling.

"Forgive me?"

"Always." Ashley leaned in to kiss Shepard. "But only because you came back to me."

Shepard closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to Ashley's, just enjoying the intimacy. After a moment, she kissed Ashley briefly once more. "Now, can we eat? I'm expecting hours of physical activity tonight, and I'm going to need to keep my strength up."

Ashley tried to be exasperated but couldn't. Laughing, she headed for the kitchen.


	32. Chapter 32

While Ashley cleared away the boxes and dishes from dinner, Shepard went to her duffle bag and pulled out something small, keeping it secreted in her palm as she sat on the couch. Ashley joined her, stretching her long legs in front of her across the low table. Shepard ran a hand appreciatively up and down Ashley's thigh. She squeezed her other hand more tightly, suddenly unsure of what she intended to do.

 _What if she rejects it? Or worse yet, what if it horrifies her?_ _Fuck it. Here goes._ "Ash, I um. . . I've got something. . ." Ashley looked at her in anticipation, one eyebrow raised. "Goddammit. I want you to have this," she blurted as she thrust her fist towards Ashley. "I thought you could keep it or wear it or. . . I don't know. Now it sounds kind of. . ." she trailed off as she slowly uncurled her fingers to reveal her dog tags on a long, thick silver chain.

Ashley began to reach over tentatively to take the metal tags from Shepard's hand. Shepard took Ashley's apparent hesitation to mean that she'd made a mistake. She started to close her fist around the tags. "Shit. It was a bad idea."

Ashley's eyes moved from Shepard's hand to her eyes. "No!" she said louder than she'd meant to, softening to continue, "It's perfect." Ashley used both hands to pry open Shepard's fingers and take the tags. "I never thought I'd see these again. How did you. . . " Ashley ran her fingers over the raised lettering on one of the tags.

"Liara gave them back to me." Shepard didn't need to offer any more details on where Liara got them. They both preferred to leave that part unsaid.

"Thank you, Sloane." Ashley slipped the tags over her head, pressing them against her chest with both hands. Shepard had to strain to hear her next words. "They wouldn't let me go back for you." Shepard waited, an ache building in her chest. "I even threatened to kill the ship's captain." Ashley's eyes turned downward. "But they wouldn't turn around. They wouldn't send anyone out for you." Ashley turned to Shepard, her focus sharpening. "I wanted to bury you, but I wanted these, too. Thank you."

Shepard hated being reminded of the impact her death had on her lover. She also knew avoiding it would do neither of them any favors. "I'm sorry, Ash. I'll always be sorry for. . . sorry that I left you alone. I hate that I hurt you so badly." Shepard brushed the hair back from Ashley's face. "And I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you." She kissed Ashley. It was not a kiss of lust and want and need and desire. This was a kiss of love and hope and promise and devotion. Ashley gripped Shepard by the back of her neck, doing her best to make sure she reflected those same feelings back to her lover as her lips responded in kind.

Shepard's capacity for rational thought was rapidly dwindling, so she pulled back, panting for breath. "Ash, before I strip you naked and pleasure you a hundred different ways, there is one more thing I wanted to talk to you about."

Ashley's heart was pounding in her chest, as she focused on the first half of Shepard's statement. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything after the 'hundred different ways.' What was that last part?"

Shepard allowed herself to smile while opening some space between them. If she didn't, she wouldn't be able to concentrate on what she needed to say. "We've narrowed down what we need to do about the Collectors, but the end-game is risky. Very risky."

Ashley felt a chill in her heart. _Not again. I can't lose her again_. "Shepard, no. . ."

Shepard placed a warm hand on Ashley's. "Cerberus thinks it's a suicide mission. But I don't. I've identified every possible advantage I can take to improve our odds. I have an excellent team, and some pretty amazing technology at my disposal. I'm planning on coming out with everybody I bring in. But I can't always control everything. Mostly I can't control Cerberus. So long as I can do things my way, though, I like my chances."

"What about Lawson? Is she going to be a problem?" Ashley was worried, but was trying to have faith in Shepard.

"I think she's soured a bit on Cerberus, although she's still mostly playing along with them. I think I can earn her trust with just the right amount of subtle manipulation." Ashley couldn't stifle her laughter. "Hey! I can be subtle."

"Sweetheart, you're about as subtle as a krogan in an asari gown."

Shepard had to admit she was right. But she really was close to winning Lawson over. That would be key to the mission's success. "Okay, fine. But if I can do that, I'm certain that everything will work out." She scooted closer to Ashley, placing her hands on Ashley's cheeks. "And I have someone to come home to." A teasing kiss just grazing Ashley's lips. "A very sexy marine." Shepard cocked her head to the side. "Wait. _You_ threatened to kill a ship's captain?"

Ashley dropped her head in embarrassment. "It wasn't one of my finer moments."

"Are you kidding me? That's fucking badass! I have to say, I'm a little aroused."

"Shepard, you've been completely aroused all evening."

"True. About that. . . " Shepard pulled Ashley onto her lap, capturing her mouth in a deep kiss. Her hands went under Ashley's shirt, caressing her back. Ashley's fingers tangled in Shepard's hair as her hips began to move slowly across Shepard's.

Shepard groaned at the contact, her breath coming in ragged gasps. She pulled Ashley's shirt over her head in one quick motion, discarding Ashley's bra almost as quickly. When Shepard tried to remove the silver chain from around Ashley's neck, Ashley held the dog tags against her chest, shaking her head. Shepard smiled, leaving them in place as she ran her hands over Ashley's breasts, bringing each nipple to a hard point. She took one nipple hungrily into her mouth, sucking and licking. Ashley's back arched as her hands moved down Shepard's back to grab her shirt, tugging it inelegantly over the back of Shepard's head. Shepard reluctantly removed her lips from Ashley's breast to finish removing her shirt, moving back as soon as she was free. Her hands cupped Ashley's backside, gently squeezing without interfering with the renewed movement of Ashley's hips.

Switching her lips and tongue to Ashley's other breast, Shepard's hands slipped around to the front of Ashley's pants, opening the button and zipper and slipping a hand in to rub Ashley's wet center. Ashley threw her head back, moaning in pleasure. Shepard pulled at the sides of Ashley's pants, growling, "Please." Needing no additional encouragement, Ashley climbed off Shepard, standing to push her pants off. Shepard quickly did the same, then pulled Ashley back down on her lap. With one hand on Ashley's ass, Shepard moved the other back between Ashley's legs, rubbing along her wet slit. Ashley's hips bucked into the contact.

Returning her mouth to Ashley's breast, Shepard teased at the nipple with her teeth while slipping two fingers into Ashley, curling them forward while thrusting, gradually increasing the rhythm. Ashley's hips lifted and her legs shook, Shepard's name on her lips as she came. Shepard leaned her head back to kiss Ashley fiercely as Ashley collapsed against her. Shepard didn't withdraw her fingers completely. Instead, she pressed the heel of her hand against Ashley's clit gently but firmly, moving it in subtle circles until Ashley crested a second time.

Ashley lay against Shepard, pressing her against the back of the couch, trying to catch her breath. Shepard finally withdrew from her, bringing her fingers to her mouth. They stayed like that until Ashley felt the strength return to her legs. Giving Shepard a sly look, she slid off Shepard's lap until she was kneeling on the floor before her open legs. Shepard's breath hissed sharply above her as Shepard realized what she was doing.

Shepard's arousal was evident. Placing her hands on Shepard's thighs, Ashley dipped a tongue into her center. Shepard's hips canted upward. Using both lips and tongue, Ashley licked and sucked and tugged until Shepard threw her head back, muttering obscenities. Using her thumb to rub Shepard's hard clit, Ashley thrust her tongue into Shepard's opening, lapping at her juices until Shepard's thighs tightened and Shepard whispered her name like a prayer.

Ashley moved back up to the couch, pushing Shepard gently over on to her back and laying on top of her. Shepard wrapped a leg around her, circling both of her arms across her back. "I love you, Ash."

Laying her head on Shepard's chest, Ashley breathed her response. "I love you, Sloane."

They dozed for a short time together, gathering their strength before moving to the bed. It was their last night together for what could be a very long time, and they intended to make the most of it.

OoOoO

They lay resting in each other's arms. Shepard shifted and kissed Ashley, tasting sweat and sex and bourbon. She could feel desire stirring within her again. But before she would give in, there was one more thing she wanted to tell Ashley.

"I went back," she said hoarsely, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ashley leaned back a little so she could see Shepard's eyes. "What do you mean?" She was a little afraid of the answer.

"Alchera." Ashley tensed, but waited. Shepard continued, her voice still only just audible. "Where the Normandy crashed after it was destroyed."

"Sloane, I had no idea. . ." Ashley brushed back the hair that had fallen into Shepard's eyes.

"Hackett called in a favor, asked me to put down a memorial and collect tags. I needed to see it, Ash. Someone needed to make sure that those who were lost could be remembered. It had to be me. They were my crew." A pause. "I found twenty sets of tags. Twenty people lost their lives that day."

"Twenty-one," murmured Ashley.

Shepard barked a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Twenty-one." They lay in silence for a few moments. "If I couldn't save all of my crew, at least I could be sure that their loved ones had some peace of mind."

Ashley's temper flared, but she tried to tamp it down. It wasn't enough to keep the harsh edge off of her voice. "Fucking Alliance wouldn't let me go back for you, and then they have the balls to ask you to do that. Assholes."

"I know. But I didn't mind. I couldn't refuse. Those men and women were my responsibility. They were all under my command. I let them down. It was my duty to honor them." She paused, steadying her emotions. "I was also relieved I didn't have to pick up your tags, Ash. That would have been. . ." A breath. "That would have been more than I could bear. I don't know how you. . . when I was. . ."

Ashley quieted her with a soft kiss. "I know."

The tenderness calmed Shepard. "I found my N7 helmet. Mostly in one piece. Kind of creepy. Kept it, though." An impish grin pulled at one corner of her mouth. "You'll be happy to know that the Mako survived unscathed. That thing is a fucking military marvel. I'm pretty sure I could have started it up and driven it if I wanted to. I'm thinking of going back for it."

"Shepard, you're the worst."

"You love it."

"You know I do," Ashley responded as she rolled over on top of her lover.

OoOoO

Shepard lay in bed the next morning, tangled up with Ashley. She had cherished these three days with her lover, and dreaded returning to the Normandy and all that it entailed. _The sooner I finish the Collectors, the sooner I can return home to Ashley._ She smiled. She'd never considered anywhere but the ship she served to be home. Now home was anywhere Ashley was.

With only a couple of hours until her scheduled departure, she nudged Ashley awake. "Hey, beautiful. Come shower with me." Ashley lifted a sleepy head and smiled broadly. "Aye aye."

It was a long shower.

OoOoO

Shepard needed to go. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay with Ashley. Or have Ashley come with her. Neither option was available. At least she knew she had Ashley to return to, and that made leaving almost bearable. Almost.

The two lingered as long as they dared before Shepard gathered up her duffle, kissed Ashley and then kissed Ashley some more.

"I will come home to you, Ashley. I promise." _Home._

"You'd better. I love you, Sloane."

"I love you. Always." Shepard indulged in one final kiss, pausing to imprint every detail of this moment in her memory. "I am yours."

Picking up her bag, Shepard hurried away. If she didn't leave now, she wasn't sure she ever would. She allowed herself one look back, giving Ashley a smile and mouthing one final _I love you_. Ashley's hand moved to the dog tags hanging under her shirt, returning the same. _I love you_.

After Shepard was out of sight, Ashley closed her door and sat on the sofa, physically and emotionally drained. She pulled out the comms device Shepard had left for her, and composed a simple message.

 _S- I love you. Don't die this time, okay? I think we only got through a quarter of the "hundred different ways" last night. You owe me_. _-A_


	33. Chapter 33

_A- I'm not sure L. meant for you to use the comms device to send me such graphic messages, but I'm not complaining. Preparations continue for the final objective. In the meantime, I'm taking care of a few misc tasks for the crew. Everybody seems to want to have their affairs in order. Not sure that's an inspiring vote of confidence in our chances of success, but I'm still liking our odds. Back to your last comm. So what happens next? And what are you wearing right now? Love always, S._

OoOoO

 _S- They've kept me on the Citadel for a while now. Not sure what that means. Nobody is saying anything about my next posting. Spent a couple days with your mom when her ship was docked for maintenance. She said you told her to ask me about where you were for the last couple years. So I did. She took it pretty well, considering. She's a hell of a strong woman. She says to tell you she's proud, and that you better visit as soon as you're done. And now that I've talked about your mom I don't feel right about any dirty talk. You'll have to wait until next time. Love, A._

OoOoO

 _To: Commander Shepard_

 _From Captain Shepard_

 _Saw your marine. She filled me in on why I didn't hear from you for 2 years. That's a hell of a story. Sorry about giving you shit for you not contacting me - I can see how that might have been difficult under the circumstances. Still not entirely clear on your mission right now, but Ash assures me you're doing the right thing. I expect nothing less. You come see me as soon as you can. That's an order._

OoOoO

 _A- End game is now just days away. Wish you were fighting by my side. You're still the best fucking sniper I've known (don't tell Garrus - he'll pout). I'll ping you just before I head through, since I don't think these comms devices will work on the other side. That's probably already too much info. Sorry to be so cryptic. Also, I'm not sure I'm flexible enough to do that second thing you mentioned, but I think if I start doing stretches now maybe I will be. Love always, S._

OoOoO

 _S- I still haven't received my new orders. It's been weeks. Anderson has me reviewing some of our old mission reports and preparing summaries. I'm not cut out for desk work. My trigger finger is getting itchy and I haven't hit anything in too long. Been building up my endurance with long runs. We'll see who outlasts who next time. You don't think L. reads these notes, do you? She did set up the connection. Hope she's enjoying herself with that last one you sent, if she does. I know I still am. Love, A._

OoOoO

 _A- Heading through tomorrow. No idea what's on the other side, but that's part of the fun, isn't it? The ship is in its final stages of prep, so I'm stuck on the shuttle for one final task while I have time. I'll let you know when I'm back. Because I am coming back. I love you, Ash. Always will. -S._

OoOoO

 _A- Shit. Moved the timeline up a few hours. Going through now. I fucking hate it when the unexpected happens. Don't worry, though. I got this. Love, S._

OoOoO

 _S- Your last message wasn't exactly what I was hoping for, but I have faith in you, S. Hopefully this is waiting for you when you get back. I love you, too. I'm yours, you know. Completely. Hurry home. Love, A._

OoOoO

 _S- I'm not going to say I'm worried, but I'd feel better if I heard from you. I can't… You have to come home. You just have to. Love, A._

OoOoO

 _S- Forget that last message. Damn, I sounded needy. I'll try to be more patient. Going for a run to clear my head. I love you. -A_

OoOoO

 _A- Made it! Those motherfuckers didn't stand a chance! Nobody fucks with my crew. Nobody. Didn't lose anybody this time, Ash. Feels damn good. Also told TIM to fuck off. Felt even better. Decided maybe I'll keep the ship. I've grown rather attached to it. Should be able to do a real-time comm soon, love. I miss your face. And there's so much to tell. Love always, S._

OoOoO

 _S- Thank god. I'll save the rest for when I talk to you. I love you. -A._

OoOoO

 _A- Fuck. Best laid plans of mice and men, and all that. Hackett has asked for a favor. I don't owe him one, but at least this way he'll owe me. I might need that one day. He wants me to go after his friend who went missing after investigating something Reaper related. I can't not do it. Going in solo, no chance for live comms where I'm going. When I'm done, though, I'm going to dump the crew and give the Normandy to the Alliance. I hope they let me keep her. Care to join me? Love you, S._

OoOoO

 _S- Dammit, Sloane. Stop saving the galaxy and get back to my bed. I miss you. Hopefully we're talking weeks and not months, right? Stay safe. Remember I love you. -A._

OoOoO

 _A- Shit. That went tits up. Reapers were knocking at the door, minutes from a full-scale invasion. My only option was to destroy a relay. I'll explain more later. I hope. They're calling me a terrorist. I guess that's what happens when you wipe out an entire system and kill 300,000. Fuck. I need to talk to you, Ash. I need to see you. I need to hold you. I need_ _you_ _._

 _I had no other choice. But that doesn't make it any easier._

 _All of this doing a fucking favor for Hackett. You'll like this - I already had to call in the favor he owed me, so that he would allow my crew to disembark before I surrender myself to the authorities. He'll let them get off on Omega, and then I will be transported back to Earth for trial._

 _Goddammit, Ash. I'm sorry. I'll still come home to you. I just don't know when. I love you. Always. -S_

OoOoO

 _S- Let me come meet you. I'll take whatever time I can get. Love, A._

OoOoO

 _A- No. It's not safe. Anyone associated with me right now is suspect. Per my agreement with Hackett, I'm only keeping Joker and Chakwas on board as essential personnel. Everyone else is getting the hell out before the Alliance shows up. Anyone with me is subject to arrest. This is the only way I can protect you. I'm sorry. Love always, S_.

OoOoO

 _S- You're doing it to me again. Sending me away. I know you're right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I love you, Sloane Shepard. I will see you again. I just have to figure out how. -A_

OoOoO

 _To: Operating Chief Williams_

 _From: S. Shepard_

 _Hey, Chief. This is a monitored communication originating from the Normandy brig. I've been shackled with biotic suppressors and locked down behind a redundant barrier. I guess they've already forgotten that part about me turning myself in willingly. This might be the last you hear from me for a while. I convinced this big ape that's guarding me to let me send out just one communication (I know you're reading this, Big Ape - Hi!). I don't know what happens next. I love you. And I'm sorry I can't keep my promise yet._

OoOoO

ORDERS 170-700

WILLIAMS, ASHLEY M., Operating Chief

You will proceed on permanent change of station as shown.

Assigned to: Vancouver, Earth

Reporting date: Immediately


	34. Chapter 34

The huge marine stood on the other side of the brig's barrier impassively. His build was freakishly large, covered with bulging muscle upon bulging muscle. His neck was almost as big around as Shepard's waist. Shepard wondered what kind of genetic enhancements he'd received to be so enormous.

"Hey, Vega. Got anything good to drink out there?"

"Ma'am, you know I can't give you any booze. Stop asking." Vega rolled his shoulders, loosening up the muscles stiffening from the hours spent standing and watching. Shepard supposed that some might find his physique appealing if they were into that sort of thing. Which she wasn't. That didn't stop him from eyeing her, though. She didn't care enough to make him stop.

"I won't tell if you don't. C'mon. I'll even tell you where my secret stash is." Vega perked up a little at that, but quickly schooled his features.

"No can do."

At least they'd removed the biotic suppression cuffs. Those things were damned annoying. Of course, the Alliance didn't realize that they weren't effective against her Cerberus-improved biotics, and she wasn't going to tell them. Shepard lay back on the small cot, staring again at the ceiling. She'd memorized every imperfection there, and now spent her time transforming them into larger patterns, finding faces or shapes among the pock marks and swirls. And various parts of human anatomy.

The Alliance allowed her little in the way of diversion. Her personal effects were all stowed in a foot locker, to be held until the tribunal decided her fate. She'd asked if they'd move Space Hamster down into the brig with her, and nearly punched the lieutenant who laughed at her for it. Aside from the one message Vega had let her send out to Ashley, she was denied any correspondence in or out. She regretted not asking Ashley specifically to let her mom know what was happening, but eventually assumed Ashley would do so on her own. _Not much for mom to be proud of now_.

With nothing to do, she exercised almost constantly. Even that grew tiresome after the first few days. There were only so many handstand push-ups she could do without getting bored.

The officer who had taken command of the Normandy - _My_ _ship, goddammit_ \- provided her with Alliance fatigues to wear. She didn't miss the Cerberus uniforms she'd been wearing, but she didn't feel worthy to wear Alliance issue. Not while she sat in the brig. She would have preferred sweats and a tee, but then the Alliance wouldn't have been able to remind her of its claim on her.

As she felt the familiar vibrations of a mass effect relay jump, she steeled herself for whatever awaited her on Earth.

OoOoO

Vega disabled the barrier, tossing in a set of dress blues and instantly bringing the barrier back up. "You need to wear these."

"Fuck you." Shepard made no move to pick them up. "I'm not Alliance."

Vega threw his head back in frustration. "Mierda. Can't you just cooperate for once?"

Shepard didn't budge. "Should have given me my bourbon, Vega. I'd be much more helpful if you did."

"Cojeme. I can't do anything about that now. Please?"

Rolling her eyes, Shepard picked up the uniform. "Fine. But you owe me, Muscles." As Shepard began unbuttoning her fatigues, she noticed that Vega was doing a poor job of not looking. She stopped and glared at him. "What, is this something you've been looking forward to seeing?"

At least Vega had the decency to duck his head in shame before averting his eyes. "Ma'am, no ma'am."

Shepard finished dressing, smoothing her now long, unruly hair down as best she could with her hands. Apparently a hairbrush was also considered a weapon. Then she sat on the cot, ramrod straight, hands resting in her lap. And waited.

OoOoO

Ashley had been left off the duty roster for the day. Taking advantage of the free time that she had so little of these days, she put on a sleeveless compression tee and shorts, and went for a long run along the water's edge. She'd put nearly ten miles in and was running on the return path to the base when she noticed an unusually large ship on approach to the docking bay at Alliance HQ. The ship had a familiar shape, although she couldn't remember having seen its like before. Her pace quickened of its own accord when the ship was low enough for her to make out the lettering on its side. _SR-2 Normandy_.

A crowd had gathered at the dock by the time Ashley got there less than ten minutes later. Word of Shepard's crime had reached Earth days prior, and it appeared that the chance of seeing a fallen war hero was too irresistible to pass up. Ashley was drenched in sweat, stray hairs plastered to her forehead and neck. She didn't care. She pushed her way inartfully through the soldiers waiting to catch a glimpse of the former Savior of the Citadel.

Ashley had bullied her way up to the front of the crowd just as the airlock door opened. A line of MPs kept a path open from the Normandy to the hangar. Her heart felt as though it had stopped beating and she could not summon a breath as she waited. A man that appeared to be the ship's captain - _It's_ _her_ _ship, not his_ \- exited first, followed by an absurdly over-muscled marine. _That must be Big Ape_. Ashley leaned to the side, trying to look beyond the behemoth for a hint of familiar copper hair. _There!_

Just as Shepard took her first step off the Normandy, Ashley was barrelling down past the MPs towards her. Ashley stopped just short of the giant soldier, suddenly unsure of what to do. Shepard stood tall, her lean and powerful frame accented by the cut of her dress blues. Her hair was a couple of inches longer than it was the last time Ashley had seen her. She looked tired but didn't let it affect her iron posture. Her jaw was set and her eyes stared straight ahead. Ashley's heart simultaneously ached and soared at the sight. And then she saw the biotic suppression cuffs on Shepard's wrists.

She wheeled on the marine who appeared to be guarding her. "The fuck? You shackled her? What is wrong with you?"

Shepard turned her eyes to her lover, softening as Ashley returned the look. Quietly, for her ears only, Shepard reassured her. "It's okay, Ash. They have to put on a show."

By this time, one of the MPs had approached to remove Ashley. Vega waved them off, indicating that he had everything under control. He stepped to the side, allowing Ashley to stand next to Shepard while he blocked both of them from view of the crowd with his mass.

"Thanks, Muscles." Shepard moved even closer to Ashley, a lopsided grin on her face. "Goddamn it's good to see you, Ash. I see you dressed up for me."

Overwhelmed by Shepard's proximity, Ashley leaned in for a hungry kiss, holding Shepard's face in her hands. Shepard returned the kiss with equal fervor. "You came back to me, Sloane," Ashley breathed into her ear.

"Don't mean to interrupt, ladies, but we should get the commander into the hangar before we attract the wrong kind of attention."

"Enjoy the show, Muscles?" Shepard needled.

"I don't know how to answer that, Commander. I'm pretty sure anything I say would get me into trouble."

"Don't call me that." Shepard used her shackled hands to take hold of one of Ashley's, tugging her along as Vega lead them to the hangar doors. When he made no objection, Ashley walked next to Shepard, still holding her cuffed hands. They conversed quietly as they went.

"I didn't expect to see you here, Ashley. But I sure am glad you are. How'd you end up on Earth?"

"I got orders a few weeks ago. Good timing, for once. What's next for you?"

"I really don't know, Ash. I've fulfilled my end of the bargain. I gave them the ship and turned myself in -"

"You wouldn't know it by the way they're parading you out here in cuffs." growled Ashley.

"I know. It's not exactly what I expected, but I can't change it. Nobody will tell me what happens to me now."

They reached the hangar. Vega once more positioned himself in front of them. "I can only give you a few minutes, Commander."

"For fuck's sake, Vega. Don't call me that. But thanks."

Shepard raised her hands to Ashley's face, the cuffs making the touch awkward but no less heartfelt. "I love you, Ash. Always." She kissed Ashley softly, allowing herself to savor the familiar taste of her lips. Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard's waist, pulling her hips tight against her own, deepening the kiss. And for a few moments, there was nothing but the two of them, together. No shackles. No guards. No crowds. Just lips and tongues and hands and hearts.

"Commander - "

Shepard's response was automatic as she pulled unwillingly away from Ashley. "Don't call me that."

"Sorry, ma'am. But the brass is coming over to formally take you into custody. Your friend had better go."

Ashley stole one more kiss. "I love you, Sloane."

"At least we're finally on the same planet, Chief. I'll see you soon."

Ashley melted away into a corner, not ready to leave but knowing she could not stay. As soon as she was out of sight, Shepard stood tall once more, shoulders back, chin jutting defiantly forward. She strode confidently out the back of the hangar, flanked on all sides by armed MPs, looking nothing like a prisoner, but every inch a commander.

Ashley did not see Shepard again any time soon.


	35. Chapter 35

The days in solitary confinement aboard the Normandy were excruciatingly dull. Six months of the same in Vancouver were even more so. The accommodations weren't so bad, considering she was one of the most notorious (alleged) criminals in the galaxy. She wasn't in the brig, although the Batarians had huffed a bit over that. They had wanted a swift tribunal, followed by an even swifter execution.

The Alliance mollified the Batarians just enough to avoid war, but they weren't willing to terminate an asset as valuable as Commander Shepard. Instead, they found multiple reasons to delay holding the tribunal, keeping her locked in what was essentially a luxurious hotel room. Although small and reinforced to withstand any attempts to escape, it was still probably the nicest place that Shepard had stayed in since she'd enlisted. Shepard chafed under the constant surveillance and lack of booze, but she had little choice in the matter.

As a suspected terrorist, Shepard was not permitted any communication in or out. Her only real contact beyond the walls of her room was the mammoth Marine that stayed on as her guard. Lieutenant James Vega was decent enough. He obviously took no pleasure in his assignment, but he carried out his duties professionally. As the weeks wore on, he surprised her by obtaining permission for her to use the gym for sixty minutes each night, when it could be emptied and secured without inconvenience. Naturally, he accompanied her, but she found she didn't mind having a workout partner, even if they typically only exchanged grunts.

Shepard spent most of her time sitting by her room's one window which overlooked a small plaza that was little more than a series of walking paths and a patch of grass. The glass was deeply tinted so that nobody on the outside could see in, but her view out was unobstructed. In the mornings the area was mostly empty except for a few runners, with more people occupying the area by midday. By afternoon, the grassy areas were typically host to a number of children playing with balls of various shapes and sizes. It wasn't much in the way of entertainment, but with Shepard's severely limited access to anything else from the outside, it was all she had.

One morning Shepard sat drinking a cup of coffee (without nearly enough sugar) by the window, idly watching the goings-on below. She nearly dropped the mug when she spotted a runner with a familiar stride at the far end of the plaza. _Ashley_. Shepard rose, leaning with both hands against the window, her attention focused on Ashley making her way down the path. Even if she were to happen to glance upward, the dark window ensured that Ashley wouldn't be able to see Shepard's quick, involuntary wave. Shepard stood there, now with her forehead pressed against the glass, enrapt as her eyes followed Ashley until she was completely out of sight.

Shepard stayed like that for some time, eyes squeezed tight. Her chest ached and her limbs were heavy. She hadn't seen Ashley since the day she'd been lead off the Normandy in shackles. Shepard wasn't sure if it was worse to not see her at all, or to see her from a distance behind tinted glass with no hope of exchanging a word, a gesture, or even a simple look.

Shepard took her coffee away from the window for the next several days.

And cursed the Alliance for refusing to allow her any bourbon.

OoOoO

Weeks became months, and still Shepard remained in custody. She didn't know if anyone outside of Admiral Hackett even knew where she was. Any form of communication continued to be forbidden, let alone any visitation. She'd told Vega a few times that she wanted to consult with someone from the Judge Advocate General's Corps as was her right under the Alliance Uniform Code of Military Justice. Her requests were apparently ignored. Nobody even took the time to deny them.

Shepard tried her best to avoid taking her frustrations out on Vega, but she was not always successful. When she would yell and curse and throw things, he would stand stoically at parade rest, eyes straight ahead, never rising to the bait. Sometimes she would later apologize. Usually she didn't. And yet he returned day after day, making sure she had her gym time, ensuring she received her three squares a day. He greeted her each morning with a salute and continued to address her unfailingly as "Commander," no matter how many times she told him not to.

She hated him for it.

Each morning, Shepard sat at the window with her cup of coffee (still without enough sugar; she was beginning to think Vega was doing that intentionally), hoping to see Ashley. After initially avoiding any glimpse of her after that first day, she realized the pain of not seeing her was greater than the pain when she did. Ashley didn't keep any obvious set schedule. She might run every morning one week, then only twice the next. It didn't matter to Shepard. She cherished each sighting, no matter the frequency. Seeing Ashley was the one happy variable in her otherwise dull, predictable and tedious confinement.

Shepard's routine never varied, which is why Shepard suspected that her time was finally up one afternoon when Vega entered her room carrying a freshly pressed uniform in one hand, pausing only to salute. "Commander."

"Stop calling me that." It was almost an involuntary response by now. She caught the bundle he tossed to her.

"Need to put that on, ma'am."

"Ah. The Batarians finally get their blood. It's been a good ride, Vega. Hope your next assignment isn't quite as dull." Shepard turned her back to her guard and began changing into the dress blues Vega provided.

"You misunderstand, ma'am. The Defense Committee wants to see you."

Shepard's head whipped around. She had been expecting a token tribunal followed by a swift execution. She wasn't sure if this was better. "The what now?"

"The Defense Committee. They're expecting you now, ma'am."

Shepard straightened out her uniform, running a quick hand over her tousled hair. She'd cut it shorter again, mainly so she'd have an excuse to see a barber once a month, even if she wasn't allowed to talk to him beyond a "thank you" when he was finished with her. She craved the brief physical contact with another human being, even if it was just some crusty Marine with a comb and a pair of scissors. She couldn't help but laugh at her own foolishness in finding comfort in that.

As satisfied with her appearance as she could be, Shepard held her wrists out to Vega, anticipating shackles. Vega shook his head. "Not this time, ma'am." With a quirk of her eyebrow, Shepard walked out of the open door ahead of the Marine, wary of whatever might come next.

Vega was in a hurry. As Shepard jogged to keep up with his longer strides, she asked, "So what's going on?"

"Couldn't say, Commander. They just told me they needed you. Now."

Before Shepard could make any follow-up inquiries, they were intercepted by Anderson. Admiral Anderson, judging by the insignia on his dress blues. Shepard extended a hand. "Admiral."

Anderson signaled for her to follow him while Vega stayed just to the rear. "You look good, Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the edges." That earned a glare from Shepard, as a hand drifted unconsciously to her middle. "How you holding up since being relieved from duty?"

Another glare. "Is that what they're calling it?" Anderson responded with a shrug. "It's not so bad once you get used to the hot food and soft bed. And the lack of contact with the outside world."

"We'll get it sorted out," was Anderson's non-committal reply.

Shepard sidestepped to avoid oncoming traffic in the crowded hallway. "What's going on? Why is everyone in such a hurry?"

"Admiral Hackett is mobilizing the fleet. I'm guessing word's made it to Alliance command. Something big is headed our way."

Shepard stopped short. "The Reapers?"

Anderson turned back to face her. "We don't know. Not for certain."

"What else could it be?"

"If I knew that, you'd still be back in your cell."

"You know we're not ready if it is them. Not by a long shot."

"Tell that to the Defense Committee." Anderson continued on.

"Unless we're planning on talking the Reapers to death the Committee is a fucking waste of time."

"They're just scared, Shepard. None of them have seen what you've seen."

"And none of the jackasses believed I saw what I saw."

A bitter chuckle. "You've faced down a Reaper. Hell, you spoke to one then blew the damn thing up. You've seen how they harvest us. What they plan to do to us. You know more about this enemy than anyone."

Shepard's temper fired. "Then why have I spent the last six months sitting along in a goddamn box, Anderson? While they do who knows what with my ship?"

Anderson stopped, pointing a finger at Shepard's chest. "That's not fair. When you blew up the Batarian relay, hundreds of thousands of Batarians died."

"Goddammit, Anderson. It was either that or let the Reapers walk right in through our back door. What the fuck would you have wanted me to do? Do you think I accepted those deaths lightly? I am responsible for killing over three hundred thousand Batarians. Me. Not you, not some nameless Alliance officer. _Me._ But there was no other option."

Anderson's shoulders slumped. "I know that, Shepard. So does the Committee. Otherwise you'd have been court-martialed and left to rot in the brig."

Shepard snorted. "That, and your good word."

Anderson's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, my good word. I trust you, Shepard. And so does the Committee - "

"They don't _trust_ me, Anderson. They just don't want to waste a good killer. Never know when they might need another system wiped out without getting their own hands dirty. I'm just another soldier to them. One that happens to be very good at the worst parts of the job."

"I'm not going to get into this with you right now, Shepard. I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to help us stop the Reapers." Despite everything, Shepard knew she had no choice. Her sense of duty required her to do what she could, no matter what.

Their conversation ended as they arrived at the Chambers reception area. A young officer greeted them. "They're expecting you two, Admiral."

As Anderson continued on, a hand came down on Shepard's shoulder. She turned to face Vega, who had his other hand extended. "Buena suerte in there, Commander."

"Don't call me that." Shepard accepted the proffered hand with a firm grip. "I know I've been a pain in the ass. You've handled it well." That was as close to an apology as she could get.

From behind her, Shepard heard a familiar voice greeting the admiral. "Anderson." Shepard spun around.

"Ash?"


	36. Chapter 36

Ashley hated working a desk. She was a soldier, a Marine. Not a fucking paper-pusher. When she received her orders for Vancouver, she'd hoped it was a temporary stationing, just long enough to set up her next assignment, preferably aboard a warship. Instead, she attended endless meetings and prepared seemingly thousands of briefings.

It was awful.

She had thought it was worth it the day she saw Shepard coming off the Normandy. And then Shepard simply vanished. Ashley made inquiries, trying to determine where she had been taken. She submitted requests to visit or at least send a communication. All denied. She tried contacting the JAG Corps on Shepard's behalf, but was rebuffed each time. When Anderson arrived in Vancouver after resigning his seat on the Council, she tracked him down to ask him where Shepard was. He declined to answer, saying his hands were tied. He wouldn't even confirm if Shepard was still in Vancouver, or if she'd been transferred elsewhere. She sent messages to Hannah Shepard, in hopes that the Alliance had at least allowed Shepard to contact her mother, but Hannah was similarly kept in the dark. Ashley didn't give up trying to find or contact Shepard precisely. She simply had no more leads to follow.

Frustrated, Ashley kept herself busy pushing papers. Sitting behind a desk left her restless and irritable, and feeling more than a little out of shape and out of practice. She managed to negotiate an hour or two off during the day so that she could crash some of the Marine drills or take a run. The time wasn't consistent, and she could occasionally go a few days with no activity, but for the most part she found a way to keep her body and skills sharp.

Ashley's insights and contributions must have impressed somebody in the higher echelons. Within four months of her assignment to Alliance HQ, Ashley became a regular fixture at the Alliance Defense Committee meetings. Obviously the committee couldn't allow a grunt to sit in on their deliberations and help shape strategies, so Ashley received a corresponding promotion to Lieutenant Commander. She'd always imagined that her promotions would come from recognition of her abilities as a soldier and a leader, not how well she could string words together in a brief or explain strategy to a desk jockey, making what should have been a proud moment somewhat bittersweet.

As she soon discovered over the next couple of months, the Defense Committee seemed far more interested in talking about a potential Reaper threat than actually doing anything about it. Despite Shepard's warning that a Reaper fleet was poised at the edge of the galaxy, the committee indulged in abstract discussions, with little apparent intent to deploy actual resources to counter what Shepard identified as an imminent attack. More often than not, she returned to her quarters frustrated at the end of each day.

Finally, Ashley attended a meeting where the committee seemed ready for action. Admiral Hackett was ready to mobilize the fleet. The committee discussed how best to support Hackett, and asked Ashley to brief them on various deployment strategies.

Once her briefing was complete, she was allowed to return to her other duties. As she left the chambers, she spotted Anderson on his way in. Just as she greeted the admiral, Ashley spotted a gargantuan Marine over his shoulder. The same soldier that had accompanied Shepard off the Normandy some six months earlier. Her heart thudded in her chest as she scanned the reception area. _There!_ Shepard was with the Marine, and turned when she heard Ashley's voice.

"Ash?"

Neither of them moved. Ashley hadn't seen Shepard in over half a year. She was the slightest bit thinner. Her face was a couple of shades paler. Her copper hair was several inches shorter. But the firm set of her jaw and the fire in her emerald eyes were everything she remembered. Ashley's hand went to the extra set of dog tags she wore under her uniform. She couldn't take her eyes off of Shepard, only half hearing Anderson's question to her.

"Lieutenant Commander." Anderson's voice brought her attention back to him.

"Sorry, sir. What was that?" Her eyes were still focused beyond the admiral.

"I asked how you think it went in there."

"I can never tell with them. I'm just hoping for some orders now." Ashley took a single step towards Shepard, mindful of the room full of Alliance personnel. Hands gripped in tight fists, Ashley concentrated on fighting the desire to throw her arms around Shepard and feel her lips on her own.

Shepard appeared to be waging the same battle. She approached Ashley and Anderson, staying a half step behind the admiral. "Lieutenant Commander?" Her voice was throaty and tight.

Anderson addressed Shepard. "You hadn't heard?"

Irritation passed across Shepard's face. "How would I hear, sir, locked up in solitary for six months? I'm a bit out of the loop these days." Anderson looked properly chastened.

Ashley's hand reached involuntarily towards her lover before she pulled it back. "Sorry, Shepard. I tried. . ."

"I know, Ash. It's good to see you." They stood like that, separated by less than an arm's length, eyes locked, unable to touch or say anything to the other. Shepard's heart thundered in her chest, and breathing was a chore. Based on Ashley's flushed cheeks, she was experiencing a similar reaction. Shepard couldn't look away. Wouldn't look away. She wanted to tell Ashley how much she'd missed her, how much she loved her. But this wasn't the time or place. Instead, she gave Ashley her warmest smile, the one she reserved just for Ashley, hoping that was enough for now.

Ashley returned the smile, opening her mouth to say something more, when a young officer approached the small group and interrupted. "Admiral. They're waiting."

Anderson turned to Shepard. "Come on." Shepard fell into step behind him, passing close enough to Ashley to brush a hand against hers, offering a silent _Love you_. Ashley had no time to respond. She stood, watching her lover's retreating back. With a searing glare for the large Marine still standing at parade rest, Ashley left to return to her desk to await orders.

OoOoO

Shepard was seething. The committee had lost contact with all colonies beyond the Sol relay, and was just now trying to do something about it? And that something was apparently to ask Shepard to solve the problem for them. After keeping her in a virtual hole for six months.

With barely concealed rage, she fired back at the committee. "The Reapers are here." She was baffled by their confused expressions. "Are you fucking kidding me? You should have figured that out on your own."

A woman on the dais looked particularly horrified. "What do we do to stop them?"

"Stop them? You can't fucking stop them. I blew up a relay and only managed to delay them. We're past stopping them. Now we figure out how to survive. We're going to have to stand together."

Another committee member broke in. "That's it? That's our plan?"

Shepard turned to him. "You've had six goddamn months to come up with a plan. Longer, if you would have taken my warnings some three years ago more seriously. This is all we have. This is what we need to do. The Reapers are more advanced, more powerful, more ruthless than we are. Now, we work on surviving."

Her angry rant was interrupted by a communications officer announcing that communications with Luna were lost. The room looked at the wall of screens in horror as city after city on Earth fell to Reapers.

"What do we do?" that same committee member asked.

Standing ramrod straight, Shepard responded the one way she knew how. "The only thing we can do. We fight."

Anderson placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come on. We should get to the Normandy."

Before they could even move, all eyes focused out the window at a looming Reaper ship, descending on Vancouver. "Move! Go go go!" Shepard tried to find cover as the Reaper's red beam blasted through the window into the chambers. Unsuccessful, she was thrown against a wall and lay dazed on the floor.

As she fought her way back to clarity, she could hear Anderson on his comm. "Lieutenant Commander Williams, is that you?" Pause. "Get to the Normandy. Now."

That was enough to instantly clear Shepard's mind. _Ashley!_

OoOoO

All hell was breaking loose. Debris from the Reaper beam littered the floor around her. Ashley was glad she kept her armor and weapon stowed in a locker behind her desk. She had just strapped everything on when she heard Anderson on her comm. "Admiral? Are you okay?"

"Lieutenant Commander Williams, is that you?"

"Yes, sir. Where do you need me, sir?"

"Get to the Normandy. Now."

She wanted to ask if Shepard was with him. Wanted to know if Shepard was okay. Instead, she followed the admiral's order and made her way to the landing dock. Bodies were strewn along the path. Chunks of masonry blocked her path, slowing her as she had to climb across or around them. She spotted a familiar bulky shape fighting off a few husks ahead. "Big Ape! Need a hand?"

Vega kept his weapon aimed ahead, only barely turning his head to see who was addressing him. "Hey, LC. Where you headed?"

"Normandy. I could use another shooter. Let's go."

Ashley's comm crackled. It was Anderson. "Lieutenant Commander, you read me?"

"Sir, yes sir."

"I'm patching in Shepard." _Shepard is alive! Thank god._

"Shepard. Glad you're still breathing. I've got Vega with me. We're almost to the Normandy, but we're taking heavy fire." The comm channel faded out, losing any reply Anderson may have given. Ashley continued on to the landing dock with the huge Marine at her back.

After dispatching a dozen or more husks, they boarded the Normandy. The first person Ashley saw was Joker. She hadn't been in the same space with him since Shepard's memorial service, and wasn't in the mood for a reunion. She gave him a cursory nod and moved back to the CIC, waiting for Shepard and Anderson to arrive.

OoOoO

Anderson finished off the last husk as Shepard pried open the door to a mostly demolished building. They both ducked in, climbing over twisted metal and broken glass. A young boy skittered off through a ventilation duct beyond Shepard's reach, disappearing down the darkness before she could pull him out.

"Shepard, move!" Anderson ordered.

They continued their slow progress. "Shepard, we need to go to the Citadel and talk to the Council."

"With all due respect, sir, the fight is here."

"It'll be everywhere soon enough. They'll have to help us."

They cleared the building, continuing on their way. Anderson contacted Williams again. "Lieutenant Commander, we're on our way to the spaceport. ETA three minutes."

"We're aboard the ship, sir. We're taking heavy fire. Shit, the Reapers are going to take down that dreadnought."

Ashley's comm was filled with the sounds of an explosion and crunching metal. Shepard broke in. "We're going to re-route, Ashley. Do you copy?"

Ashley couldn't get a response through the comm. "Bridge, prepare to move when we get a location." She couldn't even use Joker's name.

The comm crackled. Anderson's message was broken and distorted, but she was able to make out that Anderson and Shepard were at the harbor. Just then a beacon signal glowed on a nearby screen. "There. Set a course for that signal. Now!"

"Aye aye, ma'am."

Ashley ran down to the ship's shuttle bay, opening the bay door as the Normandy approached the harbor. Shepard was running up the remains of a downed ship towards the open door, leaping across the empty space. Ashley instinctively reached out to slow Shepard's trajectory as she landed on the metal deck, involuntarily pulling Shepard into her arms. Ashley swallowed, working moisture back into her dry mouth as she released Shepard. "Welcome back, Skipper."

Shepard reached a hand out to ghost a touch across Ashley's arm. "Thanks." She turned back to Anderson, still perched on top of the wrecked ship. "Come on, Anderson. Jump."

Anderson shook her off. "I'm staying. The survivors here need me. You go. Now. Convince the Council."

"What if they don't listen to me, sir. They haven't yet."

"You'll have to convince them. Now go!"

Shepard crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I don't take orders from you anymore, sir, remember?"

Anderson reached into his pocket and pulled out a shiny set of tags, tossing them to her. "You do now. Consider yourself reinstated, Commander."

Shepard caught the tags, conflicting emotions playing across her face.

"You know what you have to do, Shepard. Go do it."

"I'll be back for you, Anderson. And I'll be bringing every fleet I can. Good luck."

"You too, Shepard."

As the Normandy began to move away, Ashley stood next to Shepard, slipping her hand into Shepard's and squeezing it tightly. Shepard watched shuttles land near the harbor, picking up refugees. The little boy she'd seen earlier boarded one, and Shepard allowed herself a small smile. Her pleasure was short lived, as a Reaper beam swept across the harbor, destroying the ship and killing all of its passengers. She turned her head away, bile rising in the back of her throat. "Fuck! Close this door. Now!" Ashley hit the switch while dismissing the few crewmembers who remained in the shuttle bay.

Shepard slammed her fists repeatedly into a nearby crate as the Normandy left Earth behind. As _she_ left Earth behind. Shepard never walked away from a fight. Not once. She punched the crate until her knuckles were raw and bloody. Ashley stood to the side, helplessly watching, knowing she had to let Shepard do this. Finally spent, Shepard slumped to the floor, holding her head in her bloody hands. Ashley silently knelt by her side, wrapping Shepard up in her arms and resting her cheek atop Shepard's head. Shepard relaxed into her embrace, still saying nothing.

When Shepard's labored breath evened out and her shoulders stopped shaking, Ashley stood and extended a hand. "Let's go take care of those hands, Skipper. We've got work to do."

Shepard allowed Ashley to pull her up by her forearm, continuing forward until she held Ashley in her arms. She took a moment to look into Ashley's eyes before kissing her tenderly. "God, I've missed you, Ash."


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Just a quick note to thank all of you who are still reading this. I appreciate all the views. Please feel free to leave a review on what's working and what's not working. And on what punctuation I continually abuse. Cheers!

* * *

Shepard pulled away from the kiss, eyes still closed. She took a moment to steel herself, then released Ashley. She had her orders. She needed to follow them.

"We've got a lot of catching up to do, Ash, but first let's get this ship headed for the Citadel."

"Aye aye, Commander. Right after we take care of your hands." Shepard looked down at her raw bloody knuckles, signaling her agreement with a quick nod.

As they headed for the lift, Shepard spotted Vega lurking in the corner. He approached her, demanding, "Now what, Commander?"

Shepard fought the instinct to tell him not to call her that. _I guess it's accurate now._ "We're leaving. Anderson ordered us to go to the Citadel and get help for the fight."

"Bullshit! He wouldn't order us to leave! Fuck this. Drop me off somewhere." Vega stood over Shepard, the over-developed muscles in his neck tensing.

Shepard stepped up to him. "Enough, _Lieutenant_. You may have spent six months as my jailer, but here on this ship I am your commanding officer. You will follow my orders and show me the respect due a superior officer, or you'll find your ass sitting in the brig. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry?"

"Ma'am, yes ma'am."

"We are heading to the Citadel. You can catch a ride back from there if you want. I don't give a fuck. Dismissed." Shepard glared at the massive Marine, daring him to make a move. Vega stood down, saluting as he left. Ashley fought a smirk. Very few people could stand up to Shepard and Vega obviously was not one of them.

A voice came over the ship's comms. "Commander."

A grin tugged at the corners of Shepard's lips. "Joker? Is that you?" Her smile quickly faded when she saw the murderous expression on Ashley's face. She made a mental note to address the enmity between the two as soon as possible.

"Alive and kicking, ma'am. I have an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."

Shepard had Joker patch it through to the terminal in the shuttle bay. The transmission quality was poor, but Shepard was able to glean that the situation for the fleet was dire, and she was to detour to the outpost on Mars before going to the Citadel. Apparently Liara was there researching a way to defeat the Reapers and Hackett wanted whatever information she might have found.

"Ash, come with me." Shepard reached for Ashley's hand, wincing when she tried to bend her battered knuckles.

"Med-bay first, Shepard. You're no good with those hands."

OoOoO

Shepard's breath hissed in sharply as Ashley spread medi-gel across the backs of her hands. "You're lucky you didn't break anything, Shepard. We don't have any medical personnel on board."

Shepard gave Ashley an appreciative nod. "Thanks, Chief." Ashley looked at her with a quirked eyebrow. "Fine. Thanks, _LC_. It's going to take some getting used to. Congratulations, by the way." Being this close to Ashley, Shepard needed to marshall all her self-restraint to not wrap her up in her arms. _Later. Duty first. Speaking of which…_ Shepard hopped off the table. "With me, Williams," she directed as she lead them up to the cockpit.

As they neared the pilot's chair, Ashley hung back behind Shepard. Shepard turned to her with a look of warning. "We need to resolve this." Joker was pressed back against his seat, trying to make himself as small as possible.

Shepard addressed them both, in full commander mode. "Okay, you two. We've all got bigger things to worry about right now than being pissed off at each other. I don't care if you like each other. But you do need to get along and you have to be able to work together. So cut the shit. Williams, I want you to be my XO, but I can't do that if you aren't able to be in the same space as our pilot. What happened before wasn't really Joker's fault. Joker didn't kill me," Shepard winced; she wasn't sure she'd ever get used to talking about herself like that. "The Collectors did. With that being said, Joker if you ever fail to follow an order again, I _will_ have you court-martialed and you'll live out your days flying cattle barges out in the far reaches of the Terminus system. Do you both understand me?"

"Aye aye, Commander."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am."

"Good. Joker, how long would it take us to get to Mars? We need to get in there as stealthy as possible."

"At less than FTL, it could take us up to an hour." Joker added a belated, "Ma'am."

"Then we'd better get going. EDI, let me know when we're ten minutes out."

Ashley looked puzzled at the last, then nearly jumped out of her skin when a disembodied voice responded, "Of course, Commander. And welcome back."

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard grinned at Ashley. "EDI is the Normandy's AI. I'll explain later." Addressing the comms system, Shepard continued, "Vega, I want you to find me some armor, a pistol and a shotgun. Have them down in the shuttle bay in thirty. See what you can find for yourself. You'll be joining me on Mars."

There was the briefest delay before he responded. "Yes ma'am." Shepard allowed herself a self-satisfied smile before she turned on her heel and headed for the elevator, gesturing with her head at Ashley to follow. Ashley's heart skipped a beat as she fell in step beside Shepard, as she realized they might have a few moments to themselves.

OoOoO

Although the Normandy had been docked near Alliance HQ for months, Ashley hadn't seen the inside of the new and improved ship. The Alliance had spent the previous half year retrofitting the Cerberus ship, adding in the military touches that would make it the most powerful warship in the fleet.

Fortunately for Shepard, they had left her loft more or less untouched. With the exception of her model ships and Space Hamster. She would miss those. As Shepard lead Ashley into her quarters, Ashley couldn't hide her amazement at its size. And the fact that it had an aquarium spanning almost an entire wall. "Shit, Shepard. I'm surprised you didn't go soft with a cabin like this."

Shepard chuckled as she rummaged through the closet, looking to find some Alliance fatigues that might fit her. No matter how good she looked in her dress blues, they weren't comfortable to wear for long. Finding a suitably sized uniform, she tossed it on the bed and started opening drawers, hoping her old compression gear might still be lurking somewhere in a corner. She found a set, holding it up in triumph. Dropping them on the bed next to the fatigues, she began unbuttoning her dress jacket. Her breath caught in her chest when strong hands reached around from behind her and took over.

"Let me." Ashley's throaty voice vibrated against Shepard's ear, sending sparks down her spine. Ashley's long, sure fingers made quick work of the buttons, sliding the uniform jacket down Shepard's shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. Shepard shivered involuntarily and leaned back against Ashley. Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard's waist, nuzzling Shepard's neck.

"Ash, we can't - "

Ashley shushed her as she removed Shepard's bra. "Yes. We can." As she cupped Shepard's breasts with both hands, Ashley sprinkled kisses along Shepard's neck and shoulders. "I've missed you, Sloane." A hand went to the front of Shepard's pants, lowering the zipper. "I've missed touching you, feeling you, tasting you." The hand moved down further, stroking Shepard's already wet center. Shepard moaned and threw her head back against Ashley's shoulder. "I need to hear you call my name, Sloane. I need to feel you tightening around me while you come." Ashley slipped two fingers into Shepard, her other hand continuing to caress Shepard's breasts. Applying just the right amount of friction with the heel of her hand, Ashley pumped her fingers in and out at a deliberate pace. Her voice was a low purr. "I want to hold you up when you have no strength left to stand. Then I want to make you come again."

Shepard did call Ashley's name as white lights exploded behind her eyelids, her hips bucking forward. Ashley used one strong arm around her waist to support Shepard against her body, withdrawing the other from inside Shepard and moving it to rub circles around Shepard's hardened clit. As Ashley increased the pressure gently, Shepard felt her pleasure building again. Raising one arm behind her to wrap her fingers in Ashley's hair, she quickly crested a second time.

Once the strength returned to her legs, Shepard turned to Ashley and kissed her hungrily while trying to simultaneously strip her bare. Ashley laughed softly, pulling away just long enough to quickly abandon her clothing while Shepard stripped off her uniform pants. Their bodies crashed together again. The friction of Shepard's skin against her own only increased the throbbing heat between Ashley's thighs.

"Sloane, I need you - "

"Way ahead of you, Love." Shepard cut her off as she picked Ashley up and laid her on the bed. She wasted little time settling between Ashley's legs, tracing a finger between her slick folds before flicking her tongue against Ashley's clit. Ashley moaned and canted her hips upward, one hand grabbing Shepard's hair. Shepard dipped her tongue into Ashley's wet opening, followed by long strokes up and down the length of her slit. Ashley began cursing quietly, bucking up against Shepard's mouth. Shepard slipped a finger into Ashley while she sucked on her clit, soon adding a second and then a third. Curling them upward, she thrust into Ashley, increasing the speed of her hand and the pressure of her mouth until Ashley's thighs tightened against her ears, muffling Ashley's wordless cries of ecstasy.

Sliding her sweat-slicked body along Ashley's, Shepard moved up to kiss her fiercely before propping herself up above her lover. One corner of her mouth twitched upwards. "I'll be damned. You were right. Turns out we can." With a sigh, she rolled off of Ashley and sat on the edge of the bed, noting the time. "We'll have to catch up some more after we finish up on Mars. Care to join me in a quick shower?"

"Shepard, you know if I join you it will be anything but quick."

"I meant a shower shower. Not a fooling around shower. Although if you're offering…"

Ashley swatted Shepard's bare backside playfully. "Fuck, Shepard. You're insatiable."

Shepard leaned back in for a kiss. "For you? Yes I am."

With that she got up and headed for the shower, swaying her hips a bit more than usual, mindful that Ashley was watching her walk away.

Enjoying the view a little too much, Ashley cursed out loud. "Shit. That's not fair, Shepard," she muttered as she quickly followed Shepard into the bathroom.

OoOoO

Shepard was sitting on the couch with a stupid smile on her face, watching Ashley braid her damp hair, when EDI announced that they would arrive at Mars in ten minutes.

Shepard stood. "Let's go, Chief." That earned a raised eyebrow from Ashley in friendly warning. "Oh hell. Sorry. _Let's go, LC_. Better?"

"Much." Ashley fell in step alongside Shepard as she headed for the lift.

"I'm proud of you, you know. You've done well."

"Funny, your mom said the same thing."

Shepard stopped short. "Oh shit. I have to find out if she's okay. Remind me when we get back from the archives."

Ashley wouldn't get the chance to remind her.


	38. Chapter 38

Flames engulfed the downed shuttle. Shepard had to admire Vega's tactical decision to ram the craft before the Cerberus AI mech could escape, even if it did almost take out the squad on the ground as well. Ashley was down, but shook Shepard off when she approached, indicating that she was okay. Liara didn't fare as well; she injured a leg. Shepard waved down Vega in the shuttle as Ashley helped Liara up, placing Liara's arm across her shoulders to take the weight off the injury. They were nearly to the shuttle when the EVA synthetic burst through the wreckage, encased in flames. Ashley roughly pushed Liara away behind cover, pulling out her assault rifle and firing at the advancing foe. The rounds bounced harmlessly off the synthetic's armored shell.

Shepard watched in horror as the synthetic grabbed Ashley by the front of her helmet, lifting her in the air and shaking her like a ragdoll. "Ash!" She sprinted back towards them, drawing her pistol and aiming at the synthetic. "Let. Her. Go."

The synthetic appeared to communicate with someone, seeking orders, before pivoting with Ashley still dangling in the air and smashing the Marine against the hull wreckage twice. Shepard's stomach roiled at the crunching sounds that accompanied each strike. The synthetic dropped Ashley in a lifeless heap on the ground, turning towards Shepard. For a moment, all Shepard could see was her lover's body contorted into a still, unnatural lump. Her body vibrating with rage, Shepard charged the synthetic, howling wordlessly while firing her pistol repeatedly until the thing went down.

Shepard kept running until she reached Ashley. Sliding down to her side, Shepard cradled Ashley in her arms. "Ash. Stay with me, Ash. I'm going to get you out of here." She had no idea if Ashley could even hear her. Vega approached, stooping as if to pick up Ashley. Shepard held out a hand to stop him. "No!" she snarled. Vega backed away, hands up in surrender. "Get that thing." She indicated the synthetic. "Bring it with us."

She carefully slipped her arms under Ashley's form, gently lifting her and carrying her to the shuttle. "Don't leave me, love," she murmured.

OoOoO

On board the Normandy, Shepard again waved off any help in carrying Ashley. She brought her into the med-bay, laying her tenderly on one of the tables. Her breath hissed in as she removed Ashley's helmet. Multiple bruises were already purpling across Ashley's pale skin. One corner of her mouth was covered with a crust of dried blood. Her eyes were swollen shut. Shepard could only hope that Ashley was too unconscious to feel any pain.

Liara stood on the other side of the table, silently offering her assistance. Shepard gave her a small thankful smile, but shook her head. As she carefully removed Ashley's armor, Shepard discovered multiple additional injuries. One forearm was bent wrongly where the bones had been broken. Her ribs were obviously broken on the same side. Her back was nearly covered with black contusions. Shepard could only numbly brush the stray hair off Ashley's forehead, bending down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Shepard." Liara's voice startled her. "We need to get her immediate medical attention." Shepard could only stare at her. "Now, Shepard. We need to leave the Sol system. Give the order. We have to go."

Shepard took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Joker, set a course for the Citadel. Get us the fuck out of here."

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard's tags still hung around Ashley's neck. She carefully slipped them over Ashley's head and put them in a pocket. She didn't want those to get lost during the frenzy she anticipated at the Citadel hospital. Liara did what she could to stabilize Ashley, despite limping on what was likely a broken leg, but was unable to do much about the internal bleeding. Not until after she'd done her best for Ashley did Liara stop to find a splint for her leg.

Shepard refused to leave Ashley's side until they arrived. She held her hand, watching each shallow, labored breath helplessly. As much as she would have liked to just sit there, Shepard knew she still needed to prepare to address the Council once they arrived at the Citadel. To that end, she asked Liara to see what she could learn from the destroyed synthetic Vega brought back on board. She took her briefings from Liara in the med-bay.

From what she could tell, the Archives held information about an enormous Prothean designed weapon that could defeat the Reapers. "It could be the answer, Shepard. If we can build it." Shepard looked up at Liara. Her skepticism was obvious, even to Liara. "I get the sense that you don't quite believe it, though."

"You didn't see what they did to Earth, Liara. How is one weapon supposed to stop them?" she snapped off bitterly.

"We have no other real choice. We can't win this conventionally." Shepard just stared at her. Liara tried another tack. "Isn't it worth trying?"

Shepard didn't address the question. "Make sure you have everything ready to present to the Council. You'll be taking the lead on that part." She looked back down at Ashley, silently dismissing the asari.

OoOoO

Liara had radioed ahead to arrange for emergency medical personnel to be waiting for the ship when it docked. Shepard reluctantly allowed them to place Ashley on a stretcher and transport her to the hospital, although she insisted that she be allowed to go with them.

Her heart sank as she listened to the med techs' chatter. "We barely got a pulse here." _Shit, Ash. Don't you dare die_. As Shepard followed the medical team and Ashley, a familiar face stepped in front of her, bringing her to an abrupt halt.

"Commander Shepard. Got word you were arriving." Commander Bailey stood blocking her path.

"Now is not a good time, Bailey. Get the fuck out of my way."

"The Council wants to see you immediately, Shepard. They're expecting you at Udina's office."

Shepard watched Ashley move further away from her. She called to the nearest tech, "Where are you taking her?"

The tech yelled "Huerta Memorial" over her shoulder without breaking stride.

Shepard turned her attention back to Bailey. _Fucking duty_. "Fine. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

Bailey scrunched his forehead a bit. "They asked to see you now."

"And they'll see me in thirty minutes." Shepard took a step forward. "Now get the fuck out of my way." Bailey considered his options briefly, then moved to the side without a word.

Shepard ran at full speed to catch up to the med team and Ashley, just as they were entering the lift for the hospital, willing it to move more quickly. As soon as the doors opened, Shepard bolted out ahead of the stretcher, almost knocking over a surprised Dr. Chakwas. With her attention focused solely on Ashley, Shepard didn't even register that her former medical officer was standing right beside her. She brushed by the doctor impatiently, muttering something about "fucking watching where you're going." Fortunately the doctor knew the commander too well to take offense, and fell in step behind the small group.

The med techs took Ashley directly to a trauma room, transferring her to bed behind closed doors. They prevented Shepard from following, going so far as to signal a nearby MP to ensure she complied with their request. Shepard settled for watching through a small slit of a window. She recognized Dr. Michel, who appeared to be directing Ashley's care. Her heart nearly shattered as the techs cut away any remaining clothing, exposing the complete scope of Ashley's injuries.

She was so absorbed in the scene unfolding before her that she was surprised by the hand that came down on her shoulder. She whirled around defensively, only to see the kind face of Dr. Chakwas. The hands that had balled into fists relaxed instantly, instead wrapping around the doctor as Shepard squeezed her in a desperate hug. Chakwas responded more gently, placing comforting arms around Shepard and allowing her to lean into her as long as she needed.

"It looks bad, Doc. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her." Shepard's voice was muffled against the doctor's shoulder.

"She's in good hands, Commander. Dr. Michel has proven herself a very capable trauma surgeon. She'll do everything she can for Williams."

Shepard released Chakwas and took a step back as realization crossed her face. "Doc, what are you even doing here?"

"I work in a research lab in a nearby ward. With the Normandy in dry dock, most of the crew was reassigned. When Liara called ahead about Williams, I came here immediately."

"Thanks, Doc. That means a lot. Can you help her?" Checking her beeping omni-tool, Shepard swore. "Fuck. I have to go meet with the Council. Goddamn bureaucrats. Can you stay here with Ash, make sure she's being taken care of? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Of course, Shepard. Don't worry. Your marine is a fighter. If anyone can survive this, she can."

"I hope you're right, ma'am." Shepard cast one final look at her lover, obscured by the swarm of personnel working on her various injuries, and headed slowly back to the lift.

OoOoO

The Council was useless. Again. Shortsighted, self-centered jackasses, all of them. Shepard stalked through the halls of the Citadel on her way back the hospital, spewing obscenities. The Council wouldn't agree to cooperate on building the Prothean device. And to add insult to injury, the Turian councilor offered help privately, but with several strings attached. Essentially she would have to divert from the defense of Earth and take care of some political bullshit for the Turians before they'd agree to offer a small slice of their forces to aid in fighting the Reapers.

Naturally the Council offered to reinstate her Spectre status. Because that was apparently their solution to everything. This time she reluctantly acquiesced, knowing she would need every tool at her disposal.

Upon entering the hospital, she spotted Dr. Michel. She wasn't much in the mood for pleasantries, but she was grateful for the doctor's treatment of Ashley so she tried to tamp down her anger. "Thank you for taking care of Lieutenant Commander Williams. How is she doing?"

"We located the internal bleeding, and took care of that. The head trauma was severe, but we've reduced the swelling. These types of injuries can go either way. She hasn't regained consciousness yet, but her vitals are strong. You can go see her, if you'd like." The doctor's eyes indicated she understood more than Shepard was saying aloud.

"Thank you. I owe you."

Shepard took her leave, hoping the doctor would forgive her curt departure. She hurried to Ashley's room, pleasantly surprised to see Dr. Chakwas examining her marine. "I didn't expect you to actually get involved, Doc."

Chakwas' face was full of regret. "I should have been with you when you went to Mars, Commander. I could have provided her with care so much earlier. I never should have allowed myself to be relegated to a research job. I'm meant to treat soldiers. Not stare into scopes. What if I could have spared her this pain?"

Shepard put what she hoped was a comforting hand on the doctor's arm. "Karin, I appreciate what you're doing now. But know that you'll always have a place on the Normandy. It's where you belong."

Chakwas offered a small smile. "Just say the word, Commander."

Shepard squeezed her arm, offering a smile of her own. "Pack your bags, Doctor. You can't miss the ship at the docks. We'll be leaving at 1400 hours. Welcome back."

"Glad to be back, Shepard. Someone needs to keep you in one piece if you're going to save our asses again."

"Before you go, what can you tell me about Ashley? Is she going to be okay?"

"Dr. Michel did an outstanding job. Although her head injury was significant, she has responded well to treatment. She hasn't regained consciousness, and likely won't for several days. Her body suffered serious trauma. Her broken bones are healing well. The internal bleeding didn't cause any lasting damage. The lieutenant commander is stubborn as hell, Commander. I think she'll do just fine, given enough time."

Shepard nodded gratefully. "Would you give me a minute?"

"Certainly. See you on the Normandy." Chakwas exited quietly, requiring no acknowledgment from Shepard.

Alone in the room, Shepard had her first opportunity to really look at Ashley since she'd been brought to the hospital. She was mostly bare, with a strategically draped cloth covering her chest and a sheet drawn up to her waist. She looked uncharacteristically small. Her body was still covered with angry bruises. Her broken forearm was wrapped and laying across her abdomen. Although Ashley was not conscious, her face held no sign of relaxation or rest. A deep line marred the space between her thick brows and her jaw was clenched. Shepard pulled up a chair next to the bed, holding Ashley's free hand in one of her own. She stroked Ashley's still dirty hair back from her forehead.

"Ash. I don't know if you can hear me. You fight, goddammit. You fight and come back to me, do you hear? I can't do this without you. I need you, love. Right now duty is calling me away, but I'll come back as soon as I can. Fight. That's an order, Marine." Shepard kissed Ashley's bruised mouth gently. "I love you." She placed a volume of Tennyson's poems that she'd had brought to her from the ship on a nearby table. It was her own worn copy, one she'd read when the Normandy was a Cerberus vessel. She took her old dog tags out of her pocket, placing them within the book's cover. With one more look at her lover, she headed out the door and back to the war.


	39. Chapter 39

The first night away from the Citadel, the nightmares started. Not the ones where she floated away in space, Ashley's desperate cries ringing in her ears, lungs burning until . . . nothing. These were new. She was in a dark dead forest, chasing after the little boy she watched die on Earth. She moved as if underwater, sounds muffled and fleeting, except for the unmistakable sound of a Reaper ship. When she finally caught up with the boy, he burst into flames and burned in front of her, his hand reaching plaintively towards her.

Shepard jerked awake, sweat dripping from her brow. "Fucking shit." She pulled off her sweat-soaked tank, throwing it into the corner in frustration and laying back on the bed to allow the moisture on her skin to evaporate. Her door chimed. Wondering who would disturb her so early in the morning, she sat and called "Come" before she remembered she was bare from the waist up.

Liara entered, catching a look at Shepard's chest before the commander could grab the sheet to cover herself. Not quite looking away, she began, "My apologies, Shepard. I didn't realize. . ."

"My fault, Liara. I should have covered up first." At least the absurdity of the situation was diffusing some of the residual tension of her nightmare.

Liara cleared her throat, moving her eyes up to Shepard's face and murmuring, "Lieutenant Commander Williams is a lucky woman."

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle. "Was there some reason you came by, other than to catch me half naked?"

"Yes. Well. I've been forwarding all the information I have on the Prothean device to the Turian councillor, hoping to convince him and the Council that they need to provide support immediately, but he insists that he won't budge until his Primarch is safe."

"I know." Shepard sagged back against her pillows.

"Are you alright, Shepard?" Liara seemed genuinely concerned.

"I wasn't exactly enjoying a good night's sleep before you came by."

"There's more to it than interrupted sleep, isn't there?" _Damn, when did she get so good at reading humans?_ Shepard wondered.

"Yes." Shepard left it at that.

"I understand, I think. Please let me know if you'd like to talk." Liara nodded a goodbye as she moved to the door. The door hissed open, revealing a very surprised young officer. She was short and fit, with black shoulder-length hair and lovely caramel skin. Liara gave her an openly appraising look as she passed. Oblivious, the newcomer began speaking before she fully entered the room.

"Commander Shepard, we haven't had a chance to meet. I'm Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor. . ." She stopped abruptly as she realized that her commanding officer lay on the bed with barely covered breasts. "Oh, I beg your pardon. . ." Shepard noticed that the officer made no effort to avert her eyes.

"For fuck's sake. Does everybody need to come in and look at my tits?"

Traynor then seemed to suddenly realize that Liara had just left the commander's quarters. Pointing at the door and back at Shepard, she asked, "I'm sorry, did I interrupt? I thought you were alone."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh. This was turning out to be a very strange morning. "No, you weren't interrupting anything. But I think I should probably dress before anybody else shows up, though." She moved as if it get up, waiting for Traynor to turn around. When she didn't, Shepard sighed and moved to her closet to find a set of clean fatigues to wear. With her back to the officer, she dropped her sweats and pulled on her trousers. Traynor noted with approval the lack of underwear, admiring Shepard's toned ass and long legs, then realized she probably shouldn't be caught staring at the commander. "I assume you like what you see, Specialist?"

Traynor was caught off guard. "No ma'am. I mean, yes ma'am. Oh god. I'm sorry, Commander. I didn't mean to. . ."

Now fully dressed, Shepard turned around. "You should see your face, Specialist. Not quite how you expected to start your day, is it?" Traynor shook her head dumbly. "Me neither. Now what did you need?"

Traynor just stood there for a moment with a slack jaw, clearly unable to remember why she had come. "Oh! I'm Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor - "

"So you said. And?"

"Right. Yes. I'm with Alliance R&D. I was part of the team retrofitting the Normandy after you turned her over to the Alliance. I was supervising the small group on board when… when the Reapers hit. I never expected to be serving aboard a ship, ma'am."

"Relax, Specialist. What is it you came here for?" Traynor was staring distractedly at the aquarium wall. "Specialist?"

"Ma'am. Beg your pardon. I'm delighted to be under you. I mean, serving under you. Under your command. If you'll have me. I mean, if you'd like me to remain."

Shepard chuckled. "Have a seat, Specialist. Why don't you start by telling me about these retrofits?"

Traynor let out a grateful sigh, and began to brief Shepard as she originally intended.

OoOoO

Dr. Chakwas had been receiving updates on Ashley from Dr. Michel, passing them along to Shepard as soon as they came in. The first few days were the worst; Ashley remained unconscious and the prognosis was guarded. Shepard wanted to be there with her, and hated that she wasn't.

Securing the Turian primarch was much more trouble than Shepard anticipated. She hoped it was worth the effort. One unforeseen benefit was running into Garrus on Palaven. He was now happily calibrating the cannons aboard the Normandy.

Fresh off her success, Shepard returned as quickly as possible to the Citadel to resupply and change out a few personnel. But mostly to check on Ashley. Dr. Chakwas reported that she'd regained consciousness some days earlier. As soon as the Normandy docked, Shepard was at the airlock door, ready to disembark.

She was greeted in the hospital reception area by Dr. Michel. "Commander Shepard. So good to see you again. I assume you're here for Lieutenant Commander Williams?"

"How is she doing?" Shepard couldn't keep her brow from furrowing in worry.

"Very well, actually. Her rate of recovery is amazing. I'd still like to keep her here under observation, but she should be ready to return to active duty sooner than I expected."

Thanking the doctor, Shepard hurried to Ashley's private room, stopping short in the doorway when she saw Councilor Udina at Ashley's bedside. "I'd like an answer, Lieutenant Commander. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you. Now, more than ever."

Ashley could barely lift her head from the pillow. Her words were labored. "I still need time. You'll have my answer soon, I promise."

Udina turned towards the door, noticing the commander for the first time. "Shepard." His lip curled in distaste.

Shepard's jaw was tight, her eyes sparked with fury. "What the hell, Udina. Couldn't even wait until she was back on her feet? Let her recover, for fuck's sake." Udina had no response, but widened his path to evade Shepard as he left.

"Hey, Ash. How you feeling?" Shepard sat next to the bed, taking one of Ashley's hands in her own, brushing Ashley's hair out of her eyes. She leaned down and gently kissed Ashley. The gentleness of the kiss did not last, as Ashley's tongue pressed against Shepard's lips, seeking entrance. Shepard happily deepened the kiss, until Ashley muttered a muffled _ouch_ into her mouth. Shepard flinched back, concern clouding her eyes. "Oh god, sorry Ash. I didn't mean…"

"No worries, Sloane. My jaw is still not quite fully healed, I guess. Worth it, though." Her smile was tired, but full of affection.

"You still haven't made your decision about Udina's offer?"

"I'm honored to even be offered Spectre status, but I'm not sure. I'm Alliance, Shepard. Not some Council puppet."

"Ouch! Spectre here." Shepard laughed.

"And a fat lot of good it's done you, Shepard. Hell, even you turned it down one time. There was something about cramming it up someone's blue ass, maybe? I don't mean to disrespect the offer, but I just don't trust the Council."

"Me neither. But you get a badass gun, so you might want to consider it." Shepard's lopsided grin gave away the joke.

"Are you going to tell me to take it?"

"Nope. This is entirely your decision, Love. I'll support whatever choice you make."

Ashley grabbed the front of Shepard's uniform, pulling her back down to where she could kiss her. Shepard was more careful this time. "I've missed you."

Shepard pulled back a little, looking into Ashley's eyes. "You scared the shit out me, you know that?"

"I hear you carried me back to the shuttle like some kind of fucking hero."

Shepard couldn't help but smile. "Well, first of all, I _am_ some kind of fucking hero. And second, of course I did. You're mine, Ashley Williams. And third, who told you about that?" A pause, as realization hit. "Dammit, Liara," she muttered under her breath.

"Don't blame her. She seemed rather impressed. I admit that I am, too. Wish I had been awake to enjoy it."

Shepard kissed her again. "Me too."

"How long do you have before you have to head out again?" Ashley sighed back against the pillows.

"Just a few hours. I wish it could be longer. We have a lead on something Cerebus is looking for on Horizon, so we're heading there next."

"Will you stay with me for a bit? Maybe hold me?" Shepard quickly removed her boots and climbed on the narrow hospital bed next to her Marine, placing a light arm around her waist. Ashley pressed carefully up against her.

"Have you heard from your mom or your sisters? I know communications to Earth are spotty, but has there been anything?"

Ashley tensed. "I haven't heard from my mom. I did get one message from Sarah. She was on her honeymoon when the Reapers hit. Her husband's leave was canceled and he was called back in. She's having a rough time, worrying about him. I haven't been able to get back in touch with her, though."

Shepard nodded. "I can relate. Let me see if Liara can find anything out about them."

"Thanks." Ashley stroked Shepard's arm. "So, I found a book on my table. Tennyson. It looks very well read. With your old tags inside. Would you know anything about that?" She could feel Shepard's smile against her shoulder.

"Maybe you rubbed off on me a little." Shepard took a shaky, uncertain breath, and began to recite. "Might I but kiss thy hand! I dare not fold my arms about thee. Scarcely dare to speak. And nothing seems to me so wild and bold, as with one kiss to touch thy blessed cheek. Methinks if I should kiss thee, no control within the thrilling brain could keep afloat the subtle spirit. Even while I spoke, the bare word 'kiss' hath made my inner soul to tremble like a lutestring, ere the note hath melted in the silence that it broke."

Ashley worked her tongue against the roof of her suddenly very dry mouth. She turned her body towards Shepard, cursing the confines of the small bed. Cupping Shepard's cheek with a hand, she gazed into her emerald eyes. "My god, Sloane. That was… wonderfully unexpected." She kissed her fervently, ignoring any pain. "I love you."

Shepard leaned her forehead against Ashley's. "I love you, too, Ash. More than you know."

"Can you stay until I fall asleep?" Ashley's voice was small, tired.

"Yes, Love. Anything for you. Rest now." Shepard planted a chaste kiss against Ashley's forehead, languidly rubbing her back as Ashley drifted off.

OoOoO

 _To: Lieutenant Commander Williams, c/o Huerta Memorial_

 _From: Commander Shepard_

 _A- Sorry to have left while you were asleep. You looked so peaceful. I'll come back as soon as I can. Stay strong. I love you. -S_

 _ps - I feel like I wasted my one grand moment of poetry. It should have led to some mind-blowing sex. Now I'll have to learn another one._


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Many thanks to all of you who have been reading along. Y'all have given me nearly 11,000 views. It's definitely more than I could have expected. So - thanks!

* * *

The irritation Shepard felt whenever she was around the Prothean she'd picked up on Horizon was offset by the good humor Mordin brought aboard with him. Shepard had been delighted to find the Salarian scientist on Sur'Kesh, and was more than happy to have him back on the Normandy.

Shepard grabbed a mug of hot coffee (with sugar) and sat in the mess, datapad in hand. Reviewing supply requisitions and personnel change requests was tedious but necessary. The Normandy was scheduled to dock at the Citadel the next day, and Shepard's intention was to have everything ready to hand off so that she could maximize her time at the hospital. As usual in the middle of the afternoon, Shepard had the place nearly to herself. Which was why she was very surprised when Traynor sat down right next to her, cup of tea in hand.

"Afternoon, Commander." Traynor practically purred into Shepard's ear, nearly causing Shepard to spill her coffee down her shirt.

"Uh. Hi, Specialist." Shepard had no idea why she was so unnerved. Surely it had nothing to do with the fact that the woman sitting remarkably close to her was incredibly attractive with a voice that could charm the pants off a snake. And definitely not because of the heady jasmine fragrance that floated around the young officer. Most of all, it was certainly completely unrelated to the hand resting on her thigh. Shepard swallowed. "Your hand?"

"Yes. It is." The hand in question slid ever so slightly up Shepard's leg. Traynor's lips were mere inches from Shepard's ear, her voice husky. "I've been watching you these weeks, Commander. I've seen you watch me." Shepard tried to work some moisture into her dry mouth. She may have appreciated the view on the CIC on occasion - she'd have to be made of stone not to - but she didn't think she had been obvious. "I haven't seen you with anyone." The hand moved even farther north. Shepard's breath caught in her chest. "I thought maybe I could buy you a drink on the Citadel." The hand had nearly completed its journey to Shepard's center when Shepard gently grasped Traynor's wrist to halt its progress.

"Specialist, I am very flattered." Shepard was dismayed that her voice cracked slightly. "And I'm sorry if I sent you the wrong signal."

"Oh. I thought for certain you were interested in women. I beg your pardon. I don't usually make that mistake." Traynor's eyes fell downward in disappointment.

"What? No, that's not it. I mean, I am. Interested. In women, that is." Shepard couldn't remember the last time she'd been so flustered. "But right now, just one woman. I apologize for misleading you, Specialist. I'll, um, try to keep my eyes to myself."

"I can't promise the same, Commander. You're quite pleasant to look at." Traynor flashed her a brilliant smile. "But I will at least try to keep my hands to myself."

Shepard chuckled at the woman's boldness, even after being shot down. "Thank you, Specialist."

"Sam." Traynor smiled at Shepard again, resting a hand on her arm.

"What?" Shepard was distracted by the renewed contact.

"Sam. Please call me Sam."

"Oh. Um, okay." Shepard slid out of reach from the young officer. "I'm just going to stay over here." Belatedly she added, "Sam." It didn't feel quite right. She fumbled for her datapad, trying her best to focus on the mundane minutiae. But not before she noticed Traynor sitting back in her seat with a fairly self-satisfied expression on her face.

OoOoO

Shepard nearly bounded off the Normandy as soon as it docked. Steadying her pace to avoid looking completely foolish, she headed directly for the hospital. Despite the many weeks since Ashley's injuries, the staff was still reluctant to release her. Ashley's latest messages to Shepard were full of her schemes to escape their care.

Shepard was pleased to see Ashley standing at the window in her room. "Look at you! Upright and everything. They even let you put on clothes. That's a shame, actually." Shepard took Ashley into her arms. "This okay?"

"Hell yes, Shepard." Ashley squeezed Shepard tight, pressing their bodies shoulder to hip, bringing their mouths together. Shepard's hands drifted downward, caressing Ashley's flank, as she savored the taste of her lips.

"You look good, Ash. Dr. Chakwas tells me that your injuries have all healed. Why haven't they released you yet?"

Ashley leaned against the bed. "Something about the head trauma. I can still get tired easily and every now and then even dim lights bother me. Neither happen often, but apparently often enough for Dr. Michel to keep me under observation."

"Hopefully not too much longer. I want you on board the Normandy as soon as possible. I need my XO. Without you, I'm having to deal with all sorts of awful paperwork myself."

Ashley smiled. "You sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet."

Shepard lifted an eyebrow. "If we weren't in a tiny hospital room with so many windows, I would have swept you off your feet and onto a bed as soon as I walked in." Shepard sat in a nearby chair, pulling Ashley down onto her lap.

"Then I really can't wait to get out of here." Ashley ran her fingers through Shepard's hair absent-mindedly. She chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment. "I've decided to accept."

"Accept?"

"Udina's offer. To become a Spectre. Not sure what good it will do in the middle of a goddamn war, but I'll take whatever advantage I can get."

"That's great, Ash! I'm so proud of you. You've earned it. Congratulations. Now I can show you the secret handshake."

Ashley laughed. "I'm not sure what the Council will expect from me at first. We'll figure that part out when I finally get out of here."

Shepard shifted a bit to retrieve something from her hip pocket, triumphantly holding up a flask. "To celebrate!" she explained as she unscrewed the top and held it out to Ashley. Ashley brought the flask to her nose, breathing out a happy sigh as she inhaled a bouquet with the slightest hint of honeyed vanilla that signaled her favorite scotch. She took a generous mouthful, relishing the warmth as it traveled down her throat before handing the flask back to Shepard, who took her own sip before she tucked it back away.

"Thanks for asking Liara to look for my family. Her information was very helpful. I was able to track down my mom. Everyone is fine for now."

"That's great, Ash!"

"It was a definitely a relief. I found Sarah, too. That news wasn't as good. Her new husband was killed in action. She's coming to the Citadel for a bit. She's not doing so well. I thought maybe I could help her out. Shared experience and all."

Shepard held Ashley tighter. "Let me know if there's anything I can do help. And don't be afraid to make use of your Spectre resources if you need to." They sat together in silence for a few moments. "Do you think Dr. Michel would let you out for an hour or two? If I promise to bring you back in one piece?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"I found this great ramen place on the Presidium level. Want to go out and get some real food?"

A mischievous grin stole across Ashley's face. "Do they do take out?"

Shepard's eyes widened as she tried to find her voice. "Are you suggesting. . . ?"

"Not suggesting, Shepard. I'm insisting." Ashley purred as she ran a finger down Shepard's neck and under her collar, igniting sparks down Shepard's spine.

Shepard couldn't even look Dr. Michel in the eye as Ashley explained how she might benefit from a walk around the Presidium and a good meal. It took a little convincing (and a lot of Shepard keeping her mouth shut), but eventually the doctor agreed to a two hour break from the hospital, so long as Shepard promised to look out for Ashley and not allow her to exert herself too much. Shepard made the mistake of glancing at Ashley at that moment. The naked desire on Ashley's face caused Shepard to fumble over her response. Apparently it was good enough, because they were soon on their way.

Shepard actually did try to head for the ramen place. Ashley had something else in mind. She steered them directly to her small apartment. Arriving at the studio, Ashley wasted no time stripping Shepard bare between kisses, laying her out on the bed. Stepping back, she admired every inch of the commander, starting from her muscular shoulders, down to her round breasts and toned abs, and continuing on to her strong legs, until Shepard propped herself up on her elbows and called out an impatient, "For fuck's sake, Ash!"

Ashley laughed quietly, and began removing her clothes agonizingly slowly. Shepard's eyes devoured each inch of flesh revealed, her tongue darting hungrily over her lips. Ashley was soon wearing nothing but Shepard's tags on the heavy chain around her neck. Shepard's gaze paused for a moment on the new scars along Ashley's ribs, a reminder of almost losing her on Mars. The fingers of her hand were suddenly tracing the bright pink lines, the other hand wrapped around Ashley's waist. Ashley remained standing next to the bed, fingers wrapped in Shepard's hair while Shepard held her in place and kissed each raised welt tenderly. When she was done, she pulled Ashley down on the bed and into her arms, burying her face in Ashley's hair. Her voice was low and thick in Ashley's ear. "I'm lucky to have you, Ash. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life showing you how much I love you."

Ashley looked at Shepard with shining eyes. She pressed Shepard down on the bed, covering her with her body. Just before she brushed her lips against Shepard's, she looked her in the eyes and in a voice husky with desire, she whispered, "Show me now."

OoOoO

Somehow Shepard and Ashley still managed to share some ramen before Ashley was due back in the hospital. Dr. Michel gave Ashley a quick scan when they returned, declaring her none the worse for wear after her outing. She raised a questioning eyebrow at the fresh bite mark peeking above Shepard's collar, garnering a sheepish look from Shepard in return. The doctor shook her head in amusement as she left the room.

Ashley burst out laughing as the door closed. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so guilty, Shepard. I didn't mean to leave a mark. Well, I did mean to leave a mark. Just not where it would show."

Shepard grinned in return. "Good thing she couldn't see the other ones." She sat down in one of the two chairs in the room. "I have to get back to the ship soon. Next up is making krogan babies."

Ashley scooted the other chair close to Shepard. "Really? Wrex always did say you had a quad, but I didn't think he meant it literally."

Shepard smiled. "Mordin thinks he can reverse the genophage. If we do that, then the krogan will commit their forces to fight against the Reapers. You still haven't met Mordin, have you? You'll like him. Hopefully by the time we get back, you'll be cleared for active duty and I can introduce you."

"I'll do my best."

"I expect nothing less, LC." After reaching over to hold Ashley's hand, Shepard sat back comfortably in her chair, one corner of her mouth quirking up. "But are you sure you want to leave the hospital so soon? I saw you checking out that one asari nurse earlier."

"Oh, her? Mmmmm. She gives the best sponge baths…"

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she turned to look at Ashley. "Hey!"

Ashley laughed. "You're so predictable." Shepard began to relax. Until she heard Ashley add, "But she really does…"


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** Ugh. Writer's block is a bitch. I had 4 chapters written, but wasn't really happy with the pacing or storytelling. It took me a week to figure out what I wanted to do story-wise, and then a few more days to squeeze out this chapter. It helped to sit down and play the game for a bit again (with apologies to my neglected Inquisitor). But I think I have things moving again. Maybe. So hopefully there won't be another huge gap between chapters. Thanks to all of you for reading along!

* * *

Making krogan babies would have to wait. Mordin had a bit more work to do on synthesizing the cure. Shepard tried to avoid the details, but she gathered that Wrex wasn't entirely happy with where his contribution to the cure was taken from. In the meantime, both the Turian Primarch and Wrex had approached Shepard for help with some politically delicate issues. For the hundredth time, Shepard wondered how the hell she ended up mired hip-deep in diplomacy. But since both issues seemed to provide opportunities for her to go out and shoot things, she agreed to look into them. Anything to feel like she was doing something more than talking.

OoOoO

 _To: Lieutenant Commander A. Williams_

 _From: Commander S. Shepard_

 _Change in plan. I have a couple of other things to take care of before that genophage thing. Going to Tuchanka, but for a different reason. Will be gone longer than expected, but will try to get back as soon as I can. Make sure you're taking it easy - I'm going to want you on board as soon as you're cleared. Tell that asari nurse hi for me. Has Sarah made it there yet? Looking forward to meeting her. Love you. -S_

OoOoO

 _To: Commander S. Shepard_

 _From: Lieutenant Commander A. Williams_

 _I'm hoping to be fully discharged soon. At least they're letting me out for a bit during the day. Sarah should be here tomorrow. She'll stay with me in the apartment. It will be good to see her. I passed your message along to the nurse. She didn't seem too happy to hear your name - what the hell did you say to her? Let me know when you'll be here next - I'll arrange something for Sarah to do for a bit. Miss you. Stay safe. Love, A._

OoOoO

Shepard spent far longer on Tuchanka than she expected. It should have been a quick rescue mission for some missing Turian troops, including the Primarch's son. Instead, at Hackett's request, she first ambushed a Cerberus base, assuming tactical control of the cannons there, realizing the dual benefit of disposing of a number of Cerberus soldiers while acquiring a significant military resource.

From there, she found the downed Turian cruiser escape pods, battling her way through Reaper troops to find the Primarch's son. Shepard was delighted to discover that Liara had developed into a fine field tactician. The asari often barked orders to Garrus to gain the advantage over the Reaper forces, and to Shepard's amused surprise, Garrus followed them without question. For her part, Shepard derived a great deal of satisfaction in slaughtering so many cannibals and husks.

Back on board the Normandy, Shepard was livid when she learned that the Turians were on Tuchanka to prevent Cerberus troops from obtaining and detonating an extraordinarily powerful bomb that the Turians had hidden on the planet years before. She had little patience for political games, and if weren't for Admiral Hackett's order to keep the peace, she would have happily unleashed a right hook on the Primarch once the truth finally came to light. In the end, the Primarch's son sacrificed himself to prevent the bomb from destroying much of the planet, but only after the Turian platoon sustained heavy casualties. Shepard didn't bother hiding her distaste that the Primarch's son died fixing his father's mistake.

Based on her experiences so far, she was fairly certain that this diplomacy stuff was going to kill her. She was irritable and short-tempered, which made it difficult to deal with politicians and diplomats, which in turn made her even more irritable and short-tempered. She'd much rather go up against a Reaper.

WIth matters on Tuchanka handled and nothing left for her to kill without causing a diplomatic incident, Shepard set a course back for the Citadel. The chief engineer had identified a design flaw in the engine core that could be fatal to engineering personnel if not repaired. Shepard had no intention of losing another Normandy, so she promised Adams she'd get the necessary parts as quickly as possible.

OoOoO

Once they arrived on the Citadel, Shepard located the needed hardware quickly and had it delivered to the Normandy. She also discovered that engineers Donnelly and Daniels were in Alliance custody, and used her Spectre authority to immediately release them, transferring them to the Normandy with instructions to assist Adams in the thermal pipe installation. With extra hands, the repair was now set to be completed within twelve hours. Satisfied that everything was on schedule, Shepard headed for Huerta Memorial.

After stopping to catch up with Thane, Shepard eagerly sought out Ashley, finding her in the lounge, along with a dark haired young woman whom Shepard surmised was Ashley's younger sister. Shepard was suddenly very conscious of the fact that she'd never participated in the ritual of meeting family before. She hadn't previously maintained a relationship long enough for it to be an issue. She stopped short, mouth dry and feet rooted to the floor, inexplicably terrified. She stood there for a few moments, fighting an impulse to turn and run. And then Ashley looked up and saw her there, smiling in greeting. That smile never failed to melt Shepard's heart. Ashley rose to greet her, holding out a hand in invitation. It was more than enough to compel Shepard to instantly move to her side, drawing her into a tight embrace and kissing her lightly, resisting the urge to deepen the kiss with Ashley's sister sitting right there.

"Shepard, this is my sister, Sarah. Sarah, this is Shepard." Ashley made quick work of the introductions. Sarah raised a questioning eyebrow to Ashley at the use of the commander's last name. Shepard caught it and suppressed an amused grin.

"I'm so happy to meet you… Shepard." Shepard extended a hand to the younger woman, only to be engulfed in a rather enthusiastic hug, which she awkwardly returned. Shepard narrowed her eyes at Ashley's stifled chuckle.

"You too, Sarah." Shepard wriggled free of the hug. "My condolences on your husband. Another thing the Reapers will pay for."

Sarah smiled sadly. "I hope so."

Ashley interrupted the resulting uncomfortable silence. "I thought we could all get some lunch together at that sushi place." Although Shepard really wanted nothing more than to strip Ashley down and run her hands and tongue across her lover's body, she agreed.

OoOoO

After lunch Sarah excused herself, saying that she had some plans for the rest of the afternoon, smiling knowingly at the two spectres before admonishing them to stay out of trouble as she took her leave. Shepard and Ashley lingered at the table for a few more moments.

"Your little sister is pretty great, Ash. Some of those stories… I had no idea you were such a pain in the ass when you were younger, but I guess I should have assumed."

Ashley snorted in response. "Don't be so smug. Your mom has told me some stories about your younger days. I think you have me beat."

Still laughing, Shepard moved closer to Ashley, running her hand up Ashley's thigh. "So… how much time do you think we have?"

Ashley leaned in and kissed Shepard. "Never enough, love. So let's go." They nearly ran to Ashley's apartment.

OoOoO

Shepard slammed the apartment door behind them and in one swift movement pinned Ashley against the wall, hands quickly moving under Ashley's shirt, cupping her breasts. Shepard's mouth hungrily sought Ashley's, her lips parting to allow her tongue to press its way into Ashley's mouth. Ashley returned the kiss with the same fervor, grabbing Shepard's backside and pulling her roughly towards her. Shepard pushed a thigh between Ashley's legs, causing Ashley to buck against her while holding Shepard's hips firmly in place. Their kisses became more frenzied, all teeth and tongue. They broke apart only to undress each other, leaving a path of clothes between the door and the bed.

Which is where Sarah found them some time later, lying asleep in each other's arms, sheets discarded as their sweat-soaked skin cooled in the open air. Shepard was the first to notice that someone had entered the studio apartment, gallantly attempting to shield Ashley's body with her own as she reached for a sheet. Ashley yelped in surprise, grabbing the sheet Shepard was trying to cover them with and pulling it over her head in mortified humiliation, inadvertently leaving the rest of them exposed. Laughing, Shepard tugged it away, finally draping it over their more sensitive areas. By this time, Sarah had turned away but was laughing uncontrollably.

Trying to catch her breath between fits of giggles, Sarah managed to choke out. "Dear god, Ashley. This is better than when I caught you with that mechanic in the back seat of dad's skycar when you were home on leave." Ashley groaned in agony. "Well shit, hang a sock on the door next time."

"A mechanic?" Shepard waggled her eyebrows. "Was somebody getting a tune-up?"

"I hate you both." Ashley grunted as her head fell back against the pillows.

Shepard reached down to retrieve her pants from the floor near the bed. "Who's up for some ramen? I've worked up quite an appetite."

"Shepard!" Ashley continued to be thoroughly embarrassed.

Still wheezing, Sarah wiped the tears from her eyes. "How about I wait outside for you two? Just don't take too long, Ashley. Whatever you have left to do, be quick."

"Dammit so much," Ashley muttered under her breath.

As the door hissed closed behind Sarah, Shepard let her pants drop back to the floor and rolled on top of Ashley. "Quick? I can do quick."

Ashley couldn't help herself. With Shepard on top of her, still smelling tantalizingly of sex and sweat, her body reacted instantly. Liquid heat flooded her center as she deftly reversed their positions to straddle her lover, looking down at Shepard with eyes hooded with desire. "Not too quick, I hope," she growled as she bent down to take a nipple into her mouth.

OoOoO

They all ended up having a late dinner that night. Sarah was remarkably understanding. She'd given up on waiting for her sister after a short while, opting to explore the Citadel for a bit until she received an apologetic ping from Ashley. Dr. Michel was nearly as understanding, allowing Ashley to return to the hospital much later than usual, although she did caution Ashley that she'd need additional observation to ensure her long day had no ill effects on her recovery.

In the end the three were able to enjoy a good meal and good conversation together, lingering over bourbon (for Ashley and Shepard) and beer (for Sarah) until it was time for Shepard to return to the Normandy. Shepard found herself thoroughly enjoying the stories of Ashley's younger days, even if Ashley didn't. Sarah bade Shepard goodbye and good luck before wandering a short way off to allow her sister to say her farewells in private.

Shepard stepped forward to wrap her arms around Ashley, inclining her forehead against the marine's. "I love you, Ash. I hate that I keep having to leave you behind. When I come back, I hope you're ready to come with me."

Ashley lifted Shepard's chin, and kissed her heatedly. "I hope so, too, Sloane. I don't like knowing that you're under fire out there without me to cover your sweet ass." Shepard grinned, and kissed her again.

"I don't know how long I'll be gone this time. I'll be home as soon as I can."

Ashley arched a dark brow. "Home?"

"Home is wherever you are, Ash."

Ashley's heart thrummed in her chest, and she pressed her lips against Shepard's. "Damn, Shepard. You really do know how to sweep a girl off her feet." She kissed her again. "I love you. Come home safely to me."


	42. Chapter 42

Wrex was waiting for Shepard when she boarded the Normandy.

"Shepard."

"Wrex."

"You owe me, Shepard. Why didn't you tell me the Turians had a giant bomb on Tuchanka? If Garrus knew about that…"

Shepard steadied Wrex with a hand on his arm. "He didn't, Wrex. And I wanted to take care of the problem before telling you about it. I didn't need to find a dead Primarch on my ship. That would have been bad for both of us."

Wrex relaxed a little. "Fine. But you still owe me. When are we going to be able to check on my scouts? I don't like the idea of a squad going silent like that so close to a rachni relay."

"We're heading there first thing, big guy. We'll get to the system in the next day or two. You coming down to the planet with me? You're getting a little soft sitting around just talking all day."

Wrex let loose a hearty guffaw. "Don't I know it. I have to sit this one out, though. Mordin thinks I need to be on hand in case he needs more of my… samples for the cure."

"Your loss." Shepard punched Wrex in the shoulder before moving on to her quarters. Once there, she checked on Space Hamster before changing into her workout gear and grabbing her hand wrap. After taking a moment to send a suggestive note to Ashley, she took the lift down to the shuttle bay. She set a towel and water bottle down next to the heavy bag she'd had installed in a dim corner and wound the wrap around her knuckles.

Squaring up, Shepard soon lost herself in the rhythm of her fists hitting the bag, varying the speed and combinations of her strikes. Only when she could no longer bear the ache of her muscles and the sting of sweat in her eyes did she pause. She leaned against a crate, taking a long pull of water while toweling off her face and hair, sweat dripping off her body onto the floor. Her head snapped to the side at the sound of a low whistle.

"Goddamn, Commander. That was impressive." Vega stepped forward from the shadows.

Shepard merely grunted in response. She'd eventually agreed to allow Vega to remain on board despite his initial demands to return to Earth after the start of the Reaper invasion. She wouldn't deny him the opportunity to fight in this war, but she found it difficult to warm up to the man who had served as her jailer for half a year. His initial outburst when they left Earth didn't improve the situation. Shepard did not tolerate insubordination of that sort well, nor did she forget it easily.

Vega was clearly uncomfortable, but apparently determined to continue the conversation. "I didn't realize you boxed."

"Yeah, well there wasn't a bag available in solitary. But you knew that." Shepard made no attempt to temper her bitterness.

Vega ducked his head briefly before looking back up at Shepard. "Look, Commander. I can't do anything about my previous assignment. I took no joy in it. And I know I was an ass when I first came on board."

"Not disagreeing with you on that last one." Shepard crossed her arms in front of her chest. She had an idea of what was coming, but refused to make it easy on the hulking soldier.

"I can't change anything about those six months, Commander. But maybe we can find a way to get past it." Shepard stayed silent. Vega gestured at the heavy bag with his head. "What say we go mano a mano? Think you can take me?"

Shepard allowed herself a half-smile. "I _know_ I can take you, Lieutenant."

Vega nodded, moving to the middle of the bay. "You pulling rank on me?"

"Damn right. I don't want you forgetting again." Shepard didn't allow Vega to finish raising his fists before punching him square in the nose. Vega took a step back, licking at the blood trickling down towards his lip.

"It's like that, is it?" Vega advanced, but Shepard easily ducked under his left hook, pummeling his side with a one-two combination before dancing away.

"Yeah. It's like that." Shepard faked a jab with her left, connecting with Vega's jaw with her right. "Not a single message in or out for six months. That's on you. Did you even forward my JAG corps requests?"

"No." Vega's fist slammed into Shepard's ribs with a punch she couldn't quite evade.

"Fucker." Shepard leaned back to avoid a hook.

"I had orders."

"I had rights, jackass." Shepard's fist cracked into the bone beneath Vega's right eye, splitting the skin. "Six months. Six months in fucking solitary. Fuck your orders."

Shepard absorbed a jab to the corner of her mouth to allow her to get in close enough to deliver a punishing blow to Vega's midsection, knocking the wind out of him. Vega bent over, wheezing. "I know. I was spineless." It was close to an apology, but it didn't go far enough. Shepard brought both fists down on his back, bringing him to his knees. A kick to his sternum knocked him flat on his ass.

"You can stay on my ship, Lieutenant. You're a good soldier. Be ready when I need you. But don't think we're going to get past this so fast. I'll need time. No guarantees. Got it?"

"Yes." Vega lay helpless on the floor. Shepard stepped forward, raising an angry brow. "Ma'am," he corrected. "Yes, ma'am."

OoOoO

Shepard grabbed her towel and asked EDI to wake Dr. Chakwas and ask her to meet Shepard in the med-bay. She unwrapped her hands on the lift, using the towel to wipe away the blood from her mouth.

Dr. Chakwas clucked in disapproval when Shepard walked through the door. "Commander, dare I ask?"

"Just working out some issues with one of the crew, Doc. Sorry to have to wake you." She hissed as Chakwas applied medi-gel to the cut on her lip. "You might want to wait here for the other guy."

"Is this something that shouldn't be logged, Shepard?" The medical officer lifted Shepard's shirt to look at the bruises already forming on her ribs, reaching for another packet of medi-gel.

"I'd appreciate that, Karin. It was an off the record discussion." Shepard flinched ever so slightly as the doctor pressed her fingers against the bruise. "There's a bottle of Serrice ice brandy in it for your trouble, of course."

Dr. Chakwas smiled. "Of course. Were the issues resolved, Commander?"

"Not yet. But it was a start. Felt damn good to finally express myself a little, though."

"Let's try to just use our words next time, shall we?" Chakwas turned to dispose of the empty packets.

Shepard smirked as she hopped off the table. "That's never as fun, though."

OoOoO

Ashley had watched Shepard walk away, feeling the familiar pain of separation beginning to bloom in her chest. She was still staring after the retreating figure of her lover when she felt the comforting touch of her sister's hand on her arm.

"You really do love her, don't you?"

Ashley smiled broadly. "I really do."

"Let's get you back to the hospital. Your doctor is going to kill you." Sarah turned Ashley around, steering her towards the nearest lift.

"Come sit with me a bit after I check back in?" Ashley hooked her arm through Sarah's as they walked.

"Only if you tell me how a grunt with a disgraced military name managed to snag _the_ Commander Shepard."

Ashley smiled again, thinking about those early days with Shepard. "I guess you could say it was all thanks to Shepard's insomnia…"

The hospital staff kindly ignored the after-hours visitor as the two sisters talked into the night, interrupted only by Dr. Michel or one of the nurses checking on Ashley's vitals and scans. Eventually Ashley fell off into sleep. Sarah scooted her chair close to the bed, laying her head near her big sister and dozing off until morning.

OoOoO

 _To: Commander S. Shepard_

 _From: Lieutenant Commander A. Williams_

 _Miss you already. Enjoyed your message last night. It was a bit awkward reading it in front of my sister, though. I didn't even try to explain why my face was so flushed. Maybe a little warning next time, so I know to save it for when I'm alone. To answer your question, though - yes, you can do all those things next time you come home. I like that - home. I love you, Sloane. Be safe._

OoOoO

Shepard lay in bed, keenly aware that she was alone. She had slept poorly; each time she closed her eyes, her nightmare returned. She'd long ago discarded her sweat soaked tee, exchanging it for a fresh one from the stack she now kept by her bed. Staring at the ceiling, Shepard wished, as she often had over the last several weeks, that Ashley was with her to keep the nightmares at bay. She always slept better in her marine's arms.

Stretching her arms, Shepard sat up and gathered herself for the day ahead. Verifying via her omni-tool that the Normandy had indeed arrived in the Ninmah Cluster during the night as expected, she grabbed the datapad from her nightstand. She reviewed what she knew about the missing krogan scouts, which wasn't much. She decided to make a last minute change to her ground team, adding Vega to the squad, along with Garrus, EDI and Liara. She thought maybe she owed it to him after knocking him on his ass a couple nights before. Shepard headed for her shower, asking EDI to inform Vega of his inclusion in the ground crew.

It was going to be a long day. She was going to need a very hot shower and a very large pot of coffee.

OoOoO

Shepard bounded off the shuttle, still feeling the effects of the adrenaline from the rush of battle. She was caked in rachni guts and juices, and couldn't stop smiling. This is what she was meant to do. Kill the bad guys. Not coddle whiny diplomats or do favors for self-centered politicians. Standing back to back with Grunt and slaughtering wave after wave of Reaper-controlled rachni and Reaper forces was exhilarating. She found herself again missing Ashley - their post-battle lovemaking was especially mind-blowing. As a poor substitute, she began composing a deliciously inappropriate message in her head to send Ashley once she reached her quarters.

First, though, she needed to clean her armor and weapons. She was standing at one of the workbenches in her compression gear when she heard a familiar voice rumbling behind her.

"Shepard."

"Wrex." She didn't turn around, remaining focused on cleaning entrails out the crevices of her shotgun.

"We did a good job down there."

"We?" Shepard chuckled. "I was the one with bullets flying at me."

"And I gave you the moral support to dodge them." Wrex's huge mouth spread into a wide grin. "I hear Grunt made it out of there with a few scratches."

"You could say that. Our little tank baby kicked some rachni ass. You missed a hell of a fight."

"Yeah. About the rachni, Shepard." Wrex paused. "If they get out of hand again, it's your ass on the line."

Shepard wheeled around. She didn't expect to be second-guessed by Wrex, and if she was honest with herself, it hurt. "Goddammit, Wrex. Give me a fucking break, will you? They didn't get out of hand _this_ time. The Reapers are the enemy here. Let's focus on that. I managed to recruit a powerful ally in this fucking war. So don't give me that bullshit. Not when you sit around on your ass talking all goddamn day long and saddle me with all the real work."

Shepard didn't wait for a response. She kicked aside her still-filthy armor and shoved past Wrex to take the lift to her loft. Wrex could only stand and stare at her back.

Showered and back in uniform, but still seething, Shepard reported to the war room in response to Hackett's comms request. He had some concerns about her report. "I hope you know what you're doing, cutting a deal with the rachni queen."

Shepard's hands tightened into fists at her side as she fought to maintain control. First Wrex, and now the admiral. She was getting tired of being questioned about the tough decisions she had been forced to make. "What would you have had me do, sir? We can definitely use their assistance. Would it have been better to let the Reapers have them? With all due respect, sir, why am I getting so much shit for strengthening our forces? Isn't that what I've been _ordered_ to do?"

Admiral Hackett narrowed his eyes. "Point taken, Commander." He appeared to consider his words, apparently deciding to avoid antagonizing Shepard any further. "Stay safe out there, Shepard. Hackett out."

Shepard growled in frustration. She stalked out of the comms room, ignoring the turian Primarch who was trying to get her attention. She walked by the conference room, stopped and turned back. She grabbed the nearest chair, slamming it into the wall with a primal yell. Private Campbell came rushing in, sidearm at the ready, to investigate the commotion. She quickly holstered her pistol and spun on her heel to beat a hasty retreat when Shepard faced her, curling her lip and baring her teeth.

The brief interruption was enough to stop the momentum of Shepard's tantrum. She sank to the floor, muttering half-hearted obscenities. And for the third time that day, she wished Ashley was there.


	43. Chapter 43

The next morning, Shepard gave in and went to talk to Wrex.

"Wrex."

"Shepard."

"I was an ass."

"Agreed."

" _You_ were an ass."

"Agreed."

"Meet me in the lounge sometime to drink too much?"

"Of course. Shepard."

"Wrex."

And it was settled.

OoOoO

Shepard met with Mordin and Eve for the rest of the morning, learning everything she could about the genophage cure and the best way to administer it. Mordin suggested using the Shroud as the means to dispense it to the entire planet. Shepard brought Wrex and Liara in for tactical advice, and together the group hammered out a preliminary plan. Satisfied that the details could be finalized during the trip to Tuchanka, Shepard had Joker set course back to the krogan homeworld.

OoOoO

That evening, Shepard was in her quarters reviewing the seemingly endless supply requisitions that needed her approval. Technically off-duty, she had changed into worn jeans and a loose tee. She lounged on her couch, datapad in one hand and bourbon in the other. Her door chimed, and she called "Come!" without looking up.

"Shepard, am I disturbing you?" Shepard's head jerked up at the sound of Traynor's voice.

"Specialist…" Shepard began, in a cautioning tone.

Traynor held one hand up, as if in surrender. "Don't worry, Shepard." She held up her other hand, showing Shepard the chess set she was holding. "I believe you mentioned that you play?"

Shepard relaxed. A little. Still wary, she indicated a chair across the low table. "I'm a bit rusty, but I'll give it a go. It has to be better than requisition lists." She dropped the datapad, and began arraying chess pieces on her side of the board.

"Good. Playing chess with you should be more fun than playing with EDI. EDI doesn't sweat." Traynor leaned forward, her unbuttoned uniform gaping open at her ample cleavage.

Shepard tried vainly to avert her gaze. "You sweat when playing chess?"

Traynor looked intently at Shepard. Her voice low and sultry, she replied, "Depends on how much fun I'm having." Shepard swallowed hard, immediately turning her attention to the board.

Traynor was good. Very good. Shepard underestimated her (not for the first time), and was beaten quickly in their first match. Shepard hated to lose. Even if the opponent was better. So she called for a rematch.

Traynor appeared to consider the request. "What shall we play for?"

Shepard eyed her carefully. "What do you mean?"

"I've noticed that you have a rather large shower." Shepard was definitely on her guard now. "The crew showers are crap. If I win, I get to use yours tonight." Seeing Shepard's apparent discomfort, Traynor quickly added, "Alone." Shepard exhaled in relief.

"And if I win?"

"If you win, I'll review those supply requisitions for you."

Shepard only needed a moment to make her decision. "Deal."

Naturally, Traynor won again. She took only a moment to grab her shower gear and return.

Shepard had already settled in her chair, refocusing her attention on her datapad. She heard the shower turn on, and tried not to think of the woman about to step under it. That was easier said than done, particularly since Traynor was apparently going to carry on a conversation through the open door. _Shit. The door is open_.

"You're actually a much better player than I expected, Shepard. If you could reign in some of your impulse moves, you might actually beat me. You just need to stick to your strategy." Shepard tried very hard to not look in the direction of the voice. She didn't succeed. Traynor stood under the steamy water, head back, eyes closed, breasts out. _Oh god. Those breasts. Look away. Dammit, look away_. She didn't look away. She watched as rivulets of water ran down Traynor's ample breasts, cascading off her hard nipples. Heat pooled in Shepard's center. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat with a muffled whimper.

Traynor continued. "I was actually surprised when you took my rook. I thought for certain you were angling for my knight. Do you play often?" Shepard was only partially listening to Traynor. Her eyes finally left Traynor's chest, only they moved downward, past her surprisingly toned abdomen, towards the sparse hair above her sex. She rocked forward slightly in her chair. "Shepard?"

Still staring at the wet, naked body Shepard realized that a response of some sort was expected from her. "I'm sorry. I missed that last part. What was the question?"

"Perhaps if you were looking elsewhere, you would have heard." Traynor teased. Shepard raised her gaze to Traynor's face, realizing that Traynor's eyes were now open and she was fully aware of Shepard's ogling.

"Fuck, Specialist. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Don't apologize, Shepard. I meant for you to." Traynor turned around, flaunting a narrow waist that flared out to the curve of her rounded backside. She continued to goad the commander as she lathered her thick, black hair, arching her back to emphasize her flank. "Would you care to join me?"

Shepard hated that her body responded so quickly to the sight of the bare flesh in front of her. And that she was still looking, despite her best efforts. The throbbing pulse in her center was becoming more insistent. So she did the only thing she could think of under the circumstances.

She ran.

She thought she could hear Traynor laughing softly beneath the sound of the shower as the door closed behind her.

OoOoO

Shepard gave Traynor plenty of time alone in her quarters with the shower before checking with EDI to see if her cabin was empty. She could have sworn EDI sounded almost amused when she reported that the room was vacant.

Flopping back down on the couch, she poured herself another bourbon and put her feet up on the table. She opened the message she'd received from Ashley while she was away from her cabin.

 _To: Commander S. Shepard_

 _From: Lieutenant Commander A. Williams_

 _Sloane - Good news! I've finally been fully released from the hospital. No more overnights needed. Still lots of follow-up appointments and physical therapy, but at least I can sleep in my own bed at night. Too bad you're not here to share it. Speaking of PT, a drell in my group class introduced himself to me and wanted to let me know that I'm under his protection. What the hell have you done this time? And I got my first Spectre task - the Council has assigned me to Udina temporarily. He really is an asshole, but I can deal with it. Wish I were there with you, love. Liara is worried about you (don't get pissed off at her - she's just concerned). Please take care of yourself. Stay safe. Love you. -Ashley_

Shepard hammered out a quick reply.

 _To: Lieutenant Commander A. Williams_

 _From: Commander S. Shepard_

 _Ash - Miss you, love. Getting ready to reverse the krogan genophage. Feel like I'm actually doing something good for once. Now that you're out, we'll get you transferred aboard the Normandy soon. Unless you're really enjoying your assignment to Udina. Thane is a good guy - I know you don't need "protection", but that's his way. Atoning and shit. And I wish Liara hadn't said anything to you. She's not wrong, though. I do need you. Fuck. I'll get through it. I have to. Love you. -S_

OoOoO

The mission was a bittersweet success. The genophage cure was deployed, but it had cost Mordin his life.

"Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." _That noble bastard._

Shepard sat in her quarters with a healthy pour of bourbon, replaying the mission in her head. Mordin's loss weighed heavily on her. Short Salarian lifespan or not, he still had a few years left, and so much more he could have contributed to the galaxy.

The return of her nightmares wasn't helping.

The combination of grief and sleep deprivation shortened her temper even more than usual. She was going to need to apologize to both Cortez and Chakwas later. For now, she was just going to wallow.

Shepard was nearly done with her third drink when her door chimed. Cursing herself for not putting a "do not disturb" notice on, she barked, "Come!" Standing to see who was about to annoy her, she felt the combined effect of too much alcohol and too little food. She dropped back down on the couch just as Traynor entered. "Fuck."

"Commander, if now isn't a good time…"

"Depends on what you need. If you need an executive decision made, it's really not a good time. If you want to listen to me cuss and rant, it's a very good time." Shepard drained her glass.

"Ah. I read your report before forwarding it on to Admiral Hackett. Did you know the Salarian well?"

Shepard snorted. "Yeah." She offered nothing more.

"My condolences, then." Traynor sat next to Shepard, setting the datapad she'd been carrying down on the low table in front of the couch. "Did you want to talk about it?"

"Not with you. No." Shepard closed her eyes. "Sorry. I'm not very good company right now. Nothing personal."

"No worries, Commander. I apologize for the intrusion." Traynor hesitated, not quite getting up to leave.

"Did you come and bother me for a reason, Specialist?" Shepard knew she was bordering on the rude, but couldn't help it. _Another apology I'll have to make tomorrow_.

A pause. "Yes, but I don't think it's a very good time for it right now." Shepard felt fingers graze gently across her forearm and the back of her hand just before Traynor stood. "I'll save it for later, Shepard."

Too drained to respond, Shepard just listened as the door opened to allow Traynor to exit. She briefly considered more bourbon, opting instead to lay on the couch and let exhausted sleep take over.

OoOoO

The next day found Shepard in the mess with a plate of bacon and a mug of coffee in front of her, holding her head. Not her finest morning. She inwardly groaned when Traynor approached with her ubiquitous cup of tea. _Time to start the apology tour_.

Shepard began before Traynor could sit. "Specialist, I'm sorry for being rude last night. I wasn't at my best, but that's no reason for me to behave badly."

Traynor gave her a warm smile, looking at her from beneath her long, black lashes, taking the seat next to her. Shepard couldn't help but appreciate how attractive the woman was. "No, Shepard." It wasn't lost on the commander that Traynor was no longer using her rank. "I'm the one who should apologize. I should not have intruded. I was thinking only how I might enjoy your company, when I should have been more aware of what you needed at the time."

 _What I needed was Ashley_. "Nonetheless, I am sorry." Shepard inartfully folded a piece of bacon into her mouth, followed by a gulp of coffee. She almost choked on both when she felt a hand on her knee under the table. Her eyes darted to Traynor's face. The specialist held an utterly innocent expression, causing Shepard to almost doubt what she had felt. "Specialist?"

"Yes, Shepard?" Traynor practically cooed.

Shepard nervously put another piece of bacon into her mouth. They weren't alone in the mess, and she didn't want to start any rumors. Especially not this close to Ashley's anticipated return. "My leg."

"Yes, it is."

"Your hand."

"Yes, it is."

"I thought we'd talked about this." Shepard dropped her voice so that hopefully only Traynor could hear her.

"Yes, we did."

"And yet. . . ?"

"And yet."

"Specialist…" Shepard was definitely uncomfortable. As much from the contact as the sensations it was sparking in her. "I am seeing someone."

"So you say, Shepard, but I don't see her here."

Shepard distracted herself with another slice of bacon. "Specialist." Her voice began to rise. She made an effort to quiet it. "Specialist," she began again. "I cannot deny that you are very attractive." Traynor moved in closer, allowing her warm breath to tickle Shepard's neck. Shepard could not hide the shiver that went down her spine. "But I really can't return your attentions."

"But you want to…" Traynor's voice vibrated against Shepard's ear and her hand slid up Shepard's thigh, reaching her center.

"Yes. I mean, no!" Shepard hissed as she involuntarily bucked into the contact. She finally got a hold of Traynor's hand, holding it firmly under the table. She took a shaky breath. "Specialist, please stop. The woman I love is waiting for me on the Citadel, and I can't do this."

"Oh." Traynor withdrew her hand from Shepard's grasp. "Beg pardon. I didn't realize that you were that serious with someone. I'm… terribly sorry. Please forgive me."

"As long as we don't do this again, Specialist. You're very persuasive. I'm just not available. I enjoy working with you. We might even become friends. But that's all. Are we clear?" Another slice of bacon nervously consumed.

Traynor had the decency to look somewhat chagrined. "Yes, ma'am." Shepard nodded, and began to get up. "I'm still going to watch you walk away, though." Shepard eyed her warily, sidestepping away from the table as Traynor chuckled quietly to herself.


	44. Chapter 44

Shepard stood in the cockpit with Joker, ready to dock at the Citadel. She was nearly bouncing on her toes with impatience. When Alliance Control failed to respond the Normandy's requests for clearance, the impatience gave way immediately to wariness. "Try the emergency channels, Joker."

Shepard was more than a little surprised when Thane responded on one of the emergency channels. "Shepard! The Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere, and they're in control of the docks."

"Are you safe?" Shepard worried for her friend.

"No. I had to evade commandos at the hospital. I'm hunkered down in a storefront on the Presidium."

Shepard's heart turned to ice. Ashley was still at the hospital often, to monitor her recovery. "Do you know where Ashley might be?"

Thane's answer was not entirely comforting. "She was at the hospital, but we were separated. She said something about having to protect the Council." Shepard's jaw tensed. She wasn't sure that Ashley was physically ready for the stresses of battle.

Thane was going to head for C-Sec HQ. He suspected it was compromised, and C-Sec would be unable to respond until it was retaken. Shepard gave Joker orders to bring the Normandy closer to C-Sec HQ, indicating that her team would deploy in the shuttle. She would rather look for Ashley and make sure she was safe, but duty required that she secure C-Sec first. _Fucking duty._

Retaking control of C-Sec was a bloody affair. Garrus and his sniper rifle proved to be invaluable as they faced wave after wave of Cerberus soldiers. Liara's biotic barriers saved Shepard's ass more than once.

Shepard asked Bailey to establish contact with the councilors, hoping to confirm that Ashley was with them and still standing. He had not been successful, although he confirmed that they were alive. Unfortunately, the Salarian councilor was not with the rest of the Council. With a disgusted sigh, Shepard told Bailey she'd go track him down, instructing him to continue to try to raise the rest of the Council or anyone with them.

Thane's timely intervention saved the Salarian councilor from execution by a sword-wielding assassin. _That's new_. Shepard learned from the Salarian that Udina was working with Cerberus to try to take control of the Citadel. _That son of a bitch_. During her pursuit of the assassin, Bailey confirmed that the rest of the Council, including Udina, was still alive and headed for a shuttle pad near Shalmar Plaza. _The same direction the assassin was heading_.

Shepard couldn't allow Udina to bring the rest of the Council - and Ashley - to the assassin. With Bailey's assistance, Shepard and her team navigated access tunnels, service corridors, and elevator shafts until they reached the elevator car carrying the Council. Shepard jumped onto the car, only to be surprised by a burst of fire through the roof. Despite her creeping exhaustion, Shepard rolled out of the way but was unable to avoid one round that pierced her armor, lodging in her thigh. "Fuck!" Her armor immediately dispensed medi-gel to the wound, which minimized the pain at least temporarily. She was going to need to get the round out soon, though.

The elevator lurched to a stop.

OoOoO

When the attack began, Ashley was at the hospital undergoing still more tests before she reported for the day's duty at Udina's offices. As soon as she realized what was happening, she headed for the Council chambers, to provide protection for Udina and the other councilors. She ran into Thane as she dodged panicked patients in the lounge, yelling her intentions as she ran past.

Reaching the entrance to the Council offices, Ashley found the guards freshly dead. Bursting through the doors, she quickly dispatched a group of Cerberus soldiers before they could reach the councilors. The Salarian councilor was missing, but Ashley gathered the other three together, intending to evacuate them to safety. Their best option was the shuttle bay near Shalmar Plaza.

The going was slow. With no back-up, they kept out of sight as best they could, creeping around side corridors and using service elevators. Ashley made good use of her new Spectre sniper rifle, eliminating threats from a distance before they could report on their location.

Ashley and the three councilors were on the elevator to the Shalmar Plaza shuttle dock when she felt the impact of what could only be their pursuers on the roof of the elevator car. She immediately drew her heavy pistol, spraying fire overhead. She heard muffled swearing above her as the elevator came to a stop. She quickly ushered the councilors out ahead of her, training her weapon behind her to cover their retreat through the elevator lobby.

As they passed through the lobby doors, Ashley spotted the smoking wreck of the shuttle she had intended to use to transport the council off the the Citadel. "Fuck! Everybody back to the elevator!"

Ashley spun around, hearing the lobby doors close and lock, her pistol at the ready. Aimed right at Shepard's head. Shepard's own weapon was up and trained back at hers. _Shit._

They stood like that for a long moment, each unsure of the intention of the other in the heat of frenzied battle.

OoOoO

Shepard busted through the access panel on the top of the elevator car, dropping down and running through the open doors of the elevator and the lobby. Ordering Garrus to shut and lock the door behind them to keep their Cerberus pursuers at bay, she raised her weapon and saw… _Ashley_.

The first thing Shepard noticed was the pistol leveled at her face. Completely abandoning her years of training and experience, the second thing she noticed was how beautiful Ashley looked holding that weapon, with her jaw set at a determined angle and her eyes sparkling with battle fever. _Fuck me_. Shepard was momentarily distracted by the heat blooming in her chest.

Ashley's weapon wavered just the slightest bit. Seeing Shepard was unexpected. Seeing the unmistakable look of lust on Shepard's face was even moreseo. Somehow she kept her pistol trained on Shepard as she assessed her options.

Udina inadvertently clarified things for her when he blurted out that Shepard was obviously working with Cerberus, the one thing Ashley knew would never be true. Ashley kept her weapon up, still standing between Shepard's team and the Council behind her, but relaxed her stance a bit. "Shepard. What's the situation?"

Shepard watched as Ashley shifted her weight to her back foot, pushing her hip out. Her tongue flicked out across her lower lip. Ashley raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her. Shepard's voice cracked a little as she responded. "Udina is behind the attack." Shepard subtly slid her weapon over to train it just over Ashley's shoulder, on the human councilor behind her. "The Salarian councilor confirmed it. Udina is working with Cerberus."

Udina scoffed. "You have no proof. You never do." He began to move to a nearby control panel.

Ashley rolled her eyes and muttered, "I'm going to regret this," as she turned, raising her pistol towards Udina.

Surprisingly, Tevos stepped forward in Shepard's defense. "We've disregarded Shepard before. And it has not gone well for us."

Udina turned to Tevos. "We don't have time to debate this. I'm opening those doors and we're getting out of here."

Ashley exchanged another look with Shepard. Shepard was still looking at her with unabashed raw desire. Ashley couldn't help herself. She mouthed _Seriously? Now?_ Shepard shrugged helplessly, the corner of her mouth quirking upwards.

Udina reached out to the controls. When Tevos tried to stop him, Udina threw her to the ground, pulling a small pistol out and pointing it at the asari. Someone yelled, "Gun!" Without hesitation, Shepard and Ashley simultaneously each fired a single round into the center of Udina's forehead, just centimeters apart.

At that moment, Bailey unsealed the doors to the shuttle doc and entered with a small crew of his own. Shepard sent them to see to the surviving Council members. Her adrenaline and medi-gel were fast wearing off, and that round lodged deep in the muscle of her thigh was starting to hurt like hell. She moved over to a nearby bench, settling herself down with her right leg extended forward to try to ease the pain. Ashley broke away from the asari councilor, and rushed over to her.

"Shepard, are you okay?" Ashley took Shepard's hand, wincing when Shepard squeezed it a little too hard.

Shepard grit her teeth. "Goddammit, some asshole shot me through the top of the elevator."

Ashley went silent for a moment, dropping to the bench beside Shepard. "Oh. That was you?"

Shepard looked at her, and burst out laughing. "That was _you_?"

"It's not funny, Shepard. I shot you!"

"Yes you did, Ash."

"I am so sorry, Shepard."

"I've had worse. Just means you'll be doing all the work for a while." Shepard flashed a sly grin at Ashley.

Ashley returned the smile, then suddenly sobered. "Shit! I held a fucking gun on you, Shepard."

"I know."

"I pointed a gun at you."

"I know! God, it was so fucking hot." Shepard smiled.

"For fuck's sake, Shepard. I held a goddamn gun on you. Pointed at your head."

"I know! You looked good doing it." Shepard leaned over, putting a hand around Ashley's waist and pulling her close until their lips nearly touched. "I may have been a little aroused."

"A little?"

"More than a little." Shepard kissed Ashley, shifting to press their bodies closer. The movement sent a jolt of pain through Shepard's leg, and she pulled back, hissing through her clenched jaw. "I might need to take care of this before we do anything else, Ash. Can you ask Liara to call Joker, and have him send in a shuttle for a pick-up?"

OoOoO

Ashley half-carried Shepard from the shuttle to the med-bay. The round in her leg seemed to have moved deeper through the tissue, and she was unable to walk unassisted. Ashley refused Dr. Chakwas' offer of an exam, instead directing her to treat Shepard first. She helped Shepard onto a table, removing her armor and piling it on the floor. She stood at the side of the table as the doctor cut away Shepard's compression briefs. Ashley winced when she saw the angry wound up high on Shepard's leg.

"Shit, Sloane. I am so fucking sorry about this."

Dr. Chakwas misinterpreted the reason for Ashley's apology. "Lieutenant Commander Williams, you can't blame yourself. You can't always protect the Commander in battle."

Shepard chuckled softly through her pain as Ashley's cheeks reddened. She couldn't quite look the doctor in the eye. "Actually, Dr. Chakwas, this time I can blame myself. I'm the one that shot her."

The doctor's eyebrows climbed up her forehead. "Really now? I'll need to hear this story over a brandy later. In the meantime, let's see if we can remove the round. Commander, I'm going to sedate you for this. It seems to have lodged against the bone, and it's not going to be pleasant to dig out."

Shepard nodded her assent, reaching over and squeezing Ashley's hand before her eyes closed.

OoOoO

While Shepard slept off the effects of the sedation, Dr. Chakwas gave Ashley a thorough exam. She had reviewed the medical records Dr. Michel had forwarded from Huerta Memorial, and wanted to be sure that Ashley's exertions didn't result in any setbacks in her recovery. So far, she hadn't found anything to indicate that Ashley would need to be readmitted to the hospital. Despite her ability to successfully safeguard the Council on the Citadel, Dr. Chakwas still recommended that Ashley be limited to light duty until she was certain she could handle the rigors of combat. But light duty was still duty.

Which meant that Ashley was officially free to pursue a transfer back to the Normandy.


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: I know updates have slowed. I blame a bit of writers block, and wanting to manage the story properly. Still working on it - hopefully I'll be able to get back to the twice weekly updates soon. Thanks to all for reading. I'm nearing 15,000 views, which is both humbling and exhilarating. I hope you're all enjoying the ride.

* * *

The Normandy remained docked at the Citadel. Shepard needed to sort some things out with the Asari and Turian council members before she headed back out. For now she was limited by Dr. Chakwas to very light duty for a few days while she recovered from her wound.

As her first order of business, Shepard confirmed with Dr. Chakwas that Ashley was physically fine, even after her combat efforts on the Citadel. Wanting to waste no time, she submitted the official request for Lieutenant Commander Ashley M. Williams to be transferred immediately to the Normandy.

For her part, once Ashley was sure that Shepard was going to be okay, she left the ship just long enough to go to her apartment and pack a few things, planning for an indefinite deployment. She said her goodbyes to her sister, glad that she'd be staying in her apartment in her absence. When Ashley returned to report in to her new assignment, Shepard was occupied in the war room, so she took the opportunity to explore the new Normandy.

The first and last time Ashley had been on the Normandy was directly following the attack on Earth. She had only really seen the captain's quarters and the shuttle bay. And apparently the med-bay, but she had no recollection of that. She hadn't been on board long enough at the time to be assigned a bunk or a locker, so she stashed her gear in the medical bay with a quick hello to Dr. Chakwas, and set out to wander the ship.

The mess was definitely an upgrade over the SR1. She grabbed an energy bar, munching on it as she continued her tour. She came across Garrus in the forward battery, and chatted for a bit before he returned to his endless calibrations.

Descending to the next deck, Ashley found Engineering and had a brief reunion with Engineer Adams. She found it odd that the cargo hold door was secured, making a note to ask Shepard what was so valuable in there. The hold on the opposite side was empty, containing some discarded data pads and a few cables.

Returning to the crew deck level, Ashley was surprised to find a lounge area on the port observation deck, complete with bar and poker table. She flopped down onto a soft couch, closing her eyes for a moment's rest. Her stamina was much improved, but she still tired more quickly than she'd like.

"I'd heard we were bringing a new crewmember on board. But nobody told me she'd be a gorgeous Marine." Ashley was startled awake by the unfamiliar voice. She hadn't realized that she'd dozed off. Her eyes popped open, landing on the very attractive woman standing directly before her. "Comms Specialist Samantha Traynor," she said, with her hand extended. "But please call me Sam."

Ashley rose and took the offered hand, intending to offer a quick handshake. "Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams."

Traynor didn't immediately release Ashley's hand. Instead, she covered their clasped hands with her other one, eyeing Ashley from beneath thick lashes. "The second human Spectre? Impressive." The last word was very nearly a purr. Ashley blushed despite herself and attempted to extricate her hand from Traynor's, but the specialist's grip was surprisingly strong. "Very nice to meet you, Lieutenant Commander. I do hope to see you again soon." Traynor's eyes traveled down Ashley's body, pausing as they reached Ashley's chest, before she looked up again. "Very soon."

Traynor's fingers trailed along Ashley's hand as she released her hold, lingering for but a moment.

Ashley was left standing alone in the lounge, speechless.

OoOoO

Shepard was exhausted, and her leg hurt like hell. Once she was done in the war room, she stopped by the med-bay for some more pain meds, and to allow Dr. Chakwas to check the wound. She noticed Ashley's gear bag in the corner, and was going to pick it up when the doctor stopped her. "No lifting today, Commander. I'll arrange to have that taken to… where, exactly?"

Shepard paused and gave the question some thought. She had been operating under the assumption that she would have Ashley with her in the loft, but now wondered if that was appropriate. It would probably be best if Ashley had a bunk and a locker assigned to her. Whether she actually spent her nights in the crew quarters was another matter altogether.

She sighed. "I'll get Traynor to set her up with a bunk and have her gear delivered there. Thanks, Doctor."

From there, Shepard moved on to the CIC. Staying her now-customary arms-length distance away from Traynor, she asked her to take care of Ashley's quarters assignment, wondering at the small smile that appeared on Traynor's lips at the mention of Ashley's name. Taking the elevator up to her loft, she asked EDI to track Ashley down and have her to report to Shepard's quarters.

Shepard began peeling off her uniform before the door even hissed closed, dropping pieces along the way to her closet. She found a snug tank and loose sweat pants, pulling them on as she made her way to the couch. She sank down into the soft cushions as an audible sigh escaped her lips. Her door chimed. "Come."

Shepard loved that her heart still skipped a beat whenever Ashley walked into the room. She began to stand to greet her, but Ashley waved her back, chuckling at the uniform pieces scattered across the floor. Ashley's heart melted as it did every time she was the lucky recipient of that one smile Shepard reserved just for her.

Ashley leaned over to kiss Shepard before lowering herself down on the couch next to her, placing a hand on Shepard's leg and resting her head on Shepard's shoulder. "I've missed this."

Shepard covered Ashley's hand with hers. "It's been a long time coming." She leaned her head against Ashley's. "First things first. I'm going to be your commander for a minute. Although my first instinct was to assign you to bunk here, that's probably not a good idea from the Alliance's perspective. So instead I've set you up with a spot in the crew quarters." Shepard could feel Ashley tense in protest. "Don't worry. I hope you don't use it often. I just needed to have the paperwork in place. Your gear has been delivered to your locker, but bring whatever you'd like to keep here with you next chance you get." Ashley relaxed again, squeezing Shepard's uninjured thigh. "If I have my way, you'll be here every night." Shepard kissed the top of Ashley's head. "After all, I need somebody more responsible than me to feed my fish."

Ashley snorted. "You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Sloane."

Shepard laughed. "If you're lucky, I'll make you feel special more than once tonight. Assuming that I can actually get off this couch at some point. Damn, I'm bone-tired." She lay back on the couch, closing her eyes. She felt Ashley rise, but was actually too weary to see where she was going. She smiled as she heard a cork pulled from a bottle and two glasses set on the table before her. She opened her eyes in time to see Ashley pour two modest measures of bourbon, handing one to her. Ashley scooted Shepard gently so she could sit behind her with Shepard situated between the legs she extended lengthwise along the couch. Shepard instantly relaxed back against Ashley's chest, sipping slowly on her bourbon.

Ashley wrapped one arm around Shepard's waist under her shirt, savoring the feel of skin under her fingers. The other held her own drink. "This is all I need tonight, Sloane. Just this."

Shepard couldn't stifle the laughter that bubbled from her lips. Ashley angled her head to look at Shepard's face. "What's funny about that?"

Shepard put a hand on Ashley's arm, fingers tracing idly across her skin. "Not a damn thing. I was just trying to think of the last time we had the chance to be together without some sort of pressing time limit. When we didn't have to worry that our hours or minutes were limited. When we didn't feel driven to ravage each other as quickly possible, not knowing when we'd see each other again. When we could just… be."

Ashley snorted. "When you put it that way… probably not since the first Normandy. So it's been… years." A pause while Ashley considered this. "Shit."

Shepard laughed again. "Shit is right. I have to wonder how I got lucky enough to have you here with me still. Despite everything."

Ashley tightened her arm around Shepard. "Easy. Because I love you, Sloane. God help me, even with every fucked up thing that's happened, I love you."

Shepard released the breath she'd been holding. "Good, Ash. Because I love you. Only you. Always you."

OoOoO

Shepard was truly exhausted. She dozed off as Ashley held her, without even finishing her bourbon. Ashley carefully woke her just enough to strip her and help her to the bed and under the covers. Ashley quickly disrobed and settled in next to her, content for now to just hold her lover close to her as she too drifted off to sleep.

OoOoO

Shepard could see the boy through the trees. She ran after him, but she moved so slowly. Sounds were muffled, a cacophony of voices with no form. Her name would occasionally rise from the susurrus. _Shepard_. The boy kept moving further forward the closer she thought she was getting to him. She spun around a tree, trying to keep sight of the boy. Mordin's voice echoed clearly in her ears. Then Kaiden's. Then Pressley's. Asking her why. Why she let them die. Why she killed them. She covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut.

When she finally opened her eyes again, the boy stood before her, eyes full of recrimination. She reached out to him just as he burst into flames, the roar of scores of Reapers deafening her.

Shepard bolted upright, gulping for air, eyes wild. She was drenched with sweat, her lip bleeding where she'd bitten it. "Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit." Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs and rocked herself slowly.

Ashley's heart ached at the pain rolling in waves off of her lover. She carefully encircled Shepard in her arms, holding Shepard's head close to her chest, hoping the steady calm of her own heartbeat would soothe her. Ashley didn't say a word, knowing well that Shepard would speak when ready.

"They're getting worse." Shepard's voice was thick with unshed tears.

"What are getting worse, Sloane?" Ashley ran her hand across Shepard's back in soothing circles.

"The dreams. The nightmares."

"You're still having those?" Ashley remembered the nightmares Shepard had shortly after her Cerberus resurrection. Ashley's own nightmares had fortunately all but disappeared. She had hoped Shepard's had as well.

"No. Yes. But these are new. Different. Worse." Shepard slumped against her, and Ashley lowered her back onto the bed, keeping her arms around her and Shepard's head on her chest.

"Tell me about them. Talk to me."

"I… I can't." Ashley could feel the heat of tears against her breast.

Shepard fell silent. Ashley prodded no more. She simply held her until Shepard found sleep again. She'd never seen Shepard quite so unraveled, and it pained her. It was some time before Ashley's eyes closed, and longer before she slept.


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: Apologies for the long gap between updates. Writer's block and a bit of busy life stuff intervened. I hope to get back on track for regular updates moving forward. Thanks to all who are reading!

* * *

Shepard woke in the early hours of the morning, still tired but unable to find sleep again. Instead, she focused on the woman next to her. Ashley lay on her back, sheets bunched at her waist, one arm flung over her head, one leg bent outwards at the knee, dark hair partially obscuring her eyes. Shepard contented herself for a time with watching the slow, steady rise and fall of Ashley's chest with each breath. _Mine_.

Memories from the previous night's nightmare pushed at the corners of Shepard's mind. She focused more intently on Ashley, fighting to keep the images at bay. She was still horrified that Ashley witnessed the effect the nightmares had on her. Although the dreams invaded her sleep nearly every night since the Reaper attack on Earth, she'd always been alone. She'd never intended for Ashley to witness her reaction to them.

She couldn't stop the nightmare's feelings of helplessness and failure from overwhelming her. Shepard squeezed her eyes shut and rolled over to face away from her sleeping lover, pulling her legs up to her chest. Her breath came in ragged gasps.

A warm body pressed against her back and a strong arm wrapped around her. Ashley held Shepard, whispering comforting words in her ear. Shepard's body remained tense, even as she turned in Ashley's embrace to face her, opening her eyes to look at her. Ashley nearly flinched at the hurt in her lover's eyes.

Shepard kissed Ashley roughly, nipping at her lower lip with her teeth. "I need you, Ash." Shepard's low voice was equal parts pain and desire. "I need you to make me forget, just for a while. Please."

Ashley flipped Shepard onto her back, straddling her. She scraped her teeth along Shepard's neck, growling in her ear, knowing what Shepard needed. "I'm going to fuck you until you forget everything but my name."

Shepard arched into Ashley, the images of her nightmares quickly receding as her body hungrily responded to Ashley's touch and all rational thought was lost.

OoOoO

Shepard fell asleep on top of Ashley, their bare skin coated with drying sweat. Ashley lay half-awake with her eyes closed, enjoying the simple pleasure of the weight of Shepard's body pressing down on hers, the way their forms fit together so perfectly. Ashley tightened her arms around Shepard possessively as she, too, succumbed to exhaustion.

They didn't doze long. Shepard woke first, inelegantly wiping the drool from her cheek and Ashley's shoulder with an impish grin and apology as she rolled off her lover. Ashley offered a drowsy smile in return. Shepard lay on her side, her head propped up on her arm, her lips curving slightly downward. "About last night… I'm sorry I woke you. I guess I could have warned you. I'd hoped that with you here, it would be different."

"Do you have the nightmares every night?" Ashley absentmindedly traced a bite mark she'd left over Shepard's collar bone.

"Just about." Shepard flopped over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. "I didn't want you to see me like that."

Ashley's mouth hardened. "Don't."

Shepard turned towards her, confused. "Don't what?"

"Don't try to protect me."

"It's not like that, Ash."

"No? I will fuck away the pain any time you need me to, Sloane, but I can't just fuck you better every time you have a nightmare. We need to talk about this. You need to let me in. Talk to me."

Shepard sat up and tried to take a deep breath, but her lungs refused to completely fill. Her hands ran restlessly through her mussed hair. She couldn't keep her voice from trembling. "Ash… I have so much blood on my hands. I've killed so many. Been responsible for the deaths of so many more. I abandoned Earth." Ashley sat behind Shepard, encircling her with her arms. "How many more will die because of me? I can't do this, Ash. Almost every night the nightmares come, reminding me of how much I've fucked up. How can they expect me to do this? I'm just a goddamn soldier."

Ashley rested her cheek against Shepard's shoulder. "Oh, Love. You are so much more than a goddamn soldier."

Shepard's lips curled slightly into a bitter smile. "Doesn't feel like it these days."

"And the dreams?"

"The dreams. Yeah." Shepard shifted around to face Ashley. _God, she's so beautiful_. Her gaze was drawn down to Ashley's bare chest.

"Shepard. Eyes up here. You really are incorrigible." Ashley didn't actually mind all that much. The slight distraction seemed to relax Shepard. Nonetheless, she held a pillow in front of herself. "The dreams."

"Sorry." Shepard focused on Ashley's eyes, returning her attention to their discussion. "There was a boy. On Earth," she began. "After the Reapers hit, on my way to the harbor I saw him hiding in a building, but he disappeared before I could get to him. I had to keep moving. Anderson's orders. I saw the boy board a shuttle just as I made it aboard the Normandy." Ashley nodded, remembering the chaos. Shepard's eyes shifted down to the bed. "Then I watched a Reaper tear the shuttle from the sky, destroying it and killing all aboard." Ashley thought back to Shepard pummeling a stack of crates in the shuttle bay until her knuckles oozed blood. She put a hand on Shepard's arm. "That boy. He's in my dreams. I chase after him, but I'm so slow. I can never save him. I'm never good enough to save him. Then the Reapers come and we all die." Shepard looked back up at Ashley's face. "Because I'm nothing more than a goddamn soldier."

Ashley grabbed Shepard's hands. "You really don't know, do you? Yes, you're a goddamn soldier. The best goddamn soldier we've got. But you are also Commander Sloane Motherfucking Shepard, and you are the reason we still have a fighting chance in this thing. Can't you see what you've done already? People look to you. People trust you. People have faith in you. And they have every reason to." Ashley paused. Moving one hand to Shepard's jaw, she closed her eyes and began to recite. "Much have I seen and known; cities of men / And manners, climates, councils, governments, / Myself not least, but honour'd of them all; / And drunk delight of battle with my peers, / Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy, / I am a part of all that I have met."

Shepard's eyebrows rose quizzically.

"Sloane, it can only be you. You are the only one with your experience: 'Much have you seen and known.' You've proven yourself the best in so many ways. And most of all, you are the sum total of all these experiences. Nobody has done what you have done. So nobody can do what you can do." Ashley moved closer. "And you're not doing this alone. You've got a kickass crew. And… " Her mouth now hovered over Shepard's. "And you have me." Ashley kissed Shepard, slowly and gently.

Shepard responded in kind, tangling her fingers in Ashley's hair. The kiss was tender, containing none of the urgency that they had too frequently felt in their brief times together over the previous months. "I love you, Ash," Shepard breathed when they parted.

Ashley smiled and sat back. "I love you, too. And I know I can't make the nightmares go away, Sloane. But I'll be here for whatever you need when they come."

Shepard looked tenderly at her lover. "Thank you."

Ashley rose from the bed. "Shower?"

Shepard's smile grew. "Shower."

OoOoO

Shepard and Ashley found Liara enjoying a late breakfast in the mess. With her focus on leveraging her Shadow Broker assets to find out anything that would help in the fight against the Reapers, Liara kept somewhat irregular hours and usually found herself alone when she made time to eat, so she was glad for the company. Ashley grabbed coffee for herself and Shepard, offering Liara a refill on her tea. Shepard rummaged around and got some bacon and eggs cooking as Ashley and Liara caught up with each other.

Shepard was watching the two laughing together when Ashley suddenly leapt from her seat, reaching for a pistol that she wasn't wearing. "The fuck?" Ashley yelled, wild-eyed.

Shepard was immediately on alert, scanning the room for what might have panicked Ashley, seeing only the three of them and EDI, who had just left the medical bay. _Oh. EDI_. _Shit._ She rushed over to Ashley, standing in front of her and placing calming hands on her shoulders. "Ash, it's okay."

The contact didn't have the intended effect. Ashley pushed Shepard behind her protectively. "What the hell is the thing that tried to kill me doing walking around on this ship?"

Shepard forcibly turned Ashley around to face her. "Ash. Listen to me. It's not what you think." She gestured to EDI to leave the mess, and she quickly complied. "Remember I mentioned the ship's AI? She repurposed the synthetic for her own use as a mobile platform. It's not the same thing that attacked you on Mars. Well, it is. But it isn't."

Ashley sank back into her seat, still visibly shaken. She didn't seem completely convinced. "Dammit, Shepard. You could warn a person. I think I need a little bit more of an explanation."

Shepard sat next to her. "Sure. Liara, help me out on this one, would you?"

Between the two of them, they told the story and answered Ashley's many questions. Ashley didn't think she'd be comfortable around EDI's "mobile platform" for a while, but at least she was satisfied that EDI wouldn't be trying to kill her. Probably.

OoOoO

Shepard sat down at her terminal to review her incoming communications. She was hoping to receive confirmation from the Turian and Asari councillors that their collective business was concluded, so that the Normandy could depart from the Citadel.

Instead, she found an encrypted email from Miranda Lawson. Shepard hadn't seen or heard from Miranda since she'd turned herself in to the Alliance. With little preamble and without providing any reason as to why, Miranda was requesting a meeting on the Citadel later that day. Shepard's curiosity was definitely piqued. Having already agreed to go with Ashley to meet Ashley's sister Sarah at the memorial wall that afternoon, Shepard dashed off a quick response agreeing to the meeting.

After using her omni-tool to send a quick note to Ashley to let her know about the addition to their day's itinerary, Shepard turned her attention to figuring out how to close the issues with the Turian and Asari councillors so she could get the hell off the Citadel and back out into the war where she could at least feel useful again.


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N: First, for those of you who have continued to read during my unplanned hiatus, many thanks. I hit some major writer's block and real life interfered with my writing time. Thanks to my friend SilentStormSociety, I have been inspired to write once more. However, to pick up the story again, I realized I needed to flesh out my last chapter a bit. So I've pulled the original Chapter 47, and I'm replacing it with this. You'll see most of the previous Chapter 47 when I publish 48. So I apologize for the re-hash, but my hope is that the restructuring will invite my muse to return. Thanks to all my readers, both new and old.**

* * *

Leaving Ashley to familiarize herself with the crew duty rosters, Shepard headed up to the CIC to check in with Traynor.

"Are you alright, Commander? How is the leg healing up?" Traynor's gaze dipped down, lingering for a moment on Shepard's chest before resting on her recently injured thigh.

"Um. Yeah. It's fine. Thanks for your concern." Shepard waited a moment for Traynor's eyes to return to her own. "Is there anything I should be aware of?"

Traynor considered the commander for a moment, a small smile tugging at one corner of her mouth. Apparently thinking better of whatever she was about to say, Traynor instead pulled out a datapad, consulting it as she addressed Shepard. "Actually, yes. I found something while scanning Alliance channels. Grissom Academy is requesting help. The Reaper invasion front will hit them soon."

"So what can we do?"

"According to the chatter, a Turian evac cruiser responded to the distress call."

"And?"

"So normally I'd say we don't need to do anything. However - " Traynor shifted around to stand next to Shepard, close enough for Traynor's shoulder to press against Shepard's arm. Shepard flinched, but held steady. "Something sounded off in the Turian signal." She indicated a display on the datapad. "I had EDI run an analysis. It's fake. She saw some similarities to the encryption protocols Cerberus had faked before."

Shepard raised an interested eyebrow, and gestured for Traynor to continue. She also took a half step away from the specialist. Traynor responded by merely looking pointedly at Shepard from beneath her thick eyelashes as she continued. "In any event, whoever faked the Turian signal wants us to think that the academy is being evacuated. But I believe they're still in danger."

"Nicely done, Specialist. Good catch." Without thinking, Shepard clapped Traynor on the shoulder. Catching Traynor's smile, Shepard quickly removed her hand, mumbling an apology was she excused herself and headed for the elevator.

OoOoO

After completing her duties for the morning, Shepard donned her dress blues in anticipation of the memorial service for Ash's brother-in-law. Honoring a soldier who gave his life in defense of Earth demanded no less. She was unsurprised to see Ashley similarly dressed when they met at the CIC. Shepard offered her XO what she hoped was a comforting smile before taking her hand and heading off the Normandy, finding herself apologizing to the marine for needing to meet with Miranda Lawson before meeting Ashley's sister on the cargo deck.

Shepard was unsure exactly where she was supposed to meet Miranda, but she was unconcerned. She knew the former Cerberus operative would find her.

She was not wrong. As she stepped out of the airlock with Ashley, she spotted Miranda, visible for just a moment at the corner of a hallway near the end of the viewing dock before she disappeared out of view. Shepard was fully aware that she only saw her because Miranda allowed her to. As they entered the hallway, Shepard noticed that Ashley dropped a step or two behind her, one hand straying near her sidearm.

"Shepard." Miranda was matter-of-fact, as always.

Shepard pulled her into a quick hug. "Miranda, it's good to see you alive and well."

"It's been far too long, Shepard." Stepping back, Miranda's shoulders relaxed for the briefest second before visibly tensing again, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I couldn't get anywhere near you when you were locked up." Her lip turned up wryly at one corner. "As a matter of fact, I couldn't even find where you were held."

Shepard's expression hardened. "Yeah, well, the Alliance did a great job of keeping me isolated."

Miranda's eyes flicked over Shepard's shoulder. "You brought Chief Williams with you?"

Shepard could feel the tension coming off of her lover and held a cautioning hand up. " _Lieutenant Commander_ Williams has my implicit trust." Ashley and Miranda continued to eye each other for a moment before Miranda returned her focus to Shepard. "What brings you to the Citadel, Miranda? I'd have figured you'd be keeping a low profile these days. Cerberus is not terribly forgiving of those who leave the fold."

"I needed to talk to a few people, including you. This is a good place to do that."

"Is there anything in particular you needed to talk to people about?"

Miranda shifted her weight from one leg to the other, clearly contemplating her next words. With a final wary look at Ashley, she spoke quietly. "I haven't heard from Oriana for a while."

Shepard's brow furrowed. "Was she on Earth when the Reapers hit?"

"No. She was safe during the initial attack." Miranda paused again. "It could be nothing, but I don't think so. Somehow I just know my father is involved."

Ashley stepped forward, now standing shoulder to shoulder with Shepard, clearly interested in what Miranda was saying. "What happened?"

Miranda shot a glance at Ashley, but after seeing Shepard nod once to indicate that she should proceed, she answered Ashley's question, shoulders sagging as she admitted, "I don't know." Turning her attention back to Shepard, she continued. "All the systems and fail-safes I had in place to make sure that she was safe went dark, and that's all I know right now."

Shepard chewed her lip as she considered the implications. "What can I do to help?"

With a grateful half smile, Miranda shook her head. "I appreciate the offer, Shepard, but you've certainly got your hands full at the moment. If it turns out I need a door kicked down or a bone broken, I'll let you know. For now, I'm still trying to figure this out. I'll be fine."

Shepard nodded her head in understanding. "Stay safe out there, Miranda. I might need you down the road."

"Thanks, Shepard. You do the same."

With one more quick hug, Miranda strode off.

Ashley tilted her head to the side, contemplating what she'd just seen. "Shepard, why would she come all this way to see you, and then not ask for your help?"

Shepard chuckled. "The thing is, she just did." Seeing the confusion on Ashley's face, Shepard explained further. "Miranda was never one to show weakness of any sort. What you saw just now was her version of practically begging for my help. I'll find out exactly what she needs from me soon, I'm sure."

Ashley could only shake her head in amused disbelief as Shepard once more took her hand, leading the way to the lift to the cargo deck, and the memorial wall.

OoOoO

Stepping off the elevator and passing through dock security, Ashley noticed that Sarah was already at the wall. By the looks of things, she had been there for some time. Ashley couldn't help but smile at the panicked way Shepard checked the time on her omni-tool, followed immediately by her obvious relief when she realized that they weren't late.

Ashley stopped them well short of the memorial wall, squeezing Shepard's hand tightly. Seeing her sister there, mourning the husband she'd lost, brought long-buried feelings of her own dangerously close to the surface. Despite her best efforts to suppress the memory, Ashley remembered all too clearly sitting with Captain Shepard at a larger, more impersonal memorial service some years before. She found herself struggling to keep her breath steady.

"Are you going to be okay, Ash?" Shepard's voice near her ear was low, husky. Ashley was grateful that Shepard instinctively understood her apprehension.

"This is tougher than I thought, Sloane."

"You can do this, Ash. For Sarah."

Ashley inhaled deeply, steeling herself. Letting go of Shepard's hand, she stood for a moment at attention. She didn't need to glance to her side to know that Shepard was doing the same.

Two more calming breaths, and Ashley set out to greet her sister. Shepard stayed a step behind, close enough that Ashley could still draw on her strength but far enough to allow Ashley to approach Sarah on her own.

Ashley joined Sarah, and the two exchanged quiet words. Sarah turned and gestured for Shepard to join them, and the three began their small memorial service.

Putting an arm around Sarah's shoulders, Ashley paused for a moment, suddenly struck by a verse of an old Earth poem. Quietly she began to recite, "This be the verse you grave for me; Here he lies where he longed to be, Home is the sailor, home from sea, And the hunter home from the hill."

The remainder of the intimate service was subdued, yet comforting. Ashley was grateful more than once that Shepard was there to support her so that she could in turn support her sister. Despite that, she was not-so-secretly relieved when Sarah asked to be alone, allowing her to leave behind the painful reminders of losing one's beloved.

OoOoO

Some time later, Shepard sat on the couch in her quarters, bourbon in hand, looking at the available data on Grissom Academy. Hours passed as she reviewed every bit of information she could find, strategizing on how to approach the facility. She pulled both Ashley and Liara in to discuss various tactical issues, finally getting a plan in place late in the night.

The next morning, Shepard's first order of business was to convince Dr. Chakwas to clear her to return to full duty. The medical officer was a bit skeptical, but relented after realizing that the commander planned to camp out in the med bay until she agreed. The promised two bottles of Serrice ice brandy may have also helped tip the scales in Shepard's favor.

The last issue keeping Shepard on the Citadel was the unresolved Council business. Figuring it was better to ask for forgiveness than to wait for permission, Shepard asked Traynor to send out a short communication to the Turian and Asari councillors, simply explaining that the Normandy was required elsewhere. Shepard would deal with the fallout later.

With that, she ordered Joker to set a direct course to the Petra Nebula, home of the academy.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: If you were following this story before, most of this chapter will be very familiar to you. The bulk of this chapter has been repurposed from the previous Chapter 47 that I pulled and replaced last week. The good news (for me at least!) is that from here I can move forward with the story I've envisioned. As always, thank you for reading.**

 **(and please drop a review if so moved - feedback is always very much appreciated)**

* * *

As the Normandy approached Grissom Academy, Shepard's suspicions about the nature of the faked transmission were confirmed by the not insignificant number of Cerberus cruisers surrounding the facility. Using the Normandy as a diversion, Cortez dropped Shepard, Liara and Ashley from the shuttle at an unguarded cargo dock. The team immediately made their way to the server room, finding the facility's director, Kahlee Sanders, locked within.

Most of the station had managed to evacuate at the first hint of the Cerberus invasion, with just a small number of students left on board. As best as Shepard could tell, this last remaining group was of particular interest to Cerberus, which meant she needed to ensure that she got to them first. Sanders directed Shepard to Orion Hall where the students were holed up with their instructor, with Cerberus troops converging on them. Sanders remained where she was to provide eyes and ears to Shepard's team as they fought their way to the students.

Ashley and Liara followed Shepard through the doors leading to an open common area. Ashley scanned the two-story chamber, her eyes instantly drawn to the small woman at the other end yelling obscenities at a group of Cerberus soldiers as she threw them across the room with a powerful biotic blast. The woman was barely dressed, wearing what could only charitably be described as a bra that criss-crossed over her small breasts, beneath a short leather jacket that covered only her arms and shoulders. Her middle was bare; her legs only partially covered by low-slung skin-tight pants ( _Is that leather?_ ) with generous cut-outs displaying large expanses of skin, complemented nicely by her knee-high leather boots. With the exception of her surprisingly delicately featured and rather attractive face, every exposed inch of her flesh from her scalp on down was covered in tattoos. Ashley found herself enjoying the view a little too much when she noticed that Shepard had lowered her shotgun and had begun jogging over to the woman.

"Jack!" Shepard sounded almost giddy.

"Shepard?" Ashley's eyes widened the woman grabbed the commander by the head with both hands, planting a sloppy kiss on Shepard's lips. "Fuck me! It's great to see you. Good timing!"

The reunion was short lived, as a Cerberus atlas stomped through an open hallway, scanning the room for targets. Jack threw a wave at the atlas, barely slowing the machine, while Shepard opened fire. Ashley noticed a group of young students cowering behind Jack, and broke from her cover to take a few shots at the atlas. Liara did the same.

Jack shot a knowing look at Shepard, followed by a nod. Ashley felt a prick of irritation as she realized the two had their own non-verbal battlefield language. Jack called to the students to follow her, telling them that Shepard would keep the mechanical beast off their asses as they found safety.

While Jack and her group sought cover on the mezzanine under a barrier they jointly generated behind Jack's covering fire, Shepard and her team took down the atlas and a few persistent Cerberus soldiers.

Once they cleared the room, Shepard hopped up the stairs two at a time to check on Jack. Ashley followed behind at a somewhat more normal pace.

"Kahlee said she was putting out an SOS. I had no idea the fucking queen of the girl scouts would show up." Shepard's smile faltered just a bit at the last. When she'd pulled her hand out of Jack's pants so long ago aboard the Normandy, that was one of the insults Jack had thrown at her.

After a quick exchange with the students, Jack approached Shepard, giving her an appraising look. Her demeanor swiftly changed with the volatility of a summer storm as Jack glanced at the damage caused by the Cerberus troops and then back at the commander. One final glare at Shepard was followed by a swift punch square in the jaw. "Goddammit, Shepard. How many times have I told you not to trust Cerberus?"

"No shit, Jack. When did I ever?" Shepard rubbed her face. Ashley tensed up, taking a step towards them. Without turning her head, Shepard waved Ashley off. The exchange did not go unnoticed by Jack. She glanced from Shepard to Ashley, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips.

Gesturing at Ashley with her head, Jack asked, "Who's this, Shepard?" Ashley wasn't sure she was exactly comfortable with the way Jack's eyes seemed to devour her from head to toe.

Shepard grinned. "Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams. Ashley, meet Jack."

Jack looked back at Shepard, raising one carefully manicured eyebrow. "That's her? Explains a lot." Over Shepard's shoulder she spotted Liara. "Hey Blue. Lookin' good." The asari actually blushed.

Before Ashley could process the first comment, Jack continued. "Listen, Shepard. Right now I need to get my guys out of here."

Shepard gave Jack an appraising look. " _Your_ guys?"

Jack shook her head, as if she couldn't believe it herself. "Yeah. I guess so."

Shepard snorted good-naturedly. "Never figured you for the nurturing type. Have you gone soft on me, Jack?"

Jack playfully shoved her shoulder. "Fuck you. While you were off vacationing in luxury accommodations on Earth, I had some free time. Someone in Alliance brass suggested coming to the Academy to 'share my gifts,' so I took them up on it. Seems to have worked out - the little bastards are actually learning lots of shit."

One of the students called out, "That's our psychotic biotic!" Another followed with a mocking, "I will destroy you!"

Jack snorted at the last. "Drink your juice, Rodriguez. You couldn't destroy wet tissue paper."

Shepard laughed. "Oh yeah. They're learning." Shepard was interrupted by Kahlee Sanders, advising Shepard how to get to the Cerberus shuttles that would give them a way off the station. As they began heading for the atrium that would eventually lead to their final destination, Shepard took a minute to give Jack a slow once-over. "Gotta say, Jack, military life suits you. You look great."

Ashley narrowed her eyes at the corresponding look Jack gave to Shepard as she replied, "You're not looking so bad yourself."

Ashley watched cautiously as Shepard and Jack walked together ahead of her. They shared an easy comfort with each other, made obvious by the way Shepard would casually rest a hand on Jack's shoulder or Jack would bump her hip into Shepard's as they laughed at some shared joke. Ashley wasn't jealous. Not exactly.

But when Jack reached back to slap Shepard's ass with no objection coming from Shepard, Ashley resisted a sudden urge to pull out her pistol. Instead, she clenched her jaw tightly and tried to distract herself by making idle conversation with Liara, although her eyes never left the women in front of her.

They finally made their way through several waves of Cerberus soldiers (and another atlas or two) to get to the shuttle bay, where they met Sanders. One student took a round to the arm and Shepard had somehow managed to dislocate a shoulder, but as a whole they were otherwise relatively uninjured. Liara piloted the shuttle to the Normandy as the small band scattered themselves around the seats in back.

Jack sat across from Ashley and Shepard, slumping in her seat with her legs kicked out. Ashley's gaze moved up those leather-clad legs, past Jack's exposed hard abs, settling on Jack's chest. Ashley fixated on the beads of sweat trickling down between Jack's barely covered breasts. "Like what you see, Marine?" Ashley's eyes jerked up to Jack's face, unsurprised to find Jack smirking at her.

Aware that she was sitting next to Shepard, Ashley quickly turned her eyes towards her in hopes that her lover's attention was elsewhere. It wasn't. Shepard had a similar look of amusement on her face. She leaned over to Ashley, keeping her voice low, but not quite low enough. "I told you, didn't I? Hot as hell." Ashley could only shake her head, cheeks flushing when she heard Jack quietly sniggering.

OoOoO

The shuttle boarded the Normandy, where Shepard quickly shucked her armor and headed for the med-bay to have Chakwas pop her shoulder back into its socket (and listen to the familiar good-natured lecture about taking better care of herself during battle) before continuing on to the comm room to check in with Anderson. On the way, she asked Traynor to set up Jack, Sanders, and the students with temporary quarters for the trip back to the Citadel. It did not go unnoticed that Ashley had stayed behind in the shuttle bay, tending quietly to their equipment.

Ashley watched silently as the lift doors closed on Shepard and the others. She had ignored the commander's quizzical look, instead focusing on her rifle on the worktable in front of her, as long, nimble fingers moved of their own accord. She needed the mindless distraction of disassembling and cleaning her weapon while she churned over some unfamiliar emotions.

She puzzled over why she was so perturbed by Jack's interactions with Shepard. Ashley was well aware that Shepard attracted attention from both women and men wherever she went, and it had never bothered her before. Well, not much at any rate. She didn't mind when she noticed Shepard looking appraisingly at other women. She often did the same. Hell, sometimes they admired other women together. But there was just _something_ about Jack that got her hackles up. Perhaps not about Jack specifically, if she was being honest with herself. It was the familiarity between Jack and Shepard that made Ashley inexplicably uneasy.

Ashley tried to quell the uncomfortable emotions roiling in her chest by reaching for another rifle on the bench, not caring who it belonged to. She simply craved the tedium of the work to keep her mind from dwelling too much on her unexpected reaction to seeing Shepard with Jack.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: Many thanks to the Bards of Thessia and Thedas, for their continued support and encouragement as I've picked this story up again. A special shout-out to SilentStormSociety (go read her stuff) for helping with a few sticky bits and her patented butterfly effect, and to Eltas Aldaron 31 (go read her stuff) for joining me on writing dates and making every day just a bit better.**

* * *

Fingers stiff and stomach rumbling, Williams reluctantly put her tools away. Her mind had not yet settled, but her body needed a break.

Ashley stared mindlessly at her left boot as she waited for the lift. Hearing the familiar swoosh of the doors sliding open, she moved forward without raising her eyes, stopping short when she met the resistance of a soft body. Lifting her head, she realized that she'd walked right into Comm Specialist Traynor, who was looking back at her with a very charming smile.

Given her current mood, it would not have been surprising if the marine had simply nodded curtly in response. And yet Ashley found herself slowly smiling in return.

Apparently that was the only invitation Traynor needed. Placing a hand on Ashley's upper arm and lowering her chin ever so slightly, she looked up through those unbelievably thick lashes. "Lieutenant Commander. I've been hoping to run into you again. I haven't seen you in the lounge since that first time we met."

"I've been, um, busy, I guess." Ashley shifted her weight from one leg to the other, subtly leaning away from the shorter woman.

"Too busy for a drink, Lieutenant Commander?" The way the specialist continued to use Ashley's rank felt strangely intimate, almost seductive. And somehow she'd managed to close the gap between them without even seeming to move.

The marine took a reflexive step back, her shoulder hitting the wall of the lift behind her. "Traynor -"

"Please, call me Sam." _How does she purr like that?_

A deep breath. "Traynor, I'm flattered. Really I am."

"I'm not trying to flatter you, Lieutenant Commander. I'm trying to ask you out, maybe get to know you."

Peeling the other woman's hand off her arm and handing it back to her, Ashley slid away, her back rubbing along the wall as she did. A deep breath. "I can't. I'm with someone."

Sam rubbed her hands together, her chin dipping downward. "Ah." Tugging at the front of her uniform, she pivoted towards the door as the lift's motion slowed. "I apologize if I crossed any lines then."

"Not a problem, Traynor." Ashley's arms hung more loosely at her sides than they had just a moment before. "- Sam," she corrected herself, garnering a small smile from the specialist.

The lift door opened, and Williams hurried around the corner in the direction of the mess, hoping she wasn't too late to catch Shepard. Traynor exited more slowly, casting one last appreciative glance at the marine's backside before following her to the mess.

Jack and Shepard sat companionably at opposite sides of a small table in the corner of the mess. The biotic sat low in her chair, legs sprawled out wide in front of her under the table. Shepard leaned forward, eyes twinkling and chin propped on a fist, listening attentively and delightedly to whatever tale Jack was boisterously recounting.

Ashley entered the mess just in time to hear Jack exclaim, "And there I am, knuckle deep in this fucking hot asari commando, when - "

"Hey, Williams - thanks for getting the smart choke on my shotgun seated right. Been working on that sonofabitch for days, but the damn thing wasn't cooperating. You are a master!" The unexpected imposition of Vega's bulk blocked her view of Shepard, his low rumbling voice the only thing she could hear.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem, Vega. Only needed a simple tweak. Any time." Ashley distractedly pushed past the hulking Marine, continuing on to the commander.

"- no fucking way! You did not!" Shepard pounded the table as both women exploded into laughter.

The sound rankled Ashley, although she still couldn't pinpoint exactly why. _Couldn't? Or wouldn't?_ She focused on lowering the shoulders that she hadn't realized she'd tensed up as she approached the table. Noting with a twinge of disappointment that the former crewmates were nearly done with their meal instead of waiting for her, she grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table and dropped it next to Shepard, sitting down a bit too hard.

Shepard leaned over to brush her lips against Ashley's cheek, still chortling. Ashley found herself turning to meet the chaste peck with her own slightly open mouth, engaging her commander in a deep, and definitely inappropriate for the mess, kiss.

Pulling back and breaking the kiss, Shepard stared searchingly at Ashley. She moved forward once more to place her mouth near the marine's ear, keeping her voice as low as she could. "Ash, maybe there's a more appropriate place for this?"

Ashley's eyes darted towards Jack, whose usual smirk was hidden behind a fist pressed hard against her lips which did little to hide the biotic's shaking shoulders. "Oh god. Shepard -"

Shepard stood, taking her lover's hand as she did. With a warning glare to Jack, she pulled Ashley to her feet. "Let's get you something to eat. But something you can take with you - you're coming with me."

The lieutenant commander allowed herself to be led towards the galley, picking up a sausage roll and apple while Shepard waited. The commander took Ashley's hand again, moving towards the lift.

On the way, Shepard slowed as she approached Traynor's table. Samantha opened her mouth in greeting, the words dying in her throat as she saw Shepard's and Ashley's hands linked. One perfectly formed brow quirked upward, her mouth forming a silent "o." Shepard grinned, and stopped just long enough to jerk her head wordlessly towards Jack in the corner of the mess. Sam turned around in her seat to follow the nod, and when she swiveled back to face Shepard, she wore an eager toothy smile.

Chuckling quietly to herself, Shepard continued on to the lift. Ashley would only shake her head in disbelief.

OoOoO

"Sit. Eat." Shepard gestured vaguely to the table as she moved towards the liquor cart.

Ashley sat, unwrapping her dinner and taking a bite, followed immediately by another, bigger bite. She hadn't realized how hungry she was. She was halfway through the roll when the sound of a heavy glass hitting the table caught her attention.

"Seems like you could use this."

Ashley lifted the tumbler to her nose, taking in the bouquet of her favorite scotch. She raised her eyes toward her lover, one brow raised slightly.

"Seemed like you could use that in particular." The corner of Shepard's mouth quirked upward. She straddled the chair across from Ashley. "So. Want to talk about it?"

Williams shook her head once, mouth still full. "Eating." Somehow she managed to form the words while simultaneously chewing.

The commander nodded, taking a sip from her own glass as she leaned back, crossing her right ankle over her left knee.

The sausage roll was consumed in no time, followed quickly by the apple. Holding the tiniest bit of core between her grease-stained fingers, Ashley looked forlornly about, wishing she'd grabbed more food when she had the chance. With a low chuckle, Shepard rose, retrieving something from her desk. With a flourish, she presented Ashley with . . . a stick of beef jerky.

Dropping the sad little apple core, Ashley eagerly reached for the proffered gift, inelegantly gnawing a chunk off. Rather than retake her seat at the table, Shepard grabbed both tumblers off the table and moved towards the L-shaped couch, gesturing with one elbow for Ashley to follow her.

Still chewing on the jerky, Ashley sat in the corner of the couch, waiting for Shepard to get comfortable next to her before resting her legs across the commander's lap. The commander sat quietly, continuing to sip on her scotch as Ashley finished the last of the dried beef. Shepard maintained her silence while the marine took a few swallows of scotch, until finally Ashley let out a long sigh.

With one hand on Ashley's knee, Shepard tried again. "So. Want to talk about it?"

Ashley seemed to suddenly find something very fascinating in the bottom of her glass. Shepard waited.

Brown eyes flicked up to emerald. "You and Jack -" Ashley's focus dropped back to her glass again.

"Me and Jack?" Shepard gave Ashley's knee a reassuring squeeze.

"Were you two. . . Did you. . ." A quick breath. "You seem very comfortable together." Ashley cringed inwardly at her inability to say what was really on her mind.

"Ah." Shepard lifted her hand off Ashley's leg for a moment, leaving it hovering a few inches above her knee before settling down again. She continued in a carefully modulated tone. "We went through a fuck-ton of shit together, Ash. She saved my ass more than once, and I did the same for her."

Ashley chewed on her lower lip, considering her next words. "I know you were alone for a long time, Sloane."

"Yeah. We both were, Ash." Shepard looked expectantly at her lover, seeking some hint as to whether to continue. Receiving a nearly imperceptible nod, she considered her next words carefully. "You remember I told you about her. Before, during that thing with the Collectors, when I spent a few days with you."

A pause. "Yes." Ashley closed her eyes, trying to recall the specifics of that discussion and only partly succeeding.

"I told you I had to convince her I didn't want to fuck her."

Ashley opened her eyes, searching Shepard's expression for a clue as to where this was headed. A longer pause this time. "Yes," she repeated.

"It's because I may have given her the wrong idea one time."

Ashley bolted upright. " _May have_? What does that mean?"

Shepard sat up to keep her eyes even with Ashley's. "Before Horizon. Before I saw you. When I was unsure of so many things. It wasn't anything, but I almost… I thought I wanted… just for a moment I was…" Shepard took Ashley's hands in hers, locking eyes with her. "But I didn't. I didn't want her, Ash. I only wanted you." Ashley sat silently. "She was pretty pissed off at the time. It worked out, though. She knew where I stood. And things were better for it. I am definitely not interested in her. And she's not interested in me. I think maybe she's a little interested in seeing if she could get a rise out of you, though."

The marine shook her head slightly, chewing the inside of her lip. "I think it worked."

The commander leaned forward, barely brushing her lips against Ashley's. "There's no one else, Ash. There will never be anyone else for me." The marine moved in, kissing Shepard hungrily. As she reached one hand toward the back of her lover's neck, Ashley noticed a rather large grease smudge on her forearm. Which led her to another mark on the back of her other hand. She sat back abruptly.

"Shit. I'm a mess. Give me just a quick minute to shower off, love?"

"I can do you one better." Shepard rose, taking Ashley by the hand and pulling her to her feet. "I can join you. And hopefully it won't be quick."

Ashley raised one eyebrow, a smile bending her lips upwards as she allowed herself to be tugged towards the shower.


End file.
